The Price of Piety

Parshat Chayei Sara:
Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler
Dean of Students and Mashgicha Ruchanit, Maharat
Advanced Kollel: Executive Ordination Track Class of 2018

24 Cheshvan 5776 | November 6, 2015

This week’s parsha, Chayei Sarah, or “The life of Sarah,” begins with the death of Sarah.

בראשית כ״ג:א׳-ב׳

(א) וַיִּהְיוּ֙ חַיֵּ֣י שָׂרָ֔ה מֵאָ֥ה שָׁנָ֛ה וְעֶשְׂרִ֥ים שָׁנָ֖ה וְשֶׁ֣בַע שָׁנִ֑ים שְׁנֵ֖י חַיֵּ֥י שָׂרָֽה׃ (ב) וַתָּ֣מָת שָׂרָ֗ה בְּקִרְיַ֥ת אַרְבַּ֛ע הִ֥וא חֶבְר֖וֹן בְּאֶ֣רֶץ כְּנָ֑עַן וַיָּבֹא֙ אַבְרָהָ֔ם לִסְפֹּ֥ד לְשָׂרָ֖ה וְלִבְכֹּתָֽהּ׃

Genesis 23:1-2

(1) And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; [these were] the years of the life of Sarah (2) And Sarah died in Kiriath Arba, which is Hebron, in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to eulogize Sarah and to bewail her.

This final phrase--"וַיָּבֹא אַבְרָהָם לִסְפֹּד לְשָׂרָה וְלִבְכֹּתָהּ"--marks one of the saddest moments in Tanach. Sarah dies and Avraham comes to eulogize her. He does not live by her side as she fades. He does not hold her hand as she dies. Too late, he must be summoned from afar to bury her.
Rashi tells us that Avraham came all the way from Beer Sheba to Hebron to bury his wife. Indeed, according to the previous chapter of Breishit (22), Avraham dwelt there after the Akeidah. It seems that after the near-sacrifice of his son, he could not return home. He could not face his previous life or his wife. And so she died, having never confronted the man who nearly took away her son.
Of Avraham after the Akeidah we are told:

בראשית כ״ב:י״ט

וַיָּ֤שָׁב אַבְרָהָם֙ אֶל־נְעָרָ֔יו וַיָּקֻ֛מוּ וַיֵּלְכ֥וּ יַחְדָּ֖ו אֶל־בְּאֵ֣ר שָׁ֑בַע וַיֵּ֥שֶׁב אַבְרָהָ֖ם בִּבְאֵ֥ר שָֽׁבַע׃

Genesis 22:19

And Abraham returned to his young men, and they arose and went together to Beer Sheba; and Abraham remained in Beer Sheba.

This image is a tragic one. Avraham, who ascended the mountain “yachdav”--together with his son--descends without him. Yitzchak survives, but it seems that the father-son relationship did not. Relieved, but also bereft and maybe a bit broken, Avraham embarks on a different journey now, together (yachdav) with his servants, his naarav who are not his naar, not his beloved Yitzchak. Before the trek up the mountain, Avaraham had said to his servants,

בראשית כ״ב:ה׳

...שְׁבוּ־לָכֶ֥ם פֹּה֙ עִֽם־הַחֲמ֔וֹר וַאֲנִ֣י וְהַנַּ֔עַר נֵלְכָ֖ה עַד־כֹּ֑ה וְנִֽשְׁתַּחֲוֶ֖ה וְנָשׁ֥וּבָה אֲלֵיכֶֽם׃

Genesis 22:5

...Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go yonder, and we will prostrate ourselves and return to you.

But this was not meant to be. Avraham did not return with his son, nor did he return to his wife. In the aftermath of all the pain of the Akeidah, he chose to walk with other naarim away from all that he knew, away from Hebron. "וַיָּקֻמוּ וַיֵּלְכוּ יַחְדּו"--Together they settled in Beer Sheba.
This moment of familial rupture echoes in the lonely death of Sarah that headlines our parsha and also, subtly, in the death of Avraham himself, which is also read this week.

בראשית כ״ה:ז׳-ט׳

(ז) וְאֵ֗לֶּה יְמֵ֛י שְׁנֵֽי־חַיֵּ֥י אַבְרָהָ֖ם אֲשֶׁר־חָ֑י מְאַ֥ת שָׁנָ֛ה וְשִׁבְעִ֥ים שָׁנָ֖ה וְחָמֵ֥שׁ שָׁנִֽים׃ (ח) וַיִּגְוַ֨ע וַיָּ֧מָת אַבְרָהָ֛ם בְּשֵׂיבָ֥ה טוֹבָ֖ה זָקֵ֣ן וְשָׂבֵ֑עַ וַיֵּאָ֖סֶף אֶל־עַמָּֽיו׃ (ט) וַיִּקְבְּר֨וּ אֹת֜וֹ יִצְחָ֤ק וְיִשְׁמָעֵאל֙ בָּנָ֔יו אֶל־מְעָרַ֖ת הַמַּכְפֵּלָ֑ה אֶל־שְׂדֵ֞ה עֶפְרֹ֤ן בֶּן־צֹ֙חַר֙ הַֽחִתִּ֔י אֲשֶׁ֖ר עַל־פְּנֵ֥י מַמְרֵֽא׃

Genesis 25:7-9

(7) And these are the days of the years of Abraham's life that he lived: one hundred years and seventy years and five years. (8) And Abraham expired and died in a good old age, old and satisfied, and he was gathered to his people. (9) And Isaac and Ishmael his sons buried him in the Cave of Machpelah in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which faces Mamre.

Avraham dies--ripe and ready--seemingly after a good long life, and yet the burial scene belies this claim somewhat. Heartwarming as it is to see Yitzchak and Yishmael reunited to honor their father, this joining in death only highlights its absence in life. After the Akeidah, the Torah records no contact between any of these parties. Avraham did not have any relationship with his children (nor did they have any relationship with each other). He would never again walk "yachdav" with Yitzchak and certainly not with Yishmael. Indeed, only with him gone can they all be together. Just like Sarah's death forced or maybe re-opened Avraham's engagement with his wife; so too his own death enabled his children to re-engage with him. Maarat Ha'machpelah became the site of reunion and maybe of posthumous repair.

Rashi, quoting Breishit Rabbah, draws together our parsha and the one that precedes it telling us that the cause of Sarah's death was Yitzchak's near-death.

רש"י על בראשית כ״ג:ב׳:ג׳

לספוד לשרה ולבכתה. וְנִסְמְכָה מִיתַת שָׂרָה לַעֲקֵדַת יִצְחָק לְפִי שֶׁעַל יְדֵי בְּשׂוֹרַת הָעֲקֵדָה, שֶׁנִּזְדַּמֵּן בְּנָהּ לִשְׁחִיטָה וְכִמְעַט שֶׁלֹּא נִשְׁחַט, פָּרְחָה נִשְׁמָתָהּ מִמֶּנָּה וּמֵתָה:

Rashi on Genesis 23:2:3

The account of Sarah’s demise was juxtaposed to the binding of Isaac because as a result of the news of the Akeidah, that her son was prepared for slaughter and was almost slaughtered, her soul flew out of her, and she died.

I would like to suggest that Sarah's fatal heartbreak resulted not only from the content of her son's trials but also from the way that she came to hear of it. "Besorat Ha'akeidah"--the news of the Akeidah--seemingly came her way from the outside, maybe by way of a messenger or a rumor. Neither her husband nor her son were there to soften the blow, to contextualize it, or to support her through it. Alone, horrified, sickened, and afraid, her soul could no longer function and she gave out.
The deaths of Sarah and Avraham serve as a cautionary postscript to the Akeidah story. The binding of Yitzchak was, it turns out, a story of sacrifice after all: The sacrifice of family on the altar of God. Perhaps we ought to understand from this very messy tale that we threaten to sacrifice human relationships when we privilege the God-relationship overly much. This is no doubt a spiritually challenging message, but I believe that it is an important one. There is a price to be paid for too much piety.