(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י ה'
"ואהבת לרעך כמוך" – רבי עקיבא אומר זה כלל גדול בתורה. בן עזאי אומר "זה ספר תולדות אדם" – זה כלל גדול מזה.
"And you shall love your neighbor as yourself": R. Akiva says: This is an all-embracing principle in the Torah. Ben Azzai says: (Bereshith 5:1) "This is the numeration of the generations of Adam" — This is an even greater principle.
Are Rabbi Akiva and Ben Azzai necessarily disagreeing? What does each mean by "great principle?" Do you think Rabbi Akiva's preferred verse might actually set one up to fulfill Ben Azzai's preferred verse?
Rabbi Akiva prioritizes one's own survival over that of their fellow. He puts on his own oxygen mask first, as it were - and in Rabbi Akiva's case, there is only one oxygen mask to be worn. In this case, he is standing by his verse of "love your neighbor as yourself" as primary; that is, it's possible that he is loving himself in this moment. And, ultimately, as one goes on to teach more Torah and do good, he will be appealing to a wider audience of his fellow humans (which Ben Azzai focuses on above).
(As an aside, who is Ben Petura? This is the only place he appears in the Talmud. What do you make of his name, which literally means, "One who is pattur/exempt." If obligation is indicative of relationship, perhaps Ben Petura is one without obligation, i.e. without relationship. He is a citizen of the world, with universal love. Universal love, however, may be a contradiction in terms, as love implies exclusivity and particularity. Ben Petura, not feeling attached to any one particular group, if he was in this dangerous situation in the Gemara, would perish.
Yet, he is willing to give up his own life (and Rabbi Akiva's). Could one argue that he, indeed, does feel a shared sense of responsibility? I would argue that he does not. For him, life may be a throw-away. I'm "patur" - I'm exempt! What's it all worth anyway? One possible textual proof for this: Rabbi Akiva is principled in his stance, given that he brings a verse from the Torah. Ben Petura, however, does not bring a verse.)
(While acknowledging there are different types of love, Erich Fromm writes: "Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one "object" of love." He adds that the strongest type of love, biblical love, is brotherly love, and "brotherly love is love for all human beings; it is characterized by its very lack of exclusiveness.")
. וְאַל תְּהִי רָשָׁע בִּפְנֵי עַצְמְךָ:
...And do not be wicked in your own eyes.
In case loving yourself is difficult, it's possible to teach yourself as simply "not wicked." "It's okay," I can tell myself. "I am only human. I'm not alone." If others spoke to us the way we speak to ourselves, we'd cut them off immediately. Are we able to see ourselves as our own friends at best, or at least with some compassion? Can we see ourselves as "not wicked?"
Erich Fromm, "The Art of Loving"
By having compassion for the helpless one, man begins to develop love for his brother; and in his love for himself he also loves the one who is in need of help, the frail, insecure human being. Compassion implies the element of knowledge and of identification. "You know the heart of the stranger," says the Old Testament, "for you were strangers in the land of Egypt; . . . therefore love the stranger!""
Erich Fromm, "The Art of Loving"
Before we start the discussion of the psychological aspect of selfishness and self-love, the logical fallacy in the notion that love for others and love for oneself are mutually exclusive should be stressed. If it is a virtue to love my neighbor as a human being, it must be a virtue—and not a vice—to love myself, since I am a human being too. There is no concept of man in which I myself am not included. A doctrine which proclaims such an exclusion proves itself to be intrinsically contradictory. The idea expressed in the Biblical " Love thy neighbor as thyself !" implies that respect for one's own integrity and uniqueness, love for and understanding of one's own self, cannot be separated from respect and love and understanding for another individual. The love for my own self is inseparably connected with the love for any other being.
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet (an influential book of prose poetry published in 1923)
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
One way we can be more friendly and compassionate towards ourselves is by giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt
(א) דַּע, כִּי צָרִיךְ לָדוּן אֶת כָּל אָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת, וַאֲפִלּוּ מִי שֶׁהוּא רָשָׁע גָּמוּר, צָרִיךְ לְחַפֵּשׂ וְלִמְצֹא בּוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, שֶׁבְּאוֹתוֹ הַמְּעַט אֵינוֹ רָשָׁע, וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה שֶׁמּוֹצֵא בּוֹ מְעַט טוֹב, וְדָן אוֹתוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת, עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה מַעֲלֶה אוֹתוֹ בֶּאֱמֶת לְכַף זְכוּת, וְיוּכַל לַהֲשִׁיבוֹ בִּתְשׁוּבָה. וְזֶה בְּחִינַת (תהלים לז): וְעוֹד מְעַט וְאֵין רָשָׁע וְהִתְבּוֹנַנְתָּ עַל מְקוֹמוֹ וְאֵינֶנּוּ; הַיְנוּ שֶׁהַפָּסוּק מַזְהִיר לָדוּן אֶת הַכֹּל לְכַף זְכוּת, וְאַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁאַתָּה רוֹאֶה שֶׁהוּא רָשָׁע גָּמוּר, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן צָרִיךְ אַתָּה לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ לִמְצֹא בּוֹ מְעַט טוֹב, שֶׁשָּׁם אֵינוֹ רָשָׁע. וְזֶהוּ: וְעוֹד מְעַט וְאֵין רָשָׁע – שֶׁצָּרִיךְ אַתָּה לְבַקֵּשׁ בּוֹ עוֹד מְעַט טוֹב, שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ עֲדַיִן, שֶׁשָּׁם אֵינוֹ רָשָׁע, כִּי אַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁהוּא רָשָׁע, אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ מְעַט טוֹב עֲדַיִן, כִּי אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלֹּא עָשָׂה אֵיזֶה מִצְוָה אוֹ דָּבָר טוֹב מִיָּמָיו...
(1) Know, that it is necessary to judge every person as meritorious. Even if someone is entirely wicked, it is necessary to search and find in him some bit of good, that in that bit he is not wicked, and by means of this, that you find in him a bit of good, and judge him as meritorious, by means of this you raise him in truth to the side of merit, and you can return him in repentance. This is "a little bit and there is no wicked, you will contemplate on his place and he isn't there" (Psalms 37:10), that is, the verse warns to judge everyone as meritorious, and even though you see the he is completely wicked, even so, you must search and quest to find in him a bit of good where he isn't wicked. This is "a little bit and there is no wicked" - you have to search out in him a bit of good that is still there, where he is not wicked, because even though he is wicked, how is it possible that there isn't still a bit of good, because how is possible that he didn't do a mitzvah or a good thing his whole life?
We have seen above the importance of physical wellness (save your own life first) and emotional wellness (loving oneself, being kind to oneself).
The siddur (and Jewish literature), too, makes a distinction between healing of body and healing of spirit/soul. Both are important to fulfilling one's duty on earth. One needs to feel physically well and psychologically/emotionally healthy to tend to others.
() רְפָאֵנוּ ה' וְנֵרָפֵא. הושִׁיעֵנוּ וְנִוָּשֵׁעָה כִּי תְהִלָּתֵנוּ אָתָּה. וְהַעֲלֵה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה לְכָל מַכּותֵינוּ.
() תפילה בעד החולה: יְהִי רָצון מִלְּפָנֶיךָ ה' אֱלהַי וֵאלהֵי אֲבותַי. שֶׁתִּשְׁלַח מְהֵרָה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם. רְפוּאַת הַנֶּפֶשׁ וּרְפוּאַת הַגּוּף לְחולֶה פב"פ בְּתוךְ שְׁאָר חולֵי יִשרָאֵל:
() כִּי אֵל מֶלֶךְ רופֵא נֶאֱמָן וְרַחֲמָן אָתָּה. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה', רופֵא חולֵי עַמּו יִשרָאֵל:
Heal us, O Lord, and we shall be healed, save us and we shall be saved, for You are our praise. Bring complete healing to all our wounds,
(Prayer to add for a sick person: May it be Your will in front of You, O Lord, my God and the God of my forefathers, that You quickly send a complete recovery from the Heavens - a recovery of the soul and a recovery of the body - to the the sick person, insert name, the son/daughter of insert mother's name, among the other sick ones of Israel.)
for You are God and King, the faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You, O Lord, Who heals the sick of his people Israel.
ג) וכתב הש"ץ שם ע"א, כשירצה להוסיף בברכה זו על הרפואה יאמר יה"ר מלפניך ה' או"א שתרפאינו רפואה שלימה רפואת הנפש ורפואת הגוף כדי שאהיה חזק בבריאות גוף ונשמה לקיום תורתך הקדושה בא"י רופה חולי וכו' עכ"ל...
...if one wants to, one can add in the blessing...may you heal us with a full healing of spirit and body, so that I can be strong in my physical body and soul to fulfill your Holy Torah (LB note: this includes taking care of others, as seen above)
The commentary above makes it clear that, though we could say our own healing is important in and of itself, wellness is a gift, so in achieving it, we have a responsibility to use it for good.
2. Likewise, a person must find [some good point] within himself. It is known that a person must take care to be happy always and to keep very far away from depression {as has been explained in our works a number of times} (note LB: depression as a mental illness is real, and this isn't a cure. In my opinion, it is something that could be used in conjunction with other support, however).
(ז) וְעַל כֵּן עַל יְדֵי שֶׁאֵינוֹ מַנִּיחַ לְהַפִּיל אֶת עַצְמוֹ וּמְחַיֶּה אֶת עַצְמוֹ בַּמֶּה שֶּׁמְּחַפֵּשׂ וּמְבַקֵּשׁ וּמוֹצֵא בְּעַצְמוֹ אֵיזֶה נְקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת, וּמְלַקֵּט וּמְבָרֵר אֵלּוּ הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת מִתּוֹךְ הָרָע וְהַפְּסֹלֶת שֶׁבּוֹ וְכוּ' כַּנַּ"ל, עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה נַעֲשִׂין נִגּוּנִים כַּנַּ"ל, וַאֲזַי הוּא יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל וּלְזַמֵּר וּלְהוֹדוֹת לַה'.
(ח) כִּי זֶה יָדוּעַ שֶׁכְּשֶׁהָאָדָם נוֹפֵל בְּדַעְתּוֹ מֵחֲמַת גַּשְׁמִיּוּתוֹ וּמַעֲשָׂיו הָרָעִים, שֶׁרוֹאֶה שֶׁהוּא רָחוֹק מְאֹד מְאֹד מִן הַקְּדֻשָּׁה בֶּאֱמֶת, אֲזַי עַל־פִּי רֹב אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל כְּלָל מֵחֲמַת זֶה, וְאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לִפְתֹּחַ פִּיו כְּלָל, מֵחֲמַת גֹּדֶל הָעַצְבוּת וְהַמָּרָה שְׁחוֹרָה וְהַכְּבֵדוּת שֶׁנּוֹפֵל עָלָיו, עַל־יְדֵי שֶׁרוֹאֶה גֹּדֶל עֹצֶם רִחוּקוֹ מֵהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ.
(ט) אֲבָל כְּשֶׁהוּא מְחַיֶּה אֶת עַצְמוֹ עַל־פִּי הָעֵצָה הַנַּ"ל,
(י) דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁאַף־עַל־פִּי שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ בְּעַצְמוֹ שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ מַעֲשִׂים רָעִים וַחֲטָאִים הַרְבֵּה מְאֹד, וְהוּא רָחוֹק מְאֹד מְאֹד מֵהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן הוּא מְחַפֵּשׂ וּמְבַקֵּשׁ וּמוֹצֵא בְּעַצְמוֹ עֲדַיִן אֵיזֶה נְקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת כַּנַּ"ל, וּמְחַיֶּה וּמְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת עַצְמוֹ בָּזֶה, כִּי בְּוַדַּאי רָאוּי לְהָאָדָם לְהַגְדִּיל שִׂמְחָתוֹ מְאֹד בְּכָל נְקֻדָּה וּנְקֻדָּה טוֹבָה מִקְּדֻשַּׁת יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁמּוֹצֵא בְּעַצְמוֹ עֲדַיִן, וַאֲזַי כְּשֶׁמְּחַיֶּה וּמְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת עַצְמוֹ עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה כַּנַּ"ל, אֲזַי הוּא יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל וּלְזַמֵּר וּלְהוֹדוֹת לַה':
(יא) וְזֶה בְּחִינַת (תהלים קמו): אֲזַמְּרָה לֵאלֹקַי בְּעוֹדִי – בְּעוֹדִי דַּיְקָא, הַיְנוּ עַל יְדֵי בְּחִינַת הָעוֹד שֶׁלִּי, שֶׁאֲנִי מוֹצֵא בְּעַצְמִי בְּחִינַת: עוֹד מְעַט וְאֵין רָשָׁע כַּנַּ"ל, עַל יְדֵי אוֹתָהּ הַנְּקֻדָּה, עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה אוּכַל לְזַמֵּר וּלְהוֹדוֹת לַה' כַּנַּ"ל.
(יב) וְזֶהוּ: אֲזַמְּרָה – אֲזַמְּרָה דַּיְקָא, הַיְנוּ זְמִירוֹת וְנִגּוּנִים שֶׁנַּעֲשִׂין עַל יְדֵי שֶׁמְּלַקֵּט הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת כַּנַּ"ל:
(7) Therefore, by not letting himself fall, but reviving himself by searching and seeking until he finds in himself some good points, gathering and separating those good points from the evil and impurity within him—through this melodies are made, as explained above. Then, he is able to pray and sing and give praise to God.
(8) For it is known that when a person becomes depressed over his gross physicality and evil deeds, and he sees how very distant he truly is from holiness, it generally makes him completely incapable of praying. He cannot even open his mouth at all, due to the magnitude of the depression, sadness and heaviness that come over him when he sees how exceedingly distant he is from God.
(9) However, if he revives himself by means of the aforementioned suggestion—
(10) that is, although he knows within himself that he committed evil deeds and numerous sins, and that he is exceedingly distant from God, yet he nevertheless searches and seeks until he finds some remaining good points in himself, as explained above, and he brings himself vitality and joy through this; for it is certainly right that a person feel ever-increasing joy over every good point stemming from the holiness of Israel that he yet finds in himself—then, when he revives himself and brings himself to joy through this, as explained above, he is then able to pray, sing and give praise to God.
(11) This is the aspect of “I will sing to God b’odee (with the little I have left)” (Psalms 146:2). Specifically b’ODee—i.e., by means of my OD that I find in myself, the aspect of “In yet a little bit the wicked man is not,” as explained above. By means of this point I am able to sing and give praise to God, as explained above.
(12) And this is: I will sing—Specifically “I will sing”; i.e., the songs and melodies that are made by gathering the good points, as explained above.
The Power and Potential of the Breath
(א) וְדַע, שֶׁמִּי שֶׁיָּכוֹל לַעֲשׂוֹת אֵלּוּ הַנִּגּוּנִים, דְּהַיְנוּ לְלַקֵּט הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת שֶׁנִּמְצָא בְּכָל אֶחָד מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל, אֲפִלּוּ בְּהַפּוֹשְׁעֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל כַּנַּ"ל, הוּא יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל לִפְנֵי הָעַמּוּד, כִּי הַמִּתְפַּלֵּל לִפְנֵי הָעַמּוּד, הוּא נִקְרָא שְׁלִיחַ צִבּוּר, וְצָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה נִשְׁלָח מִכָּל הַצִּבּוּר, דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁצָּרִיךְ שֶׁיְּקַבֵּץ כָּל נְקֻדָּה טוֹבָה שֶׁנִּמְצָא בְּכָל אֶחָד מֵהַמִּתְפַּלְּלִין, וְכָל הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת יִהְיוּ נִכְלָלִין בּוֹ, וְהוּא יַעֲמֹד וְיִתְפַּלֵּל עִם כָּל הַטּוֹב הַזֶּה, וְזֶהוּ שְׁלִיחַ צִבּוּר, וְצָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בּוֹ בְּחִינָה גָּבוֹהַּ כָּזוֹ, שֶׁעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה יִהְיוּ כָּל הַנְּקֻדּוֹת תְּאֵבִים אֵלָיו, וְיִהְיוּ נִכְלָלִין בּוֹ,
(ב) וּמִי שֶׁיָּכוֹל לַעֲשׂוֹת נִגּוּנִים הַנַּ"ל, דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁיָּכוֹל לָדוּן אֶת כָּל אָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת, אֲפִלּוּ אֶת הַקַּלִּים וְהָרְשָׁעִים, כִּי מִשְׁתַּדֵּל לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ לִמְצֹא בְּכֻלָּם נְקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת כַּנַּ"ל, שֶׁעַל־יְדֵי־זֶה נַעֲשִׂין נִגּוּנִים כַּנַּ"ל, זֶה הַצַּדִּיק שֶׁאוֹחֵז בְּמַדְרֵגָה זֹאת, הוּא יָכוֹל לִהְיוֹת חַזָּן וּשְׁלִיחַ צִבּוּר, דְּהַיְנוּ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל לִפְנֵי הָעַמּוּד, כִּי הוּא יֵשׁ בּוֹ בְּחִינָה זוֹ הַצְּרִיכָה לְהַשְּׁלִיחַ־צִבּוּר הֶהָגוּן בֶּאֱמֶת, שֶׁצָּרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בּוֹ בְּחִינָה, שֶׁיִּהְיוּ כָּל הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת תְּאֵבִים אֵלָיו וְיִהְיוּ נִכְלָלִין בּוֹ כַּנַּ"ל, כִּי הוּא יָכוֹל לְקַבֵּץ כָּל הַנְּקֻדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת שֶׁנִּמְצָא בְּכָל אֶחָד מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל, אֲפִלּוּ בְּפוֹשְׁעֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, כַּנַּ"ל:
(1) 3. Know, too, that someone who is capable of making these melodies—i.e., gathering the good points that are to be found in each Jew, even a Jewish sinner, as explained above—he can lead the communal prayers. For one who leads the communal prayers is called the messenger of the people; he must be sent by all the people—i.e., he must gather every good point that is to be found in each of the congregants. All these good points are merged in him, so that when he stands up to pray, it is with all this good. This is the meaning of “messenger of the people.” Thus, he must have within him this exalted aspect, as a result of which all the points are drawn to him and become merged within him.
(2) And someone who can make the aforementioned melodies—i.e., he is capable of judging all people favorably, even the rabble and the wicked, because he persistently searches and seeks to find the good points in all of them, through which melodies are made, as explained above—this tzaddik, since he is on this level, is capable of being the cantor and messenger of the people. That is, he can lead the communal prayers, because he has within him this aspect, which is a necessary requirement to be a truly fitting messenger of the people. For he must possess the aspect whereby all the good points are drawn to him and are merged within him, so that he is capable of gathering all the good points that are to be found in each Jew, even a Jewish sinner, as explained above.
(א) וְדַע שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּכָל דּוֹר וָדוֹר רוֹעֶה, וְהוּא בְּחִינוֹת מֹשֶׁה, שֶׁהוּא רְעָיָא מְהֵימָנָא, וְזֶה הָרוֹעֶה הוּא עוֹשֶׂה מִשְׁכָּן.
(ב) וְדַע, שֶׁתִּנוֹקוֹת שֶׁל בֵּית רַבָּן מְקַבְּלִים הֶבֶל פִּיהֶם שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ חֵטְא מִזֶּה הַמִּשְׁכָּן, וְעַל כֵּן הַתִּינוֹק כְּשֶׁמַּתְחִיל לִקְרוֹת וּלְהִכָּנֵס בַּתּוֹרָה, הוּא מַתְחִיל מִן וַיִּקְרָא אֶל מֹשֶׁה (מ"ר צו פ' ז), שֶׁהוּא אָלֶף זְעִירָא, כִּי וַיִּקְרָא מְדַבֵּר מִגְּמַר הֲקָמַת הַמִּשְׁכָּן, שֶׁאָז קְרָאוֹ הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ וְהִתְחִיל לְדַבֵּר עִמּוֹ מֵהַמִּשְׁכָּן, וְעַל כֵּן מִשָּׁם מַתְחִילִין הַתִּינוֹקוֹת, כִּי מִשָּׁם מְקַבְּלִין הֶבֶל פִּיהֶם כַּנַּ"ל, וּמִשָּׁם מַתְחִילִין לִקְרוֹת וּלְהִכָּנֵס לְתוֹךְ הַתּוֹרָה:
(1) 4. Know, too, that in each and every generation there is a shepherd who is the aspect of Moshe, the “faithful shepherd.” This shepherd makes a sanctuary.
(2) And know, the young schoolchildren receive the undefiled breath of their mouths from this sanctuary. Therefore, when a young child first begins to read and enter the study of Torah, he begins with “Vayikra (And He called) to Moshe” (Leviticus 1:1)—[the word Vayikra is written] with a small aleph—because [the Book of] Vayikra speaks of the completion of the Sanctuary’s erection. It was then that God called to Moshe and began speaking to him from the Sanctuary. This is why the young children begin from there, because it is from there that they receive the breath of their mouths, as explained above, and from there they begin to read and enter into Torah study.
Source for Self-Compassion Meditations: Dr. Kristin Neff, https://self-compassion.org/
Affectionate Breathing (audio and text), https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
Loving Kindness for Ourselves Meditation (audio and text), https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
Compassionate Body Scan (audio), https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
רבי גמליאל ברבי אומר ונתן לך רחמים ורחמך והרבך כל המרחם על הבריות מרחמין עליו מן השמים וכל שאינו מרחם על הבריות אין מרחמין עליו מן השמים
Rabbi Gamliel, son of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, says: The verse that states: “And He will show you mercy and have compassion on you and multiply you” (Deuteronomy 13:18) teaches us that anyone who has compassion for God’s creatures will receive compassion from Heaven, and anyone who does not have compassion for God’s creatures will not receive compassion from Heaven.
רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן לָקִישׁ אוֹמֵר, כָּל מִי שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה רַחְמָן בֵּמְקוֹם אַכְזָרִי, סוֹף שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה אַכְזָרִי בִּמְקוֹם רַחֲמָן, וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה אַכְזָרִי בִּמְקוֹם רַחְמָן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל א כב, יט): וְאֶת נֹב עִיר הַכֹּהֲנִים הִכָּה לְפִי חֶרֶב, וְלֹא תְהֵא נֹב כְּזַרְעוֹ שֶׁל עֲמָלֵק.
"But Saul and the people had pity on Agag" (I Sam. 15:9). R. Simeon ben Lakish said: He who shows pity when he should be harsh will in the end be harsh when he should show pity, as is said, "And Nob, the city of priests, smote he with the edge of his sword" (I Sam. 22:19). Nob should not have been treated like Amalek's progeny.
Definitions
Compassion /kəmˈpaʃ(ə)n/ Noun
A) “A concern for the wellbeing of others.”
Source: Cosley, B., McCoy, S., & Saslow, S. (2010). Is compassion for others stress buffering? Consequences of compassion and social support for physiological reactivity to stress. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 46 (5), 816-823.
B) Word Origin: mid-14c., from Old French compassion"sympathy, pity" (12c.), from Late Latin compassionem(nominative compassio) "sympathy," noun of state from past participle stem of compati"to feel pity," from com "with, together"(see com-) + pati "to suffer"(see passion). Latin compassio is an ecclesiastical loan-translation of Greek sympatheia (see sympathy). Source:https://www.etymonline.com/word/compassion
C) Compassion in Hebrew:Rachamim. Derived from Hebrew root rechem(ר–ח–ם)/
r-c-m , shared by the word for “womb.”
Discussion Questions
1. What do you notice about these three ways of describing compassion?
2. How does the Latin “suffer with” (B) interact with the English definition (A)?
3. How does the Hebrew translation of compassion effect the meaning of this word? What are the implications of rachamim being derived from “womb?”
Texts on Compassion
(6) The LORD passed before him and proclaimed: “The LORD! the LORD! a God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness,
(א) מצות אהבת ישראל - לאהב כל אחד מישראל אהבת נפש, כלומר שנחמל על ישראל ועל ממונו כמו שאדם חומל על עצמו וממונו, שנאמר (ויקרא יט (יח) ואהבת לרעך כמור...
(ד) ודיני מצוה זו, כלולים הם בתוך המצוה, שכלל הכל הוא שיתנהג האדם עם חברו כמו שיתנהג האדם עצמו לשמר ממונו ולהרחיק ממנו כל נזק. ואם יספר עליו דברים יספרם לשבח ויחוס על כבודו ולא יתכבד בקלונו, וכמו שאמרו זכרונם לברכה (ירושלמי חגיגה פ''ב ה''א) המתכבד בקלון חברו אין לו חלק לעולם הבא, והמתנהג עם חברו דרך אהבה ושלום ורעות ומבקש תועלתם ושמח בטובם עליו הכתוב אומר (ישעיהו מט ג): ישראל אשר בך אתפאר.
One should love each and every Jew with a "soul love." That means: One should have compassion on each Jew and on his possessions just like one has compassion on himself and his possessions for it says "and you shall love your fellow as you love yourself." The specific laws of this mitzvah are included in the general principle of the mitzvah, that a person should deal with his fellow just like he would deal with himself; to guard his possessions and protect them from any damage; and if speaking about him, he should speak of his praises; and take compassion for his honor; and not to elevate your honor on account of his humiliation...
(ו) כָּךְ לָמְדוּ בְּפֵרוּשׁ מִצְוָה זוֹ. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא חַנּוּן אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה חַנּוּן. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא רַחוּם אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה רַחוּם. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא קָדוֹשׁ אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה קָדוֹשׁ. וְעַל דֶּרֶךְ זוֹ קָרְאוּ הַנְּבִיאִים לָאֵל בְּכָל אוֹתָן הַכִּנּוּיִין אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם וְרַב חֶסֶד צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר תָּמִים גִּבּוֹר וְחָזָק וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. לְהוֹדִיעַ שֶׁהֵן דְּרָכִים טוֹבִים וִישָׁרִים וְחַיָּב אָדָם לְהַנְהִיג עַצְמוֹ בָּהֶן וּלְהִדַּמּוֹת אֵלָיו כְּפִי כֹּחוֹ:
(6) They taught the following explanation of this commandment: "Just as God is called 'Gracious,' you too must be gracious. Just as God is called 'Compassionate,' you too must be compassionate. Just as God is called 'Holy,' you too must be holy." In this way did the Prophets call God by many appellations: "Slow to anger," "Abundant in kindness," "Just and Fair," "Pure," "Mighty," and "Powerful," and similar to these - in order to demonstrate that these are good and proper ways and that a person is obligated to accustom himself/herself to act according to them, to imitate God, according to his/her ability.
(17) A kindly man benefits himself; A cruel man makes trouble for himself.
(ג) דָּבָר אַחֵר, וְכִי יָמוּךְ, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (משלי יא, יז): גֹּמֵל נַפְשׁוֹ אִישׁ חָסֶד, זֶה הִלֵּל הַזָּקֵן, שֶׁבְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהָיָה נִפְטַר מִתַּלְמִידָיו הָיָה מְהַלֵּךְ וְהוֹלֵךְ עִמָּם, אָמְרוּ לוֹ תַּלְמִידָיו רַבֵּנוּ לְהֵיכָן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ אָמַר לָהֶם לַעֲשׂוֹת מִצְוָה, אָמְרוּ לוֹ וְכִי מַה מִּצְוָה זוֹ, אָמַר לָהֶן לִרְחֹץ בְּבֵית הַמֶּרְחָץ, אָמְרוּ לוֹ וְכִי זוֹ מִצְוָה הִיא, אָמַר לָהֶם, הֵן. מָה אִם אִיקוֹנִין שֶׁל מְלָכִים שֶׁמַּעֲמִידִים אוֹתָן בְּבָתֵּי טַרְטִיאוֹת וּבְבָתֵּי קִרְקָסִיאוֹת, מִי שֶׁנִּתְמַנֶּה עֲלֵיהֶם הוּא מוֹרְקָן וְשׁוֹטְפָן וְהֵן מַעֲלִין לוֹ מְזוֹנוֹת, וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָּא שֶׁהוּא מִתְגַּדֵּל עִם גְּדוֹלֵי מַלְכוּת, אֲנִי שֶׁנִּבְרֵאתִי בְּצֶלֶם וּבִדְמוּת, דִּכְתִיב (בראשית ט, ו): כִּי בְּצֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים עָשָׂה אֶת הָאָדָם, עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה. דָּבָר אַחֵר, גֹּמֵל נַפְשׁוֹ אִישׁ חָסֶד, זֶה הִלֵּל הַזָּקֵן, שֶׁבְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהָיָה נִפְטַר מִתַּלְמִידָיו הָיָה מְהַלֵּךְ וְהוֹלֵךְ עִמָּם, אָמְרוּ לוֹ תַּלְמִידָיו רַבֵּנוּ לְהֵיכָן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ, אָמַר לָהֶם לִגְמֹל חֶסֶד עִם הָדֵין אַכְסַנְיָא בְּגוֹ בֵּיתָא. אָמְרוּ לוֹ, כָּל יוֹם אִית לָךְ אַכְסַנְיָא, אָמַר לָהֶם, וְהָדֵין נַפְשָׁא עֲלוּבְתָּא לָאו אַכְסַנְיָא הוּא בְּגוֹ גוּפָא, יוֹמָא דֵין הִיא הָכָא לְמָחָר לֵית הִיא הָכָא. דָּבָר אַחֵר (משלי יא, יז): גֹּמֵל נַפְשׁוֹ אִישׁ חָסֶד וְעֹכֵר שְׁאֵרוֹ אַכְזָרִי, אָמַר רַבִּי אֲלֶכְּסַנְדְּרִי זֶה שֶׁמַּגַעַת לוֹ שִׂמְחָה וְאֵינוֹ מַדְבִּיק אֶת קְרוֹבָיו עִמּוֹ מִשּׁוּם עֲנִיּוּת. אָמַר רַבִּי נַחְמָן כְּתִיב (דברים טו, י): כִּי בִּגְלַל הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה, גַּלְגַּל הוּא שֶׁחוֹזֵר בָּעוֹלָם, לְפִיכָךְ משֶׁה מַזְהִיר אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל וְכִי יָמוּךְ אָחִיךָ.
(3) Another Thing: 'But if he is impoverished', here it is written, "The merciful man does good to his own soul (Proverbs 11:17)," this [refers to] Hillel the Elder, who, at the time that he was departing from his students, would walk with them. They said to him, "Rabbi, where are you walking to?" He said to them, "To fulfill a commandment!" They said to him, "And what commandment is this?" He said to them, "To bathe in the bathhouse." They said to him: "But is this really a commandment?" He said to them: "Yes. Just like regarding the statues (lit. icons) of kings, that are set up in the theaters and the circuses, the one who is appointed over them bathes them and scrubs them, and they give him sustenance, and furthermore, he attains status with the leaders of the kingdom; I, who was created in the [Divine] Image and Form, as it is written, "For in the Image of G-d He made Man (Genesis 9:6)," even more so!...
There were these hooligans in Rabbi Meir’s neighborhood who caused him a great deal of anguish. Rabbi Meir prayed for God to have mercy on them, that they should die. Rabbi Meir’s wife, Berurya, said to him: What is your thinking? On what basis do you pray for the death of these hooligans? Do you base yourself on the verse, as it is written: “Let sins cease from the land” (Psalms 104:35), which you interpret to mean that the world would be better if the wicked were destroyed? But is it written, let sinners cease?” Let sins cease, is written. One should pray for an end to their transgressions, not for the demise of the transgressors themselves.
(יג) רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי זָהִיר בִּקְרִיאַת שְׁמַע וּבַתְּפִלָּה. וּכְשֶׁאַתָּה מִתְפַּלֵּל, אַל תַּעַשׂ תְּפִלָּתְךָ קֶבַע, אֶלָּא רַחֲמִים וְתַחֲנוּנִים לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (יואל ב) כִּי חַנּוּן וְרַחוּם הוּא אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם וְרַב חֶסֶד וְנִחָם עַל הָרָעָה. וְאַל תְּהִי רָשָׁע בִּפְנֵי עַצְמְךָ:
(13) Rabbi Shimon said: Be careful with the reading of Shema and the prayer, And when you pray, do not make your prayer something automatic, but a plea for compassion before God, for it is said: “for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in kindness, and renouncing punishment” (Joel 2:13); And be not wicked in your own esteem.
(א) וְכֵן צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לִמְצֹא גַּם בְּעַצְמוֹ. כִּי זֶה יָדוּעַ, שֶׁצָּרִיךְ הָאָדָם לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד לִהְיוֹת בְּשִׂמְחָה תָּמִיד, וּלְהַרְחִיק הָעַצְבוּת מְאֹד מְאֹד (כַּמְבֹאָר אֶצְלֵנוּ כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים),
(ב) וַאֲפִלּוּ כְּשֶׁמַּתְחִיל לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּעַצְמוֹ וְרוֹאֶה שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ שׁוּם טוֹב, וְהוּא מָלֵא חֲטָאִים, וְרוֹצֶה הַבַּעַל דָּבָר לְהַפִּילוֹ עַל יְדֵי זֶה בְּעַצְבוּת וּמָרָה שְׁחוֹרָה, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן אָסוּר לוֹ לִפֹּל מִזֶּה, רַק צָרִיךְ לְחַפֵּשׂ וְלִמְצֹא בְּעַצְמוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כִּי אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלֹּא עָשָׂה מִיָּמָיו אֵיזֶה מִצְוָה אוֹ דָּבָר טוֹב, וְאַף שֶׁכְּשֶׁמַּתְחִיל לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּאוֹתוֹ הַדָּבָר הַטּוֹב, הוּא רוֹאֶה שֶׁהוּא גַּם כֵּן מָלֵא פְּצָעִים וְאֵין בּוֹ מְתֹם, הַיְנוּ שֶׁרוֹאֶה שֶׁגַּם הַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה שֶׁזָּכָה לַעֲשׂוֹת, הוּא גַּם כֵּן מָלֵא פְּנִיּוֹת וּמַחֲשָׁבוֹת זָרוֹת וּפְגָמִים הַרְבֵּה, עִם כָּל זֶה אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה בְּאוֹתָהּ הַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כִּי עַל כָּל פָּנִים אֵיךְ שֶׁהוּא, עַל־כָּל־פָּנִים הָיָה אֵיזֶה נְקֻדָּה טוֹבָה בְּהַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר טוֹב שֶׁעָשָׂה,
(1) 2. Likewise, a person must find [some good point] within himself. It is known that a person must take care to be happy always and to keep very far away from depression {as has been explained in our works a number of times}.
(2) It may be that when he begins examining himself, he sees that he possesses no good whatsoever and is filled with sin, and that as a result the Evil One wants to push him into depression and sadness, God forbid. Even so, it is forbidden to fall on account of this. Rather, he must search until he finds in himself some little bit of good. For how is it possible that throughout his life he never once did some mitzvah or good deed? And even if when he begins examining this good thing he sees that it, too, is filled with flaws and contains no purity—i.e., he sees that the mitzvah or holy deed that he merited doing is itself comprised of impure motives, external thoughts and numerous faults—nevertheless, how is it possible that this mitzvah or holy deed contains not even a little bit of good? For in any case, despite this there must have been some good point in the mitzvah or good deed that he did.
Definition: Rachamim comes from the Hebrew word Rechem, meaning womb. It is the boundaryless love of a mother for her child, a love that stems from the deep knowledge that the child is both of her and not of her.
(23) And it came to pass in the course of those many days that the king of Egypt died; and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage. (24) And God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. (25) And God saw the children of Israel, and God took cognizance of them.
(ו) כָּךְ לָמְדוּ בְּפֵרוּשׁ מִצְוָה זוֹ. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא חַנּוּן אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה חַנּוּן. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא רַחוּם אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה רַחוּם. מַה הוּא נִקְרָא קָדוֹשׁ אַף אַתָּה הֱיֵה קָדוֹשׁ. וְעַל דֶּרֶךְ זוֹ קָרְאוּ הַנְּבִיאִים לָאֵל בְּכָל אוֹתָן הַכִּנּוּיִין אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם וְרַב חֶסֶד צַדִּיק וְיָשָׁר תָּמִים גִּבּוֹר וְחָזָק וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. לְהוֹדִיעַ שֶׁהֵן דְּרָכִים טוֹבִים וִישָׁרִים וְחַיָּב אָדָם לְהַנְהִיג עַצְמוֹ בָּהֶן וּלְהִדַּמּוֹת אֵלָיו כְּפִי כֹּחוֹ:
(6) They taught the following explanation of this commandment: "Just as God is called 'Gracious,' you too must be gracious. Just as God is called 'Compassionate,' you too must be compassionate. Just as God is called 'Holy,' you too must be holy." In this way did the Prophets call God by many appellations: "Slow to anger," "Abundant in kindness," "Just and Fair," "Pure," "Mighty," and "Powerful," and similar to these - in order to demonstrate that these are good and proper ways and that a person is obligated to accustom himself/herself to act according to them, to imitate God, according to his/her ability.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel 20th cent. (as quoted by Rabbi Arthur Green)
"Why are we forbidden to make images of God? It is not because God is beyond all images, so that no image could possibly depict God. If that were the case, images would merely be harmless. God has an image, and that is you. You may not make the image of God because you are the image of God. The only medium in which you can make God's image is the medium of your entire life, and that is precisely what we are commanded to do. Everything you do, everything you say, each moment and the way you use it are all part of the way you build God's image. To take anything less than a full, living human being - like canvas or a piece of marble - and call it the image of God would be to diminish God, to lessen God's image.
רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי זָהִיר בִּקְרִיאַת שְׁמַע וּבַתְּפִלָּה. וּכְשֶׁאַתָּה מִתְפַּלֵּל, אַל תַּעַשׂ תְּפִלָּתְךָ קֶבַע, אֶלָּא רַחֲמִים וְתַחֲנוּנִים לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (יואל ב) כִּי חַנּוּן וְרַחוּם הוּא אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם וְרַב חֶסֶד וְנִחָם עַל הָרָעָה. וְאַל תְּהִי רָשָׁע בִּפְנֵי עַצְמְךָ:
Rabbi Shimon said: Be careful with the reading of Shema and the prayer, And when you pray, do not make your prayer something automatic, but a plea for compassion before God, for it is said: “for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in kindness, and renouncing punishment” (Joel 2:13); and be not wicked in your own esteem.
Quotes from Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW
Contemporary researcher and author on shame and vulnerability
"A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick."
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
“The willingness to show up changes us, It makes us a little braver each time.”
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.”
“Numb the dark and you numb the light.”
“Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”
“Wholeheartedness. There are many tenets of Wholeheartedness, but at its very core is vulnerability and worthiness; facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough.”
“To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.”
“Spirituality emerged as a fundamental guidepost in Wholeheartedness. Not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves--a force grounded in love and compassion. For some of us that's God, for others it's nature, art, or even human soulfulness. I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.”
“Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. I often say that Wholeheartedness is like the North Star: We never really arrive, but we certainly know if we're headed in the right direction.”
“I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.”