Death and Funeral

A Brief Overview
1. Death
2. Chevre Kaddisha & Aninut
3. Funeral (focus of this session)
4. Aveilut--Shiva, sheloshim, shanah (focus of next session)
5. Yahrzeit

1. Death

Death is a normative part of life. They are two halves of the same apple. Death is not the absence of God. Rather, it is the next stage of life. Albeit one beyond our immediate senses.

2. Chevre Kaddisha & Aninut

After death, the body of the loved ones is cared for by the chevre kaddisha. This holy community, volunteers from all walks in the community, purify and prepare the body for burial. The details of the purification as well as the what determines a kosher casket and burial site are not the focus of this teaching. However, they deserve their own session.
Simultaneously, immediately after death and prior to the funeral, the mourners enter a period of time called Aninut--each mourner is an Onen or Onenet. During this time, mourners are exempt from certain positive mitzvot (such as daily prayer). The focus is on the grieving and the funeral including meeting with the rabbi or officiant, deciding who will give eulogy, and awaiting arrival of out of town loved ones.
For the officiant, it is essential to:
1. meet with family and listen to stories about the deceased, listen for defining qualities, passions, and loves.
2. determine all the immediate family and loved ones
3. convey to the family the itinerary of the funeral, burial, and meal of consolation. Describe the practices of Shiva, sheloshim and shanah.
4. Answer any outstanding questions.

3. Funeral
Overview
1st part--Memorial (usually at shul or graveside, can be at a memorial chapel)
2nd part--Burial
3rd part--meal of consolation which formally begins Shiva, 7 day period of mourning immediately following the funeral.

Deep Dive:
Part 1--Memorial
1. Gathering--family gathers separately from community (in our shul library). Mourner's will attach the mourning (keriah) ribbon, say the beracha, tear the ribbon. This symbol originally was torn on the garment--it is still the custom in more traditional communities to tear one's garment. The ribbon is newer.

2. Introduction--today we link the memory of our loved one with the Jewish tradition. Can begin with verses from Ecclesiastes (3:1-7).

3. Selection of Psalms. There are many traditional selections. The following are some of my favorites. If there is a unique situation (God forbid an untimely death, death after a long illness, death after family estrangement, etcetera), I will select a reading or additional psalm to recite after these:
a. Psalm 18:26-31
b. Psalm 23
c. Psalm 103:13-17

4. Eulogy
I will then give my eulogy. The length of which I determine, in part, based on how many family members will be giving their own eulogies. In mine, I make sure to include an overview of the person's life, name mourners and immediate family members, and speak about unique contributions the person made. Then I will call up other eulogizers. Once they conclude, I add stories or memories shared with me that weren't included by others.

5. El Malei
Conclude with El Malei Rachamin. Invite community to join us at the cemetery and rise as casket is lead out, then the family, as we go out to the parking lot to form the cemetery processional.

Burial--Part 2

1. Gathering--Pall Bearers meet to carry the casket. I follow behind the casket and recite Psalm 91. Community gathers together at graveside.

2. Psalm 121
3. Interment:
Please rise. "May ______ go unto God in peace." Explain shovel and covering the casket with dirt, and the idea that we are accompanying our friend at the beginning of his/her final journey.
4. (After the burial, the community's focus shifts from the deceased to the mourners.). Mourner's Kaddish.
5. form 2 lines, family and mourners walk between the two lines of comforters who say--"May the Holy One comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." HaMakom Yinachem etchem betoch kol aveilei Tzion vIrushalyim.

Meal of Consolation--Part 3

Traditionally provided for by community either at shiva house or at shul. This marks the beginning of Shiva and the transition of the mourners from the status of Aninut (see above) to Aveilut (the focus of our next class).