For a lot more on each of the Four Children / Arba Banim, check out this source sheet.
Stop the video at 00:43 and ask:
If you were the parent here, what would your reaction be? What would you be thinking or feeling?
After discussing, continue the video until the end.
Judging people favorably, or being dan le-chaf zechut, is a commandment from the Torah, according to the Sages of the Talmud - including and especially when the behavior is ambiguous. We have just seen an example where we ourselves, most likely, did not judge the daughter particularly favorably, or at least it took some critical thought to do so when our instincts tried to lead us astray. Despite judging others favorably being a commandment, we see an example in the Haggadah where the rabbis seem to see ambiguous behavior from children, and then judge them at least one of those children less than favorably. This is the case of the Four Children, which is based on four different verses in the Torah:
And when your children say (yomru) to you, ‘What is this worship to you?’ you shall say, ‘It is the passover sacrifice to the LORD, because He passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when He smote the Egyptians, but saved our houses.’” The people then bowed low in homage.
And you shall tell (ve-higadeta) your child on that day, ‘It is because of this that the LORD did for me when I went free from Egypt.’
And when, in time to come, your child asks you (yishalcha), saying, ‘What is this?’ you shall say to them, ‘It was with a mighty hand that the LORD brought us out from Egypt, the house of bondage.
When, in time to come, your child asks (yishalcha) you, “What mean the decrees, laws, and rules that the LORD our God has enjoined upon you?” you shall say to your child, “We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt and the LORD freed us from Egypt with a mighty hand.
חָכָם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֵדוֹת וְהַחֻקִּים וְהַמִּשְׁפָּטִים אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ אֶתְכֶם. וְאַף אַתָּה אֱמוֹר לוֹ כְּהִלְכוֹת הַפֶּסַח: אֵין מַפְטִירִין אַחַר הַפֶּסַח אֲפִיקוֹמָן:
What does the wise [son] say? "'What mean the decrees, laws, and rules that the LORD our God has enjoined upon you?' (Deuteronomy 6:20)" And accordingly you will say to him, as per the laws of the Pesach sacrifice, "We may not eat an afikoman [a dessert or other foods eaten after the meal] after [we are finished eating] the Pesach sacrifice (Mishnah Pesachim 10:8)."
רָשָׁע מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מָה הָעֲבוֹדָה הַזּאֹת לָכֶם. לָכֶם – וְלֹא לוֹ. וּלְפִי שֶׁהוֹצִיא אֶת עַצְמוֹ מִן הַכְּלָל כָּפַר בְּעִקָּר. וְאַף אַתָּה הַקְהֵה אֶת שִׁנָּיו וֶאֱמוֹר לוֹ: "בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם". לִי וְלֹא־לוֹ. אִלּוּ הָיָה שָׁם, לֹא הָיָה נִגְאָל:
What does the wicked [son] say? "'What is this worship to you?' (Exodus 12:26)" 'To you' and not 'to him.' And since he excluded himself from the collective, he denied a principle [of the Jewish faith]. And accordingly, you will blunt his teeth and say to him, ‘It is because of this that the LORD did for me when I went free from Egypt.’ (Exodus 13:8)." 'For me' and not 'for him.' If he had been there, he would not have been saved.
תָּם מָה הוּא אוֹמֵר? מַה זּאֹת? וְאָמַרְתָּ אֵלָיו "בְּחוֹזֶק יָד הוֹצִיאָנוּ ה' מִמִּצְרַיִם מִבֵּית עֲבָדִים".
What does the innocent [son] say? "'What is this?' (Exodus 13:14)" And you will say to him, "'It was with a mighty hand that the LORD brought us out from Egypt, the house of bondage. (Exodus 13:14).'"
וְשֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לִשְׁאוֹל – אַתְּ פְּתַח לוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, וְהִגַּדְתָּ לְבִנְךָ בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא לֵאמֹר, בַּעֲבוּר זֶה עָשָׂה ה' לִי בְּצֵאתִי מִמִּצְרָיִם.
And [regarding] the one who doesn't know to ask, you will open [the conversation] for him. As it is stated (Exodus 13:8), "And you will speak to your son on that day saying, ‘It is because of this that the LORD did for me when I went free from Egypt.’
Discussion Questions
The way the questions and answers look in the Torah and the way they end up appearing in the Haggadah are different. What differences do you notice?
The answer given to the wicked child in the Haggadah is the same answer as the one given to the child who does not know how to ask in the Torah (Exodus 13:8). Why do you think the authors of the Haggadah linked these two children? How might the characters be related?
Now that we've seen a connection between the wicked child and the child who does not know how to ask, who in your life is the "wicked child?" Do you think there is any of the "child who doesn't know how to ask" in this "wicked child"?
Perhaps, upon deeper reflection, we ourselves judged the rabbis less favorably here and they were actually upholding their very message of judging favorably. In fact, what on the face of it was them judging an innocuous statement by the child as wicked (rasha) conveys a much deeper message. The linking of the rasha and the one who does not know how to ask subtly suggests that these two may not be so different from one another. The so-called-rasha may simply be the one who does not know how to ask or express themselves in an amenable way. The message may be: don't rush to call someone a rasha without first trying to understand who they are and where they come from.