It's that time of year again...
tzara'at time.
(1) בדד ישב HE SHALL ABIDE SOLITARY — This means that people who are unclean from other causes than that of leprosy shall not abide with him (Pesachim 67a; cf. Sifra). Our Rabbis said: Why is he (the leper) treated differently from other unclean persons that he should abide solitary? They replied: Because he, by slanderous statements, (cf. Numbers 12:10) parted man and wife, or a man from his friend, he must be parted from everybody (Arakhin 16b).
Okay, so we understand the role of Lashon Harah as socially divisive. That makes sense - but our Sages go further...
(י) הצרעת הוא שם האמור בשותפות כולל עניינים הרבה שאין דומין זה לזה...
צרעת בשותפות השם אינו ממנהגו של עולם אלא אות ופלא היה בישראל כדי להזהירן מלשון הרע שהמספר בלשון הרע משתנות קירות ...
לפיכך ראוי למי שרוצה לכוין אורחותיו להתרחק מישיבתן ומלדבר עמהן כדי שלא יתפס אדם ברשת רשעים וסכלותם וזה דרך ישיבת הלצים הרשעים בתחילה מרבין בדברי הבאי כענין שנאמר וקול כסיל ברוב דברים ומתוך כך באין לספר בגנות הצדיקים כענין שנאמר תאלמנה שפתי שקר הדוברות על צדיק עתק ומתוך כך יהיה להן הרגל לדבר בנביאים ולתת דופי בדבריהם כענין שנאמר ויהיו מלעיבים במלאכי האלהים ובוזים דברים ומתעתעים בנביאיו ומתוך כך באין לדבר באלהים.
(10) Tzara'at is a collective term including many afflictions that do not resemble each other. ... Instead it is a sign and a wonder prevalent among the Jewish people to warn them against lashon hora, "undesirable speech." ... Nevertheless, she was immediately punished with tzara'at. Certainly, an inference can be made with regard to the wicked and foolish men who speak extensively about great and wondrous matters. Therefore a person who seeks to structure his course of conduct should distance himself from their gatherings and from speaking to them so that he will not become caught up in the web of their wickedness and foolishness. This is the path followed by the gathering of wicked fools: In the beginning, they speak excessively about empty matters, as Ecclesiastes 5:2 states: "The talk of a fool is characterized by a multitude of words." As a result of this, they come to speak negatively of the righteous, as reflected by the verse Psalms 31:19: "May the lying lips be silenced; those which speak falsehood about a righteous man." As a consequence, they will become accustomed to speaking against the prophets and casting aspersions on their words, as reflected by the verse II Chronicles 36:16: "They would abuse the messengers of God, scorn His words, and mock His prophets." And this would lead them to deny God's existence...
Why is our tradition so specific about 'empty speech', or 'idle talk'? (Idol Talk? Understandable.)
Is it really such a slippery slope? Why can't we just...make small talk?
R. Meir says: Diminish (your) occupation [with business or labor] and occupy yourself [primarily] with Torah. And be of lowly spirit before all men. And if you would be idle, there are many idlers beside you. And if you have toiled in Torah, He has much reward to give you.
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: אֵין עוֹמְדִין לְהִתְפַּלֵּל לֹא מִתּוֹךְ עַצְבוּת, וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ עַצְלוּת, וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ שְׂחוֹק, וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ שִׂיחָה, וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ קַלּוּת רֹאשׁ, וְלֹא מִתּוֹךְ דְּבָרִים בְּטֵלִים, אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ שִׂמְחָה שֶׁל מִצְוָה.
Our Rabbis have taught : One must not stand up to say the Tefillah from the midst of sorrow, idleness, jocularity, [frivolous] conversation, levity, or idle chatter, but only from the midst of the joy of a religious duty.
Is it a matter of laziness - an opposition to being unproductive?
(19) Where there is much talking, there is no lack of transgressing,
But he who curbs his tongue shows sense.
צ֭וֹפִיָּה (הילכות) [הֲלִיכ֣וֹת] בֵּיתָ֑הּ וְלֶ֥חֶם עַ֝צְל֗וּת לֹ֣א תֹאכֵֽל׃
And never eats the bread of idleness.
But seriously - what IS small talk?
My Ima once had a story...(listen in because this is where I'll tell it)
“It's funny, because you always think the hard part is meeting someone the first time. It's not. It's the second time, because you've already used up all the obvious topics of conversation. And even if you haven't, it's strange and heavy-handed to introduce random conversational topics at this stage in the game. Hi, Reid. Let's converse about topics. HOW MANY SIBLINGS DO YOU HAVE? WHAT BOOKS DO YOU LIKE?
I never really know the protocol for this kind of situation. It's like when you're in line at a store, and a grandma starts telling you all about her grandchildren or her arthritis, and you smile and nod along. But then it's your turn to check out, so you're just like okay, well, good-bye forever.”
― Becky Albertalli, The Upside of Unrequited
The term phatic communion ('bonding by language') was coined by anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski in his essay "The Problem of Meaning in Primitive Languages", which appeared in 1923.
A phatic expression is a communication which primarily serves to establish or maintain social relationships. In other words, phatic expressions have mostly socio-pragmatic rather than semantic functions. They can be observed in everyday conversational exchanges, as in, for instance, exchanges of social pleasantries that do not seek or offer information of intrinsic value but rather signal willingness to observe conventional local expectations for politeness.