Husbands and Wives

(18) And the ETERNAL God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helpmate for him.’ (19) And out of the ground the ETERNAL God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man would call every living creature, that was to be its name. (20) And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helpmate for him. (21) And the ETERNAL God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and God took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh. (22) And the rib, which the ETERNAL God had taken from the man, was made into a woman, brought unto the man. (23) And the man said: ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Rabbi Akiva said: when a husband [איש] and wife [אשה] are worthy, the Divine Presence dwells with them and when they are not worthy, fire burns them.

(5) If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies childless, the wife of the dead brother shall not be married to a foreigner; her husband’s brother shall take her to wife, and perform the duty of a husband’s brother unto her. (6) And so the firstborn that she bears shall follow the name of his dead brother, that his name should not be blotted out in Israel.

(2) Taking a wife is a positive commandment of the Torah. A woman is acquired in three ways: by money, by contract, or by intercourse. ... And a woman who is acquired through any of these three means is considered to be married.

A husband has ten obligations toward his wife and four rights from her. The obligations are (1) to provide her with food and care; (2) to supply her clothing and shelter; (3) to cohabit with her; (4) to provide the ketubah; (5) to supply medical care when she is ill; (6) to ransom her if she is taken captive; (7) to provide suitable burial when she dies; (8) to provide for her support after he dies and allow her to live in his house during her widowhood; (9) to provide from his estate for the support of their daughters until they are betrothed or reach the age of maturity; and (10) to see that their sons of the marriage shall inherit her ketubah, in addition to their portion of his estate which may be shared with his sons from other wives. The husband's rights are those entitling him: (1) to the benefit of his wife's handiwork; (2) to her chance gains or finds; (3) to the produce of her property; and (4) to inherit her estate.

The times for conjugal duty prescribed in the Torah are: for men of independent means, every day; for laborers, twice a week; for donkey drivers, once a week; for camel drivers, once in thirty days; for sailors, once in six months.

(19) Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money is plentiful, he should honor her as much as he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and not act downcast or hot-tempered.

(20) Thus the Sages commanded: A woman should honor her husband to excess, and stand in awe of him, and act according to his word. He should seem to her like a minister or king, following the desires of his heart, and distancing herself from the things he hates. This is how holy and pure Jews behave in their marriages; these ways are their pleasant and praiseworthy lifestyle.

What is meant by the Psalms verse: It is good for a man to be gracious and lend, to order his affairs righteously?

It means that a man should eat and drink less than what he can afford, should dress himself as befits what he can afford, and should honor his wife and children more than he can afford. For they are dependent on him, as he is dependent on the One Who Spoke And Created The World.

Rav said: “Anyone who follows the advice of his wife will wind up in hell!”

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But Rav Papa said to Abaye, “But people say, ‘If your wife is short, bend down and listen to your wife, and whisper to her.’”

And there is no contradiction between the two: One applies to earthly matters, and the other applies to matters of the household. Another opinion: One applies to words of Heaven, and the other applies to words of the Earth.