Vayechi: The Nature of Forgiveness

Rabbi David J. Blumenthal, "Is Forgiveness Necessary?", https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/is-forgiveness-necessary/

The most basic kind of forgiveness is “forgoing the other’s indebtedness” (mechilah). If the offender has done teshuvah, and is sincere in his or her repentance, the offended person should offer mechilah; that is, the offended person should forgo the debt of the offender, relinquish his or her claim against the offender. This is not a reconciliation of heart or an embracing of the offender; it is simply reaching the conclusion that the offender no longer owes me anything for whatever it was that he or she did. Mechilah is like a pardon granted to a criminal by the modern state. The crime remains; only the debt is forgiven.

The second kind of forgiveness is “forgiveness” (selichah). It is an act of the heart. It is reaching a deeper understanding of the sinner. It is achieving an empathy for the troubledness of the other. Selichah, too, is not a reconciliation or an embracing of the offender; it is simply reaching the conclusion that the offender, too, is human, frail, and deserving of sympathy. It is closer to an act of mercy than to an act of grace. A woman abused by a man may never reach this level of forgiveness; she is not obliged, nor is it morally necessary for her, to do so.

The third kind of forgiveness is “atonement” (kapparah) or “purification” (tahorah). This is a total wiping away of all sinfulness. It is an existential cleansing. Kapparah is the ultimate form of forgiveness, but it is only granted by God. No human can “atone” the sin of another; no human can “purify” the spiritual pollution of another.

Sara Horowitz, "For Jews, Forgiveness is Complicated", https://thecjn.ca/perspectives/opinions/jews-forgiveness-complicated/

The North American conversation about forgiveness draws on the Christian understanding of forgiveness as an absolute good, a sacred act to be lovingly and unconditionally bestowed upon the undeserving. This idea has travelled to popular psychology. We repeatedly hear that to “move on” from some damaging or traumatic event, you need to “forgive” someone who has wronged you, or else you remain stuck in your anger, trauma and wounding.

The Jewish tradition sees forgiveness in more complicated terms. As Jews, we see forgiveness not as a non-negotiable imperative, but as the result of a difficult struggle that involves behavioural change and gestures of restitution. The Jewish concept differs from the Christian ideal of turning the other cheek. Before Yom Kippur, the Jewish practice is to seek the forgiveness of someone we’ve wronged and, when possible, to make up for any damage we’ve caused. If need be, we’re enjoined to keep coming back to the person we’ve wronged to convince him of the sincerity of our contrition and our resolution to change. Only then does our tradition stipulate forgiveness as an absolute imperative. In this way, forgiveness becomes a process and the product of a relationship between the one wronged and the one who did wrong.

Cynthia Ozick, “Notes Toward a Meditation on ‘Forgiveness’” from the book “The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness"

Is the morally obsessed human being more drawn to vengeance or to forgiveness?

Often we are asked to think this way: vengeance brutalizes, forgiveness refines.

But the opposite can be true. The rabbis said, “Whoever is merciful to the cruel will end by being indifferent to the innocent.” Forgiveness can brutalize.

Rabbi Sandra Lawson, "Family Forgiveness and Vayechi", https://www.rabbisandralawson.com/my-musings/2017/12/28/family-forgiveness-and-vayechi

[This] Torah portion gives a very clear message on the importance of family forgiveness. I’m sure we have all had times in our lives where someone in our family has angered us. Family is forever, and there are not too many people in our lives who love us unconditionally. Forgiveness is important and by taking ourselves less seriously, it becomes easier to forgive another.

When it comes to family, the ability to forgive is crucial. Family is permanent, and having the strength to forgive is rewarding for all.

Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben, "Courage and Forgiveness", https://www.reconstructingjudaism.org/dvar-torah/courage-and-forgiveness

All of us who are the readers of the story can understand their fear. We know what they did to Joseph and the position of power he now occupies. We know how easy it would be for him to take his revenge and what a natural human desire that must have been. Perhaps that is why one of the most touching and beautiful passages in the entire Torah comes at the end of this week’s portion, after Jacob has been buried and the brothers turn in fear to face Joseph once again.

Joseph provides a poignant and powerful lesson to us all. For he turns to his brothers and says simply, “Don’t be afraid.” And then the Torah tells us, “He comforted them, and spoke to their hearts.”

It’s an incredible story. Joseph comforts his brothers – the same brothers who once sold him into slavery in a fit of jealousy and rage - and instead of carrying on the hurt and anger from one generation to the next, speaks to their hearts and stops the cycle of pain and retribution forever.