Us Too: Acknowledging Sexual Assault and Harassment in the Jewish Community

(23) In the case of a virgin who is engaged to a man—if a man comes upon her in town and lies with her, (24) you shall take the two of them out to the gate of that town and stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry for help in the town, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. Thus you will sweep away evil from your midst. (25) But if the man comes upon the engaged girl in the open country, and the man lies with her by force, only the man who lay with her shall die, (26) but you shall do nothing to the girl. The girl did not incur the death penalty, for this case is like that of a man attacking another and murdering him.

(1) This happened sometime afterward: Absalom son of David had a beautiful sister named Tamar, and Amnon son of David became infatuated with her. (2) Amnon was so distraught because of his [half-]sister Tamar that he became sick; for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. (3) Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimah; Jonadab was a very clever man. (4) He asked him, “Why are you so dejected, O prince, morning after morning? Tell me!” Amnon replied, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom!” (5) Jonadab said to him, “Lie down in your bed and pretend you are sick. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in front of me, so that I may look on, and let her serve it to me.’” (6) Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. The king came to see him, and Amnon said to the king, “Let my sister Tamar come and prepare a couple of cakes in front of me, and let her bring them to me.” (7) David sent a message to Tamar in the palace, “Please go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” (8) Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was in bed. She took dough and kneaded it into cakes in front of him, and cooked the cakes. (9) She took the pan and set out [the cakes], but Amnon refused to eat and ordered everyone to withdraw. After everyone had withdrawn, (10) Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food inside and feed me.” Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them to her brother inside. (11) But when she served them to him, he caught hold of her and said to her, “Come lie with me, sister.” (12) But she said to him, “Don’t, brother. Don’t force me. Such things are not done in Israel! Don’t do such a vile thing! (13) Where will I carry my shame? And you, you will be like any of the scoundrels in Israel! Please, speak to the king; he will not refuse me to you.” (14) But he would not listen to her; he overpowered her and lay with her by force. (15) Then Amnon felt a very great loathing for her; indeed, his loathing for her was greater than the passion he had felt for her. And Amnon said to her, “Get out!” (16) She pleaded with him, “Please don’t commit this wrong; to send me away would be even worse than the first wrong you committed against me.” But he would not listen to her. (17) He summoned his young attendant and said, “Get that woman out of my presence, and bar the door behind her.”— (18) She was wearing an ornamented tunic, for maiden princesses were customarily dressed in such garments.—His attendant took her outside and barred the door after her. (19) Tamar put dust on her head and rent the ornamented tunic she was wearing; she put her hands on her head, and walked away, screaming loudly as she went. (20) Her brother Absalom said to her, “Was it your brother Amnon who did this to you? For the present, sister, keep quiet about it; he is your brother. Don’t brood over the matter.” And Tamar remained in her brother Absalom’s house, forlorn. (21) When King David heard about all this, he was greatly upset. (22) Absalom didn’t utter a word to Amnon, good or bad; but Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

(1) It is forbidden to be secluded with a person with whom sexual relations are forbidden, whether elderly or young. This action leads to uncovering of nakedness. This law does not apply to a mother with her son, a father with his daughter, and a husband with his menstruant wife. A groom whose wife became niddah [ritually impure because of menstruation] before consummation is forbidden to be secluded with her. Instead, she sleeps among the women and he sleeps among the men. But if he consummated the marriage and then she became [menstrually] impure, he is permitted to be secluded with her (see Yoreh Deah chapter 192).

(2) After the episode of Amnon and Tamar, David and his court forbade seclusion with an unmarried woman. Even if she is not forbidden as an "ervah" (person with whom sexual relations are forbidden), it is still considered as seclusion with a forbidden sexual partner. Shammai and Hillel forbade seclusion with idol-worshippers (non-Jews). Therefore, anyone who is in seclusion with a woman with whom seclusion is forbidden, whether Israelite or idol-worshipper, [the court] administers lashes of rebellion (makat mardut - Rabbinically sanctioned lashes) to both, the man and the woman, and the punishment is publicized. Note: [We administer lashes] only if it is known that he secluded with her, but her testimony alone is not sufficient [to convict him] (Rivash chapter 265). Even a single witness is not believed (Maharik root 189). Nevertheless, when the court has reason to believe that there was a transgression, it is necessary to separate them (Rivash ibid.). However, with a married woman, even though it is forbidden to be secluded with her, if one did so, they do not administer lashes so as not to spread rumors that she had relations (with him), which would lead to rumors that her children are mamzerim (the products of a sexually forbidden union).

[Why was Adam created alone?] The mishna teaches: And this serves to tell of the greatness of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as when a person stamps several coins with one seal, they are all similar to each other. But the supreme King of kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamped all people with the seal of Adam the first man, as all are his offspring, and not one of them is similar to another. The Sages taught in a baraita (Tosefta 8:5): The fact that Adam the first man was created alone serves to declare the greatness of the supreme King of kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, as a person stamps several coins with one seal, and they are all similar to each other. But the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamps all people with the seal of Adam the first man, and not one of them is similar to another. As it is stated: “It is changed like clay under the seal and they stand as a garment” (Job 38:14). The verse describes people as being created “under the seal,” but their external appearance is different, just as garments can differ in appearance.
The baraita asks: And for what reason are their faces not similar to one another? The baraita answers: It is so that a man will not see a beautiful home or a beautiful woman and say: She is mine. If all people looked the same, no one could contradict him. As it is stated in the following verse: “And from the wicked their light is withheld and the high arm shall be broken” (Job 38:15), indicating that the reason people look different from one another is to prevent the wicked from succeeding in their plans.