(א) "שְׁמַע בְּנִי מוּסַר אָבִיךָ, וְאַל תִּטֹּשׁ תּוֹרַת אִמֶּךָ" (משלי א ח).
(1) "Listen, my son, to the thought of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother." (Proverbs 1:8)
Notes: Two important words in the Hebrew, mussar and Torat. Plainly, ethics and Torah. It is the parents' responsibility to be role models of good behavior and to teach Torah or find a teacher of Judaism for their children. Ramban chose this verse from Proverbs because of its depth; discusses the 5th commandment of honoring parents, studying Torah, and being a mensch.
(ב) תִּתְנַהֵג תָּמִיד לְדַבֵּר כָּל דְּבָרֶיךָ בְּנַחַת, לְכָל אָדָם וּבְכָל עֵת, וּבַזֶּה תִּנָּצֵל מִן הַכַּעַס, שֶׁהִיא מִדָּה רָעָה לְהַחְטִיא בְּנֵי אָדָם. וְכֵן אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ ז"ל (נדרים כב ע"א): כָּל הַכּוֹעֵס – כָּל מִינֵי גֵיהִנּוֹם שׁוֹלְטִים בּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (קהלת יא י): "וְהָסֵר כַּעַס מִלִּבֶּךָ, וְהַעֲבֵר רָעָה מִבְּשָׂרֶךָ". וְאֵין "רָעָה" אֶלָּא גֵיהִנּוֹם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי טז ד): "וְגַם רָשָׁע לְיוֹם רָעָה".
(2) Accustom yourself to always speak all of your words calmly, to every man and at every time. In doing so you will prevent your anger from flaring, which is a bad attribute in a man which may cause him to sin. And accordingly said our Rabbis, may their memories be a blessing: (Nedarim 22a) "Anyone who gets angry - all of Gehinnom holds sway over him, as it says: (Kohelet 11:10) 'And remove the anger from your heart, and take away the bad from your flesh', and 'bad' can only mean Gehinnom, as it says (Proverbs 16:4): 'And the sinner, he too, will have his day of bad'."
Ch 1 in Artscroll (pages 27-29). Emphasize thinking before speaking. Taking those extra few seconds before typing out a reaction on social media or before criticizing someone in a meeting. On page 29, going along with the intro where the Ramban quoted King Solomon in his intro, we can find another great source from Solomon in Ecclesiastes 9:17, "The words on the wise, spoken gently, are heard." It takes the bigger person to not be the loudest in the room.
Ch 2 in Artscroll (pages 30-32). The Chofetz Chaim (late 19th-early 20th c Poland), known for his works on proper speech, says if you are approached for a loan or charity and can’t afford it, soft and gentle words can fulfill the deed. Great stories of tzadikkim, rabbis who are revered but even they have flaws. The Chofetz Chaim was known to pray in the middle of the night to help overcome his feeling of anger.
Ch 3 in Artscroll (pages 33-35). Talmud tells us before you take someone as a friend, observe him when he is angered. His conduct under pressure will tell you volumes about his true nature. Another verse in the Talmus says this about anger: whoever loses his temper - if he is a scholar he will lose his wisdom; if he is a prophet, he will lose his holy spirit (Pesachim 65b). Other middot, character traits, we should have a balance of. Avoiding one extreme of any one trait. But Rambam/Maimonides said anger is the exception.
Ch 4 in Artscroll (pages 36-38). Gehinnom is like 'hell' where wicked go to have their souls cleansed before Olam Haba, next world. 12 months cleansed. Very wicked can't survive. Reason we say Kaddish for 12 months. Interesting, Talmud says we can almost be tortured here on earth for our behavior. Order hot drink, get cold drink. Reach for 3 coins, only have 2. You don't want all your pleasure on earth otherwise you will suffer then for eternity. Talmud says if you go 40 days without discomfort it should be concerning because you need to suffer a little.
(ג) וְכַאֲשֶׁר תִּנָּצֵל מִן הַכַּעַס, תַּעֲלֶה עַל לִבְּךָ מִדַּת הָעֲנָוָה, שֶׁהִיא מִדָּה טוֹבָה מִכָּל מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי כב ד): "עֵקֶב עֲנָוָה, יִרְאַת ה'".
(3) When you will have freed yourself from anger, the quality of humility will enter your heart which is the best of all good traits, as is written(Mishlei 22:4), "The return for humility is fear of G-d."
(ד) וּבַעֲבוּר הָעֲנָוָה, תַּעֲלֶה עַל לִבְּךָ מִדַּת הַיִּרְאָה, כִּי תִתֵּן אֶל לִבְּךָ תָּמִיד: מֵאַיִן בָּאתָ, וּלְאַן אַתָּה הוֹלֵךְ; וְשֶׁאַתָּה רִמָּה וְתוֹלֵעָה בְּחַיֶּיךָ, וְאַף כִּי בְּמוֹתָךְ; וְלִפְנֵי מִי אַתָּה עָתִיד לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן, לִפְנֵי מֶלֶךְ הַכָּבוֹד, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דה"ב ו יח): "הִנֵּה שָׁמַיִם וּשְׁמֵי הַשָׁמַיִם לֹא יְכַלְכְּלוּךָ", אַף כִּי לִבּוֹת בְּנֵי אָדָם (ע"פ משלי טו יא). וְנֶאֱמַר (ירמיהו כג כד): "הֲלֹא אֵת הַשָׁמַיִם וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ אֲנִי מָלֵא, נְאֻם ה'".
(4) Through humility you will also come to fear God. It will cause you to always think about (Pirkei Avot 3:1) "where you came from and where you are going," and that while alive you are only like a maggot and a worm as after death, and before Whom you will eventually stand for judgment, the Glorious King, as it is written (I Kings 8:27) (Chronicles II 6:18) "Even the heaven and the heavens of heaven cannot contain You" -- "How much less the hearts of people!"(Mishlei 15:11), It is also written (Jeremiah 23:24), "Do I not fill heaven and earth? says the Lord."
(ה) וְכַאֲשֶׁר תַּחֲשֹׁב אֶת כָּל אֵלֶּה, תִּירָא מִבּוֹרְאֶךָ וְתִשָּׁמֵר מִן הַחֵטְא, וּבַמִּדוֹת הָאֵלֶּה תִּהְיֶה שָֹמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקֶךָ. וְכַאֲשֶׁר תִּתְנַהֵג בְּמִדַּת הָעֲנָוָה לְהִתְבּוֹשֵׁשׁ מִכָּל אָדָם, וּלְהִתְפַּחֵד מִמֶּנּוּ וּמִן הַחֵטְא – אָז תִּשְׁרֶה עָלֶיךָ רוּחַ הַשְּׁכִינָה, וְזִיו כְּבוֹדָהּ, וְחַיֵּי עוֹלָם הַבָּא.
(5) When you think about all these things, you will come to fear God who created you, and you will protect yourself from sinning and thereby be happy with whatever happens to you. Also, when you act humbly and modestly before everyone, and fear God and sin, the radiance of His glory and the spirit of the Shechina (Divine Presence) will rest upon you, and you will live the life of the World to Come!
(ו) וְעַתָּה בְּנִי דַע וּרְאֵה, כִּי הַמִּתְגָּאֶה בְּלִבּוֹ עַל הַבְּרִיוֹת – מוֹרֵד הוּא בְּמַלְכוּת שָׁמַיִם, כִּי מִתְפָּאֵר הוּא בִּלְבוּשׁ מַלְכוּת שָׁמַיִם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים צג א): "ה' מָלָךְ גֵּאוּת לָבֵש", וגו'.
(6) And now, my son, understand and observe that whoever feels that he is greater than others is rebelling against the Kingship of Heaven, because he is adorning himself with His garments, as it is written (Psalms 93:1), "The Lord reigns, He wears clothes of pride."
(ז) וּבַמֶה יִתְגָּאֵה לֵב הָאָדָם? אִם בְּעֹשֶׁר – "ה' מוֹרִישׁ וּמַעֲשִׁיר" (שמ"א ב ז). וְאִם בְּכָבוֹד – הֲלֹא לֵאלֹהִים הוּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דה"א כט יב): "וְהָעֹשֶׁר וְהַכָּבוֹד מִלְפָנֶיךָ", וְאֵיךְ מִתְפָּאֵר בִּכְבוֹד קוֹנוֹ? וְאִם מִתְפָּאֵר בְּחָכְמָה: "מֵסִיר שָֹפָה לְנֶאֱמָנִים, וְטַעַם זְקֵנִים יִקַח" (איוב יב כ). נִמְצָא: הַכָּל שָׁוֶה לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם, כִּי בְאַפּוֹ מַשְׁפִּיל גֵּאִים, וּבִרְצוֹנוֹ מַגְבִּיהַ שְׁפָלִים. לָכֵן הַשְׁפִּיל עַצְמְךָ, וִינַשַֹּאֲךָ הַמָּקוֹם.
(7) What cause does one have for pride? Perhaps his wealth? "The Lord impoverishes and enriches" (I Samuel 2:7). Perhaps his honor? It belongs to God, as it is written (I Chronicles 29:12), "Wealth and honor come from You." So how could one adorn himself with G-d's honor? And one who prides himself in his wisdom surely knows that God "takes away the speech of assured men and reasoning from the sages" (Job 12:20). Thus, all are equal before God, since with His anger He lowers the proud and when He wishes He raises the low. So humble yourself and G-d will raise you up!
(ח) עַל כֵּן אַפָרֵשׁ לְךָ אֵיךְ תִּתְנַהֵג בְּמִדַּת הָעֲנָוָה, לָלֶכֶת בָּהּ תָּמִיד: כָּל דְבָרֶיךָ יִהְיוּ בְּנַחַת, וְרֹאשְׁךָ כָּפוּף; וְעֵינֶךָ יַבִּיטוּ לְמַטָּה לָאָרֶץ, וְלִבְּךָ לְמַעֲלָה; וְאַל תַּבִּיט בִּפְנֵי אָדָם בְּדַבֶּרְךָ עִמוֹ. וְכָל אָדָם יִהְיֶה גָדוֹל מִמְךָ בְּעֵינֶיךָ: אִם חָכָם אוֹ עָשִׁיר הוּא – עָלֶיךָ לְכַבְּדוֹ. וְאִם רָשׁ הוּא, וְאַתָּה עָשִׁיר אוֹ חָכָם מִמֶנוּ – חֲשֹׁב בְּלִבְּךָ כִּי אַתָּה חַיָּב מִמֶנוּ, וְהוּא זַכַּאי מִמְךָ, שֶׁאִם הוּא חוֹטֵא – הוּא שׁוֹגֵג, וְאַתָּה מֵזִיד.
(8) Therefore, I will now explain to you how to always behave humbly. Speak gently at all times, with your head bowed, your eyes looking down to the ground and your heart focusing on God. Don't look at the face of the person to whom you are speaking. Consider everyone as greater than yourself. If he is wise or wealthy, you should give him respect. If he is poor and you are wealthier or wiser than he, consider yourself to be more guilty than he, and that he is more worthy than you, since when he sins it is inadvertent, while you act knowingly!
(ט) בְּכָל דְּבָרֶיךָ וּמַעֲשֶֹיךָ וּמַחְשְׁבוֹתֶיךָ, וּבְכָל עֵת – חֲשׁוֹב בְּלִבָּךְ כְּאִלוּ אַתָּה עוֹמֵד לִפְנֵי הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וּשְׁכִינָתוֹ עָלֶיךָ, כִּי כְּבוֹדוֹ מָלֵא הָעוֹלָם. וּדְבָרֶיךָ יִהְיוּ בְּאֵימָה וּבְיִרְאָה, כְּעֶבֶד לִפְנֵי רַבּוֹ.
(9) In all your actions, words and thoughts, always regard yourself as standing before God, with His Shechinah (Divine Presence) above you, for His glory fills the whole world. Speak with fear and awe, as a servant in the presence of his master.
(י) וְתִתְבַּיֵּשׁ מִכָּל אָדָם. וְאִם יִקְרָאֲךָ אִישׁ – אַל תַּעֲנֵהוּ בְּקוֹל רָם, רַק בְּנַחַת כְּעוֹמֵד לִפְנֵי רַבּוֹ.
(10) Act with restraint in front of everyone. When someone calls you, don't answer loudly, but calmly, as one who stands before his master.
(יא) וֶהֱוֵי זָהִיר לִקְרוֹת בַּתּוֹרָה תָּמִיד, אֲשֶׁר תּוּכַל לְקַיְּמָהּ. וְכַאֲשֶׁר תָּקוּם מִן הַסֵּפֶר – תְּחַפֵּשֹ בַּאֲשֶׁר לָמַדְתָּ אִם יֵשׁ בּוֹ דָבָר אֲשֶׁר תּוּכַל לְקַיְּמוֹ. וּתְפַשְׁפֵּשׁ בְּמַעֲשֶֹיךָ בַּבֹּקֶר וּבָעֶרֶב, וּבָזֶה יִהְיוּ כָּל יָמֶיךָ בִּתְשׁוּבָה.
(11) Take heed to study Torah constantly, so you will be able to fulfill it's commands. When you arise from your learning reflect carefully on what you have studied, to find a lesson in it that you can be put into practice. Examine your actions every morning and evening, and in this way every one of your days will be spent in returning (to God).
(יב) וְהַסֵר כָּל דִבְרֵי הָעוֹלָם מִלִבְּךָ בְּעֵת הַתְּפִלָּה, וְהָכֵן לִבְּךָ לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם בָּרוּךְ הוּא. וְטַהֵר רַעֲיוֹנֶיךָ, וַחֲשֹׁב הַדִּבּוּר קֹדֶם שֶׁתּוֹצִיאֶנּוּ מִפִּיךָ.
(12) Remove all worldly concerns from your heart during prayer. Prepare your heart before God, purify your thoughts and think about the words before you utter them.
(יג) וְכֵן תַּעֲשֶֹה כָּל יְמֵי חַיֵּי הֶבְלֶךָ בְּכָל דָּבָר וְדָבָר, וְלֹא תֶחֱטָא. וּבָזֶּה יִהְיוּ דְּבָרֶיךָ וּמַעֲשֶֹיךָ וּמַחְשְׁבוֹתֶיךָ יְשָׁרִים; וּתְפִלָּתְךָ תִּהְיֶה זַכָּה וּבָרָה וּנְקִיָּה, וּמְכֻוֶּנֶת וּמְקֻבֶּלֶת לִפְנֵי הַמָּקוֹם בָּרוּךְ הוּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים י יז): "תָּכִין לִבָּם – תַּקְשִׁיב אָזְנֶךָ".
(13) Do this each and every day of your life, in all of your activities and you will not come to sin. This way all your words, deeds and thoughts will be proper, your prayers will be pure, clear, clean, appropriate and acceptable to God, as it is written (Psalms 10:17), "When their heart is directed to You, listen to them."
(יד) תִּקְרָא הָאִגֶּרֶת הַזֹּאת פַּעַם אַחַת בְּשָׁבוּעַ וְלֹא תִפְחֹת, לְקַיְּמָהּ וְלָלֶכֶת בָּהּ תָּמִיד אַחַר הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, לְמַעַן תַּצְלִיחַ בְּכָל דְּרָכֶיךָ, וְתִזְכֶּה לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא הַצָּפוּן לַצַּדִּיקִים. וּבְכָל יוֹם שֶׁתִּקְרָאֶנָּה – יַעֲנוּךָ מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם כַּאֲשֶׁר יַעֲלֶה עַל לִבְּךָ לִשְׁאֹל, עַד עוֹלָם. אָמֵן סֶלָה.
(14) Read this letter at least once a week and not less. Fulfill it, and in so doing, walk with it forever in the ways of the Lord, may He be blessed, so that you will succeed in all your ways. This is how you will succeed and merit the World to Come which is reserved for the righteous. Every day that you shall read this letter, heaven shall answer whatever arises in your heart to request, forever. Amen, Sela!