Shabbat Dinner: With A Side of Gender Awareness

Transition Ritual

“In our tradition leaving Egypt wasn’t an historical event alone. In our tradition, it was a personal and existential leaving as well.

"בְּכָל דּוֹר וָדוֹר חַיָּב אָדָם לִרְאוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ\עַצְמָהּ כְאִלּוּ הוּא יָצָא\ה מִמִּצְרַיִם” (In every generation a person must regard themselves as though they personally had gone out of Egypt)

Whenever we leave a narrow place, a place of constriction, painful servitute, a place where we are not authentically who we are, that leap taking, that transitioning, is an exodus. A freedom walk.

Rabbi David Ingber, Romemu

"The Jewish values and principles which I regard as eternal, transcendent and divinely ordained, do not condemn homosexuality. The Judaism I cherish and affirm teaches love of humanity, respect for the spark of divinity in every person, and the human right to live with dignity. The G-d I worship endorses loving, responsible, and committed human relationships, regardless of the sex of the persons involved."

- Janet Marder, "Jewish and Gay," Keeping Posted 32, 2; November, 1986.

Midrash - Codified in the 6th Century

(א) ויאמר אלהים נעשה אדם בצלמנו כדמותנו. אמר רבי ירמיה בן אלעזר: בשעה שברא הקדוש ברוך הוא את אדם הראשון, אנדרוגינוס בראו, הדא הוא דכתיב: זכר ונקבה בראם. אמר רבי שמואל בר נחמן: בשעה שברא הקב"ה את אדם הראשון, דיו פרצופים בראו ונסרו ועשאו גביים, גב לכאן וגב לכאן. איתיבון ליה, והכתיב: ויקח אחת מצלעותיו?! אמר להון: מתרין סטרוהי, היך מה דאת אמר: (שמות כו): ולצלע המשכן, דמתרגמינן ולסטר משכנא וגו'. רבי תנחומא בשם רבי בנייה ורבי ברכיה בשם ר"א אמר: בשעה שברא הקדוש ברוך הוא את אדם הראשון גולם בראו, והיה מוטל מסוף העולם ועד סופו, הדא הוא דכתיב: (תהלים קלט) גלמי ראו עיניך וגו'.

(1) And God said: Let us make Adam in our image, in our shape: R' Yirmiyah ben Elazar said, when Hashem created Adam HaRishon, he was created as both genders; thus is it written, "male and female did He create them." R' Shmuel bar Nachman said, when Hashem created Adam HaRishon, He created him with two faces, one on each side, and [when He made Chavah,] He split him along the middle, forming two backs. They challenged him: but it is written, "And He took one of his ribs!" He said to them, ["mitzalosav" doesn't mean rib, it means] one of his sides, similar to that which is said, "and to the 'tzela' of the Mishkan," which is translated "the side of the Mishkan." R' Tanchuma said in the name of R' Benaya, when Hashem created Adam HaRishon, He created him as a lifeless mass able to reach from one end of the Earth to the other; thus is it written, "Your eyes saw a mass."

The Midrash, classical Jewish exegesis, adds that the [first human] being formed in G-d's likeness, was an androgynous, an inter-sexed, person . . . Hence, our tradition teaches that all bodies and genders are created in G-d's image, whether we identify as men, women, inter-sex, or something else. (Rabbi Elliot Kukla, Reform Devises Sex-Change Blessings)

Medieval Kabbalah

In the last few decades, Kabbalah has enjoyed an unlikely resurgence, from high-profile celebrities such as Madonna to many ‘‘New Age’’ seekers, including, notably, feminists and queer people interested in alternatives to traditional Western religious discourse. And Kabbalah often delivers: feminine God-language, experiential mysticism and mythic esotericism, and a richer notion of Eros than one typically finds in mainline synagogues or churches.

Is it possible to attempt queer readings of Kabbalistic text and symbolism that are at once honest with the texts and yet of use to a contemporary queer theology?

("Kabbalah and Queer Theology")

R' Yosef Kaaro - Shilchon Aruch רבי יוסף קארו - המחבר 17th Century Ottoman Palestine

I have already revealed to you last Shabbat concerning your first two wives. Now I have come to reveal to you the secret your third wife.

You should know that this woman was in the past, a proper Torah scholar. However, he was stingy with his money and would not give charity. He was also stingy with his wisdom and would not teach others. He was therefore punished that his soul migrated into a woman, measure for measure…

Therefore, his soul was incarnated into a female, who is constantly receiving and needs someone to bequeath to her. Therefore you see, that she does abundant charity and loves you very much because you work to spread Torah and toil in writing books to teach others…because these things bring about the rectification of her soul, she therefore loves you…

It is because she has the soul of a male that you have not had children from her, because a male and another male cannot produce offspring. If you shall point out that she has children from her first husband, this is because the first husband has the spark of a female soul within him…

(The magid explains at length above, that it is entirely possible for a male to have a female soul and vice versa.)

שער הגלגולים, הקדמה ט'

גם דע, כי לפעמים יתגלגל האיש בגוף נקבה.

Sha'ar Hagilgulim, Chapter 9

Sometimes a man may reincarnate into the body of a woman.

Hasidism - Contemporary

‘‘The Hasidic teaching is the proclamation of rebirth. No renewal of Judaism is possible that does not bear in itself the elements of Hasidism.’’

- Martin Buber

ספר רזין דאורייתא, בשם הרבי ר' מיכל מזלאטשוב

אולם הכוונה, דנודע אשר יצחק נולד בנשמת נוקבא, וכמו שכתב בעל אור החיים הק', ועל ידי העקדה היה לו נשמת דכר להשפיע. ועל פי זה מובן למה לא נמצא באדם יותר עקרה מאשר מבבהמה, אשר בפסוק נשתוו זה לזה בברכה, לא יהיה בך ובבהמתך עקר ועקרה, רק זאת נודע סדר הגלגולים. ולפעמים נקבה תסובב גבר כי בסבת הגלגול נשמת נקבה תבוא בזכר, כאשר י'תרעם ה'גלגל ו'יתרעש ה'חוזר לבוא בגלגול שני ושלישי. ואם נקבה אשר תסובב בגבר, שני נקבות אינם מולידים, רק עח ידי מעשי הטוב מחליפין הנשמה, וליצחק החליפו הנשמה. לפיכך לו ולא לה, כי יצחק היה צריך לאותו דבר ולא רבקה:

Translation by Abby Stein​​​​​​​

18th Century Hasidus -

Teaching from Rabbi Yechiel Michael from Zloczow (1731-1786)

It is known that when Issac was born, he was born with the soul of a female, as it is written in Or Hachaim, and through the akeidah (binding of Issac) he got a male soul that can influence (meaning, can impregnate). [With that we can understand why they more infertile humans than animals, even though that they both got the same blessing "It will not be within you and within your animals infertility".] But, this is known according to the Sod (Secret/Mysticism) of reincarnation - that at times, a female would be in a male body, because in the reasons of gilgal (reincarnation) the soul of a female would come to be in a male. ... that is why it says by Issac that Hashem (Divine) answered to him and not to her (Rebecca), because he needed divine help to be able to have kids.

ספר אבן בוחן, רבי קלונימוס בן קלונימוס

אוי למי שבניו זכרים: הוטל עליהם עול כבד סיגים וגדרים... חקים חוקים ומצות נוראות, שלשה עשר ושש מאות: ומי האיש הלזה, שיקיים מה שכתב בזה?

אילו בראני, אומן שעשאני, אשה הגונה - היום הייתי חכמת לב ובעלת בינה. בידיה טוו אני ורעיותי מחזיקות בפלך מוזרת לבנה, מספרות זו עם זו פעם באור פעם באפלות, דברי הימים והבלי טפלות...

ולעתים מזומנים כדרך נשים כמשפט הבנות, בתוך האפר אשכבה בין שפתים, מקום שפיחת הקדרות בין תנור וכירים, חוטבת עצים וחותה בגחלים, וטועמת מיני תבשילים. ולמועד ורגלים, הנזם על אפי והעגילים...

ולקץ ימים בהגיע פרקי ומזלי, בחור טוב יעלה בגורלי: יאהבני אישי יושביני בקתדרא, יעדה עדי זהב על מעילי, הנטיפות והשירות וגם כל חלי. וביום מועד, בעדן חדוה והכנסת כלה ובשבוע הבן, תרבה שמחתי וגילי...

חוק ומוסר לא יפרע, ועונתי לא יגרע: שבת בשבתו וחדש בחדשו, עלי יניח צדיק ראשו: שלש אלה יעשה לי כמצות שוכן מעונה: שאר כסות ועונה. גם אני שלש כנגד שלש אשמור ואקים, שלשה המה לא נפלאו ממני ולא רחוקים: דם ואש וחלת לחם... עליהם אין להוסיף במספר ומנין, אין לשאול אחריהן: הני נשים במאי זכיין?

אבִינוּ שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם / שֶׁעָשִׂיתָ נִסִּים לַאֲבוֹתֵינוּ בָּאֵשׁ וּבַמַּיִם / הָפַכְתָּ אוּר כַּשְׂדִים לְבַל תִּשְׂרֹף בְּחֻמָּהּ / וְהָפַכְתָּ דִּינָה בִּמְעֵי אִמָּהּ / וְהָפַכְתָּ הַמַּטֶה נָחָשׁ לְעֵינֵי אַלְפֵי רִבְבָן / וְהָפַכְתָּ הַיָּד הַטְּהוֹרָה לָבָן / וְהָפַכְתָּ יַם סוּף לְיַבָּשָׁה / וְקַרְקַע הַיָּם אֶרֶץ נְגוּבָה וְקָשָׁה / הַהוֹפְכִי הַצּוֹר אֲגַם מַיִם / חַלָּמִישׁ לְמַעְיְנוֹ מָיִם / מִי יִתֵּן וְתַהְפְכֵנִי מִזָּכָר לִנְקֵבָה! / אִלּוּ זָכִיתִי לְכָךְ כַּמָּה חֲנַנְתַּנִי טוֹבָה / גְּבֶרֶת הַבַּיִת הָיִיתִי וְחָנִיתִי לְבֵיתִי מִצָּבָא / וּמָה אֲדַבֵּר וּמָה אֹמַר / לָמָּה אֶבְכֶּה וְלָמָּה אֶתְמַרְמָר / אִם אָבִי שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם גָּזַר עָלַי / וְנָתַן בִּי מוּם קָבוּעַ אִי אֶפְשָׁר לַהֲסִירוֹ מֵעָלָי / וְהַדְּאָגָה בְּמַה שֶּׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר כְּאֵב אָנוּשׁ וָחֵבֶל / וְלֹא יוֹעִילוּ בָהּ תַּנְחוּמִין שֶׁל הֶבֶל / אָמַרְתִּי אֶשָּׂא וְאֶסְבֹּל / עַד אֶגְוַע וְאֶבֹּל / וְאַחַר שֶׁכָּךְ לָמַדְתִּי מִפִּי הַשְּׁמוּעָה / שֶׁמְּבָרְכִין עַל הַטּוֹבָה וְעַל הָרָעָה / אֲבָרֵךְ בְּקוֹל נָמוּךְ בְּשָׂפָה חֲלוּשָׁה / בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ שֶׁלֹּא עָשַׂנִי אִשָּׁה.

Since I have learned from our tradition / that we bless both, the good and the bitter / I will bless in a voice / hushed and weak / Blessed are you God / who has not made me a woman. Translated by Rabbi Steve Greenberg

Even Bohan, Kalonymus ben Kalonymus

What an awful fate for my mother / that she bore a son. What a loss of all benefit!...Cursed be the one who announced to my father: "It's a boy! . . . "Woe to him who has male sons / Upon them a heavy yoke has been placed / restrictions and constraints. Some in private, some in public / some to avoid the mere appearance of violation / and some entering the most secret of places.Strong statutes and awesome commandments / six hundred and thirteen / who is the man who can do all that is written / so that he might be spared?Oh, but had the artisan who made me created me instead - a fair woman. Today I would be wise and insightful. We would weave, my friends and I / and in the moonlight spin our yarn / and tell our stories to one another / from dusk till midnight / we'd tell of the events of our day, silly things / matters of no consequence.But also I would grow very wise from the spinning / and I would say, "Happy is she who know how to work with combed flax and weave it into fine white linen."And at times, in the way of women, I would lie down on the kitchen floor, between the ovens, turn the coals, and taste the different dishes. On holidays I would put on my best jewelry. I would beat on the drum / and my clapping hands would ring. And when I was ready and the time was right / an excellent youth (husband) would be my fortune.He would love me, place me on a pedestal /dress me in jewels of gold / earrings, bracelets, necklaces.And on the appointed day, in the season of joy when brides are wed, for seven days would the boy increase my delight and gladness. Were I hungry, he would feed me well-kneaded bread. Were I thirsty, he would quench me with light and dark wine. He would not chastise nor harshly treat me, and my [sexual] pleasure he would not diminish / every Shabbath, and each new moon / his head would rest upon my breast.The three husbandly duties he would fulfill / rations, raiment, and regular intimacy. And three wifely duties would I also fulfill, [watching for menstrual] blood, [Sabbath candle] lights, and bread. . .

Father in heaven / who did miracles for our ancestors / with fire and water / You changed the fire of Chaldees so it would not burn hot / You changed Dina in the womb of her mother to a girl / You changed the staff to a snake before a million eyes / You changed (Moses') hand to (leprous) white / and the sea to dry land. In the desert you turned rock to water / hard flint to a fountain.Who would then turn me from a man to woman? Were I only to have merited this / being so graced by goodness ... What shall I say? why cry or be bitter? If my father in heaven has decreed upon me / and has maimed me with an immutable deformity / then I do not wish to remove it. the sorrow of the impossible / is a human pain that nothing will cure / and for which no comfort can be found. So, I will bear and suffer / until I die and wither in the ground. >

I realized that all forms of religion are masks that the divine wears to communicate with us. Behind all religions there’s a reality, and this reality wears whatever clothes it needs to speak to a particular people.

- Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, The December Project: An Extraordinary Rabbi and a Skeptical Seeker Confront Life’s Greatest Mystery

במקום שיר אהבה - יהודה עמיחי

כמו שמ"לא תבשל גדי בחלב אמו",

עשו את כל החקים הרבים של כשרות,

אבל הגדי שכוח והחלב שכוח והאם שכוחה,

כך מ"אני אוהב אותך"

עשינו את כל חיינו יחדו.

אבל אני לא שכחתי אותך

כפי שהיית אז.

Instead of love - Yehuda Amichai

From “thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother’s milk”

they made the many lawas of Kashrut

but the kid is forgotten and the milk is forgotten and

the mother is forgotten.

In this way from “I love you”

we made all our life together.

But I’ve not forgotten you

as you were then.


Check out my website - The Second Transition: www.thesecondtransition,blogspot.com

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