(כ) וַיָּ֥חֶל נֹ֖חַ אִ֣ישׁ הָֽאֲדָמָ֑ה וַיִּטַּ֖ע כָּֽרֶם׃ (כא) וַיֵּ֥שְׁתְּ מִן־הַיַּ֖יִן וַיִּשְׁכָּ֑ר וַיִּתְגַּ֖ל בְּת֥וֹךְ אָהֳלֹֽה׃ (כב) וַיַּ֗רְא חָ֚ם אֲבִ֣י כְנַ֔עַן אֵ֖ת עֶרְוַ֣ת אָבִ֑יו וַיַּגֵּ֥ד לִשְׁנֵֽי־אֶחָ֖יו בַּחֽוּץ׃ (כג) וַיִּקַּח֩ שֵׁ֨ם וָיֶ֜פֶת אֶת־הַשִּׂמְלָ֗ה וַיָּשִׂ֙ימוּ֙ עַל־שְׁכֶ֣ם שְׁנֵיהֶ֔ם וַיֵּֽלְכוּ֙ אֲחֹ֣רַנִּ֔ית וַיְכַסּ֕וּ אֵ֖ת עֶרְוַ֣ת אֲבִיהֶ֑ם וּפְנֵיהֶם֙ אֲחֹ֣רַנִּ֔ית וְעֶרְוַ֥ת אֲבִיהֶ֖ם לֹ֥א רָאֽוּ׃
(20) And Noah, the man of the land, began and planted a vineyard. (21) And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. (22) And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. (23) And Shem and Yaphet took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and their father’s nakednes the did not see
Two women were catching up with each other.
“Nu, how’s your daughter and her new husband?”
“Oh, he’s such a prince. He takes her out to dinner, lets her shop as much as she wants, and treats her like a princess.”
“And how’s your son and his new wife?”
“Oy, what a situation. She makes him order her dinner, spends all his money shopping, and expects to be treated like royalty.”
See what’s going on here? The implication is that the couples are exhibiting identical behavior, but due to perspective, there are two starkly different attitudes.
1.The first is to reframe “bad” traits into a more positive format. Instead of viewing someone as careless, I could see them as laid-back or relaxed. Instead of seeing impulsiveness as a negative, I could see it as positive spontaneity, as someone being quick to act when action is needed, or when last-minute help is welcome. Stubborness could be reframed as dedication and determination.
2.The second approach I use, when reframing isn’t an option, is to look for the person’s strengths. Maybe someone is an incorrigible gossip, but is capable of doing tremendous acts of charity. Or maybe a person is flighty and unreliable, but is an exceptional listener. Instead of choosing to focus on the frustrating traits, I can concentrate on the positive, see the contributions this person is making to the world.
However, if I am choosing to view things positively, my inner monologue will be totally different: ”Wow, I’ve done it again. But it wasn’t as bad this time, and it’s been a while since I made that same mistake. It’s frustrating to still have this behavior problem, but at least I can choose to change. And I did so many other good things today.” Much more productive, and there still may be some chocolate consumption. Win win.
People who see the best in people tend to be people who people want to be around (say that three times fast). Happy people are just nice to spend time with. Seeing the positive in people helps boost self-confidence in others as well as ourselves.
Chana Cohen:
"Instead of worrying if others like me,I began to get myself to focus on liking THEM''
(יא) רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אוֹמֵר, עַיִן הָרָע, וְיֵצֶר הָרָע, וְשִׂנְאַת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, מוֹצִיאִין אֶת הָאָדָם מִן הָעוֹלָם:
(11) Rabbi Yehoshua says: The evil eye, the evil inclination, and hatred of the creations remove a person from the world.
(ו) יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:
This is like reframing option#2:looking at person as a whole
Why does it say “ha-adam” instead of just “adam”? For when a man’s actions are judged, one cannot look at the one act in isolation; rather, his entire personality must be taken into account, his background and what he has gone through. This way we may realize that we would act similarly in his place.
Maharal takes this idea one step further, explaining how much impact one’s outlook has on his or her life. He explains that Rabbi Eliezer's ayin tova means that a person should look well upon others, wish them well and be happy in their successes. A good eye does not refer to the sharpness of one's sight, but the generosity of one's vision.
(ט) אָמַר לָהֶם, צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, עַיִן טוֹבָה. רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אוֹמֵר, חָבֵר טוֹב. רַבִּי יוֹסֵי אוֹמֵר, שָׁכֵן טוֹב. רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן אוֹמֵר, הָרוֹאֶה אֶת הַנּוֹלָד. רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר, לֵב טוֹב. אָמַר לָהֶם, רוֹאֶה אֲנִי אֶת דִּבְרֵי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲרָךְ מִדִּבְרֵיכֶם, שֶׁבִּכְלַל דְּבָרָיו דִּבְרֵיכֶם. אָמַר לָהֶם צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ רָעָה שֶׁיִּתְרַחֵק מִמֶּנָּה הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, עַיִן רָעָה....
Maharal takes this idea one step further, explaining how much impact one’s outlook has on his or her life. He explains that Rabbi Eliezer's ayin tova means that a person should look well upon others, wish them well and be happy in their successes. A good eye does not refer to the sharpness of one's sight, but the generosity of one's vision
The Maharal makes a very poignant observation. Of the five basic senses – sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell – four are, for the most part, objective; they enable a person to perceive an object as it is. However, the sense of sight is subjective; a person sees things as he wishes to see them. The subjective nature of vision allows for the concept of ayin tova and ayin ra’a. The way in which we view the world is determined by an internal element. Generosity of vision or the lack thereof is not a physical matter at all - it is a question of the nature of the person doing the viewing. One person sees a cup as half-full, while another sees it as half-empty.
The Maharal further develops his analysis by pointing out that the term for seeing in the Hebrew language, re’iya, sometimes means seeing and other times refers to understanding. Just as understanding is a power of the soul and mind, so too seeing is not a purely physical process; one sees based upon one’s inner understanding of the world.
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(יט) כָּל מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּיָדוֹ שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הַלָּלוּ, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ. וּשְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים אֲחֵרִים, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע. עַיִן טוֹבָה, וְרוּחַ נְמוּכָה, וְנֶפֶשׁ שְׁפָלָה, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ. עַיִן רָעָה, וְרוּחַ גְּבוֹהָה, וְנֶפֶשׁ רְחָבָה, מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע. מַה בֵּין תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ לְתַלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע. תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ, אוֹכְלִין בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְנוֹחֲלִין בָּעוֹלָם הַבָּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי ח, כא), לְהַנְחִיל אֹהֲבַי יֵשׁ, וְאֹצְרֹתֵיהֶם אֲמַלֵּא. אֲבָל תַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל בִּלְעָם הָרָשָׁע יוֹרְשִׁין גֵּיהִנָּם וְיוֹרְדִין לִבְאֵר שַׁחַת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים נה, כד), וְאַתָּה אֱלֹהִים תּוֹרִידֵם לִבְאֵר שַׁחַת, אַנְשֵׁי דָמִים וּמִרְמָה לֹא יֶחֱצוּ יְמֵיהֶם, וַאֲנִי אֶבְטַח בָּךְ:
(19) Anyone who has these three things is from the students of Abraham, our father, and [anyone who has] three other things is from the students of Bilaam the evildoer: [one who has] a good eye, a humble spirit and a small appetite -- is from the students of Abraham, our father. [One who has] an evil eye, a haughty spirit and a broad appetite - is from the students of Bilaam the evildoer. What [difference] is there between the students of Abraham, our father, and the students of Bilaam the evildoer? The students of Abraham, our father, eat in this world and possess the next world, as it is stated (Proverbs 8:21), "There is what for those that love Me to inherit, and their treasuries will I fill." But the students of Bilaam the evildoer inherit Gehinnom (Purgatory) and go down to the pit of destruction, as it is stated (Psalms 55:24), "And You, God, will bring them down to the pit of destruction; the people of blood and deceit, they will not live out half their days; and I will trust in You."
The Tiferet Yisrael (Yakhin) adds an interesting insight into Avraham’s ayin tova.
A man has the ability to see straight, think clearly, and have faith despite his lack of rational understanding. It is written about Avraham: “And he believed in God” (Bereishit 16:6), even when he was told that his descendants would be too numerous to count.
Part of ayin tova is to see past the present. A famous quote, often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, states: “It takes a good deal of character to judge a person by his future instead of his past.” Avraham teaches us that one need not focus on the bad; instead, one may focus on the possibility of bringing about a marvelous future. This may be what allows Avraham to see good and potential even in the extremely wicked city of Sedom, which he beseeches God to spare.
Tiferet Yisrael
When one sees an evil person doing something reprehensible, committing a powerful sin, he should judge him favorably. He should assume that the sin was the result of being driven by an overwhelming urge or gross physicality, or that the sinner does not know the sin’s severity, etc. Through this, he saves himself from judgment. In reality, when a person sees another’s sin, he should realize that he has a similar fault, that there is an accusation and harsh judgment cast upon him. When he finds a merit in his friend’s behavior, he too will be considered meritorious…
This is really a great test. We have received the teaching that no verdict is made against a person unless he himself issues it. Now a person will certainly not rule negatively against himself; rather, Heaven shows him a man that commits some sin similar to the one he did and he passes judgment on it, thereby passing judgment on himself…
He should try and bring the other to repent with all his might and cleanse the other from the filth of his sin, realizing that the same fault lies within him. Concerning one’s self, one always finds merits; so he should find merits and loving-kindness in all of Israel. Their common denominator is that they are all righteous, all pure and all worthy of all of the blessings . . .
Essentially, being judgmental is dangerous, for by passing judgment on others we essentially convict ourselves of similar crimes that we perform when confronted by a similar situation.
I'm thankful for...
Laundry - because it means that my family has clothes to wear.
Dishes - because it means that my family has food to eat.
Bills - because it means that we have financial provisions.
Making Beds - because it means we have a warm, soft place to rest at night.
Dusting - because it means we have furniture to enjoy.
Vacuuming - because it means we have a home to care for.
Picking Up Toy - because it means I have children to bring joy to my life.
- The mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
- The taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.
- The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
- My shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
- A lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
- All the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.
- The space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.
- My huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
- The lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.
- The piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
- Weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.
- The alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I'm alive.
(Likkutei Moharan 1:282):
Know that you must judge all people favorably. This applies even to the worst of people. You must search until you find some little bit of good in them. In that good place inside them, they are not bad! If you can just find this little bit of good and judge them favorably, you really can elevate them and swing the scales of judgment in their favor. This way you can bring them back to God… for by finding some little bit of good in them and judging them favorably, you genuinely raise them from guilt to merit... Understand this well.
(יא) לא מלשון הריגה כזאב יטרף (לקמן מ"ט כ"ז), אך מפני שכל טורף חוטף נקרא החוטף טורף, והא דשלח את הזכר, והלא יש לחוש שלא יחשדוהו כמו שחשדו העורב, ויש לומר כל הפוסל במומו פוסל (קידושין ע'.) והעורב שימש בתיבה משום הכי חשדו, אבל נח כוונתו היה לגלות זה לכל שהרי היונה גם כן זכר היה והלך בשליחותו, מפני שהיונה גם כן לא שימש בתיבה, משום הכי לא יחשוד גם את נח שישמש עם בת זוגו, (מהרש"ל):
"When you point a finger at someone else,you point 3 fingers at yourself"
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: favorably disposed opinions : optimistic eyes <views the world through rose-colored glasses>
לע ר' יהושע בן לוי אשכח לאליהו דהוי קיימי אפיתחא דמערתא דרבי שמעון בן יוחאי. . . . אמר ליה אימת אתי משיח אמר ליה זיל שייליה לדידיה והיכא יתיב אפיתחא דקרתא ומאי סימניה יתיב ביני עניי סובלי חלאים וכולן שרו ואסירי בחד זימנא איהו שרי חד ואסיר חד אמר דילמא מבעינא דלא איעכב אזל לגביה אמר ליה שלום עליך רבי ומורי . . . . א"ל לאימת אתי מר א"ל היום אתא לגבי אליהו א"ל מאי אמר לך א"ל שלום עליך בר ליואי א"ל אבטחך לך ולאבוךלמא דאתי א"ל שקורי קא שקר בי דאמר לי היום אתינא ולא אתא א"ל הכי אמר לך (תהלים צה, ז) היום אם בקולו תשמעו
Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi once met the prophet Elijah, who was standing at the entrance to the tomb of Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai. Rabbi Yehoshua asked Elijah: "when will the Messiah come?" Elijah answered him: "Go and ask him yourself!" "Where can I find him," asked Rabbi Yehoshua. Elijah told him that the the Messiah sits in tattered clothing at the gate of the city (the place where the poor beg for money). "How will I be able to recognize him," asked Rabbi Yehoshua. Elijah told him that he will be sitting among the wretched who are afflicted with disease. While those around him will have exposed open sores, he wraps and unwraps one bandage at a time, making sure that he is covered. At any moment, he will be ready to redeem the world. Rabbi Yehoshua went and found him, and asked him: "when are you coming to redeem the world?" The Messiah answered, "Today!" Rabbi Yehoshua returned to Elijah and told him that "he lied to me, for he said that I'm coming today, and he has not come!" Elijah responded: "He meant today, if people will recognize me.
MOSHIACH'S HAT
(A Poem To Ponder)
By Anonymous ben Kolonymous (who else?)
'T was the night of the Geulah, -- And in every single Shtiebel
Sounds of Torah could be heard -- Coming from every kind of Yeedel.
This one in English, -- Some in Hebrew, some in Yiddish.
Some saying P'shat -- And some saying a Chiddish.
And up in Shamayim--The Aibishter decreed:
"The time has come -- For My children to be freed.
"Rouse the Moshiach -- From his heavenly berth.
Have him get in his chariot, -- And head down to earth.
"The Moshiach got dressed -- And with a heart full of glee,
Went down to earth and entered -- the first Shtiebel he did see.
"I am the Moshiach! -- Hashem has heard your plea!
Your Geulah has come! -- It's time to go free!
"They all stopped their learning; -- This was quite a surprise.
And they look at him carefully, -- With piercing sharp eyes
"He's not the Moshiach!" -- Said one with a grin,
"Just look at his hat, -- At the pinches and brim!"
"That's right!" cried another -- With a grimace and frown,
"Whoever heard of Moshiach, -- With a brim that's turned down?"
"Well," thought Moshiach, -- "If this is the rule,
I'll turn my brim up -- Before I go to the next shul."
So he walked right on over -- To the next shul in town.
Sure to be accepted, -- Since his brim was no longer down.
"I'm, the Moshiach!" he cried, -- As he began to enter
But the Jews wanted to know first -- If he was Left Right or Center
"Your clothes are so black!" -- They cried out in fright.
"You can't be Moshiach--You're much too far right!"
"If you want to be Moshiach, -- You must be properly outfitted.
"So they replaced his black hat -- With a Kippah that was knitted.
Wearing his new Kippah, -- Moshiach went out and said:
"No difference to me -- What I wear on my head.
"So he went to the next shul, -- For his mission was dear.
But he was getting frustrated -- With the Yidden down hear.
"I'm the Moshiach!" he cried, -- And they all stopped to stare,
And a complete eerie stillness -- Filled up the air.
"You're the Moshiach?! -- Just imagine that!
Whoever heard of Moshiach -- Without a black hat?"
"But I do have a hat!" -- The Moshiach then said.
So he pulled it right out -- And plunked it down on his head.
Then the shul started laughing, -- And one said " Where's your kop?
You can't have Moshiach -- With a brim that's turned up!
If you want to be Moshiach -- And be accepted in this town,
"Put some pinches in your hat -- And turn that brim down!"
Moshiach walked out and said: -- "I guess my time hasn't come.
I'll just return -- To where I came from.
"So he went to his chariot, -- But as he began to enter,
All sorts of Jews appeared -- From the Left, Right, and Center.
"Please wait - do not leave. -- It's all their fault!" they said,
And they pointed to each other -- And to what was on each other's head.
Moshiach just looked sad -- And said, " You don't understand."
And then started up his chariot -- To get out of this land.
"Yes, it's very wonderful -- That you all learn Torah,
But you seem to have forgotten -- A crucial part of our Mesorah.
"What does he mean?" -- "What's he talking about?"
And they all looked bewildered, -- And they all began to shout.
Moshiach looked back and answered, -- "The first place to start,
Is to shut up your mouths -- And open your hearts.
"To each of you, certain Yidden -- Seem too Frum or too Frei,
But all Yidden are beloved -- in the Aibishter's eye."
And on his way up he shouted: -- " If you want me to come,
Try working a little harder -- On some Ahavat Chinam!"