JWA shabbat Raising awareness of domestic abuse and violence

Now Dinah, the daughter whom Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the daughters of the land. Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, chief of the country, saw her, and took her and lay with her by force. Being strongly drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and in love with the maiden, he spoke to the maiden tenderly. So Shechem said to his father Hamor, “Get me this girl as a wife.” Jacob heard that he had defiled his daughter Dinah; but since his sons were in the field with his cattle, Jacob kept silent until they came home.

Reish Lakish says: One who raises his hand to strike another, even if he ultimately does not strike him, is called wicked, as it is stated: “And two men of the Hebrews were struggling with each other, and he said to the wicked one: Why should you strike your friend?” (Exodus 2:13). The phrase: Why did you strike, is not stated, but rather: “Why should you strike,” indicating that one who raised his hand to strike another, even if he ultimately did not strike him, is called wicked.

§ The Sages taught: One who loves his wife as he loves himself, and who honors her more than himself, and who instructs his sons and daughters in an upright path, and who marries them off near the time when they reach maturity, about him the verse states: And you shall know that your tent is in peace. As a result of his actions, there will be peace in his home, as it will be devoid of quarrel and sin. One who loves his neighbors, and who draws his relatives close, and who marries the daughter of his sister, a woman he knows and is fond of as a family relative and not only as a wife, and who lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9). § The Gemara provides a mnemonic device for a series of statements cited in the name of Rabbi Elazar: Woman; and land; helper; this; two; the blessings; merchants; lowly. The Gemara presents these statements: Rabbi Elazar said: Any man who does not have a wife is not a man, as it is stated: “Male and female He created them…and called their name Adam” (Genesis 5:2). And Rabbi Elazar said: Any man who does not have his own land is not a man, as it is stated: “The heavens are the heavens of the Lord; but the earth He has given to the children of men” (Psalms 115:16).

The Sages taught: A person should always be willing to sell all he has in order to marry the daughter of a Torah scholar. If he cannot find the daughter of a Torah scholar, he should marry the daughter of one of the great people of the generation, who are pious although they are not Torah scholars. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the great people of the generation, he should marry the daughter of one of the heads of the congregations. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the heads of the congregations, he should marry the daughter of one of the charity collectors. If he cannot find the daughter of one of the charity collectors, he should marry the daughter of one of the schoolteachers. However, he should not marry the daughter of an ignoramus [am ha’aretz] because they are vermin and their wives are similar to a creeping animal, as their lifestyle involves the violation of numerous prohibitions. And with regard to their daughters the verse states: “Cursed is he who lies with an animal” (Deuteronomy 27:21), as they are similar to animals in that they lack any knowledge or moral sense.

If someones says, "I will not give food nor provide for [my wife]," we force him to give food. And if the court cannot force him to give food, such as one who doesn't have anything to provide and doesn't want to make money to become profitable and provide food [that way], if she wants, we force him to divorce her immediately and giver her her ketubah. The law is such to someone who does not want have sex. Rem"a: Similarly, a man who gets angry often and consistently kicks out his wife from his house, we force him to divorce her, for because of this he will not provide food for her sometimes, and he will separate from her from sexual relations more times than her rights to conjugal relations, and that is like refusal to provide food and sex [which are grounds for divorce] (Teshuvat HaRashba Siman 693). And see earlier Siman 70 and Siman 77. A man who hits his wife, has a transgression in his hand as much as striking his fellow. If he does this often, the court had the right to cause him pain and to excommunicate him, to whip him, to use all types of force, and to make him swear he will not do it again. And if he does not obey the court, some say we force him to divorce her, as long as he is warned one or twice, for it is not the way of Jews to hit their wives, that is the actions of the gentiles. This only applies when he starts it, but if she curses him for no reason, or mocks his father and mother, and she contradicts what he says and he has no authority over her, some say it is permitted to hit her. And some say that a bad wife is [also] prohibited to strike. The first opinion is the essential one. If it is not known who started it, the husband is not believed to say that she started it, for all women are assumed kosher, and they place others among them to see who is the bad one. And if she curses him for no reason, she is divorced without her ketubah. And it seems to me that this is only when this happens often, and after warning, as was explained earlier siman 115. If she left his house and borrowed [money] and ate [food], if she left because of him hitting her so often, he must pay her back (all of this note can be found in the Mordechai Perek Naara in the name of the Mohar"am and the B"Z Siman 88), and as is explained earlier Siman 70.