Beauty - Asset or liability?

MISHNA: The halakhic authorities may broach dissolution for a person by raising the issue of his own honor and the honor of his children. For example, if he took a vow that resulted in his needing to divorce his wife, they may say to him: Had you known that tomorrow people will say about you: This is the habit [veset] of so-and-so, that he divorces his wives due to vows, and they will say about your daughters: They are daughters of divorce, or they will ask: What did their mother see to divorce, thereby giving them a bad reputation. And if the man who vowed said: Had I known it was so, I would not have vowed, it is dissolved. The mishna continues: If a man said: Marrying ugly so-and-so is konam for me, and she is in fact beautiful, or if, in vowing not to marry her, he called her black, and she is in fact white, or if, in vowing not to marry her, he called her short, and she is in fact tall, he is permitted to her. Not because she was ugly and became beautiful, black and became white, or short and became tall, but rather, because the vow was mistaken from the outset. The Gemara relates: And an incident occurred with regard to one who vowed against deriving benefit from the daughter of his sister, as he did not wish to marry her. And they brought her into the house of Rabbi Yishmael and he beautified her. When she was later brought before the one who took the vow, Rabbi Yishmael said to him: My son, did you vow that you would not derive benefit from this woman? He said to him: No, and Rabbi Yishmael permitted her to him, as he demonstrated that the vow had been made in error. At that time Rabbi Yishmael wept and said: The daughters of Israel are beautiful, but poverty makes them ugly. And when Rabbi Yishmael died, the daughters of Israel raised a lamentation, saying: Daughters of Israel, weep for Rabbi Yishmael. And it likewise states about Saul, who also concerned himself with the welfare of the daughters of Israel: “Daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you in scarlet with other delights, who put ornaments of gold upon your apparel” (II Samuel 1:24).

§ The Sages taught: How does one dance before the bride, i.e., what does one recite while dancing at her wedding? Beit Shammai say: One recites praise of the bride as she is, emphasizing her good qualities. And Beit Hillel say: One recites: A beautiful and graceful bride. Beit Shammai said to Beit Hillel: In a case where the bride was lame or blind, does one say with regard to her: A beautiful and graceful bride? But the Torah states: “Keep you from a false matter” (Exodus 23:7). Beit Hillel said to Beit Shammai: According to your statement, with regard to one who acquired an inferior acquisition from the market, should another praise it and enhance its value in his eyes or condemn it and diminish its value in his eyes? You must say that he should praise it and enhance its value in his eyes! From here the Sages said: A person’s disposition should always be empathetic with mankind, and treat everyone courteously. In this case too, once the groom has married his bride, one praises her as being beautiful and graceful. When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, he said: This is what they sing before brides in the West, in Eretz Yisrael: No eye shadow, and no rouge, and no braiding of the hair, and yet she is comparable to a graceful ibex [ayelet chen; ayelet means to go up]. The Gemara relates: When the Sages ordained Rabbi Zeira, this is what they metaphorically sang with regard to him in his praise: No eye shadow, and no rouge, and no braiding of the hair, and yet she is comparable to a graceful ibex.

(11) [Maharal repeats verbatim Bavli Ketubot 17b] This is the explanation. [What Beit Hillel said] Is not considered a lie; even though the bride is not beautiful and graceful, but in the eyes of the groom who chose her, she certainly is, and our praise is not an objective appraisal, but rather to acknowledge that her groom has found her worthy. After all, the groom has chosen to marry her, and she has found favor in his eyes. Therefore, it is written that: When a person makes a bad deal in the marketplace should you praise his purchase to him or should you disparage it? This means that it is not sensible to disparage his purchase after the fact, after all he likes what he bought. It is thus with the bride as well; we come not to praise her in the objective sense, but we come to honor the choice the groom has made because he thinks she is lovely. But what they say in the West: “No powder and no paint and no waving [of the hair], and still she ascends in grace.” This is more appropriate because in actuality she ascends in grace before the groom, and there is no deceit at all. For the grace is perceived by the one who is marrying her. This is why the verse states that "one should stay far away from deceit" (Exodus 23:7) — as far away as possible; one should not utter something entirely untrue. For grace is always in the eye of the beholder, as it is written: “And all who saw Esther found her to be graceful. (Esther 2:15)” Certainly not everyone held this opinion, but in the end, one found grace in her, and that was her groom. This is why it is not considered to be a lie. And this is clear.

(20) Elisha ben Abuya says: One who learns as a child is compared to what? To ink written on new parchment. And one who learns as an elder is compared to what? To ink written on scraped parchment. Rabbi Yose bar Yehuda, man of Kfar HaBavli, says: One who learns from young ones is compared to what? To one who eats unripe grapes and drinks wine from its press. And one who learns from elders is compared to what? To one who eats ripe grapes and drinks aged wine. Rebbi says: Do not look at the jug but rather at what is in it. For there are new jugs full of old, and old that do not have even new within them.