גָּלְתָה יְהוּדָה מֵעֹנִי וּמֵרֹב עֲבֹדָה הִיא יָשְׁבָה בַגּוֹיִם לֹא מָצְאָה מָנוֹחַ כָּל־רֹדְפֶיהָ הִשִּׂיגוּהָ בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים׃
Judah has gone into exile
Because of misery and harsh oppression;
When she settled among the nations,
She found no rest;
All her pursuers overtook her
In the narrow places (or: between the straits).
(6) The narrow places/straits. The boundaries of fields and vineyards.22From where there is no way to escape. (Palgei Mayim) The Midrash Aggadah [explains that it refers to the boundaries of time], i.e., between the seventeenth of Tammuz and the ninth of Av.
טוֹב לִזָּהֵר מִלּוֹמַר שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים עַל פְּרִי אוֹ עַל מַלְבּוּשׁ, אֲבָל עַל פִּדְיוֹן הַבֵּן אוֹמֵר, וְלֹא יַחְמִיץ הַמִּצְוָה וְכֵן בִּפְרִי שֶׁלֹּא יִמְצָא אַחַר ט' בְּאָב, מֻתָּר לְבָרֵךְ וּלְאָכְלוֹ בֵּין הַמְּצָרִים (בִּנְיָמִין זְאֵב סי' קס''ג וּתְשׁוּבַת מַהֲרִי''ל).
It is appropriate to refrain from pronouncing the blessing of שהחיינו/She-hecheyanu/Who has preserved us in life between the straits/בין המצרים (i.e., during the Three Weeks) for a new fruit or a garment. However, for the redemption of the first-born son one says this blessing, so as not to postpone the fulfillment of the mitzvah. Rema: Similarly, if the fruit is one that one will not find after the 9th of Av, one may say the blessing and eat it between the straits.
ראש חדש אב שחל להיות בשבת מפטירין חדשיכם ומועדיכם וכו'. ואנו נוהגין על פי הפסיקתא ומתקנת הראשונים ז"ל להיות קורין לפני תשעה באב תלת דפורענותא שמעו דבר ה' דברי ירמיהו חזון ישעיהו ולאחר תשעה באב שבע דנחמתא ותרתי דתיובתא.
We have the practice, based on the Pesikta and the decree of the Rishonim (earlier scholars) of reading 3 haftarot of calamity, "the words of Jeremiah" (Jeremiah 1:1-2:3), "Hear the word of the Name" (Jeremiah 2:4-28), and "the vision of Isaiah/chazon Yeshayahu" (Isaiah 1:1-27). After the 9th of Av, [we read] 7 haftarot of consolation and 2 haftarot of repentance. (see also Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, 428:8)
(א) כֵּיוָן שֶׁבְּשִׁבְעָה עָשָׂר בְּתַמּוּז הִתְחִילוּ צָרוֹת הַחֻרְבָּן, לָכֵן נוֹהֲגִין קְצָת אֲבֵלוּת מִיּוֹם זֶה עַד אַחַר תִּשְׁעָה בְּאָב. וְרָאוּי לְכָל יְרֵא שָׁמַיִם לַעֲשׂוֹת תִּקּוּן חֲצוֹת בְּכָל יוֹם לְאַחַר חֲצוֹת הַיּוֹם. אֵין נוֹשְׂאִין נָשִׁים, ....
(1) Since the Seventeenth of Tammuz, marks the beginning of the anguish of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, it is customary to observe a partial mourning, from that day until after Tishah beAv. It is proper for every God-fearing person to recite Tikun Chatzos (the special midnight order), daily, in the afternoon. No weddings are performed, ...
(ג) וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין שֶׁאֵין מִסְתַּפְּרִין בְּיָמִים אֵלּוּ, לֹא שַׂעֲרוֹת הָרֹאשׁ וְלֹא שְׂעַרוֹת הַזָּקָן וְלֹא כָּל שֵֹעַר שֶׁבְּגוּפוֹ. וְאָסוּר לַגְּדוֹלִים לְסַפֵּר אֶת הַקְּטַנִּים.
(3) It is the custom not to have one's hair cut during these days [that is, during the Three Weeks], neither the hair of the head, nor of the beard nor of any part of the body. Adults are forbidden to give minors a haircut.
What Mourning Means: Reflections of Rav Soloveitchik zt”l on the 3 Weeks and Tisha B’Av
On Tisha B’Av the sense of mourning and sadness is palpable. But, in truth, the observances of mourning begin long before Tisha B’Av itself. Already from the Seventeenth of Tamuz, at the start of the “Three Weeks” period, Ashkenazic communities minimize their involvement in pleasurable activities like getting married, taking haircuts and buying new clothing. From the beginning of the month of Av through Tisha B’Av, a period commonly referred to as the “Nine Days,” we refrain as well from doing laundry and from wearing freshly laundered clothing. Many men refrain from shaving. Tisha B’Av itself is certainly the most restrictive of the entire Three Weeks period, but the observances of aveilut (mourning) are not limited to that day alone.
Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik zt”l, (1903-1993) known to his many talmidim as the Rav, used to say that these three periods of time mirror the three periods of mourning that a child observes when losing a parent. Tisha B’Av is like the seven-day period of shiva when the sense of mourning is most intense. The “Nine Days” beginning with Rosh Chodesh Av are similar to the period of shloshim (30 days of mourning), and from the Seventeenth of Tammuz until the month of Av we observe laws of mourning similar to the twelve-month period of aveilut that a child observes after losing a parent.
What’s interesting, though, is that the order of observances is reversed. The child who loses a parent observes shiva first, then shloshim and then the twelve-month period of aveilut, while during the “Three Weeks” we first observe the aveilut of the twelve-month period, then shloshim, and only on Tisha B’Av do we keep to the restrictions of shiva. Why is the order changed when we mourn the loss of the Beit HaMikdash?
The Rav explained that there is a fundamental difference between aveilut chadasha (newly occurring, personal mourning), as the Rabbis refer to it (Yevamot 43b), and aveilut yeshana (ancient, annual mourning for the Beit HaMikdash). When a close relative passes away, the grief, the pain, the sense of loss come naturally and easily. It is therefore most appropriate to begin the observances of aveilut with shiva, the most intense expression of mourning. But after seven days, the avel is ready to take a step back. Although his loss is still very much on his mind, nevertheless his emotions have tempered; his feelings of sorrow have lessened. For him, the observances of shloshim are more fitting. By the end of thirty days, the avel has gained perspective on his loss. For most relatives, he is now able to conclude the observances of aveilut. Even for a parent, while he continues to mourn, he still reduces his aveilut once again.
In the case of aveilut yeshana (an older mourning), on the other hand, this progression is out of place. We have become so used to living in a world without the Beit HaMikdash, that it would be unfair to expect anyone to begin the “Three Weeks” with the observances of shiva. It simply would be unnatural for anyone to suddenly break down and cry over the loss of the Beit HaMikdash. The sense of mourning for the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash can be internalized only through gradual increments. Only by slowly increasing our observances of aveilut from the Seventeenth of Tamuz through the Nine Days, while at the same time reflecting on the significance of this Three-Week period, can we hope to approach the day of Tisha B’Av with the right frame of mind. By engaging in this three-week learning experience, we prepare ourselves mentally so that when the day of Tisha B’Av finally arrives, we are ready to grieve appropriately.