סליחה, סולחים?
1א
הדף מאת: מערכת מדרשת / אתר מדרשת
2ב
אלול - חודש הרחמים והסליחות שולח אותנו לברר את מהותה של הסליחה - כיצד מבקשים אותה ומה ייעודה? דף לימוד זה הוכן לקראת 'בית המדרש הפייסבוקי' לראש חודש אלול בדף הפייסבוק של מדרשת.
3ג
רמב"ם, משנה תורה, הלכות תשובה, פרק ב, הלכה ט
אין התשובה ולא יום הכפורים מכפרין, אלא על עבירות שבין אדם למקום [=לאלוהים]... אבל עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו כגון החובל [=הפוצע] את חבירו או המקלל חבירו או גוזלו וכיוצא בהן, אינו נמחל לו לעולם עד שיתן לחבירו מה שהוא חייב לו וירצהו [=יפייס אותו]. אף-על-פי שהחזיר לו ממון שהוא חייב לו צריך לרצותו [=לפייסו] ולשאול [=לבקש] ממנו שימחול [=שיסלח] לו.

אפילו לא הקניט את חבירו אלא בדברים - צריך לפייסו ולפגע בו [=להיפגש איתו] עד שימחול לו.

לא רצה חבירו למחול לו - מביא לו שורה של שלשה בני אדם מרעיו [=מחבריו של הנפגע], ופוגעין בו [=פוגשים אותו] ומבקשין ממנו.

לא נתרצה להן [=לא קיבל את ההתנצלות] - מביא לו שניה ושלישית [=שורה חברים שנייה ושלישית].

לא רצה - מניחו והולך לו. וזה שלא מחל [=שלא סלח] הוא החוטא...
4ד
דיון
- מדוע בעצם יום הכיפורים מכפר רק על עבירות שבין אדם למקום?
- למי נועדה בקשת הסליחה והכפרה? לפוגע או לנפגע?
- מה דעתכם על "הוראות הבימוי" המתארות את בקשת הסליחה ושתוחמות אותה בזמן?
5ה
ר' ירמיה הוה ליה מילתא לר' אבא בהדיה [=ר' ירמיה היה לו דבר לרבי אבא עליו].
אזל, איתיב אדשא דר' אבא [=הלך, ישב על מפתן ביתו של רבי אבא].
בהדי דשדיא אמתיה מיא מטא זרזיפי דמיא ארישא [=כאשר שפכה שפחתו (של רבי אבא) את המים, הגיעו המים לראשו (נרטב)].
אמר: עשאוני כאשפה. קרא אנפשיה [=קרא על עצמו]: (תהילים קיג ז) "מאשפות ירים אביון".
שמע ר' אבא ונפיק לאפיה [=שמע רבי אבא ויצא לפניו]. אמר ליה: השתא צריכנא למיפק אדעתך [=כעת אני צריך להוציא אותך מדעתך (לפייס אותך)], דכתיב, (משלי ו יג) "לך התרפס ורהב רעיך".
Of his own will, he goes to die; and he does not fulfill the will of his household, and he goes empty-handed to his household; and if only his entrance would be like his exit. And when he saw a line of people [ambuha] following after him out of respect for him, he said: “Though his excellency ascends to the heavens, and his head reaches to the clouds, yet he shall perish forever like his own dung; they who have seen him will say: Where is he?” (Job 20:6–7). This teaches that when one achieves power, it can lead to his downfall. When they would carry Rav Zutra on their shoulders during the Shabbat of the Festival when he taught, he would recite the following to avoid becoming arrogant: “For power is not forever, and does the crown endure for all generations?” (Proverbs 27:24). § It was further taught: “It is not good to respect the person of the wicked” (Proverbs 18:5), meaning, it is not good for wicked people when they are respected in this world and are not punished their sins. For example, it was not good for Ahab to be respected in this world, as it is stated: “Because he humbled himself before Me, I will not bring the evil in his days” (I Kings 21:29), and Ahab thereby lost his share in the World-to-Come. The opposite is also true. The complete verse states: “It is not good to respect the person of the wicked, to turn aside the righteous in judgment” (Proverbs 18:5), meaning: It is good for the righteous when they are not respected in this world and are punished in this world for their sins. For example, it was good for Moses that he was not respected in this world, as it is stated: “Because you did not believe in Me, to sanctify Me” (Numbers 20:12). The Gemara analyzes this: Had you believed in Me, your time still would not have come to depart the world. They said: Fortunate are the righteous because not only do they accumulate merit for themselves, but they accumulate merit for their children and their children’s children until the end of all generations; as there were several sons of Aaron who essentially deserved to be burned like Nadav and Avihu, as it is stated: “The sons of Aaron who were left” (Leviticus 10:16), implying that others were left as well although they deserved to be burned with their brothers. But the merit of their father protected them, and they and their descendants were priests for all time. On the other hand: Woe to the wicked, as not only do they render themselves liable, but they also render their children and children’s children liable until the end of all generations. For example, Canaan had many children who deserved to be ordained as rabbis and instructors of the public due to their great stature in Torah study, like Tavi, the servant of Rabban Gamliel, who was famous for his wisdom; but their father’s liability caused them to remain as slaves. Furthermore: Whoever accumulates merit for the public will not have sin come to his hand, and God protects him from failing; but whoever causes the public to sin has almost no ability to repent. The Gemara explains: What is the reason that whoever accumulates merit for the public will not have sin come to his hand? It is so that he will not be in Gehenna while his students are in the Garden of Eden, as it is stated: “For You will not abandon my soul to the nether-world; neither will You suffer Your godly one to see the pit” (Psalms 16:10). On the other hand, whoever causes the public to sin has almost no ability to repent, so that he will not be in the Garden of Eden while his students are in Gehenna, as it is stated: “A man who is laden with the blood of any person shall hasten his steps to the pit; none will support him” (Proverbs 28:17). Since he oppressed others and caused them to sin, he shall have no escape. § The Gemara returns to interpreting the mishna. It states there that one who says: I will sin and I will repent, I will sin and I will repent, is not given the opportunity to repent.The Gemara asks: Why do I need the mishna to say twice: I will sin and I will repent, I will sin and repent? The Gemara explains that this is in accordance with that which Rav Huna said that Rav said, as Rav Huna said that Rav said: Once a person commits a transgression and repeats it, it becomes permitted to him. The Gemara is surprised at this: Can it enter your mind that it becomes permitted to him? Rather, say that it becomes to him as though it were permitted. Consequently, the sinner who repeats his sin has difficulty abandoning his sin, and the repetition of his sin is reflected in the repetition of the phrase. It is stated in the mishna that if one says: I will sin and Yom Kippur will atone for my sins, Yom Kippur does not atone for his sins. The Gemara comments: Let us say that the mishna is not in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, as it was taught in a baraita that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says: Yom Kippur atones for all transgressions of the Torah, whether one repented or did not repent. The Gemara answers: Even if you say that the mishna is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, it is different when it is on the basis of being permitted to sin. Even Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi agrees that Yom Kippur does not atone for the transgressions one commits only because he knows that Yom Kippur will atone for them. § It was taught in the mishna: Yom Kippur atones for sins committed against God but does not atone for sins committed against another person. Rav Yosef bar Ḥavu raised a contradiction before Rabbi Abbahu: The mishna states that Yom Kippur does not atone for sins committed against a fellow person, but isn’t it written: “If one man sin against another, God [Elohim] shall judge him [ufilelo]” (I Samuel 2:25). The word ufilelo, which may also refer to prayer, implies that if he prays, God will grant the sinner forgiveness. He answered him: Who is Elohim mentioned in the verse? It is referring to a judge [elohim] and not to God, and the word ufilelo in the verse indicates judgment. Atonement occurs only after justice has been done toward the injured party by means of a court ruling. Rav Yosef bar Ḥavu said to him: If so, say the following with regard to the latter clause of the verse: “But if a man sin against the Lord, who shall entreat [yitpallel] for him?” (I Samuel 2:25). This is difficult, since it has been established that the root pll is interpreted in this verse as indicating judgment, and therefore the latter clause of the verse implies that if one sins toward God there is no one to judge him. Rabbi Abbahu answered him: This is what the verse is saying: If one man sins against another, God [Elohim] shall forgive him [ufilelo]; if the sinner appeases the person against whom he has sinned, he will be forgiven. But if a man sin against the Lord, who shall entreat [yitpallel] for him? Repentance and good deeds. The root pll is to be interpreted as indicating forgiveness rather than judgment. § Rabbi Yitzḥak said: One who angers his friend, even only verbally, must appease him,as it is stated: “My son, if you have become a guarantor for your neighbor, if you have struck your hands for a stranger, you are snared by the words of your mouth…Do this now, my son, and deliver yourself, seeing you have come into the hand of your neighbor. Go, humble yourself [hitrapes] and urge [rehav] your neighbor” (Proverbs 6:1–3). This should be understood as follows: If you have money that you owe him, open the palm of [hater pisat] your hand to your neighbor and pay the money that you owe; and if not, if you have sinned against him verbally, increase [harbe] friends for him, i.e., send many people as your messengers to ask him for forgiveness. Rav Ḥisda said: And one must appease the one he has insulted with three rows of three people, as it is stated: “He comes [yashor] before men, and says: I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not” (Job 33:27). Rav Ḥisda interprets the word yashor as related to the word shura, row. The verse mentions sin three times: I have sinned, and perverted, and it profited me not. This implies that one should make three rows before the person from whom he is asking forgiveness. Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina said: Anyone who asks forgiveness of his friend should not ask more than three times, as it is stated: “Please, please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, for they did evil to you. And now, please forgive” (Genesis 50:17). The verse uses the word please three times, which shows that one need not ask more than three times, after which the insulted friend must be appeased and forgive. And if the insulted friend dies before he can be appeased, one brings ten people, and stands them at the grave of the insulted friend, and says in front of them: I have sinned against the Lord, the God of Israel, and against so-and-so whom I wounded. The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yirmeya insulted Rabbi Abba, causing the latter to have a complaint against him. Rabbi Yirmeya went and sat at the threshold of Rabbi Abba’s house to beg him for forgiveness. When Rabbi Abba’s maid poured out the dirty water from the house, the stream of water landed on Rabbi Yirmeya’s head. He said about himself: They have made me into a trash heap, as they are pouring dirty water on me. He recited this verse about himself: “Who lifts up the needy out of the trash heap” (Psalms 113:7). Rabbi Abba heard what happened and went out to greet him. Rabbi Abba said to him: Now I must go out to appease you for this insult, as it is written: “Go, humble yourself [hitrapes] and urge your neighbor” (Proverbs 6:3). It is related that when Rabbi Zeira had a complaint against a person who insulted him, he would pace back and forth before him and present himself, so that the person could come and appease him. Rabbi Zeira made himself available so that it would be easy for the other person to apologize to him. It is further related that Rav had a complaint against a certain butcher who insulted him.The butcher did not come before him to apologize. On Yom Kippur eve, Rav said: I will go and appease him. He met his student Rav Huna, who said to him: Where is my Master going? He said to him: I am going to appease so-and-so. Rav Huna called Rav by his name and said: Abba is going to kill a person, for surely that person’s end will not be good. Rav went and stood by him. He found the butcher sitting and splitting the head of an animal. The butcher raised his eyes and saw him. He said to him: Are you Abba? Go, I have nothing to say to you. While he was splitting the head, one of the bones of the head flew out and struck him in the throat and killed him, thereby fulfilling Rav Huna’s prediction. The Gemara further relates: Rav was reciting the Torah portion before Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi.
6ו
דיון
- מדוע התיישב ר' ירמיה על המפתן ולא נכנס פנימה?
- האם שפיכת המים קרתה בטעות?
- מה שינתה שפיכת המים ביחסי הכוחות בין ר' ירמיה לר' אבא?
- האם בסופו של דבר ר' ירמיה השלים את המטרה שלשמה בא מלכתחילה?
- האם הירידה ל"מצב אשפה" היא הכרחית עבור בקשת הסליחה?
7ז
ויסלבה שימבורסקה, מתוך: "שלהי המאה", תרגום: רפי וייכרט, קשב לשירה, 2011
מתחת לכוכב אחד קטן
אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מֵהַמִּקְרֶה, עַל שֶׁאֲנִי מְכַנָּה אוֹתוֹ כֹּרַח.
אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת אֶת סְלִיחַת הַכֹּרַח, אִם בְּכָל־זֹאת אֲנִי טוֹעָה.

בַּל יִרְגַּז הָאשֶׁר עַל שֶׁאֲנִי נוֹהֶגֶת בּוֹ כִּבְקִנְיָנִי.

שֶׁיִּשְׁכְּחוּ לִי הַמֵּתִים אֶת הִתְפּוֹגְגוּתָם בְּזִכְרוֹנִי.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מֵהַזְּמַן עַל גֹּדֶשׁ הָעוֹלָם שֶׁלֹּא רָאִיתִי בְּכָל הֶרֶף־עַיִן.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מֵאַהֲבָה נוֹשָׁנָה עַל שֶׁרוֹאָה אֲנִי אֶת הַחֲדָשָׁה כְּרִאשׁוֹנָה.

סְלַחְנָה לִי, מִלְחָמוֹת רְחוֹקוֹת, שֶׁאֲנִי מְבִיאָה הַבַּיְתָה פְּרָחִים.

סִלְחוּ, פְּצָעִים פְּתוּחִים, שֶׁאֲנִי נִדְקֶרֶת בָּאֶצְבָּעוֹת.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת אֶת מְחִילַת הַקּוֹרְאִים מִמַּעֲמַקִּים עַל תַּקְלִיט עִם מִינוּאֶט.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת אֶת סְלִיחַת הַמַּמְתִּינִים בְּתַחֲנוֹת רַכֶּבֶת עַל שְׁנָתִי בְּחָמֵשׁ לִפְנוֹת בֹּקֶר.

סִלְחִי לִי, תִּקְוָה מְשֻׁסָּה, שֶׁלִּפְעָמִים אֲנִי צוֹחֶקֶת.

סִלְחוּ לִי, מִדְבָּרִיּוֹת, עַל שֶׁאֵינֶנִּי רָצָה עִם כַּף מַיִם.

וְאַתָּה נֵץ, הָאֶחָד זֶה שָׁנִים, בְּאוֹתוֹ הַכְּלוּב,

קָפוּא בִּמְקוֹמְךָ, תָּמִיד נוֹעֵץ מַבָּט בְּאוֹתָהּ הַנְּקֻדָּה,

מְחַל לִי, אַף אִם תִּהְיֶה מְפֻחְלָץ.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מֵעֵץ גָּדוּעַ בְּשֶׁל אַרְבַּע רַגְלֵי הַשֻּׁלְחָן.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מִשְּׁאֵלוֹת גְּדוֹלוֹת עַל תְּשׁוּבוֹת קְטַנּוֹת.

אֱמֶת, אַל תִּשְׁעִי אֵלַי יוֹתֵר מִדַּי.

כֹּבֶד־רֹאשׁ, הַרְאֵנִי רֹחַב־לֵב.

שָׂא נָא, מִסְתּוֹרִין הַקִּיּוּם, שֶׁאֲנִי פּוֹרֶמֶת חוּטִים בִּגְלִימָתְךָ.

אַל תַּאֲשִׁימִי אוֹתִי, נְשָׁמָה, עַל שֶׁאַתְּ אִתִּי לְעִתִּים רְחוֹקוֹת בִּלְבַד.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מֵהַכֹּל עַל כִּי אֵינִי יְכוֹלָה לִהְיוֹת בְּכָל מָקוֹם.

אֲנִי מְבַקֶּשֶׁת סְלִיחָה מִכֻּלָּם עַל שֶׁאֵינֶנִּי יְכוֹלָה לִהְיוֹת כָּל אֶחָד וְאַחַת.

אֲנִי יוֹדַעַת שֶׁכָּל עוֹד אֲנִי בַּחַיִּים, אֵין דָּבָר הַמַּצְדִּיקֵנִי,

מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאֲנִי הַמִּכְשׁוֹל שֶׁל עַצְמִי.

אַל תִּטֹּר לִי, דִּבּוּר, שֶׁאֲנִי לוֹוָה מְלִיצוֹת,

וְאַחַר־כָּךְ עֲמֵלָה, כְּדֵי שֶׁתִּדְמֶינָה קְלִילוֹת.
8ח
דיון
- מה דעתכם על בקשת הסליחה של המשוררת ויסלבה שימבורסקה?
- התמקדותה של המשוררת בפרטי היומיום הקטנים - האם יש לה מקום ב"ימים הנוראים"?
- שימבורסקה מתנצלת ישירות בפני עצמים שונים על השימוש "הלא ראוי" שנעשה בהם. מהו מקומם של רגשי אשמה בווידוי? האם ווידוי נובע בהכרח מרגשות אשמה או מרגשות אחרים? (ואולי הוא בכלל אוטומטי?)

לסיום:
- מנסיונכם, מהי הדרך הטובה ביותר לפיוס?
9ט
קישורים לרקע והרחבה:
לדיון הפייסבוקי על דף זה