#MeToo Topics: Locker Room Talk, Consent, and Victim-Blaming

(14) You shall not curse the deaf, or place a stumbling block before the blind. You shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

(1) ...Even thought we do not have the power to know in which way a curse impacts upon the one cursed, and with what power within speech there is to bring [that impact] upon him, we know more generally that people are concerned about curses - whether Israel or other nations - and say that curses of people, and even curses of commoners, have an impact on the one cursed and attaches malediction and distress to him...

But cursing the deaf - since he/she can’t hear or feel hurt because of the curse - behold, there is no sin in the matter. Therefore, the Torah teaches us that cursing the deaf is forbidden, and it warns about it, since the Torah is concerned not only with the one who is cursed, but also with the one who curses, who is warned not to be vindictive and hot-tempered.

Likewise, if there is a spring that runs before an object of idol worship, one may not bend down and drink from it, because he appears to be bowing down to the object of idol worship; but if he is not seen, it is permitted. The Gemara asks: What does the baraita mean when it states: If he is not seen? If we say it means that he is not seen by others, doesn’t Rav Yehuda say that Rav says: Wherever the Sages prohibited an action due to the appearance of prohibition, it is prohibited even in the innermost chambers. Rather, say: If he is not seen as one who bows down to an object of idol worship, i.e., he turns his side or back to the idol, then it is permitted.

(23) In the case of a virgin who is engaged to a man—if a man comes upon her in town and lies with her, (24) you shall take the two of them out to the gate of that town and stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry for help in the town, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. Thus you will sweep away evil from your midst. (25) But if the man comes upon the engaged girl in the open country, and the man lies with her by force, only the man who lay with her shall die, (26) but you shall do nothing to the girl. The girl did not incur the death penalty, for this case is like that of a man attacking another and murdering him. (27) He came upon her in the open; though the engaged girl cried for help, there was no one to save her. (28) If a man comes upon a virgin who is not engaged and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are discovered, (29) the man who lay with her shall pay the girl’s father fifty [shekels of] silver, and she shall be his wife. Because he has violated her, he can never have the right to divorce her.

(12) Similarly, the sages forbade a man to have marital relations while thinking of another woman. Nor may he initiate sex while drunk, nor out of spite or hatred, nor may he rape her or initiate sex while she is afraid. Nor may they have sex while either of them are excommunicated nor after he has decided to divorce her. If [the husband] does any of those things, the children will not be proper [citizens] but brazen, rebellious [people] and criminals.

Sexual relations are considered a dimension of Sabbath pleasure. Therefore Torah scholars fulfill their marital obligations once a week, on the Shabbat.

(1) Now Dinah, the daughter whom Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the daughters of the land. (2) Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, chief of the country, saw her, and took her and lay with her by force (lit., abused/oppressed). (3) Being strongly drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and in love with the maiden, he spoke to the maiden tenderly. (4) So Shechem said to his father Hamor, “Get me this girl as a wife.” (5) Jacob heard that he had defiled his daughter Dinah; but since his sons were in the field with his cattle, Jacob kept silent until they came home. (6) Then Shechem’s father Hamor came out to Jacob to speak to him. (7) Meanwhile Jacob’s sons, having heard the news, came in from the field. The men were distressed and very angry, because he had committed an outrage in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter—a thing not to be done. (8) And Hamor spoke with them, saying, “My son Shechem longs for your daughter. Please give her to him in marriage. (9) Intermarry with us: give your daughters to us, and take our daughters for yourselves: (10) You will dwell among us, and the land will be open before you; settle, move about, and acquire holdings in it.” (11) Then Shechem said to her father and brothers, “Do me this favor, and I will pay whatever you tell me. (12) Ask of me a bride-price ever so high, as well as gifts, and I will pay what you tell me; only give me the maiden for a wife.” (13) Jacob’s sons answered Shechem and his father Hamor—speaking with guile because he had defiled their sister Dinah— (14) and said to them, “We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to a man who is uncircumcised, for that is a disgrace among us. (15) Only on this condition will we agree with you; that you will become like us in that every male among you is circumcised. (16) Then we will give our daughters to you and take your daughters to ourselves; and we will dwell among you and become as one kindred. (17) But if you will not listen to us and become circumcised, we will take our daughter and go.” (18) Their words pleased Hamor and Hamor’s son Shechem. (19) And the youth lost no time in doing the thing, for he wanted Jacob’s daughter. Now he was the most respected in his father’s house. (20) So Hamor and his son Shechem went to the public place of their town and spoke to their fellow townsmen, saying, (21) “These people are our friends; let them settle in the land and move about in it, for the land is large enough for them; we will take their daughters to ourselves as wives and give our daughters to them. (22) But only on this condition will the men agree with us to dwell among us and be as one kindred: that all our males become circumcised as they are circumcised. (23) Their cattle and substance and all their beasts will be ours, if we only agree to their terms, so that they will settle among us.” (24) All who went out of the gate of his town heeded Hamor and his son Shechem, and all males, all those who went out of the gate of his town, were circumcised. (25) On the third day, when they were in pain, Simeon and Levi, two of Jacob’s sons, brothers of Dinah, took each his sword, came upon the city unmolested, and slew all the males. (26) They put Hamor and his son Shechem to the sword, took Dinah out of Shechem’s house, and went away. (27) The other sons of Jacob came upon the slain and plundered the town, because their sister had been defiled. (28) They seized their flocks and herds and asses, all that was inside the town and outside; (29) all their wealth, all their children, and their wives, all that was in the houses, they took as captives and booty. (30) Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me, making me odious among the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites and the Perizzites; my men are few in number, so that if they unite against me and attack me, I and my house will be destroyed.” (31) But they answered, “Should our sister be treated like a whore?”

(5) The reason the Torah describes Dinah as ”Dinah the daughter of Leah went out,” when we all know she was Leah’s daughter is because she was trying to attract attention to herself; she had bedecked herself (Bereshit Rabbah 80,1). She proved to be a true daughter of her mother who had also attracted attention to herself by leaving her tent as we have been told in 30,16. Scripture is critical of women who leave the security and modest environment of their homes unnecessarily. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 7,11-12 “She is loud and rebellious, her feet would not stay home. Now outside, now in the streets, she lurks at every corner.” David had written about a woman who stays at home. that “the true measure of a princess is found in the fact that she remains indoors.” (Psalms 45,14) When the angels asked Avraham where Sarah was, he answered: “here she is in the tent (Genesis 18,9).”

.And it is written: And went into the house and leaned his hand on the wall, And a serpent bit him. And when Yaacov arrives to his property in Eretz Canaan, the snake bit him. And how is this snake? Shchem Ben Hamor! For the daughter of Yaakov dwelled in tents and would not go outside.

What did Shchem do? He brought (female) drummers outside of her tent and when they drummed, Dina went out to see "the daughters of the land" (these drummers). It was at this moment that Shchem stole her and slept with her...

(1) “He slept with her and abused her.” According to Rashi the word "he slept with her" describes normal intercourse, whereas the word "abused her" describes a more perverted method of sexual intercourse.

And Rabbi Abraham (Ibn Ezra) understands the word "and abused her" as describing the pain involved in her having intercourse as she had been a virgin.

And Nachmanides writes that there is no need for all these explanations, seeing that any intercourse in which the woman is being raped is described in the Bible as "abuse/oppression", i.e. that is the meaning of the word "and abused her". In this instance, intercourse by mutual consent appears to have preceded the rape. The opposite was the case in the rape of Tamar by her half-brother Amnon. (Samuel II 13). There the rape is mentioned before the sexual intercourse. Some commentators suggest that Dinah had first been seduced, whereas Amnon never bothered to seduce Tamar.

§ Apropos the discussion of the obligation to allow oneself to be killed rather than engage in forbidden sexual intercourse, the Gemara notes that Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: There was an incident involving a certain man who set his eyes upon a certain woman and passion rose in his heart, to the point that he became deathly ill. And they came and asked doctors what was to be done with him. And the doctors said: He will have no cure until she engages in sexual intercourse with him. The Sages said: Let him die, and she may not engage in sexual intercourse with him. The doctors said: She should at least stand naked before him. The Sages said: Let him die, and she may not stand naked before him. The doctors suggested: The woman should at least converse with him behind a fence in a secluded area, so that he should derive a small amount of pleasure from the encounter. The Sages insisted: Let him die, and she may not converse with him behind a fence. The Gemara comments: Rabbi Ya’akov bar Idi and Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani disagree about this issue. One of them says: The woman in question was a married woman, and the other one says: She was unmarried. The Gemara tries to clarify the issue: Granted, according to the one who says that she was a married woman, the matter is properly understood. Since the case involved a severely prohibited forbidden relationship, the Sages did not allow any activity hinting at intimacy. But according to the one who says that she was unmarried, what is the reason for all this opposition? Why did the Sages say that the man must be allowed to die, rather than have the woman do as was requested? Rav Pappa says: This is due to the potential family flaw, i.e., harm to the family name, as it is not permitted to bring disgrace to the entire family in order to save the lovesick man. Rav Aḥa, son of Rav Ika, says: This is so that the daughters of Israel should not be promiscuous with regard to forbidden sexual relations. Were they to listen to the doctors’ recommendations, Jewish women might lose moral restraint.

It was related that Rav, and Rabbi Ḥanina, and Rabbi Yoḥanan, and Rav Ḥaviva taught the statement cited below. The Gemara comments: Throughout the order of Moed, wherever this pair of Sages is mentioned, exchange Rabbi Yoḥanan and insert Rabbi Yonatan in his place. In any event, they said: Anyone who had the capability to effectively protest the sinful conduct of the members of his household and did not protest, he himself is apprehended for the sins of the members of his household and punished. If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the people of his town, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the people of his town. If he is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the whole world, and he fails to do so, he is apprehended for the sins of the whole world.

At the end of the story, the verse states: “Then Amnon hated her with exceeding, great hatred, for greater was the hatred with which he hated her than the love with which he had loved her” (II Samuel 13:15). The Gemara asks: What is the reason for Amnon’s intense hatred? Rabbi Yitzḥak says: While he raped her, a hair [nima] of hers became tied around his penis and caused him to be one whose penis has been severed...The verse relates that after Amnon raped her: “And Tamar put ashes on her head and rent her garment of many colors that was on her” (II Samuel 13:19). The Sages taught in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korḥa: Tamar established a great fence at that time by way of her public outcry, as people said: If such an occurrence could happen to the daughters of kings, all the more so could it happen to the daughters of ordinary people. If such an occurrence could happen to modest women like Tamar, who resisted, all the more so could it happen to licentious women. Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: At that time they decreed about seclusion, that a man should not be secluded with women who are forbidden to him, and about a single woman.