Men and Women, Marriage in Torah Thought (Copy)

Genesis Rabbah 68:4
A Roman Matron asked Rabbi Yosi ben Halafta, "In how many days did God create the world?" He said, "In six, as it is said, 'Since six days God made...' (Exodus 20:11) "And since then," she asked, "what has God been doing?" "God sits [on the Heavenly Throne] and makes matches: the daughter of this one to that one, the wife [i.e. widow] of this one to that one, the money of this one to that one," responded R. Yosi. "And for merely this you believe in Him!" she said. "Even I can do that. I have many slaves, both male and female. In no time at all, I can match them for marriage." R. Yosi, "Though this may be an easy thing for you to do, for God it is as difficult as splitting the Sea of Reeds." Whereupon, Rabbi Yosi took his leave. What did she do? The Matron lined up a thousand male and a thousand female slaves and paired them off before nightfall. The morning after, her estate resembled a battlefield. One slave had his head bashed in, another had lost an eye, while a third hobbled because of a broken leg. She said to them: "What do we have here?" and they each said to her: "I don't want this one" [with whom you matched me." Immediately, she summoned R. Yosi and she brought him to her and said: "Your God is not like our god, and your Torah is true, pleasing and praiseworthy. You spoke wisely."

Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 62b
Rabbi Tanhum stated in the name of Rabbi Hanilai: Any man who has no wife lives without joy, without blessing, and without goodness... “Without goodness”, for it is written, “it is not good for man to be alone.”

Gittin 90b
Rabbi Elazar says: "With regard to anyone who divorces his first wife, even the altar sheds tears over him".

The Kabbalah of Man and Woman:
(Zohar, Book I, 85b: Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai (2nd century CE)
As they set out from their place above, each soul is male and female as one.
Only as they descend to this world do they part, each to its own side.
And then it is the One Above who unites them again. This is His exclusive domain, for He alone knows which soul belongs to which and how they must reunite.

Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman ("Nachmanides," 1194-1270):
(From a letter to his son)
Begin with words that draw her heart, settle her mind and lift her spirits. This way, your mind and hers will be in one place and bond together in harmony. Speak to her of different things, some of them to awaken her desire and love, so to draw her to an awe of heaven, towards goodness and modesty. Tell her the legends of great women who merited special children through their deeds and modesty.
For if both of you will focus your minds and hearts towards heaven at this time, you will be granted children whose character permits entry to spirituality and purity.

Rabbi Isaac Luria, ("The Holy Ari," 1534-1572)
The person to whom our Torah speaks is neither a man nor a woman, but both combined. For this is how Adam was first created and this is how we are in essence: Two half-bodies that are truly one. The minds are two, but the bodies, the souls and the very core of these two people are one and the same.
This is why the character and responsibilities of a man and a woman differ, for each side of the body does its part to compliment the other. It would be redundant, after all, for both sides to do the same.
(Taamei HaMitzvot, Braishit)

Rabbi Moshe Cordovero (1522?-1570)
There is another issue about which you must take great care, and that is to ensure that the Shechinah be always with you and never part from you. Now, before a man is married, obviously the Shechinah is not with him at all, since the principal element that draws the Shechinah to a person is the feminine element. In fact, each man stands between two females: The corporeal woman below to whom he must provide food, clothing and affection. And the Shechinah which stands over him to bless him with all these things so that he may turn around and provide them to the woman of his covenant.
(Compiler's note: The Shechina is the Divine Presence. When we refer to G‑d as transcendent, infinite and beyond, we call Him, "He". When we refer to G‑d as immanently here, now, in a nurturing, inner way, we say She is the Shechina.)
(Tomer Devorah, ch. 9)

Rabbi Elijah de Vidas (1518-1592)
The child is tied to the parents' minds and the parents' actions, from conception throughout life. Especially to those matters from which the child is born. The parents' modesty of dress, where they place their eyes and mind, the care they take with the purifying waters of the mikvah and the time of separation — all has a great effect on children yet to be born and on those already grown.
(Reshit Chochmah, Shaar HaKedusha, chapter 16)

Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi (1745-1812)
Look also at the last two blessings of the marriage ceremony: We first say, "He rejoices the groom and the bride" — placing the groom before the bride. But then we conclude, "He rejoices the groom with the bride." We imply that the groom's rejoicing is of secondary significance to the bride's.
This is because now the bride receives from the groom, but in the time yet to come, they will be equal in their stature with a single crown as it was before the moon was diminished.
So, too, we say, "Once again, in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride will be heard." For in the future, the bride will also have a voice. The inner light of the feminine will come outward and be revealed. For then, as we said, "A woman of valour will be the crown of her husband" — even beyond the groom. For then, the feminine element will shine a delightful, secret light of the Hidden Mind.
Therefore, in our time, prayer is said quietly, since the bride does not yet have a voice — because presently the realm of Divine speech has no significance before the higher realms of thought and emotion, as a woman is treated as secondary to her husband. But in the time-yet-to-come, after all is purified and healed, when the Hidden Mind of Delight and Consciousness will be revealed, then the bride will have a great voice without limitation. We will say what is now the Silent Prayer in a loud voice. The sefira of Royalty — which is the sefira of womanhood — will be dominant. As is said, "A woman of valour will be the crown of her husband."
(Likutei Torah, Shir haShirim)

Love is best expressed by that which you do not do. Hillel the Elder said this when he summed up the entire Torah, "If you do not like something, don't do it to someone else."
What is it that you most dislike? You don't appreciate when someone pries into your faults, underlining each one with a red pen. So if you truly wish to express love to someone else, don't even look at his faults. Find whatever is good about him and talk about that.
(Derech Mitzvotecha, Mitzvat Ahavat Yisrael)

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Rabbi Shmuel of Lubavitch ("Maharash," 1834-1882)

Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn (the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe, 1880-1950)
Harsh words, demands and ultimatums — these shake the very foundations of a marriage and a home, tearing its walls apart until each one stands alone.
Gentle words, understanding words, listening words — this is the trunk from which a marriage grows, the foundation upon which a home stands.
A home cannot be repaired unless its foundation is firm. Once a couple learns to speak as friends, their marriage can endure everything, forever.
(Sefer HaSichot 5703, page 233)

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Shcneerson (the seventh Lubavitcher Rebbe)
A king without a queen, the Zohar says, is neither great nor a king. For it is the woman who empowers the man to conquer his space.
And it is the man who empowers the woman to penetrate and nurture hers.
And then the man will learn from this woman that he, too, can reach within others and provide nurture. And the woman will learn that she, too, can conquer.
(From a talk, Shabbat Parshat Noah, 1991)

Rabbi DovBer of Lubavitch ("The Mittler Rebbe," 1773-1826)
The heavens kiss the earth with rays of sunlight; they awaken her with droplets of rain. Impregnated, she delivers life, she nurtures life, she sustains life.
The most spiritual heavens, the worlds of angels and souls, they do not have this power — to create being out of nothingness, to transform death into life. For the earth, in her source, is beyond the heavens. They are of G‑d's light, but she extends from His very Essence. And from His Essence comes this power to cause being.
That is why it is the man who chases after a woman and not the other way around. For the soul of a man sees what he is lacking: the very essence, the core of being. And he sees that only in a woman can that be found.
(Shaar HaEmuna, p. 55)