Sex and Judaism

OUR BODIES... IT'S ALL "GOOD"

(כז) וַיִּבְרָ֨א אֱלֹהִ֤ים ׀ אֶת־הָֽאָדָם֙ בְּצַלְמ֔וֹ בְּצֶ֥לֶם אֱלֹהִ֖ים בָּרָ֣א אֹת֑וֹ זָכָ֥ר וּנְקֵבָ֖ה בָּרָ֥א אֹתָֽם׃ (כח) וַיְבָ֣רֶךְ אֹתָם֮ אֱלֹהִים֒ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָהֶ֜ם אֱלֹהִ֗ים פְּר֥וּ וּרְב֛וּ וּמִלְא֥וּ אֶת־הָאָ֖רֶץ וְכִבְשֻׁ֑הָ וּרְד֞וּ בִּדְגַ֤ת הַיָּם֙ וּבְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּבְכׇל־חַיָּ֖ה הָֽרֹמֶ֥שֶׂת עַל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃

Genesis 1:27-28

(27) And God created humankind in the divine image,
creating it in the image of God—
creating them male and female. (28) God blessed them and God said to them, “Be fertile and increase, fill the earth and master it; and rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and all the living things that creep on earth.”

בראשית א׳:ל״א

(לא) וַיַּ֤רְא אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶת־כָּל־אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשָׂ֔ה וְהִנֵּה־ט֖וֹב מְאֹ֑ד וַֽיְהִי־עֶ֥רֶב וַֽיְהִי־בֹ֖קֶר י֥וֹם הַשִּׁשִּֽׁי׃ (פ)

Genesis 1:31

And God saw all that God had made, and found it very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

Neither sexual organs nor sexual intercourse are obscene, for how could God create something that contains an obscenity? God created man and woman, and all their organs and functions, with nothing obscene in them. We believe that God created nothing containing either ugliness or obscenity. - Iggeret ha-Kodesh, 13 C.

כתובות מ״ח א:ב׳

תני רב יוסף שארה זו קרוב בשר שלא ינהג בה מנהג פרסיים שמשמשין מטותיהן בלבושיהן מסייע ליה לרב הונא דאמר רב הונא האומר אי אפשי אלא אני בבגדי והיא בבגדה יוציא ונותן כתובה:

Ketubot 48a:2

Rav Yosef taught There must be close bodily contact during sex, unlike the custom of the Persians who perform their marital duties in clothes. This supports the ruling of Rav Huna. As Rav Huna said: A husband who says, "I will not perform [my marital duties] unless I wear my clothes and she wears hers, must [divorce her] and give her the ketubah [settlement].

IT'S A RIGHT

דברים כ״ד:ה׳

(ה) כִּֽי־יִקַּ֥ח אִישׁ֙ אִשָּׁ֣ה חֲדָשָׁ֔ה לֹ֤א יֵצֵא֙ בַּצָּבָ֔א וְלֹא־יַעֲבֹ֥ר עָלָ֖יו לְכָל־דָּבָ֑ר נָקִ֞י יִהְיֶ֤ה לְבֵיתוֹ֙ שָׁנָ֣ה אֶחָ֔ת וְשִׂמַּ֖ח אֶת־אִשְׁתּ֥וֹ אֲשֶׁר־לָקָֽח׃ (ס)

Deuteronomy 24:5

When a man has taken a bride, he shall not go out with the army or be assigned to it for any purpose; he shall be exempt one year for the sake of his household, to give happiness to the woman he has married.

"to give happiness" - sex not for purpose of procreation but rather for pleasure.

משנה כתובות ה׳:ו׳

(ו) התלמידים יוצאין לתלמוד תורה שלא ברשות. שלשים יום. הפועלים שבת אחת. העונה האמורה בתורה. הטיילין בכל יום. הפועלים שתים בשבת. החמרים אחת בשבת. הגמלים. אחת לשלשים יום. הספנים אחת לששה חדשים. דברי רבי אליעזר:

Mishnah Ketubot 5:6

Students who leave for the purpose of studying Torah without the consent of their wives [have] thirty days; laborers, one week. [The law of providing sexual] pleasure [to one's wife] that is stated in the Torah [is as follows]: one at leisure, daily; laborers, twice a week; donkey drivers, once a week; camel drivers, once every thirty days; navigators every six months; these are the words of Rabbi Eliezer.

משנה תורה, הלכות שבת ל׳:י״ד

(יד) תַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה מֵעֹנֶג שַׁבָּת הוּא. לְפִיכָךְ עוֹנַת תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים הַבְּרִיאִים מְשַׁמְּשִׁין מִלֵּילֵי שַׁבָּת לְלֵילֵי שַׁבָּת.

Mishneh Torah, Sabbath 30:14

Sexual relations are considered a dimension of Shabbat pleasure. Therefore Torah scholars fulfill their marital obligations once a week, on the Shabbat.

CONSENT

A man is forbidden to compel his wife to have marital relations…Rabbi Joshua ben Levi similarly stated: Whosoever compels his wife to have marital relations will have unworthy children. - Babylonian Talmud, Eruvin 100b

A woman once came before Rabbi and said, 'Rabbi! I set a table before my husband [i.e. I prepared to make love with him], but he overturned it [i.e. wanted to engage in anal intercourse].' Rabbi replied: 'My daughter! The Torah has permitted you to him — what then can I do for you?' - Babylonian Talmud, Nadarim 20b

IT'S HOLY

Sexual intercourse is an action that is important, good and valuable to the soul also, and there is no act of flesh and blood that compares with it – if it is done with pure intention and a pure, clean mind, then it is called holy. Sefer Mor v’Ketziyah

When you and your wife are engaged in sexual union do not behave lightheartedly and regard this act as vain, idle, improper. Therefore, first introduce her into the mood with gentle words that excite her emotion, appease her mind and delight her with joy. Thus you unite your mind and intention with hers. Say to her words which in part arouse in her passion, closeness, love, will, and erotic desire, and in part evoke in her reverence for God, piety and modesty...Never impose yourself upon her nor force her. For any sexual union without an abundance of passion, love and will, is without the Divine Presence. Do not quarrel with her nor act violently whenever coitus is involved. The Talmud says, "A lion ravishes and then eats and has no shame. So acts the brute: He hits and then cohabits and has no shame." Rather, court and attract her to you first with gracious and seductive, as well as refined and gentle words, so that both your intentions be for the sake of God...Do not hurry in arousing passion. Prolong till she is ready and in a passionate mood. Approach her lovingly and passionately, so that she reaches her orgasm first. - Iggeret Hakodesh, 13th C.

Since a man’s wife is permitted to him, he may act with her in any manner whatsoever. He may have intercourse with her whenever he so desires and kiss any organ of her body he wishes, and he may have intercourse with her naturally or unnaturally, provided that he does not expend semen to no purpose. -Mishnah Torah Issurei Biah 21:9

“When in the course of cohabitation [the husbands] will hold your pearl in one and the kiln in one hand. You, however, should offer them the pearl, but the kiln you should not offer them until they are tormented, and only then should you offer it to them.”- Babylonian Talmud Shabbat 140
Here is how Rashi explains it: “When your husband caresses you to arouse your desire for intercourse and holds the breasts with one hand and “that place” with the other give the breasts [at first] to increase his passion and do not give him the place of intercourse too soon until his passion increases and he is in pain with desire.”

A GOOD INCLINATION?

And God saw all that God had made, and found it very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.” Nahman said in R. Samuel’s name: “Very good” refers to the Good Desire [Yeitzer Hatov]; and “very good” refers to the Evil Desire [Yeitzer Hara]. Can then the Evil Desire be very good? That would be extraordinary! But without the Evil Desire, however, one would not build a house, marry, beget children, or engage in business. - Bereishit Rabbah 9:7

ETC...

Three things enfeeble a man’s body, namely, to eat standing, to drink standing, and to have marital intercourse in a standing position. - Babylonian Talmud, Gittin 70a

People are born lame because they [i.e.. their parents] overturned their table; dumb, because they kiss 'that place'; deaf, because they converse during intercourse; blind, because they look at 'that place'. - Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 20a

R. Yohanan said: There is a small organ in man. When he starves it, it is satisfied, when he satisfies it, it is starving. - Sukkah 52b

It was taught at the school of Rabbi Ishmael, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery’ implies, Thou shall not practice masturbation either with hand or with foot. - Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 13b

The sexual organs are the most sensitive organs of the human being. They are not diplomats. They tell the truth. - Isaac Bashevis Singer