Havrutah How-to
- Read the text aloud.
- Summarize the text.
- Read the text aloud again.
- What questions do you have of the text?
- What do you see in the text that might start to answer your questions?
- You can also use the questions below to get your conversation started.
70 Faces of Torah: Wisdom for the 12-Steps, Step 9
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
(ט) אֵין הַתְּשׁוּבָה וְלֹא יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפְּרִין אֶלָּא עַל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם כְּגוֹן מִי שֶׁאָכַל דָּבָר אָסוּר אוֹ בָּעַל בְּעִילָה אֲסוּרָה וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. אֲבָל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּגוֹן הַחוֹבֵל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ הַמְקַלֵּל חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ גּוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן אֵינוֹ נִמְחַל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ וִירַצֵּהוּ. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֶחֱזִיר לוֹ מָמוֹן שֶׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ צָרִיךְ לְרַצּוֹתוֹ וְלִשְׁאל מִמֶּנּוּ שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. אֲפִלּוּ לֹא הִקְנִיט אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אֶלָּא בִּדְבָרִים צָרִיךְ לְפַיְּסוֹ וְלִפְגֹּעַ בּוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. לֹא רָצָה חֲבֵרוֹ לִמְחל לוֹ מֵבִיא לוֹ שׁוּרָה שֶׁל שְׁלֹשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם מֵרֵעָיו וּפוֹגְעִין בּוֹ וּמְבַקְּשִׁין מִמֶּנּוּ. לֹא נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶן מֵבִיא לוֹ שְׁנִיָּה וּשְׁלִישִׁית. לֹא רָצָה מְנִיחוֹ וְהוֹלֵךְ לוֹ וְזֶה שֶׁלֹּא מָחַל הוּא הַחוֹטֵא. וְאִם הָיָה רַבּוֹ הוֹלֵךְ וּבָא אֲפִלּוּ אֶלֶף פְּעָמִים עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ:
(9) Neither repentance nor the Day of Atonement atone for any save for sins committed between person and God, for instance, one who ate forbidden food, or had forbidden coition and the like; but sins between person and person, for instance, one injures their neighbor, or curses their neighbor or plunders them, or offends them in like matters, is ever not absolved unless the person makes restitution of what the person owes and begs the forgiveness of the person's neighbor. And, although the person makes restitution of the monetary debt, the person is obliged to pacify them and to beg their forgiveness. Even a person offended not a person's neighbor in aught save in words, a person is obliged to appease them and implore them till a person be forgiven by them. If a person's neighbor refuses a committee of three friends to forgive a person, a person should bring to implore and beg of them; if they still refuses a person should bring a second, even a third committee, and if they remains obstinate, a person may leave them to themselves and pass on, for the sin then rests upon them who refuses forgiveness. But if it happened to be a person's teacher or rabbi , a person should go and come to them for forgiveness even a thousand times till they do forgive a person.
Additional Questions for Discussion
1. What does this text teach about what it takes to make direct amends?
2. Why do you think the text says that the direct amends may require more than paying debts that are owed?
3. Why do you think the text says that if an initial attempt at amends is not successful that we should bring three friends of the individual to whom we are trying to make amends and then make another attempt at making amends to the individual?
4. How do we know when an amends might injure us or others?