"I cannot and I don't want to forgive the killers of children; I ask God not to forgive."
- Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor, when asked if he forgave the Nazis
On January 27 1995, at the 50th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, I stood by the ruins of the gas chambers with my children...while I read my document of forgiveness and signed it. As I did that I felt a burden of pain was lifted from me. I was no longer in the grip of pain and hate; I was finally free.
The day I forgave the Nazis, privately I forgave my parents whom I hated all my life for not having saved me from Auschwitz. Children expect their parents to protect them, mine couldn’t. And then I forgave myself for hating my parents.
Forgiveness is really nothing more than an act of self-healing and self-empowerment. I call it a miracle medicine. It is free, it works and has no side effects.
- Eva Mozes Kor, Auschwitz survivor
These two quotes are both from Holocaust survivors, each with a different approach to the issue of forgiveness.
Discuss:
1) What are your reactions to these quotes? Does one in particular resonate with you?
2) How do you think about forgiveness? Who does it benefit? When is it appropriate?
ב:ט אֵין הַתְּשׁוּבָה וְלֹא יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפְּרִין אֵלָא עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם... אֲבָל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, כְּגוֹן חוֹבֵל חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ הַמְּקַלֵּל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ גּוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֶא בָּהֶן--אֵינוּ נִמְחָל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם, עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שְׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ, וִירַצֵּהוּ.
Repentance and the Day of Atonement atone only for sins between humans and God...However, sins between people, such as one who injures another, or curses another, or robs him, and similar sins — these can never be completely absolved until one returns to one’s friend what one owes, and appeases that person. Even if one returns the money that is owed, one still must appease the other person, and request forgiveness. Even if one harmed another only through words, one must still appease that person and continue to contact that person until one is forgiven.
אָסוּר לָאָדָם שֶׁיִּהְיֶה אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיַּס, אֵלָא יִהְיֶה נוֹחַ לְרַצּוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעֹס, וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֶא לִמְחֹל,מוֹחֵל בְּלֵבָב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה;
It is forbidden for a person to be cruel, and not to be appeased. Rather, one should be easily satisfied, and difficult to anger. When someone requests forgiveness, one should do so with a whole heart and a willing soul.
Discuss:
1) According to Maimonides, how does the process of forgiveness work? How do we make amends?
2) In the second piece from Maimonides, he emphasizes the importance of granting forgiveness when asked. What do you think about this idea? Do you think you are good at forgiving? What factors help you forgive someone?