Post-it for home

And Rav says: Nevertheless, anyone who follows the counsel of his wife descends into Gehenna, as it is stated: “But there was none like Ahab, who did give himself over to do that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife incited” (I Kings 21:25). Rav Pappa said to Abaye: But don’t people say a popular proverb: If your wife is short, stoop and whisper to her and consult with her? The Gemara answers: This is not difficult, as this statement of Rav instructs that one not follow her counsel in general matters; and that proverb instructs that one follow her counsel in household matters. The Gemara presents another version of this distinction: This statement of Rav maintains that one should not follow her counsel in divine matters; and that proverb maintains that one should follow her counsel in general matters.

If a person is married, he should not be too frequent in his relations with his wife, but rather according to the schedule specified in the Torah. Idle men, who have means of living and do not pay taxes, their schedule is once every day; hired hands who work in another town and sleep every night at their homes, once a week; and if they work in their own town, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once in thirty days; seamen, once in six months; the schedule of Torah Scholars is from Friday night to Friday night; and every man should visit his wife on the night she immerses, and before he embarks on a journey unless it is for a mitzvah matter. This applies [even] if his wife is nursing a child; and [if] he realizes that she is soliciting him and seeking to please him and preens herself before him so that he would pay attention to her, he must visit her. Even when he is with her, he should not seek his own pleasure, but be like someone paying his debt that he owes her at her schedule, and to fulfil the obligation of his Creator, so that he may have children who study Torah and keep mitzvot in Israel; and so too if his intent is for the benefit of the fetus, since during the last six months it benefits it, causing it to come out purified and lively, it is good; and also if he intends to restrain himself through her in order to prevent him from lusting after sin, since he sees his urges getting the better of him and lusting after that thing. Rem"a: For this too one receives reward, but it would have been better if he would resist his urges and overcome them, since man has a small member: when he starves it, he is satisfied; when he satisfies it, he starves. But anyone who doesn't need it, but arouses his lust to fulfil his desires, this is the evil urge's counsel, and from what is permitted to him it will lead him to what is prohibited, and about this our Rabbis o.b.m. said: One who hardens himself intentionally shall be in niduy.

Three things are beyond me; Four I cannot fathom: How an eagle makes its way over the sky; How a snake makes its way over a rock; How a ship makes its way through the high seas; How a man has his way with a maiden.

R. Johanan asked: Why is it written: Who doeth great things past finding; yea, marvelous things without number (Job 9:10)? You should know that every soul, from Adam to the end of the world, was formed during the six days of creation, and that all of them were present in the Garden of Eden and at the time of the giving of the Torah, as it is said: With him that standeth here with us this day, and also with him that is not here with us this day (Deut. 29:14). What is the meaning of Great things past finding out? It refers to the great deeds the Holy One, blessed be He, did in the formation of the embryo. At the time that a man is about to have intercourse with his wife, the Holy One, blessed be He, informs the angel in charge of conception, whose name is Lailah.⁸Lailah’s role is described in Niddah 16b and Sanhedrin 6a. The Holy One, blessed be He, says to her: Know that on this night a person will be formed from the semen of a certain individual known to you. Guard this drop of semen, take it into the palm of your hand, and sow it on the threshing floor, in three hundred and sixty-five parts. And she would do so. She took it into her hand and brought it at once to Him who had said It hath been already (Eccles. 1:10) and said to Him: “I have done all that You have commanded. Here is the drop, what have You decreed concerning it?” The Holy One, blessed be He, forthwith decreed concerning the semen what its end would be, whether male or female, weak or strong, poor or rich, short or tall, ugly or handsome, heavy or thin, humble or haughty. He decreed concerning everything that would happen to it except whether it would be righteous or wicked.⁹Ketubbot 30a. That choice alone he left to the individual, as it is said: See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil (Deut. 30:15).

Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money abounds, according to what he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and be neither depressed nor hot-tempered. Thus the Sages commanded: A woman should honor her husband too much, and have awe of him, do all of her actions according to his word. He should seem to her like a minister or king, walking in the desires of his heart, and distancing herself from what he hates. This is how holy and pure Jews behave in their marriages. These paths should be their pleasant and praiseworthy lifestyle.

Rabbi Yoḥanan said: That is the statement of Yoḥanan ben Dehavai. However, the Rabbis said: The halakha is not in accordance with the opinion of Yoḥanan ben Dehavai. Rather, whatever a man wishes to do with his wife he may do. He may engage in sexual intercourse with her in any manner that he wishes, and need not concern himself with these restrictions. As an allegory, it is like meat that comes from the butcher. If he wants to eat it with salt, he may eat it that way. If he wants to eat it roasted, he may eat it roasted. If he wants to eat it cooked, he may eat it cooked. If he wants to eat it boiled, he may eat it boiled. And likewise with regard to fish that come from the fisherman.

Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money abounds, according to what he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and be neither depressed nor hot-tempered.

§ Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yod in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of God spelled yod, heh. But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire. Therefore, fire consumes them.

Rav Avira interpreted the following verse homiletically, but sometimes he said the interpretation in the name of Rabbi Ami and sometimes he said it in the name of Rabbi Asi: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Good is the man who is gracious and lends, who orders his affairs with justice” (Psalms 112:5)? It means to teach that a person should always eat and drink less than what is within his means, and he should dress and cover himself in accordance with his means, and he should honor his wife and children more than what is within his means; as they are dependent on him and he is dependent on the One Who spoke and the world was created.

And from where is it derived that ten people who pray, the Divine Presence is with them? As it is stated: “God stands in the congregation of God,” and the minimum number of people that constitute a congregation is a quorum of ten.

Rabbi Abbahu said: The reward for causing a groom to rejoice is the same as if one had offered a thanks-offering in the Temple, for as it is stated later in the previously cited verse from Jeremiah: “Those who bring a thanks-offering to the house of the Lord.”And Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said: The reward for causing a groom to rejoice is the same as if one rebuilt one of Jerusalem’s ruins, as it is stated later in the same verse: “For I will restore the captivity of the land as it was in the beginning.”

§ The Sages taught: One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife,

and who lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9).

The Gemara relates a similar story. Rabbi Ḥiyya’s wife would constantly aggravate him. Nevertheless, when he would find something she would appreciate, he would wrap it in his shawl and bring it to her. Rav said to him: Doesn’t she constantly aggravate you? Why do you bring her things? Rabbi Ḥiyya said to him: It is enough for us that our wives raise our children and save us

from sin. We should therefore show our gratitude to them. The Gemara cites a related incident: Rav Yehuda was teaching Torah to Rav Yitzḥak, his son, and they encountered the verse: “And I find more bitter than death the woman” (Ecclesiastes 7:26). His son said to him: For example, whom? His father replied: For example, your mother.

The Gemara asks: Didn’t Rav Yehuda teach Rav Yitzḥak, his son, the following baraita: A man finds peace of mind only with his first wife, as it is stated: “Let your fountain be blessed, and have joy from the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18), and his son said to him: For example, whom, and his father responded in this case as well: For example, your mother. This indicates that Rav Yehuda did find peace of mind with his wife. The Gemara answers: She was aggressive and forceful, but she was easily appeased.

And Rava said: Come and see how good a good wife is and how bad a bad wife is. How good is a good wife? As it is written: Whoever finds a wife finds good. If the verse speaks of her, a wife, this demonstrates how good a good wife is, as the Bible praises her. If the verse speaks metaphorically of the Torah, it nevertheless indicates how good a good wife is, as the Torah is compared to her. Conversely, how bad is a bad wife? As it is written: “And I find more bitter than death the woman.” If the verse speaks of her, this demonstrates how bad a bad wife is, as the Bible condemns her. If the verse speaks metaphorically of Gehenna, it still demonstrates how bad a bad wife is, as Gehenna is compared to her.

The Gemara cites more statements concerning women. It is written in the book of Ben Sira: A good wife is a good gift for her husband. And it is written: A good one will be placed in the bosom of a God-fearing man; a bad wife is a plague to her husband. What is his remedy? He should divorce her and he will be cured of his plague. A beautiful wife, happy is her husband; the number of his days are doubled. His pleasure in her beauty makes him feel as though he has lived twice as long.

The Gemara relates a similar story. Rabbi Ḥiyya’s wife would constantly aggravate him. Nevertheless, when he would find something she would appreciate, he would wrap it in his shawl and bring it to her. Rav said to him: Doesn’t she constantly aggravate you? Why do you bring her things? Rabbi Ḥiyya said to him: It is enough for us that our wives raise our children and save us

§ Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yod in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of God spelled yod, heh. But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire. Therefore, fire consumes them.

§ Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yod in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of God spelled yod, heh. But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire. Therefore, fire consumes them.

As Rabbi Elazar says: With regard to anyone who divorces his first wife, even the altar sheds tears over him, as it is stated: “And this further you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with sighing, insomuch that He does not regard the offering anymore, nor does He receive it with goodwill from your hand. Yet you say: What for? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion, and the wife of your covenant” (Malachi 2:13–14). Clearly one should not divorce the wife of his youth, i.e., his first wife, as one who does so is hated by God for divorcing the woman to whom he was bound in companionship and covenant.

The Gemara asks: Is prayer effective for that purpose? Didn’t Rav Yitzḥak, son of Rav Ami, say: The tradition teaches that the gender of the fetus is determined at the moment of conception. If the man emits seed first, his wife gives birth to a female; if the woman emits seed first, she gives birth to a male, as it is stated: “When a woman emitted seed and bore a male” (Leviticus 12:2). The Gemara answers: With what are we dealing here? We are dealing with a case where they both emit seed simultaneously. In that case, the gender is undetermined and prayer may be effectual.

§ The Sages taught: There are three partners in the creation of a person: The Holy One, Blessed be He, and his father, and his mother. His father emits the white seed, from which the following body parts are formed: The bones, the sinews, the nails, the brain that is in its head, and the white of the eye. His mother emits red seed, from which are formed the skin, the flesh, the hair, and the black of the eye. And the Holy One, Blessed be He, inserts into him a spirit, a soul, his countenance [ukelaster], eyesight, hearing of the ear, the capability of speech of the mouth, the capability of walking with the legs, understanding, and wisdom.

In that day, you shall say: “I give thanks to You, O LORD! Although You were wroth with me, Your wrath has turned back and You comfort me,

And to the woman He said, “I will make most severe Your pangs in childbearing; In pain shall you bear children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”

Now the man knew his wife Eve, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gained a male child with the help of the LORD.”

Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?’

Rava said: It is obvious to me that there is a fixed list of priorities. When a person is poor and must choose between purchasing oil to light a Shabbat lamp for his home or purchasing oil to light a Hanukkah lamp, the Shabbat lamp for his home takes precedence. That is due to peace in his home; without the light of that lamp, his family would be sitting and eating their meal in the dark. Similarly, if there is a conflict between acquiring oil to light a lamp for his home and wine for the sanctification [kiddush] of Shabbat day, the lamp for his home takes precedence due to peace in his home. However, Rava raised a dilemma: When the conflict is between oil for a Hanukkah lamp or wine for kiddush of Shabbat day, what is the ruling in that case? Does kiddush of Shabbat day take priority because it is frequent, i.e., it is performed every week, and there is a principle: When there is a conflict between a frequent practice and an infrequent practice, the frequent practice takes precedence? Or, perhaps the Hanukkah lamp takes precedence due to publicity of the miracle? After he raised the dilemma, he then resolved it on his own and he ruled that, in that case, the Hanukkah lamp takes precedence due to publicity of the miracle.

In order to explain somewhat the quality of peace, I shall adduce some of the apothegms of Chazal on this subject. This is from Ma'aloth Hamiddoth: "Know, my sons, that peace is among the highest qualities, it being one of the names of the Holy One Blessed be He, as it is written (Judges 6:24): And he called it [(the altar) 'the L-rd-Shalom.'" Wherever peace is found, fear of Heaven is found. Where there is no peace, there is no fear of Heaven. Great is peace before the Blessed One, our sages of blessed memory saying in the aggadah (Yevamoth 65b, Bava Metzia 87a): "Great is peace, even Scripture prevaricating to maintain peace between Abraham and Sarah. For whereas she said (Bereshith 18:12): 'And my lord [Abraham] is old,' G-d transmitted this to Abraham as (Ibid. 13): 'And I [Sarah] am old.'" Similarly (Ibid. 40:16-17): "and they had it reported to Joseph: 'Your father commanded before he died: "So shall you say to Joseph: 'Forgive, I pray you, the offense of your brothers and their sin, for they accorded you evil.'" Now nowhere do we find Jacob commanding any such thing at all, for he entertained no apprehension whatever of Joseph's conduct. My sons, come and see how great is the power of peace, for the Holy One Blessed be He said that even foes should be approached with peace as it is written (Devarim 20:10): "When you draw close to a city to wage war against it, call out to it for peace." Great is peace, for it consummates the priestly benediction, as it is written (Numbers 6:26): "And He shall repose peace upon you." Great is peace, for it is the consummation of prayer, as it is written (Psalms 29:11): "The L-rd will give His people strength; the L-rd will bless His people with peace." And what is more, in the day of Israel's consolation, the first report shall be of peace, as it is written (Isaiah 52:7): "How comely upon the mountains are the feet of the herald, announcing peace!" My sons, come and see how great is the power of peace, for the Holy One Blessed be He said that even foes should be approached with peace, as it is written (Devarim 20:10): "When you draw near to a city to wage war against it, call out to it for peace." It was stated of R. Yochanan b. Zakkai that no one ever preceded him in greeting, not even a gentile in the marketplace. And our sages of blessed memory have stated (Avoth 4:15): "Extend greeting to all men." What is meant by greeting "all men"? Even if you see that he is ill disposed towards you, extend greeting to him; for if you do so, you will cause him to love you. What is more, even if he will not condescend to make peace with you, the Holy One Blessed be He will deliver him into your hand and humble him beneath you, as it is written (Devarim 20:1): "And if it [the city] does not make peace with you, but wages war against you, then you shall besiege it, and the L-rd your G-d will deliver it into your hand…" And so we find with David, may peace be upon him, that he pursued peace with Saul, as it is written (Psalms 120:7): "I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war." Not only was Saul not appeased, but he pursued David to do him injury, and the Holy One Blessed be He delivered him into David's hand in the cave and in the encampment. And even so, it never entered David's heart to do him wrong. For one must love peace and pursue peace, as it is written (Ibid. 34:15): "Seek peace and pursue it." Seek it with your friend and pursue it with your enemy. Seek it in your place and pursue it in other places. Seek it with your body and pursue it with your money. [Sometimes one must be liberal with his money to seize upon the "stronghold of peace."] Seek it for yourself and pursue it for others. Seek it today and pursue it tomorrow. And do not despair, saying: "I will never achieve peace," but pursue it until you do achieve it. And what is the pursuit of peace? Thus have our sages of blessed memory said (Sanhedrin 110a): "This is speaking peace at a time of dispute and sacrificing one's honor for the general good, as was done by Moses, as it is written (Numbers 16:25): 'And Moses arose and he went to Dathan and Aviram…,'" and suspending one's affairs to make peace between a man and his wife, a man and his neighbor, and a teacher and his student — even to the extent of arranging a meal for two to make peace between them.

Incidental to the discussion of prosperity, the Gemara mentions that on a similar topic, the Sages taught: Who is wealthy? Anyone who gets pleasure from his wealth, that is the statement of Rabbi Meir. The letters mem (Meir), tet (Tarfon), kuf (Akiva), samekh (Yosei) are a mnemonic for the tannaim who expressed opinions on this matter. Rabbi Tarfon says: A wealthy person is anyone who has one hundred vineyards, and one hundred fields, and one hundred slaves working in them. Rabbi Akiva says: Anyone who has a wife whose actions are pleasant. Rabbi Yosei says: Anyone who has a bathroom close to his table.

§ The mishna taught: Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says that a pleasant residence tests the individual. The Gemara asks: What is the meaning of the term tests in this context? The Gemara explains: This is in accordance with the opinion of Shmuel, as Shmuel said: A change in one’s eating habits [veset] or in one’s place of residence is the start of intestinal disease. Similarly, it is written in Sefer Ben Sira: All the days of the poor are terrible. And yet there are Shabbatot and Festivals, when even the poor eat well. Once again, the Gemara answers: This is in accordance with the opinion of Shmuel, as Shmuel said: A change in one’s eating habits or in one’s place of residence is the start of intestinal disease, and as a result the poor suffer even from a change for the better.

R. Shimon b. Yochai says: An analogy: Two brothers are counting money after their father's (death). One exchanges a dinar (for food) and eats it; the other exchanges it and sets (the exchange) aside. The first remains with nothing; the other, after some time, finds himself wealthy. Thus with a Torah scholar: If he learns two or three things a day, two or three chapters a week, two or three sections a month, after some time he finds himself "wealthy." Of such a one it is written (Proverbs 13:11) "… That (treasure) gathered with the hand will increase." And if one says "Today I will study (Torah)"; "Tomorrow I will study"; "Today I will learn (Mishnah)"; "Tomorrow I will learn," in the end he remains with nothing. Of such a one it is written (Ibid. 10:5) "One who sleeps in harvest time is a shameful son," and (Ibid. 20:4) "Because of the (cold of) winter, the sluggard will not plow." And it is written (Ibid. 24:30) "By the field of a lazy man I passed": This is one who acquired a field in the past; "and by the vineyard of a man lacking a heart": This is one who acquired a vineyard (in the past). Since he acquired a field and acquired a vineyard, and did not work in them, whence is it derived that he is bound to be called "lazy"? From "By the field of a lazy man I passed and by the vineyard of a man lacking a heart." Why is he called "lacking a heart"? Because he acquired a field and a vineyard and did not work in them. And whence is it derived that he (such a Torah scholar) is bound to leave (unlearned) two or three things in a section? From (Ibid. 31) "and, behold, it was all grown over with thorns." And whence is it derived that he will seek the opening of a section and not find it? From "nettles had covered (i.e., concealed) its face ('opening')." And it is written further "and its stone wall was broken down." Because it ("its face") is not ready to hand, he sits and rules unclean what is clean, and clean what is unclean, and he breaks down the fences of the sages. What is the punishment of such a one? Solomon came and delineated it through the tradition (kabbalah), (Koheleth 10:8) "and the breaker of a fence will be bitten by a snake." For all who break the fences of the sages are destined to be punished.

Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: With regard to anyone who withholds halakha from being studied by the mouth of a student who seeks to study Torah, it is as though he robs him of the inheritance of his ancestors, as it is stated: “Moses commanded us the Torah, an inheritance of the congregation of Jacob” (Deuteronomy 33:4), indicating that the Torah is an inheritance for all of the Jewish people from the six days of Creation. Rav Ḥana bar Bizna says that Rabbi Shimon Ḥasida says: With regard to anyone who withholds halakha from being studied by the mouth of a student who seeks to study Torah, even fetuses in their mother’s womb curse him, as it is stated: “He who withholds bar,

Ever let man multiply silence, and not speak aught else save in a matter of wisdom or of things which he needs for the sustenance of life in his body. Of Rab, the disciple of our Holy Master, it was said, that he never in his life uttered idle talk. Verily, such is the talk of a majority of the people, whereas, even of the necessities of the body man should not multiply words. Concerning this the sages admonished, saying: "Whosoever propogates words generates sin" (Pir. Ab. 1.17). And they, moreover, said: "I found nothing better for the body than silence" (Ibid). Likewise in words of Torah and in words of wisdom shall man's words be few but the thought therein sagacious, which is what the sages charged saying: "Ever let the master instruct his disciples concisely" (Hullin. 63b). But if the words be many and their meaning insignificant it is but stupidity, concerning which it was said: "For a dream cometh through a multitude of matter, and the voice of a fool cometh with a multitude of words" (Ecc. 5.3).

And Rabbi Ḥelbo says: A person must always be careful about sustaining the honor of his wife, as blessing is found in a person’s house only because of his wife, as it is stated in allusion to this: “And he dealt well with Abram for her sake, and he had sheep and oxen” (Genesis 12:16). And that is what Rava said to the residents of Meḥoza, where he lived: Honor your wives, so that you will become rich.

Incidental to the discussion of prosperity, the Gemara mentions that on a similar topic, the Sages taught: Who is wealthy? Anyone who gets pleasure from his wealth, that is the statement of Rabbi Meir. The letters mem (Meir), tet (Tarfon), kuf (Akiva), samekh (Yosei) are a mnemonic for the tannaim who expressed opinions on this matter. Rabbi Tarfon says: A wealthy person is anyone who has one hundred vineyards, and one hundred fields, and one hundred slaves working in them. Rabbi Akiva says: Anyone who has a wife whose actions are pleasant. Rabbi Yosei says: Anyone who has a bathroom close to his table.

The Gemara asks: Didn’t Rav Yehuda teach Rav Yitzḥak, his son, the following baraita: A man finds peace of mind only with his first wife, as it is stated: “Let your fountain be blessed, and have joy from the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18), and his son said to him: For example, whom, and his father responded in this case as well: For example, your mother. This indicates that Rav Yehuda did find peace of mind with his wife. The Gemara answers: She was aggressive and forceful, but she was easily appeased.

And Rava said: Come and see how good a good wife is and how bad a bad wife is. How good is a good wife? As it is written: Whoever finds a wife finds good. If the verse speaks of her, a wife, this demonstrates how good a good wife is, as the Bible praises her. If the verse speaks metaphorically of the Torah, it nevertheless indicates how good a good wife is, as the Torah is compared to her. Conversely, how bad is a bad wife? As it is written: “And I find more bitter than death the woman.” If the verse speaks of her, this demonstrates how bad a bad wife is, as the Bible condemns her. If the verse speaks metaphorically of Gehenna, it still demonstrates how bad a bad wife is, as Gehenna is compared to her.

The Gemara relates a similar story. Rabbi Ḥiyya’s wife would constantly aggravate him. Nevertheless, when he would find something she would appreciate, he would wrap it in his shawl and bring it to her. Rav said to him: Doesn’t she constantly aggravate you? Why do you bring her things? Rabbi Ḥiyya said to him: It is enough for us that our wives raise our children and save us

Rabba bar bar Ḥana says that Rabbi Yoḥanan says: It is as difficult to match a couple as the splitting of the Red Sea, as it is stated: “God makes the solitary dwell in a house; He brings out prisoners into prosperity” (Psalms 68:7). Do not read the verse as “brings out prisoners”; rather, read it as: Like bringing out prisoners. Accordingly, the act described in the first clause of the verse, God’s causing the solitary to dwell in a house, i.e., to marry, is compared to the act described in the next clause in the verse, i.e., bringing out prisoners. And do not read the verse as “into prosperity [bakkosharot]”; rather, read it as: Crying and singing [bekhi veshirot], which alludes to the splitting of the Red Sea, when there was both crying and singing.

§ Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yod in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of God spelled yod, heh. But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire. Therefore, fire consumes them.

§ The Sages taught: One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife,

and who lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9).

Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money abounds, according to what he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and be neither depressed nor hot-tempered.

It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Meir would say: For what reason does the Torah say that a menstruating woman is prohibited from engaging in intercourse with her husband for seven days? It is because if a woman were permitted to engage in intercourse with her husband all the time, her husband would be too accustomed to her, and would eventually be repulsed by her. Therefore, the Torah says that a menstruating woman shall be ritually impure for seven days, during which she is prohibited from engaging in intercourse with her husband, so that when she becomes pure again she will be dear to her husband as at the time when she entered the wedding canopy with him.

He who finds a wife has found happiness And has won the favor of the LORD.

The Sages further taught in praise of the reed: A person should always be soft like a reed, and he should not be stiff like a cedar. An incident occurred in which Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon, came from Migdal Gedor, from his rabbi’s house, and he was riding on a donkey and strolling on the bank of the river. And he was very happy, and his head was swollen with pride because he had studied much Torah.

Enjoy happiness with a woman you love all the fleeting days of life that have been granted to you under the sun—all your fleeting days. For that alone is what you can get out of life and out of the means you acquire under the sun.

Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers up all faults.

Rav Avira interpreted the following verse homiletically, but sometimes he said the interpretation in the name of Rabbi Ami and sometimes he said it in the name of Rabbi Asi: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Good is the man who is gracious and lends, who orders his affairs with justice” (Psalms 112:5)? It means to teach that a person should always eat and drink less than what is within his means, and he should dress and cover himself in accordance with his means, and he should honor his wife and children more than what is within his means; as they are dependent on him and he is dependent on the One Who spoke and the world was created.

If a [poor] person must choose between Sabbath lights and Hanukkah lights, or between Sabbath lights and wine for Kiddush, the lighting of his home takes priority, so as to sustain peace in the house, since even the divine name was erased [in the oath of purgation—Numbers 5:12-31] to make peace between [a jealous] husband and his wife. Great is peace, since the entire Torah has been given to create peace in the world, as it is written: "Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace" (Proverbs 3:17).

The Gemara cites a similar statement. The Holy One, Blessed be He, loves three people: One who does not get angry; one who does not get drunk; and one who is forgiving. The Holy One, Blessed be He, hates three people: One who says one statement with his mouth and means another in his heart, i.e., a hypocrite; one who knows testimony about another person and does not testify on his behalf; and one who observes a licentious matter performed by another person and testifies against him alone. His testimony is meaningless, as he is the only witness; consequently, he merely gives the individual a bad reputation.

Apropos the husband’s obligation to his wife regarding marital relations, the Gemara mentions other aspects of this issue: Students may leave their homes and travel in order to learn Torah without their wives’ permission for up to thirty days, and laborers may leave their homes without their wives’ permission for up to one week. The set interval defining the frequency of a husband’s conjugal obligation to his wife stated in the Torah (see Exodus 21:10), unless the couple stipulated otherwise, varies according to the man’s occupation and proximity to his home: Men of leisure, who do not work, must engage in marital relations every day, laborers must do so twice a week, donkey drivers once a week, camel drivers once every thirty days, and sailors once every six months. This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer.

Abaye was wont to say:One must always be shrewd and utilize every strategy in order to achieve fear of Heaven and performance of mitzvot.
One must fulfill the verse: “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1)
and take steps to increase peace with one’s brethren and with one’s relatives,and with all people, even with a non-Jew in the marketplace, despite the fact that he is of no importance to him and does not know him at all (Me’iri),
so that he will be loved above in God’s eyes,
pleasant below in the eyes of the people,
and acceptable to all of God’s creatures.

§ Rav Ḥinnana, son of Rav Idi, says: What is the meaning of that which is written: “And you shall not mistreat each man his colleague [amito]” (Leviticus 25:17)? The word amito is interpreted as a contraction of im ito, meaning: One who is with him. With one who is with you in observance of Torah and mitzvot, you shall not mistreat him. Rav says: A person must always be careful about mistreatment of his wife. Since her tear is easily elicited, punishment for her mistreatment is immediate.

Apropos the topic of how man should approach his household, Rav Yehuda says: A person must always be careful about ensuring that there is grain inside his house, as discord is found in a person’s house only over matters of grain, as it is stated: “He makes your borders peace; He gives you plenty with the finest wheat” (Psalms 147:14). If there is the finest wheat in your house, there will be peace there. Rav Pappa said: This is in accordance with the adage that people say: When the barley is emptied from the jug, quarrel knocks and enters the house.

But, see, this I did find: God made men plain, but they have engaged in too much reasoning.

I therefore praised enjoyment. For the only good a man can have under the sun is to eat and drink and enjoy himself. That much can accompany him, in exchange for his wealth, through the days of life that God has granted him under the sun.

Go, eat your bread in gladness, and drink your wine in joy; for your action was long ago approved by God.

Enjoy happiness with a woman you love all the fleeting days of life that have been granted to you under the sun—all your fleeting days. For that alone is what you can get out of life and out of the means you acquire under the sun.

The Sages further taught in praise of the reed: A person should always be soft like a reed, and he should not be stiff like a cedar. An incident occurred in which Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon, came from Migdal Gedor, from his rabbi’s house, and he was riding on a donkey and strolling on the bank of the river. And he was very happy, and his head was swollen with pride because he had studied much Torah.

He who finds a wife has found happiness
And has won the favor of the LORD.

Rava said to Rabba bar Mari: From where is this matter derived whereby people say: If you called to your friend and he did not answer you, throw a large wall and cast it at him, i.e., do not attempt to help him anymore? Rabba bar Mari said to him that the source is as it is written: “Because I have purged you and you were not purged, you shall not be purged from your impurity anymore, until I have satisfied My fury upon you” (Ezekiel 24:13).

Rav Pappa further advised: If there is a hole in your house, close it up and do not enlarge it and then plaster it, or at least plaster it and do not knock it down and build it again. As, whoever engages in construction becomes poor. Hurry to buy land so that you do not lose the opportunity. Be patient and marry a woman who is suitable for you. Descend a level to marry a woman of lower social status, and ascend a level to choose a friend [shushevina].

The Gemara relates a similar story. Rabbi Ḥiyya’s wife would constantly aggravate him. Nevertheless, when he would find something she would appreciate, he would wrap it in his shawl and bring it to her. Rav said to him: Doesn’t she constantly aggravate you? Why do you bring her things? Rabbi Ḥiyya said to him: It is enough for us that our wives raise our children and save us

The Gemara cites more statements concerning women. It is written in the book of Ben Sira: A good wife is a good gift for her husband. And it is written: A good one will be placed in the bosom of a God-fearing man; a bad wife is a plague to her husband. What is his remedy? He should divorce her and he will be cured of his plague. A beautiful wife, happy is her husband; the number of his days are doubled. His pleasure in her beauty makes him feel as though he has lived twice as long.

The Gemara quotes additional statements from the book of Ben Sira: Do not suffer from tomorrow’s trouble, that is, do not worry about problems that might arise in the future, as you do not know what a day will bring. Perhaps when tomorrow comes, the individual who was so worried will not be among the living, and he was consequently upset over a world that is not his. Prevent a crowd from inside your house, do not let many people enter, and do not even bring all your friends into your house. Make sure, however, that a crowd seeks your welfare, and that you have many allies. Reveal a secret to only one in a thousand, since most people are unable to keep a secret.

§ The Sages taught: One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife,

and who lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9).

Rabba bar bar Ḥana says that Rabbi Yoḥanan says: It is as difficult to match a couple as the splitting of the Red Sea, as it is stated: “God makes the solitary dwell in a house; He brings out prisoners into prosperity” (Psalms 68:7). Do not read the verse as “brings out prisoners”; rather, read it as: Like bringing out prisoners. Accordingly, the act described in the first clause of the verse, God’s causing the solitary to dwell in a house, i.e., to marry, is compared to the act described in the next clause in the verse, i.e., bringing out prisoners. And do not read the verse as “into prosperity [bakkosharot]”; rather, read it as: Crying and singing [bekhi veshirot], which alludes to the splitting of the Red Sea, when there was both crying and singing.

I praise You, for You have answered me,
and have become my deliverance.

The Gemara cites a similar statement. The Holy One, Blessed be He, loves three people: One who does not get angry; one who does not get drunk; and one who is forgiving. The Holy One, Blessed be He, hates three people: One who says one statement with his mouth and means another in his heart, i.e., a hypocrite; one who knows testimony about another person and does not testify on his behalf; and one who observes a licentious matter performed by another person and testifies against him alone. His testimony is meaningless, as he is the only witness; consequently, he merely gives the individual a bad reputation.

Rava said to Rabba bar Mari: From where is this matter derived whereby people say: When we were small, we were considered to be men; now that we are old, we are considered to be children [ledardekei]? Rabba bar Mari said to him that the source is that initially, it is written with regard to the Jewish people traveling in the wilderness: “And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light” (Exodus 13:21). God Himself guarded over the Jewish people. But at the end, after some time passed and it would be expected that the Jewish people were considered more important, it is written:

"A person should always be careful regarding [the prohibition of] causing אונאה to his wife, because her tears - being frequent - [mean that the punishment for] causing her אונאה is close."Rabbi Elazar said, “From the day that the Temple was destroyed, the gates of prayer closed, as it says ‘Yea, when I cry and call for help, He shuts out my prayer.’ (Lamentations 3:8) And even though the gates of prayer are closed, the gates of tears are not closed, as it says ‘Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; you will not be silent at my tears.’ (Psalms 39:13)” Rav said “Everyone who follows the advice of his wife will go to Gehenom, as it says ‘But there was none like Ahab who sold himself over to do that which was evil in the sight of the LORD, because Jezebel persuaded him.’” Rav Papa said to Abaye, “But surely people say, ‘If your wife is short bend down and listen to your wife, and whisper to her.’” This is not a difficulty, this applies to words of the Earth, and this applies to words of the house. Another version: This applies to words of G-d, and this applies to words of the Earth.Rav Hisdah said,All the gates are closed except for the gates of אונאה, as it says, “behold, the Lord stood beside a wall made by a plumbline, with a plumbline in His hand. (Amos 7:7)”Rabbi Elazar said, "All is punished through a messenger, except for fraudulent overcharging, as it is said, 'And in his hand, a measuring line (Amos 7:7).'"Rabbi Abbahu said,"[Regarding] three [sins], the curtain [of mercy; which figuratively blocks G-d from punishing the evil] is not locked for them [and thus punishment can get through]:Fraudulent overcharging, robbery, and idol worship.Fraudulent overcharging, as it is written, 'And in his hand, a measuring line (Amos 7:7).' Robbery, as it is written, 'Violence and spoil shall be heard in [Jerusalem]- in front of me forever (Jeremiah 6:7).' Idol worship, as it is written, "The nation that is vexing me- in front of me forever, etc. (Isaiah 65:3).'"Rabbi Yehudah [of Babylon] said,"A person should always be careful with produce, for arguments are only found in the house because of produce [ie. sustenance, or rather the lack of it], as it is said, 'He who makes your borders peaceful, [with] cream of wheat he shall sustain you (Psalms 147:14).'"And Rabbi Chelbo said,"A man should always be vigilant with the honor of his wife, for blessing is only found in the home of a man because of his wife, as it is said, 'And to Abram, he was good for her sake (Genesis 12:15).'"And this is [similar to] what Rava said to the people of Mechoza:"Give honor to your wives, so that you may be enriched."

Our Rabbis taught: A man should always be gentle like Hillel, and not impatient like Shammai. It once happened that two men

Who bet with each other and said,"Anyone who can go and make Hillel annoyed, he may take four hundred zuzim."One of them said,"I shall annoy him."That very day was the eve of the Sabbath, and Hillel was bathing his head.He went and passed by the opening of his home and said,"Is Hillel here?Is Hillel here?"He wrapped himself [in a towel] and exited to meet him.He said to him, "My son, what is your request?"He said to him,"I have a question to ask."He said to him,"Ask, my son, ask."[He asked,] "What is the reason that the Babylonians heads are wide?"He said to him,"My son, you are asking a great question. It is because they do not have intelligent midwives [and so the heads do not come out correctly]."He went and waited an hour. He came back and said,"Is Hillel here?Is Hillel here?"He wrapped himself [in a towel] and went out to greet him.He said to him,"My son, what is your request?"He said to him,"I have a question to ask."He said to him,"Ask, my son, ask."[He asked,] "What is the reason that the Ethiopians' eyes are bleary?"He said to him,"My son, a big question you have asked. It is because the live surrounded by sand [which reflects sun into their eyes]."He went and waited an hour. He returned and said,"Is Hillel here?Is Hillel here?"He wrapped himself [in a towel] and went out to meet him.He said to him,"My son, what is your request?"He said to him,"I have a question to ask."He said to him,"Ask, my son, ask."[He asked,] "What is the reason that the Africans have wide feet?"He said to him,"My son, a big question you have asked. It is because the live between the bays."He said to him,"I have many questions to ask, but I will forgo them, so that you may not get mad."He wrapped himself up and sat before him. He said to him,"All the questions that you have to ask, ask."He said to him,"Are you the Hillel that they call the prince of Israel?"He said to him,"Yes."He said to him,"If you are him, then I wish that there will not be many in Israel like you!"He said to him,"My son, for what reason?"He said to him,"For because of you, I lost four-hundred zuz!"He said to him,"Be careful with your spirit like Hillel, whom you lost because of him four-hundred zuz, because even for four-hundred zuz, Hillel will not get angry."

The Gemara cites an aggadic statement concerning prayer and the recitation of Shema. Rabbi Elazar said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “So I will bless You as I live, to Your name I will raise my hands” (Psalms 63:5)? So I will bless You as I live, refers to the recitation of Shema, and to Your name I will raise my hands, refers to the Amidaprayer, which is characterized as lifting one’s hands to God. And if one does so, recites Shema and prays, the verse says about him: “As with fat and marrow, my soul will be satisfied” (Psalms 63:6). And not only does he receive this reward, but he inherits two worlds, this world and the World-to-Come, as it is stated: “With lips of joys [renanot], my mouth praises You” (Psalms 63:6). The plural, joys, refers to two joys, that of this world and that of the World-to-Come.

§ The Sages taught: One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife,

The Gemara continues discussing the meaning of the word ulbena. The Sages taught: Those who are insulted [ne’elavin] but do not insult others, who hear their shame but do not respond, who act out of love and are joyful in their suffering, about them the verse states: “And they that love Him are as the sun going forth in its might” (Judges 5:31).

If others speak evil of you, answer them not; should it be a serious [calumny], regard it as slight. If, however, you spoke evil of others, though [the calumny] be slight, regard it as serious [and do not rest] until you go and pacify them.

The Gemara cites a baraita with additional opinions with regard to the defining characteristics of an am ha’aretz: The Sages taught: Who is an am ha’aretz? One who does not recite Shema in the evening and morning. This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer. Rabbi Yehoshua says: An am ha’aretz is one who does not don phylacteries. Ben Azzai says: An am ha’aretz is one who does not have ritual fringes on his garment. Rabbi Natan says: An am ha’aretz is one who does not have a mezuza on his doorway. Rabbi Natan bar Yosef says: An am ha’aretz is one who has children but who does not want them to study Torah, so he does not raise them to engage in Torah study. Aḥerim say: Even if one read the Bible and studied Mishna and did not serve Torah scholars to learn from them the meaning of the Torah that he studied, that is an am ha’aretz. Rav Huna said: The halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Aḥerim.

You have forgotten the LORD your Maker,
Who stretched out the skies and made firm the earth!
And you live all day in constant dread
Because of the rage of an oppressor
Who is aiming to cut [you] down.
Yet of what account is the rage of an oppressor?

For I the LORD your God—
Who stirs up the sea into roaring waves,
Whose name is LORD of Hosts—

Micah came and established the 613 mitzvot upon three, as it is written: “It has been told to you, O man, what is good, and what the Lord does require of you; only to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

Rabbi Simlai continued: King David came and established the 613 mitzvot upon eleven mitzvot, as it is written: “A Psalm of David. Lord, who shall sojourn in Your Tabernacle? Who shall dwell upon Your sacred mountain? He who walks wholeheartedly, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. Who has no slander upon his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up reproach against his relative. In whose eyes a vile person is despised, and he honors those who fear the Lord; he takes an oath to his own detriment, and changes not. He neither gives his money with interest, nor takes a bribe against the innocent. He who performs these shall never be moved” (Psalms, chapter 15). Eleven attributes that facilitate one’s entry into the World-to-Come appear on this list.

“Nor takes up reproach against his relative”; this is referring to one who draws his relatives near, and does not distance them when they embarrass him.

Rabbi Simlai’s exposition continues: Isaiah came and established the 613 mitzvot upon six, as it is written: “He who walks righteously, and speaks uprightly; he who despises the gain of oppressions, who shakes his hands from holding of bribes, who stops his ears from hearing blood, and shuts his eyes from looking upon evil” (Isaiah 33:15).

Micah came and established the 613 mitzvot upon three, as it is written: “It has been told to you, O man, what is good, and what the Lord does require of you; only to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

The Gemara elaborates: “To do justly,” this is justice; “to love mercy,” this is an allusion to acts of loving-kindness; “and to walk humbly with your God,” this is an allusion to taking the indigent dead out for burial and accompanying a poor bride to her wedding canopy, both of which are to be performed without fanfare glorifying the doer. The Gemara notes: And are these matters not inferred a fortiori? If, with regard to matters that tend to be conducted in public, e.g., funerals and weddings, the Torah states “walk humbly” when doing them, then in matters that tend to be conducted in private, e.g., charity and Torah study, all the more so should they be conducted in private.

Isaiah then established the 613 mitzvot upon two, as it is stated: “So says the Lord: Observe justice and perform righteous-ness” (Isaiah 56:1). Amos came and established the 613 mitzvot upon one, as it is stated: “So says the Lord to the house of Israel: Seek Me and live” (Amos 5:4). Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak objects to this: There is no proof that the verse in Amos is establishing all the mitzvot upon one; say that Amos is saying: Seek Me throughout the entire Torah, as the verse does not specify the manner in which one should seek the Lord. Rather, say: Habakkuk came and established the 613 mitzvot upon one, as it is stated: “But the righteous person shall live by his faith” (Habakkuk 2:4).