Parshat Shmini: The Gift of Grieving

(1) Now Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu each took his fire pan, put fire in it, and laid incense on it; and they offered before ה' alien fire, which had not been enjoined upon them. (2) And fire came forth from ה' and consumed them; thus they died at the instance of ה'. (3) Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what ה' meant by saying:
Through those near to Me I show Myself holy,
And gain glory before all the people.”And Aaron was silent.

ותצא אש AND THERE WENT OUT FIRE — Rabbi Eleizer said: the sons of Aaron died only because they gave decisions on religious matters in the presence of their teacher, Moses (Sifra, Shemini, Mechilta d'Miluim 2 32; Eruvin 63a). Rabbi Ishmael said: they died because they entered the Sanctuary intoxicated by wine. You may know that this is so, because after their death he admonished those who survived that they should not enter when intoxicated by wine (vv. 8—9). A parable! It may be compared to a king who had a bosom friend, etc., as is to be found in Leviticus Rabbah 12:1, 4 (cf. Biur).

‎‎ '‏וגו‎‎‎ 'הוא אשר דבר ה‎ THIS IS WHAT THE LORD SPOKE, etc. — Where had He spoken this? In the statement (Exodus 29:43), “And there I will be met by the children of Israel and it (the Tabernacle) shall be sanctified by My glory (בכבודי).” Read not here בִכְבוֹדִי, “by My Glory” but בִּמְכֻבָּדַי, “through My honoured ones” (Zevachim 115b). Moses here said to Aaron: “My brother, Aaron! I knew that this House was to be sanctified by those who are beloved of the Omnipresent God and I thought it would be either through me or through thee; now I see that these (thy sons who have died) are greater than me and than thee!” (Leviticus Rabbah 12 2).

‎וידם אהרן AND AARON WAS SILENT — He received a reward for his silence. And what was the reward he received? That the subsequent Divine address was made to him alone and not to Moses also — for to him alone was spoken the section (vv. 9—11) dealing with those who are intoxicated by wine (see v. 8) (Zevachim 115b; Leviticus Rabbah 12 2).

VAYIDOM AHARON’ (AND AARON WAS SILENT). This means that he had cried aloud, but then he became silent. Or perhaps the meaning thereof is as in the verse, let not the apple of thine eye ‘tidom’ (cease).

(17) “Why did you not eat the sin offering in the sacred area? For it is most holy, and it is what was given to you to remove the guilt of the community and to make expiation for them before ה'. (18) Since its blood was not brought inside the sanctuary, you should certainly have eaten it in the sanctuary, as I commanded.” (19) And Aaron spoke to Moses, “See, this day they brought their sin offering and their burnt offering before ה', and such things have befallen me! Had I eaten sin offering today, would ה' have approved?” (20) And when Moses heard this, he approved.

ותקראנה אתי כאלה AND IF THINGS LIKE THESE HAD BEFALLEN ME — even if those who died were not my sons but other blood relatives for whom I am bound to mourn as an Onan, even as I am bound to mourn for these — for instance all those mentioned in the section regarding the priests (ch. 21) for whom the priest may of set purpose render himself unclean (Sifra, Shemini, Chapter 2 9).

וייטב בעיניו AND IT WAS PLEASING IN HIS EYES — He admitted his error and was not ashamed to do so, by saying (instead of admitting it) “I have not heard a statement (from God regarding this)", but rather he said, “I have heard, but I forgot it” (Sifra, Shemini, Chapter 2 12; Zevachim 101b).

When Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai’s son died, his students came in to comfort him. Rabbi Eliezer came in and sat before him and said: My master, if you please, may I say something? He said: Speak. So he said: Adam the first person had a son who died and he accepted comfort. And how do we know that he accepted comfort? For it says (Genesis 4:25), “And Adam knew his wife again.” So you, too, should accept comfort. He replied: Is it not enough that I have my own pain but that you need to remind me of Adam’s pain as well?
Rabbi Yehoshua came in and said to him: If you please, may I say something before you? He said: Speak. So he said: Job had sons and daughters, and they all died on the same day, and he accepted comfort. So you, too, should accept comfort. And how do we know that Job accepted comfort? For it says (Job 1:21), “The Eternal has given, and the Eternal has taken away. Blessed is the name of the Eternal.” He replied: Is it not enough that I have my own pain but that you have to remind me of Job’s pain as well?
Rabbi Yosei came in and sat before him and said: My master, if you please, may I say something? He said: Speak. So he said: Aaron had two older sons and they both died on the same day, and he accepted comfort, as it says (Leviticus 10:3), “And Aaron was silent,” and silence always indicates comfort. He replied: Is it not enough that I have my own pain but that you have to remind me of Aaron’s pain as well?
Rabbi Shimon came in and said: My master, if you please, may I say something? He said: Speak. So he said: King David had a son who died, and he accepted comfort. So you, too, should accept comfort. And how do we know that David accepted comfort? For it says (II Samuel 12:24), “David comforted his wife Bath Sheba, and he came to her and lay with her, and she gave birth to another son, and called him Solomon.” So you, too, should accept comfort. He replied: Is it not enough that I have my own pain but that you have to remind me of King David’s pain as well?
Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah came in. When [Rabbi Yohanan] saw him, he said to his steward: Take this vessel, and follow me to the bathhouse, because this is a great man, and I will not be able to withstand him. So [Rabbi Elazar] came in and sat before [Rabbi Yohanan] and said: Let me give you a parable. To what can this be compared? [It can be compared] to a person to whom the king gave a deposit to hold. Every day he would cry and scream and say, Oy, when will I be free of this deposit? So it is with you, Rabbi. You had a son who read from the Torah, the Prophets and the Writings; the Mishnah; Halakhah; and Aggadah; and then was taken from the world free of sin. [Must you, then, accept consolation when you have returned a deposit whole?] He said: Rabbi Elazar, my son, you have comforted me as people are supposed to.
When they all left, Elazar said: I am going to Damasit, a beautiful place with good, sweet water. They said: We will go to Yavneh, a place where there is an abundance of scholars who love the Torah. So he went to Damasit, the beautiful place with good, sweet water, and his reputation in Torah study diminished. And they went to Yavneh, the place where there was an abundance of scholars who all loved the Torah, and their reputations in Torah study grew.

2. The second is when a man suffers a great loss —or his children die — and he declares his faith in the Justice of God, Blessed be He, and receives His Judgment with love, as it is said: "And Aaron was silent" (Lev. 10:3). And this certainly teaches what humble and modest conduct is.