Nowadays, the sanctity of speech is often overlooked and ignored. Using vulgar language (and saying lashon hara) have become the norm. In fact, many Jews are unaware of the fact that swearing and gossiping is a very corrupt habit according to the Torah. We will explore the phenomenon of "nibel peh" (vulgar/ lewd/ coarse speech - literally, 'disgusting speech'), defining it for convenience's sake as either (1) cursing (2) lewd speech.
A. Why are people motivated to engage in this speech? Why has it become so acceptable?
B. Is using vulgar language an actual prohibition?
The Holiness of Speech (Review)
In order to understand the halachos of shmiras halashon, we must understand the reason behind it: the holiness of speech.
(7) the LORD God formed man from the dust of the earth. He blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being.
(ד) לנפש חיה אַף בְּהֵמָה וְחַיָּה נִקְרְאוּ נֶפֶשׁ חַיָּה, אַךְ זוּ שֶׁל אָדָם חַיָּה שֶׁבְּכוּלָן, שֶׁנִתּוֹסֵף בּוֹ דֵעַה וְדִבּוּר:
(4) לנפש חיה A LIVING SOUL — Also cattle and beasts are called נפש חיה (1:20, 22, 24), but the נפש of man is the most highly developed of all of them, because to him was granted understanding and speech.
We know that every living creature has a nefesh behamit - an animalistic nefesh. So what's the difference between the animalistic nefesh of humans and the animalistic nefesh of animals?? Rashi answers, speech and understanding. When Hashem blew into us the "nishmat chaim", he transformed our nefesh behamit into a "nefesh chayah". The ability of speech is one of the most important aspects of humans that make us different from animals. Speech is an important aspect of our nefesh; subsequently, speech is a very holy ability. Judaism believes that we can make every action into a holy action. This pasuk here teaches us that speech is an expression of our nefesh, and Rav Kook exapnds on this topic:
Olat Re’iyah vol. II, pp. 60-61
In qualitative terms, the heart’s inner holiness transcends entire worlds. But quantitatively, it may be overwhelmed and stifled by the rush of everyday life. Therefore, God provided us with a second, external gift: the power of holy speech. When we verbalize God’s holy words in Torah study and prayer, we are able to revive the dormant holiness of the inner heart. The lofty kernel, our true essence, is like a princess who was kidnapped against her will. We may rescue her by employing our faculty of holy speech. This is the secret power of speech when it articulates the hidden treasures residing in the soul. (Rav Kook)
Because speech is an expression of our true self (nefesh), it is extremely powerful as well as holy. As it says in Mishlei 18:21,
מָ֣וֶת וְ֭חַיִּים בְּיַד־לָשׁ֑וֹן וְ֝אֹהֲבֶ֗יהָ יֹאכַ֥ל פִּרְיָֽהּ׃
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; Those who love it will eat its fruit. Speech is what makes us human, and it empowers us to serve Hashem. Since speech is such a holy expression of our nefesh, we must preserve its sanctity:
משלי יח: מות וחיים ביד לשון.
תרגום עקילס: מיצטרא מכירין מות מכאן וחיים מכאן.
בר סירא אמר: היתה לפניו גחלת ונפח בה וביערה רקק בה וכבת.
"Death and life are in the power [literally, hand] of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21) Onqelos translated this: You recognize it by its [two] sides — death here, life there. Bar Sira says: If there is a glowing coal and you blow on it, it ignites; if you spit on it, it goes out.
Using bad language does negatively impact your nefesh, since speech is one of the abilities that Hashem granted humanity when he transformed our nefesh behamit to a nefesh chayah (rashi above, in Bereishit).
Since our tzelem elokim is expressed via dibur, expressing ourselves with nivul peh = negating our own tzelem elokim.
Why are we motivated to speak vulgarly?
a) Pragmatic reasons
b) Cultural reasons
c) Reasons according to kabbalah
(א) לִפְעָמִים מֻנָּח הַדִּבּוּר וּמוּכָן לָצֵאת, וְאֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא דֶּרֶךְ הַפֶּה, כִּי־אִם דֶּרֶךְ הָעֹרֶף, (וּמַמָּשׁ אֶפְשָׁר לִשְׁמֹעַ כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים שֶׁהַדִּבּוּר אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא דֶּרֶךְ הַפֶּה רַק דֶּרֶךְ הָעֹרֶף). כִּי יֵשׁ שָׁלֹשׁ קְלִפּוֹת, וְהַקְּלִפּוֹת רוֹצִים תָּמִיד לִתְפֹּס הַדִּבּוּר לְעַצְמָם, בִּפְרָט דִּבּוּר הַקָּדוֹשׁ מֵאָדָם גָּדוֹל, כִּי אֶצְלָם כָּל הַדִּבּוּרִים יָפִים וְנָאִים וַחֲשׁוּבִים, וְרוֹצִים לְתָפְסָם, מִכָּל־שֶׁכֵּן כְּשֶׁהַדִּבּוּר נָאֶה בֶּאֱמֶת,
וְהִנֵּה כְּשֶׁהַדִּבּוּר הוּא דִּבּוּר הַקָּדוֹשׁ, בְּחִינוֹת שָׂרָה, שֶׁהָיָה שְׁכִינָה עִמָּהּ, אַף שֶׁהָיָה צַר לְאַבְרָהָם מְאֹד מְאֹד בְּעֵת שֶׁנִּלְקְחָה, עִם כָּל זֶה יָדַע וּבָטַח בַּה' שֶׁהוּא טוֹבָה גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁנִּתְפְּסָה לְשָׁם, שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה מִזֶּה נַחַת גָּדוֹל לְהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, שֶׁהוּא בְּחִינַת: עֵת אֲשֶׁר שָׁלַט הָאָדָם בָּאָדָם לְרַע לוֹ (קהלת ח), שֶׁלִּקְּטָה מִשָּׁם נִיצוֹצוֹת הַקְּדוֹשִׁים כַּיָּדוּעַ. אֲבָל אִם הוּא דִּבּוּר פָּשׁוּט, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁיִּתְפְּסוּ אוֹתוֹ לְשָׁם, וְכִמְעַט, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, יִשְׁתַּקַּע שָׁם אִם לֹא שֶׁיָּבוֹא צַדִּיק אֱמֶת, שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ כֹּחַ לְהוֹצִיאוֹ מִשָּׁם.
Sometimes speech is set and ready to come out, and it does not come out through the mouth, it comes out from the "neck" (and it is possible sometimes to hear that the speech does not emerge from the mouth, but rather from the throat/ neck). There are three types of spiritual spirits that do bad/impure things (k'lifot), and the k'lifot always want to appropriate speech for themselves [so they can gain power: which is gained from our misdeeds]. All speech is [initially] nice, pleasant, and important, and they [the k'lifot] want to snatch it [and bend it to the wrong means].
Torah Sources Against Nibul Peh
(טז) עַל־כֵּ֨ן עַל־בַּחוּרָ֜יו לֹֽא־יִשְׂמַ֣ח ׀ אדושם וְאֶת־יְתֹמָ֤יו וְאֶת־אַלְמְנֹתָיו֙ לֹ֣א יְרַחֵ֔ם כִּ֤י כֻלּוֹ֙ חָנֵ֣ף וּמֵרַ֔ע וְכָל־פֶּ֖ה דֹּבֵ֣ר נְבָלָ֑ה בְּכָל־זֹאת֙ לֹא־שָׁ֣ב אַפּ֔וֹ וְע֖וֹד יָד֥וֹ נְטוּיָֽה׃
(16) That is why my Lord Will not spare their youths, Nor show compassion To their orphans and widows; For all are ungodly and wicked, And every mouth speaks impiety.
בעון נבלות פה צרות רבות וגזירות קשות מתחדשות ובחורי שונאי ישראל מתים יתומים ואלמנות צועקין ואינן נענין שנאמר על כן על בחוריו לא ישמח ה׳ ואת יתומיו [ואת] (ו)אלמנותיו לא ירחם כי כלו חנף ומרע וכל פה דובר נבלה בכל זאת לא שב אפו ועוד ידו נטויה
Due to the sin of vulgar speech, troubles abound, and harsh decrees are renewed, and the youth among the enemies of Israel, a euphemistic reference to Israel, die, and orphans and widows cry out for help and are not answered, as it is stated: “Therefore the Lord shall have no joy in their young men, neither shall He have compassion on their fatherless and widows; for everyone is ungodly and an evildoer, and every mouth speaks wantonness. For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still” (Isaiah 9:16).
This pasuk is one of the many that teach us to be careful of anything bad, that the yetzer hara might tempt us with. Most commentaries (and the Talmud Bavli in many places) write that this specific pasuk refers to the sin of seminal emissions because of its juxtaposition to the halachot of a zav. However, there a few sources that write that this pasuk also applies to guarding the tongue, specifically with regards to nibul peh.
From anything bad - This refers to a repulsive mouth.
(א) ונשמרת מכל דבר רע. . ודרשו רז"ל, מכל דבר רע אלו עריות ולשון הרע. עריות, ממה שכתוב ולא יראה בך ערות דבר, וזהו שאמר מכל דבר רע. לשון הרע הוא שאמר מכל דבר רע כלומר דבור רע, וזהו לשון הרע. ורצה הכתוב להזהיר על שתים אלה לפי שהן עבירות חמורות והשכינה מסתלקת בשבילן. מכאן אמר רבי פנחס בן יאיר זהירות מביאה לידי זריזות, זריזות מביאה לידי נקיות, נקיות מביאה לידי פרישות, פרישות מביאה לידי טהרה, טהרה מביאה לידי קדושה, קדושה מביאה לידי יראת חטא, יראת חטא מביאה לידי ענוה, ענוה מביאה לידי חסידות, חסידות מביאה לידי רוח הקודש. הזכיר החכם ז"ל בכאן עשר מדות, חמש גופניות וחמש שכליות, וכלן מביאות אל העשירית שהיא רוח הקודש.
(1) ונשמרת מכל דבר רע, ”you shall guard against anything evil.”
Another meaning of דבר רע, is “using one’s tongue loosely, irresponsibly, לשון הרע, badmouthing others.” ... The connection with לשון הרע is based on the word רע in our verse. Instead of דבר רע, assume the spelling would have been dibbur ra, “wicked talk.” The reason this verse warns specifically against these two sins is that each one is an extremely serious sin and the Presence of G’d, the Shechinah is apt to withdraw from the camp on its account.
Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair (the epitome of piety) derives from the sequence of our verses here that care not to violate a negative commandment will lead to a person becoming eager in striving to fulfill positive commandments. This is turn will lead to one becoming ritually pure of body. The next stage of one’s spiritual ascent will be פרישות, suppression of sinful thoughts. This in turn will lead to a state of purity of spirit followed by the attainment of a level of sanctity. Having attained that level one will graduate to יראת חטא, an abhorrence of sin, which in turn will lead to the virtue of humility. Once a person has acquired this virtue he will progress to the virtue of piety which in turn will enable him to acquire holy spirit. In the foregoing the venerable Rabbi listed ten virtues, five of which involving one’s body, the other five involving one’s spirit, one’s mind. All of them are leading up to the tenth attribute, i.e. holy spirit.
What do we learn from this source and commentaries? What are two negative effects of speaking vulgarly, based on this?
Rabeinu Bachya's commentary on this pasuk teaches many things about shmiras lashon -
1) The reason why the Jewish soldiers had to be careful concerning their language, is because the sh'chinah would depart from the macheneh if they were careless. This shows the severity of lashon hara - badmouthing others - and dibur ra - wicked speech.
2) The progression that one goes through to get Ruach Hakodesh starts with adhering to negative commandments, such as lashon hara and dibur ra. We already learned what lashon hara is. We will need to define dibur rah, and understand why it is considered so harmful.
מאי ועוד ידו נטויה? אמר רב חנן בר רב, הכל יודעין כלה למה נכנסה לחופה. אלא, כל המנבל פיו ומוציא דבר נבלה מפיו אפילו נחתם לו גזר דינו של שבעים שנה לטובה נהפך עליו לרעה
What is the meaning of the phrase “And His hand is still outstretched”? Rav Ḥanan bar Rav said: Everyone knows why a bride enters the wedding canopy. It is the step before consummation of the marriage. However, one should not speak about it unnecessarily, as anyone who profanes his mouth and issues a matter of profanity from his mouth, even if a positive decree of seventy years was sealed for him, nevertheless, it is transformed for him into an evil decree.
(יג) והקללה הם הקללות והגדופים והחרפות שמזכירים בהם שם שמים לבטלה והוא גנאי גדול למאמין. וכבר התירו עמי הארץ לעצמם זה עד שהגיעו בו אל תכלית הגנות והם מכונים בזה להפליא ולהפליג בגדופיהם ולהגדיל ולפאר חרפותם. והם דומים בזה למה שאמר החכם (משלי י) כשחוק לכסיל עשות זמה.
(13) In a curse: They are the curses, insults, blasphemies, in which the name of G-d is uttered. This is a great disgrace for a believer. Common people already permitted themselves on this until they have reached the ultimate in disgrace, and their intent in this is to emphasize their provocations and increase and aggrandize their insults, and they are similar in this to what the wise man said: "It is as sport to a fool to do wickedness" (Mishlei 10:23), and "on his orphans and his widows He shall not have mercy, for all of them are hypocrites and evil doers, and every mouth speaks obscene language" (Yeshaya 9:16), and "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver" (Mishlei 10:20).
Mesilat Yesharim on the Importance of Guarding Your Tongue:
Lewd Speech, Hurting Others, Gossip, Lying, etc.
Chapter 11
(1) The particulars of the trait of Cleanliness are very numerous. They are as all the particulars of all the 365 negative commandments. For I already mentioned that the matter of cleanliness is to be clean of all branches of the various sins.
(30) FORBIDDEN RELATIONS: Let us now discuss the topic of forbidden relations. They are also among the sins people crave and are ranked second to theft as our sages, of blessed memory, said "the majority of people are guilty of theft and a minority of illicit relations" (Bava Basra 165a).
(41) Furthermore, regarding the matter of lewdness of the mouth and the ear, namely, speaking words of lewdness or listening to them, our sages already "screamed like cranes" saying (on the verse): "'there shall not be any indecent (Erva) thing among you' (Devarim 23:15) - this refers to lewdness of speech" (Yerushalmi Teruma 1:6).
(42) They further said (Shabbat 33a): "Due to the sin of obscene speech, new troubles arise and the young men of Israel die" (Isaiah 9:16)
(43) And "whoever utters obscene language, Gehinom is made deep for him [as it is said, A deep pit is for the mouth that speaks perversity] (Mishlei 22:14)
(44) And further: "All know for what purpose a bride enters the bridal canopy, yet against whoever speaks obscenely thereof, even if a decree of seventy years of good had been sealed for him, it is reversed for evil" (Shabbat 33a).
(45) They further said: "Even the light talk between a man and his wife is declared to a person in the time of his Judgment" (Chagigah 5b).
(46) And regarding listening to obscenities it is likewise taught: "even one who listens and remains silent, as written '[The mouth of strange women is like a deep pit;] the one abhorred by G-d will fall therein'" (Shabbat 33a).
(47) This demonstrates to you that all the senses must be be clean of lewdness and anything related to it.
(48) If a man will foolishly claim to you: "that which the sages said regarding obscene language is only in order to frighten and distance a person from sin, and it is meant only for those whose blood is boiling, namely, when he speaks of these things, he becomes aroused to lust. But one who just says it in a joking manner, it is not significant and of no concern."
(49) Answer him that his words are those of the evil inclination. For the Sages brought their proofs from an explicit verse in scripture: "As a punishment for obscenity, troubles multiply, cruel decrees are proclaimed afresh, the youths of Israel die... for every one is a flatterer and slanderer, and every mouth speaks obscenities" (Isaiah 9:16). This verse mentions neither idol worship nor illicit relations nor murder but flattery, slander, and obscene speech. All of which are sins of the mouth in speech. And on these the decree went forth: "the youths of Israel die and the fatherless and widows cry out and are not answered... neither shall He have compassion."
(50) Rather, the truth is as the words of our sages, of blessed memory, that uttering obscene words is in fact lewdness of speech. It is an aspect of lewdness and falls under the same prohibition as all other matters of lewdness except for the actual act of illicit relations. Even though it does not incur the heavenly punishment of Karet (cutting off of the soul) or death by Beit Din (like the act of illicit relations), they are nevertheless prohibited in and of themselves. This is besides being things which lead to and draw one to the primary prohibition itself, similar to the case of the Nazir in the Midrash we brought earlier.
(63) Let us now speak on the common sins which arise from interaction with people and being among them such as oppression of speech, shaming, misleading the blind through [bad] advice, tale-bearing, hating, taking revenge, taking oaths, lying and desecrating G-d's Name. For who can say: "I am clean of them. I have become pure from sinning in them"? For their branches are exceedingly numerous and fine so that guarding from them requires great effort.
(64) WORDS THAT HURT: Included in the sin of oppression of speech (Ona'as Devarim) is to say to someone, in private, something [implicit] which may cause him shame. All the more so, to say something explicit which causes him shame or to do to him an act which causes him shame.
(65) This is what our sages said: "if he were a Baal Teshuva (penitent), do not say to him 'remember your former deeds...' if sickness befalls him do not say to him in the way the friends of Job said: "Remember, please, who ever perished, being innocent?" (Job 4:7). If traveling merchants ask you for grain, do not tell them 'go to such and such who sells grain', and you know that he never sold grain in his life" (Bava Metzia 58b).
(66) Our sages of blessed memory already said "verbal oppression is more severe than monetary oppression..." (ibid). This is even more so, if the shaming is done in public as we learned explicitly: "one who whitens his neighbor's face (shames him) publicly has no portion in the World to Come" (Avot 5:11), and Rabbi Chisda taught (Bava Metzia 59a): "all the gates [of prayer] were locked except the gates of [the cries of] verbal oppression". Rabbi Eliezer taught "for every sin, the Holy One, blessed be He, exacts payment through a messenger except for the sin of verbal oppression".
(67) And they taught "for three sins the Pargud (heavenly curtain) is never closed..", and one of those is verbal oppression. Even for the sake of performing a mitzva whereby scripture says: "you shall surely rebuke your neighbor" (Vayikra 19:14), and our sages, of blessed memory, said: "One might assume [this to be obligatory] even to the extent that his face whitened, therefore the verse continues: 'but do not bear sin because of him' " (Erchin 16b).
(68) From all these statements, you can see just how far the branches of this sin spread out and just how severe is its punishment.
(69) GIVING MISLEADING ADVICE: Regarding giving [misleading] advice, we were taught in Torat Kohanim (2:14): "'you shall not put a stumbling block before the blind' (Vayikra 19:14), i.e. before one who is blind in some matter. [For example,] if one asks you: 'is the daughter of so and so permitted to marry a Kohen?' Do not answer him 'she is permitted' when she is not. If he consulted you for advice, do not give him an advice which is not suitable to him... Do not say to him 'sell your house and buy a donkey', while in truth you intend to circumvent him and buy it from him. Perhaps you will say: "I am giving him a good advice" - this is a [hidden] matter given over to thought, thus the verse warns "you shall fear your G-d" (who knows your thoughts).
English
Conclusion - How to Preserve Lashon Naki
Practical Suggestions
a. start with shmiras halashon hour
b. learn daily: halacha, mussar, even pop psychology!
c. post reminders on phone, fridge…
d. become known as “that person”
e. better safe than sorry
f. take action… or don’t
g. keep in mind: this is defining yourself as a human being
Mesilat Yesharim: 1) Knowledge, 2) Review, 3) Mussar
(א) הנה האמצעי האמיתי לקנות הנקיות, הוא התמדת הקריאה בדברי חכמים ז"ל, אם בעניני ההלכות ואם בעניני המוסרים.
(ב) כי הנה אחר שכבר התאמת אצל האדם חובת הנקיות והצורך בו, אחר שכבר השיג הזהירות והזריזות במה שנתעסק בדרכי קנייתם והתרחק ממפסידיהם, הנה לא ישארו לו עתה עכובים לקנות הנקיות אלא ידיעת הדקדוקים אשר במצות, כדי שיוכל להזהר בכולם.
(ג) ועל כן הנה צריך לו בהכרח ידיעת ההלכות על בורים, לדעת ענפי המצות עד היכן הם מגיעים.
(ד) וגם לפי שהשכחה מצויה בדברים הדקים האלה. הנה תצטרך לו התמדת הקריאה בספרים המבארים אלה הדקדוקים. למען חדש בשכלו זכירתם. ואז ודאי שיתעורר לקיימם.
(ה) וכן בענין המדות מוכרחת לו קריאת מאמרי המוסר לקדמונים או לאחרונים. כי פעמים רבות אפילו אחר שיקבע האדם בעצמו להיות מן המדקדקים הנקיים, אפשר לו שיאשם בפרטים, מפני שלא הגיעה ידיעתו בהם.
(ו) כי אין אדם נולד חכם ואי אפשר לו לדעת את הכל, אך בקריאת הדברים יתעורר במה שלא ידע, ויתבונן במה שלא השכיל מתחלה. ואפילו במה שלא ימצא בספרים עצמם, כי בהיות שכלו נעור על הדבר, הולך ומשגיח הוא על כל הצדדין וממציא ענינים חדשים ממקור האמת.
(ז) ואמנם מפסידי המדה הזאת, הנה הם כל מפסידי הזהירות ונוסף עליהם חסרון הבקיאות בידיעת הדינים או המוסרים, כמו שכתבתי. וכבר אמרו ז"ל (אבות פרק ב): "ולא עם הארץ חסיד", כי מי שלא ידע, אי אפשר לו לעשות. וכן אמרו (קדושין מ): תלמוד גדול שמביא לידי מעשה.
(1) The true means of acquiring Cleanliness is diligence in study of the words of our sages, of blessed memory, both in matters of Halacha (Jewish law) and in matters of mussar (ethics).
(2) For after a person has truly understood the obligation of Cleanliness and its necessity, having already attained Watchfulness and Zeal by engaging in the means they are acquired and distancing from their detriments, behold, he will no longer have any more obstructions preventing him from attaining Cleanliness except knowledge of the fine details of the Mitzvot in order to guard himself in all of them.
(3) Therefore, he necessarily must attain comprehensive knowledge of the Halachot to their full depth in order to know the extent of reach of the branches of the mitzvot.
(4) Also, since one is prone to forgetfulness in these fine details, he will need diligent study in the books explaining these fine details to renew remembrance of them in his mind. Then certainly, he will be roused to fulfill them.
(5) Likewise regarding the character traits, it is necessary for him to read the teachings of mussar, whether of the early or later sages. For very often, even after one has resolved to become among the meticulously Clean, he may possibly sin in details he never attained knowledge in.
(6) For man is not born wise and cannot know everything. But by studying the matters, he will be awakened to what he did not know, and he will contemplate on what he did not grasp previously, even matters not found in the books themselves. For when his mind is awakened to the matter, it goes and observes it from all perspectives, and draws forth new understandings from the wellspring of truth.
(7) However, the factors which cause loss of this trait are all those detriments to the trait of Watchfulness, in addition to lack of proficiency in knowledge of the laws and ethics (Mussarim) as I wrote above. Our sages already stated: "an ignorant man cannot be pious" (Avot 2:5). For one who does not know cannot possibly do. Likewise they taught "great is study in that it brings one to doing" (Kidushin 40b).
(א) "שְׁמַע בְּנִי מוּסַר אָבִיךָ, וְאַל תִּטֹּשׁ תּוֹרַת אִמֶּךָ" (משלי א ח).
(1) "Listen, my son, to the thought of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother." (Proverbs 1:8)
(ב) תִּתְנַהֵג תָּמִיד לְדַבֵּר כָּל דְּבָרֶיךָ בְּנַחַת, לְכָל אָדָם וּבְכָל עֵת, וּבַזֶּה תִּנָּצֵל מִן הַכַּעַס, שֶׁהִיא מִדָּה רָעָה לְהַחְטִיא בְּנֵי אָדָם. וְכֵן אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ ז"ל (נדרים כב ע"א): כָּל הַכּוֹעֵס – כָּל מִינֵי גֵיהִנּוֹם שׁוֹלְטִים בּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (קהלת יא י): "וְהָסֵר כַּעַס מִלִּבֶּךָ, וְהַעֲבֵר רָעָה מִבְּשָׂרֶךָ". וְאֵין "רָעָה" אֶלָּא גֵיהִנּוֹם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי טז ד): "וְגַם רָשָׁע לְיוֹם רָעָה".
(2) Accustom yourself to always speak all of your words calmly, to every man and at every time. In doing so you will prevent your anger from flaring, which is a bad attribute in a man which may cause him to sin. And accordingly said our Rabbis, may their memories be a blessing: (Nedarim 22a) "Anyone who gets angry - all of Gehinnom holds sway over him, as it says: (Kohelet 11:10) 'And remove the anger from your heart, and take away the bad from your flesh', and 'bad' can only mean Gehinnom, as it says (Proverbs 16:4): 'And the sinner, he too, will have his day of bad'."
"Towards the Good": What does elevated speech look like?
A disciple of the wise should not be noisy and loud like cattle and animals when talking, nor even raise his voice overmuch, but converse calmly with all people; nevertheless, in speaking calmly he should not overdo it lest he resemble the overpoliteness of the arrogant. He should be first to greet every person, so that their spirit be pleased with him He should judge every person favorably, telling the praiseworthy things about his friend and not at all about the blameworthy things; love peace and pursue it. If he can see his words acceptable he may speak, if not he should be silent. For instance? He should not appease his friend when the latter is moody; nor question him concerning his vow at the time the vow was made, but wait until his friend's mind will be composed and collected; he should not offer condolence while the remains of the deceased are in the presence of his friend, because he is upset until after the remains are buried, and so in other matters of a like delicate nature. He should not call upon his friend while the latter is down through a failing, but keep his eye off of him. He should not change his word, nor add to or diminish from it, unless it be for the sake of peace and similar worthy objects. As a general rule, he should not speak much else save words of wisdom, or charity and the like. He should not carry on a conversation with a woman on the street, even though she be his wife, or his sister, or his daughter.10Yoma, 86a; Kiddushin, 70b; Yebamot, 65a; Pirke Abot, 1; Ibid. 4; Berakot, 43a; Ibid, 48. C. G.
(1) A person should not utter anything from his mouth unless he knows that this is favorable to his Creator, and if this is so: "You will decide and this will be granted you" (Iyov 22:28)