פרשת יתרו תשכ"ב - כבד את אביך ואת אמך

כבד את אביך ואת אמך, “honor your father and your mother.” Up until now G’d had instructed the people to honor the original father in heaven, i.e. Himself; now He wanted to sign this side of the Tablets with the command to honor progenitors in the lower world, here on earth. In effect, what G’d says here is “just as I commanded you to treat Me with honor and respect, so I command you this day to treat your father and mother who are My partners in creating you with respect and honor. Just as one of the most important aspects of honoring G’d is to acknowledge Him as such, so one of the most important aspects of honoring one’s parents is to acknowledge them as such.
Just as an important aspect of belief and faith in the Lord is the second commandment לא יהיה לך, that you must not exchange Him for another deity, so an integral part of the commandment to honor one’s father and mother is not to deny the fact that they are in fact your father and mother. Just as it is forbidden to swear a false or vain oath in the name of the Lord, so it is forbidden to use the reference to the life of one’s father or mother as a way of reinforcing one’s credibility when swearing a false or vain oath. Furthermore, it is forbidden to serve one’s father because one expects to inherit his wealth or even because one hopes to receive the honor and title one’s father enjoyed during his own life time.
There are numerous details pertaining to the observance of this commandment which our sages have taught us in this regard. To mention but a few: the son is obligated to provide for his father with food, drink, clothing, etc., both as a financial contribution as well as being a physical support for him in case of illness, frailty in his father’s old age, etc. (Kiddushin 31). In Proverbs 3,8 Solomon instructs us כבד את ה' מהונך, “demonstrate your honoring the Lord by using your wealth.” The way one honors the Lord with one’s wealth [seeing He has neither need of it nor use for it, Ed.] is to distribute some of one’s wealth to the poor. One must set aside the various tithes the Torah has instructed us to give to the priest, the Levite, or the poor. Seeing the Torah has set aside tithes and gifts for these people who are not your next of kin, one must certainly provide for one’ parents if the need arises.
As to the reward promised here that he who observes this commandment will enjoy long life in the land of Israel, Rav Saadyah Gaon has explained that seeing that on occasion father and son share many years together on this earth, i.e. the father enjoys in inordinately long life, and as a result the son may feel that the obligation to look after his father in addition to his obligation to look after his own wife and children has become very burdensome, this is the reason why the Torah went out of its way in this instance to promise long life to the son who observes this commandment meticulously. This is not as much a promise of reward as it is a warning not to neglect fulfillment of this commandment as failing to observe it is equivalent to playing with one’s own life. If you are interested in long life yourself, make sure that your father and mother’s lives are enjoyable.
This concludes the first five of the Ten Commandments. They all appear on the same tablet, and, as we have demonstrated, there is conceptual linkage between all of them. To sum this up once more: the first commandment is to believe in the Lord, His existence, His exclusivity. In order that one should not think that it suffices to believe in the Lord and at the same time to believe that He has partners, the second commandment spells out that belief in any partner of G’d is intolerable. In order that someone should not say that seeing that G’d has no partner it does not matter if we bandy His name about needlessly, the Torah had to go on record that this is the very reverse of honoring Him, that one must on no account treat His name as if it were something common or ordinary. Having begun to tell us what is an act of dishonoring G’d, i.e. using His name in vain, the Torah then instructed us in an example of how to honor His name, i.e. observing His Sabbath. If we really want to show that we honor Him and His name we will be meticulous in our Sabbath observance. Having instructed us in how to honor Him by honoring the Sabbath, the Torah then proceeded to instruct us to honor those who have begotten us, i.e. our parents. This concludes my commentary on the first five of the Ten Commandments and how they are related to each other.

Honor your father. Included within this is the obligation to honor Hashem, one’s true Father, and according to the Sages (Kesubos 103a), one’s older brother. It also includes honoring Torah scholars, who are like fathers to their disciples, heeding the prophets, showing respect to the elderly and obeying the Sanhedrin. The purpose of this mitzvah is to bolster faith in tradition by honoring its bearers. That is why it is listed on the first Tablet along with the commandments between man and God. So that your days may be lengthened. This is in recompense for his good deed towards his forebears. Alternatively, it is to enable his own children to honor him, measure for measure; therefore when this commandment is repeated in Devarim (5:16) the Torah adds, “in order that it will be good for you” (Abarbanel).

You shall not kill. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal: He stated, "Behold, I have commanded you to concede in [your] heart and in [your] deed that I am the Creator of everything; and to honor parents because they are participants in the formation [of a child]. If so, guard yourself from destroying the work of My hands and spilling the blood of man that I have created for My glory and to concede all of these [things] to Me. And You shall not commit adultery [with] the wife of your fellow, since you will destroy the matter of honoring parents, by [causing the] denying of the truth and the admission of falsehood - as [the resultant offspring] will not know their parents and will give of their honor to another, as do the idolaters who 'say to wood, "You are my father"' and do not know their Father that created them from nothing." And afterwards, He warned, "You shall not steal a soul" (kidnapping); as it also causes like this. And so [too], is the order of the commandments such, in their severity and punishments: After idolatry is the spilling of blood, and afterwords is forbidden sexual relations, and afterwards, He warned against stealing a soul and false testimony and robbery. And whoever does not covet will never damage his fellow. And behold, it finished everything that a person is obligated towards his fellow, and afterwards it will elucidate the specific laws - since one who is obligated [to repay] his fellow from the laws will pay what is [incumbent] upon him, if he does not covet and does not desire that which is not his. And Rabbi Avraham (Ibn Ezra on Exodus 20:1 - Introduction to the Ten Commandments) said that the verse took the way of the world by first stating, "the house of your fellow," as the enlightened one will proceed first to have a house, and afterwards take a wife to bring her to his house, and afterwards, he will acquire a servant and a maidservant. But in Mishneh Torah (Deuteronomy 5:18), it mentions a wife first, because the young men will desire a wife first or because the coveting of a wife is the greatest prohibition from among them. And behold, the Ten Statements (Commandments) are five for the glory of the Creator and five for the benefit of man - as Honor your father and your mother is [for] the glory of God, as for the glory of the Creator did He command to honor the father that participated in the formation [of the child]. And five remain for man - for his needs and for his benefits. And behold, it mentioned the requital in some of the [Ten] Statements, and in some of them it did not mention [it]. As in the second statement, [it is written], a jealous God; in the third, for the Lord will not clear; in the fifth, that you may long endure - and in the others it did not mention a punishment or a reward. And this was because the last five statements are for the benefit of man, and 'behold, its reward is with him and its effect is in front of him.' But with idolatry, there is a need for a warning of the punishment because of its great severity and [because] it is for the glory of the Creator. And that which appears [correct] to me is that it stated, a jealous God about You shall not have [etc.], and it stated but showing kindness about I am [the Lord, etc.] - since punishment comes for a negative commandment and reward for a positive commandment; and acceptance of the kingdom of God and the warning about the worship of anything besides Him is one matter. And [so] it completed the matter and afterwards warned the transgressor and promised reward to the one who [fulfills the precept]. And it [then] warned about a false oath with the punishment of, [the Lord] will not clear. And it did not mention a requital for Shabbat at all, and it did not state the punishment of cutting off - or another punishment besides it - for the one who profanes it and it did not mention a reward for 'the one who guards it from being desecrated,' since the Shabbat is included in the first two commandments: As the one who observes Shabbat testifies to the story of creation and accedes to the commandment of I am [etc.], and the one who profanes it rejects the creation story and accedes to the preexistence of the world, to reject the commandment of I am [etc.]. And behold, it is [hence] in the category of, a jealous God, who visits, and in the category of, but showing kindness to thousands. And regarding the fifth statement, it mentioned reward, since it is a positive commandment. And that which appears [correct] concerning the writing on the tablets is that the first five were on one tablet - as they are [for] the glory of God, as I have mentioned - and the second five on one tablet; such that they would be five corresponding to five, like the matter that is mentioned in the Sefer Yetzirah 1:3 about the ten spheres (sefirot) without what (mah) being like the number of the ten fingers, five corresponding to five, and the solitary covenant correspondingly in the middle. And from this it becomes clear to you why there were two [tablets] - since until Honor your father, it corresponds to the written Torah; and from here and further, it corresponds to the oral Torah. And it appears that it is to this that our rabbis, may their memory be blessed, hinted, as they said (Tanchuma Ekev 10), "The two tablets correspond to the Heavens and the Earth, and correspond to a groom and bride and correspond to two groomsmen and correspond to the two worlds. And all of this is one hint, and the enlightened one will understand the secret.

למען יארכון ימיך THAT THY DAYS MAY BE LONG — If thou honourest them they will be long, and if not, they will be shortened — for the words of the Torah may be explained as concise statements: from what is included in a positive statement we may infer the negative and from what is included in a negative statement we may infer the positive (Mekhilta d'Rabbi Yishmael 20:12:2).

When thou shalt beget children, and children’s children, and ye shall have been long in the land, and shall deal corruptly, and make a graven image, even the form of any thing, and shall do that which is evil in the sight of the LORD thy God, to provoke Him;

and the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and He shut up the heaven, so that there shall be no rain, and the ground shall not yield her fruit; and ye perish quickly from off the good land which the LORD giveth you.

that his heart be not lifted up above his brethren, and that he turn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left; to the end that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he and his children, in the midst of Israel.

למען יארכון ימיך THAT THY DAYS MAY BE LONG — If thou honourest them they will be long, and if not, they will be shortened — for the words of the Torah may be explained as concise statements: from what is included in a positive statement we may infer the negative and from what is included in a negative statement we may infer the positive (Mekhilta d'Rabbi Yishmael 20:12:2).

Do not speak to your father in that manner, where you tell him directly that he is mistaken. Rather, raise the matter in a circumspect manner, as it is taught in a baraita: In a case where one’s father was violating Torah matters he should not say to him: Father, you violated Torah matters. Rather, he should say to him: Father, it is written so in the Torah. The Gemara asks: Ultimately, isn’t this formulation identical to that previous formulation? In both cases he embarrasses his father. Rather, say to him: Father, there is a verse written in the Torah and this is what it says. Tell him the halakha or the verse in a way in which it is not obvious that it relates to the action that his father performed.