כעס ורצון

(5) The angry man does not find favor in the eyes of his fellow creatures; he is in fact hateful in their eyes. And thus, his deeds are not received favorably by his fellow creatures. Even if he possesses knowledge of the Torah and has many good deeds to his credit, people cannot learn from him.

(6) The angry man is a burden on his household, who are always compelled to hear his wrath and his complaints, and his temper brings him very near to a calamity, for he casts too much terror on his household. As we learn in the Talmud (Gittin 7a) concerning Rabbi Hanina, the son of Gamliel; his household was brought almost to the point of feeding him a piece of meat cut from a living creature.

(7) The wrathful man is not gracious or generous. He is constantly seeking revenge and always bears a grudge. Anger brings a man into quarrels for when he is angry with his companions, they quarrel with him and he quarrels with them. And when there is a quarrel, there is, of course resulting envy and hatred. And you already know the evils of a quarrel, as will be further explained in the chapter on quarrels.

(8) Wrath restrains the heart of a man from all good deeds. For when a man is angry, he is insensitive and has no mercy upon the poor. Concerning the Lord, may He be Blessed, it is said "In anger, remember to have mercy" (Habakuk 3:2). But this is far from the ways of man.

(9) Anger vitiates the intent of a man in his prayer, and the Divine Presence cannot dwell where there is anger.

(10) The angry man cannot be very wise, for wrath causes reason to flee from the mind, so that he cannot answer as is proper, and he cannot rebuke as is proper, and all his words are not prompted by intelligence. The angry man bars from himself all corrections and rebukes, for no man feels free to reveal his errors and his shortcomings, inasmuch as every man fears him, — fears to tell him the things he does wrong, lest he be wrathful with him. And even if some person should rebuke him, the angry man will not receive correction because of his anger. In general then, an angry man does not acquire any good quality unless he first removes his anger from his heart. Just as the angry man does not accept rebuke from others, so is he not able to administer rebuke to others, for the Torah has said, "You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and thus not bear sin because of his wrongful conduct" (Leviticus 19:17), which means that first you must rebuke him gently, and in private, and with soft speech, pleading with him that you are thinking only of his own good. And then, if you do this, sin will not accrue to you. But if you rebuke your companion right at the beginning, with an angry voice and with wrath, and you shame him, then you are sinning for your companion will not receive correction from you. For this is human nature, if a man comes to his companion with force then his companion will be stubborn and unyielding to him, and will not listen to him. Concerning this the wise man said in Koheleth, "The words of the wise are heard gently" (Eccl. 9:17), that is to say, the wise man speaks gently.

(11) There are four kinds of temperments: Easy to become angry, and easy to be appeased: his gain disappears in his loss; Hard to become angry, and hard to be appeased: his loss disappears in his gain; Hard to become angry and easy to be appeased: a pious person; Easy to become angry and hard to be appeased: a wicked person.

And the students also inquired: For what reason is a man who is angry likely to accept appeasement, but a woman is not as likely to accept appeasement? Rabbi Dostai answered them: It is because this man behaves like the place from which he was created, i.e., the earth, which yields to pressure, and that woman behaves like the place from which she was created, i.e., from bone, which cannot be molded easily.

(41) Now Esau harbored a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing which his father had given him, and Esau said to himself, “Let but the mourning period of my father come, and I will kill my brother Jacob.” (42) When the words of her older son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your brother Esau is consoling himself by planning to kill you. (43) Now, my son, listen to me. Flee at once to Haran, to my brother Laban.

(4) Jacob sent messengers ahead to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, (5) and instructed them as follows, “Thus shall you say, ‘To my lord Esau, thus says your servant Jacob: I stayed with Laban and remained until now; (6) I have acquired cattle, asses, sheep, and male and female slaves; and I send this message to my lord in the hope of gaining your favor.’” (7) The messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau; he himself is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” (8) Jacob was greatly frightened; in his anxiety, he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps, (9) thinking, “If Esau comes to the one camp and attacks it, the other camp may yet escape.” (10) Then Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, ‘Return to your native land and I will deal bountifully with you’! (11) I am unworthy of all the kindness that You have so steadfastly shown Your servant: with my staff alone I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps. (12) Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; else, I fear, he may come and strike me down, mothers and children alike. (13) Yet You have said, ‘I will deal bountifully with you and make your offspring as the sands of the sea, which are too numerous to count.’” (14) After spending the night there, he selected from what was at hand these presents for his brother Esau...(33, 1) Looking up, Jacob saw Esau coming, accompanied by four hundred men. He divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two maids, (2) putting the maids and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. (3) He himself went on ahead and bowed low to the ground seven times until he was near his brother. (4) Esau ran to greet him. He embraced him and, falling on his neck, he kissed him; and they wept.

The Sages taught in a baraita: A person should always be patient like Hillel and not impatient like Shammai. The Gemara related: There was an incident involving two people who wagered with each other and said: Anyone who will go and aggravate Hillel to the point that he reprimands him, will take four-hundred zuz. One of them said: I will aggravate him. That day that he chose to bother Hillel was Shabbat eve, and Hillel was washing the hair on his head. He went and passed the entrance to Hillel’s house and in a demeaning manner said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Hillel wrapped himself in a dignified garment and went out to greet him. He said to him: My son, what do you seek? He said to him: I have a question to ask. Hillel said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked him: Why are the heads of Babylonians oval? He was alluding to and attempting to insult Hillel, who was Babylonian. He said to him: My son, you have asked a significant question. The reason is because they do not have clever midwives. They do not know how to shape the child’s head at birth.

That man went and waited one hour, a short while, returned to look for Hillel, and said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Again, Hillel wrapped himself and went out to greet him. Hillel said to him: My son, what do you seek? The man said to him: I have a question to ask. He said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked: Why are the eyes of the residents of Tadmor bleary [terutot]? Hillel said to him: My son, you have asked a significant question. The reason is because they live among the sands and the sand gets into their eyes.

Once again the man went, waited one hour, returned, and said: Who here is Hillel, who here is Hillel? Again, he, Hillel, wrapped himself and went out to greet him. He said to him: My son, what do you seek? He said to him: I have a question to ask. He said to him: Ask, my son, ask. The man asked: Why do Africans have wide feet? Hillel said to him: You have asked a significant question. The reason is because they live in marshlands and their feet widened to enable them to walk through those swampy areas.

That man said to him: I have many more questions to ask, but I am afraid lest you get angry. Hillel wrapped himself and sat before him, and he said to him: All of the questions that you have to ask, ask them. The man got angry and said to him: Are you Hillel whom they call the Nasi of Israel? He said to him: Yes. He said to him: If it is you, then may there not be many like you in Israel. Hillel said to him: My son, for what reason do you say this? The man said to him: Because I lost four hundred zuz because of you. Hillel said to him: Be vigilant of your spirit and avoid situations of this sort. Hillel is worthy of having you lose four hundred zuz and another four hundred zuz on his account, and Hillel will not get upset.

Silence nullifies anger and a soft voice nullifies anger, therefore, a man, when he sees his anger growing strong within him, should be silent, or should speak quietly, and should not lift his voice in his anger, for the one who does lift his voice in his anger, will only arouse and stir up that anger, but a quiet voice and silence soothe anger. Another thing he should bear in mind is not to look in the face of a man that is angry with him, but should drop his eyes and speak with him without staring into his face — and thus he will cause anger to flee from his heart.

If one desires to engender awe in his children and his household, or in the public, if he be at the head of a community, even if he desire to get angry at them so as to bring them back to the good way, he should only act angry in their presence so as to reprove them, but his disposition must remain calm within himself, even as a man imitates, who is angry when the time calls forth anger but in reality he is not angry.