Jewish Life Cycle Text Study

1. With your chevruta, quickly decide what life cycle experience you will study together.

2. Read the text out loud together.

3. Discuss the plain meaning of the text. (the p'shat)
4. Respond to the provided questions. Challenge one another: Is your study partner backing up their perspective with the provided text or with other texts from Jewish tradition? Are they thinking critically about the text? Are they working to find meaning within the text?
5. Raise your own questions. Now that you have studied the text, what more is there to know about what it is teaching or the position it holds?
6. If time, choose another life cycle experience to study.

BIRTH

May the One who blessed our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah also bless and heal ____________ and give her* strength and vigor.

Mekor HaChayim, O Source of life, our dear God: You have guided and sustained_____________ through her time of pregnancy and her child's birth. With love, You have brought forth her newborn child and safely entrusted them/him/her to her care.

May her body be healed; may it renew its cycles of growth and life once more. Grant her strength of body and spirit as she begins to nurture her newborn child. May she learn always to cherish this precious and tender gift from You. And may she privileged to bring them/him/her to Your Torah and laws, to serve You all their/his/her days.

We praise and thank You, Adonai our God, the Giver of all life. AMEN.

adapted slightly from Rabbi Arnold Stiebel

*Rabbi Ariel's note: be sure to use the correct pronoun

BRIS/NAMING

The rabbis established detailed requirements and customs to be observed in the performance of ritual circumcision. It is traditionally the religious responsibility of the father to have his sons circumcised on the eighth day after birth. However, medically and ritually competent Jewish specialists, mohelim (related to the word milah) arose to take the father’s place in performing brit milah. Today, mohelim train for several years in both practical surgical techniques of circumcision (many are doctors) as well as the laws and lore of this commandment.

What about girls? In Sephardic communities (where Jews are of Spanish, Middle Eastern, or North African heritage) and Italian communities, there is an old tradition of welcoming girls with a celebration called zeved habat, or “gift of the daughter.” The name for the ceremony derives from the book of Genesis, in which the matriarch Leah states, following the birth of Zevulun, “Zevedani Elohim oti zeved tov,” or “God has granted me a gift.” In the Syrian Jewish community of Brooklyn, on the first Shabbat after a girl is born, her father, along with his father and father-in-law, are called to the Torah . The father says the blessings over the Torah reading twice — once on his own merit and once in honor of his daughter — and the grandfathers each have an aliyah as well. The rabbi offers the family congratulations on their new arrival and offers a prayer for the girl’s well-being. Then the words “avi habat,” or “father of the daughter,” are called out. That is the congregation’s cue to start singing traditional songs for welcoming girls. The songs, based on poems dating back to 14th and 15th century Spain, are known as pizmonim.

For more information about ceremonies for welcoming children into the covenant of the Jewish people, details about adoption, and so on, also search for "simchat bat", "brit bat", "brit shalom", "bris", or "brit milah".
For the history of welcoming daughters see:https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/welcoming-jewish-daughters/

USHPERIN - FIRST HAIRCUT

Turning three comes with some major developmental changes for many children. In Jewish tradition, the practice of a ritualized first haircut for boys is traced to Rabbi Isaac Luria, a 16th-century mystic in Tsfat, Israel. Luria’s disciples reported in their writings that their revered teacher used to go to Meron to cut the hair of his young son “in accordance with the well-known custom.” Though this custom may have been “well-known” in Luria’s circles, it does not appear in any other Jewish literature from before Luria’s time or from his contemporaries. A later tradition cited in Luria’s name associated the first haircut with the child’s third birthday. Over time, the custom among Tsfat mystics became to take boys who had recently turned three to Meron to give them their first haircut there, and to hold these haircutting events on Lag B'Omer, a minor Jewish holiday. Every year on Lag Ba’omer thousands of Jews make a festive pilgrimage to Meron. This pilgrimage includes drinking, dancing, bonfires, and lots of haircuts for lots of boys who recently turned three.

Some relate the three-year wait to the Torah law that one is not allowed to eat fruit from a tree during the first three years after it’s planted.Waiting three years to cut a child’s hair, like waiting three years to pick a tree’s fruit, suggests the hope that the child will eventually grow tall like a tree and produce fruit: Knowledge, good deeds, and a family of his own.

At three it is also customary to begin formally educating children about mitzvot - commandments. In some communities that means boys begin to wear tzittzit (fringes) and girls to light Shabbat and holiday candles. In others that means starting preschool at the local religious school. In others it means something else. Maybe children are taught to recite certain blessings or the shema.

For progressive Jewish families, a 3-year-old celebration can be convened for any child, and it can include haircutting or not. Recognizing the developmental change from toddlerhood to childhood, it can be meaningful to celebrate a third birthday with a Jewish twist.

B'NEI MITZVAH

If a girl has grown two pubic hairs she . . . is under and obligation to perform all the commandments that are enumerated in the Torah. So also a boy, if he has grown two pubic hairs, is under an obligation to perform all the commandments enumerated in the Torah. . . . As soon as he has grown two hairs until the time when his beard forms a circle (this refers to the lower, and not the upper one).
Tractate Niddah 52a (Talmud)

The bar mitzvah (son of the commandment) ceremony was developed as a public recognition of a legal and religious status, attained with or without the ritual. In other words, a Jewish boy of 13 years and one day automatically became a bar mitzvah even if no public ceremony took place. While the beginnings of the modern bar mitzvah ceremony appeared as early as the sixth century C.E., it was not until the Middle Ages that a fully developed ritual emerged. By the 13th or 14th century, the custom of calling a boy up to the Torah was established as the way of recognizing entry into manhood. The bar mitzvah boy would chant the blessings, all or part of the Torah portion of the week, and/or the haftarah section from the prophetic books. The boy's father would then recite a special blessing: Baruch sheptarani mei-onsho shelazeh. "Blessed is He who has freed me from responsibility for this boy." The bar mitzvah boy would often give a scholarly address on the Torah portionor some section of the Talmud. Then followed a gala feast, called s'udat mitzvah ("meal of celebrating the performance of a mitzvah"), to which family, friends, and sometimes the entire Jewish community would be invited. In short, then, almost all the elements we associate with the modern bar mitzvah ceremony were present by the Middle Ages.

Starting in the second or third century C.E., Jewish girls at age 12 took on legal responsibility for the performance of the mitzvot. As with age 13 for boys, 12 probably corresponded with their onset of puberty. However, girls were subject to far fewer commandments than boys. Today, liberal Jews affirm the total equality of women in terms of religious privileges and responsibilities. In the 1800s, Reform Judaism abolished bar mitzvah in favor of confirmation for both boys and girls (bat mitzvah was not considered an option at that time). Within the 19th-century traditional community, some families held a s'udat mitzvah for a daughter on her 12th birthday, with the girl sometimes delivering a talk and her father reciting the Baruch Sheptarani.

The first-known bat mitzvah in North America was that of Judith Kaplan, the daughter of Mordecai Kaplan, in 1921. Reform Judaism (which had by this time reintroduced bar mitzvah) and then Conservative congregations quickly adopted bat mitzvah, though in slightly different forms.
https://reformjudaism.org/bar-and-bat-mitzvah

CONFIRMATION

The ceremony of Confirmation was introduced by Reform Judaism in the early part of 19th century in Europe and was brought the United States about mid-century. Confirmation originally took place at the end of the eighth year of religious school, but it has since been moved to the end of the ninth or 10th year (and occasionally later). In this ceremony, the now-maturing student “confirms” a commitment to Judaism and to Jewish life. The ceremony of Confirmation is almost universally practiced in Reform and Reconstructionist synagogues, and in some Conservative synagogues.

ADULTHOOD

SIGNIFICANT LIFE MOMENTS

MARRIAGE

"Jewish marriage is the decision to confront the challenge of the real world. The Jew, when he marries, enters not only marriage, but the world–the world of the Jewish community, of concern for the survival of the Jewish people, and of care and responsibility for total strangers. . . . .[T]he married couple has a new voice. Historically, the family-oriented Jewish community, which experienced very few divorces and virtually no abandonments, gave little consideration to the opinions of single people. When God became a partner at the wedding, and a new Jewish home was created, an overriding significance was added. . . . .The requirement of a minyan at the wedding (the quorum of 10 that is the smallest unit of the Jewish social structure) is an important indication of the social significance of marriage.

Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik describes how Maimonides differentiates three friendship categories (haver, companion, associations) within marriage. First is haver le’davar, a utilitarian association that depends on reciprocal usefulness. When the usefulness disappears, the bond of "love" dissolves (batel davar, batel ahavah). Second, is haver le’daagah, someone with whom to share sorrows, troubles, and also joys. We need this in order to lighten our load. Joys are multiplied and sorrows are divided when they are shared. Third is haver le’deah, a joint dedication to common goals. Both dream of realizing great ideals, with a readiness to sacrifice for their attainment."
Rabbi Maurice Lamm
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/marriage-community/

Jewish Weddings

1. Kabbalat Panim -- Greeting the Wedding Couple

As the guests arrive at the ceremony site, they are invited to meet the couple either together or separately.

2. Ketubah – Marriage Contract

The ketubah, written in Aramaic (and often also in English and other languages), is the Jewish legal contract that states the rights, provisions and conditions of the marriage partnership.

3. Bedeken – Veiling of the Bride/Moment of Really Seeing One Another

During the ceremony if the bride wears a veil, the groom approaches the bride, looks into her eyes and lowers the veil before the ceremony begins. By doing so he makes sure that he has the right bride, unlike Jacob, who married Leah first instead of Rachel.
In other ceremonies, the couple takes some moments to really see one another before entering the chuppah.

4. Chuppah – Wedding Canopy
The wedding canopy is a multifaceted symbol: it is a home, a garment, and a reminder of the tents of our ancestors.

5. Hakafot – Circling

This ancient custom symbolizes the couple making an invisible wall of protection around themselves.

6. Erusin – Betrothal

The rabbi recites the blessing over the wine and then the betrothal blessing, Birkat Erusin. Drinking from the same glass indicates that the couple is ready to begin a life of sharing.

7. Tabba’at/Shutafut – The Ring Ceremony/Partnership Ceremony

Tradition stipulates that the rings be simple, unbroken bands without precious stones, symbolizing that rich and poor are alike in love and marriage. The rings are sometimes placed on each other’s right index finger. Sometimes a couple will declare mutual responsibility for their relationship and for shared property.

8. K’riat HaKetubah – Reading of the Ketubah

The ketubah is read aloud.

9. Sheva B’rachot

Each blessing has its own significance: the first is for the wine; the second is in honor of the wedding guests; the third celebrates the creation of humankind; the fourth, fifth and sixth bless the couple’s marriage; finally, the seventh is in honor of Israel and the wedding couple. These blessings are recited over the second cup of wine, after which both drink.

10. Shattering the Glass

The most well-known interpretation of stomping on the glass is that it represents the destruction of the Temple. This reminds us that even at times of greatest joy and happiness, we should not forget the suffering of our people – past and present. There are also other interpretations.

11. Siman Tov u’Mazal Tov

The couple exits. A common song at Jewish weddings, “Siman Tov u’Mazal Tov” is a musical way of wishing the couple well. “Siman Tov” means a good sign. “Mazal Tov” means good fortune.

12. Yichud – Seclusion

This is the formal seclusion of the couple. Some quiet time and something to eat gives the couple an opportunity to spend their first married moments together and focused on one another.

13. Se’udah – Festive Meal and Celebration

Upon the couple’s return from yichud, family and friends join together in celebration.

Question: What do these few details about Jewish weddings suggest about what Judaism might think about marriage?

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PARENTHOOD

There are two forms of the mem: the open mem and the closed mem. As the Talmud explains in Shabbos 104a. the open mem represents the revealed Torah and the closed mem represents the Torah’s secrets.The AriZal states: [Introduction to Eitz Chayim; Shaar HaGilgulim, end of Shaar HaHakdomos 16; Hilchos Talmud Torah, 1:4; Tanya, Iggeres HaKodesh, Epistle 26; et al.] “It is a mitzvah to reveal the secrets of Torah.”

Additionally, the mem represents the womb—רחם (rechem)—which ends with a closed mem. The closed mem represents the nine months when the womb is closed. The open mem represents the period of childbirth, when the womb is open.

Sefer HaArachim Chabad, Osios, letter mem, p. 176, Kehot Publication Society, Brooklyn, NY.

Question: What could these texts add to our understanding of how Judaism thinks about parenting or what it means to be a parent?

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CONVERSION

When non-Jews converted to Judaism, the rabbis of the Talmud declared that the significance of brit milah was so great that already circumcised non-Jews still needed to undergo a symbolic brit milah called hatafat dam brit, or the drawing of a “covenantal” drop of blood. They based their ruling on a text from Jeremiah.

For an overview of conversion expectations in different parts of the Jewish world see: https://www.haaretz.com/jewish/conversion-denomination-by-denomination-1.5312401

DIVORCE

The Mishnah provided that a wife was permitted to request that a Jewish court compel the husband to perform the acts required for a divorce: where the husband has physical defects that are deemed unendurable; where the husband fails to perform his marital duties including financial support and opportunities for sexual intercourse; and, according to some, where the wife says “he is repulsive to me,” or where the husband beats his wife. https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/can-a-woman-initiate-jewish-divorce-proceedings/

"The divorce ritual itself is straightforward. The couple appears before a beit din, and the husband authorizes a sofer (scribe) to write a get in the presence of two witnesses. The husband then drops the get into the wife’s hands, declaring that she is free to remarry. The rabbi tears the four corners of the get so it cannot be reused, files it, and grants both husband and wife documents of release. This procedure is always adhered to by the Conservative and Orthodox movements and a form of it is used by the Reconstructionist, and sometimes the Reform, movements."
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/jewish-divorce-101/

For more on what is involved in a Jewish divorce:
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/liturgy-ritual-custom-of-divorce/

DEATH AND MOURNING

Judaism pays careful attention to treating the dead - including a dead body - with respect (k’vod ha-met) and to comforting mourners (nichum aveilim). In Judaism, life is valued about almost anything else. Saving a single life is like saving an entire world. Judaism requires in most cases that a person violate the commandments to save a life. A person who is ill may not fast, doctors must answer emergency calls on Shabbat, abortions where necessary to save the life of a mother are mandatory. We are not permitted to do anything that may hasten death - not even to prevent suffering. The Talmud insists we are not even to move a dying person's arms if that would shorten their life. However, where death is imminent and certain and the patient is suffering, Jewish law does permit one to stop artificially prolonging life.

Death itself is not a tragedy, though. Death is a natural process. Our deaths, like our lives, have meaning.

Mourning practices in Judaism are extensive, but they are not an expression of fear or distaste for death. Jewish practices relating to death and mourning have two purposes: to show respect for the dead (kavod ha-met), and to comfort the living (nihum avelim).

After a person dies, the eyes are closed, the body is laid on the floor and covered, and candles are lit next to the body. The body is never left alone until after burial, as a sign of respect. The people who sit with the dead body are called shomerim, from the root Shin-Mem-Reish, meaning "guards" or "keepers". The shomerim may not eat, drink, or perform a commandment in the presence of the dead. To do so would be considered mocking the dead, because the dead can no longer do these things. Most communities have an organization to care for the dead, known as the chevra kaddisha (the holy society). These people are volunteers. Their work is considered extremely meritorious, because they are performing a service for someone who can never repay them.

People who have been in the presence of a body wash their hands before entering a home. This is done to symbolically remove spiritual impurity, not physical uncleanness: it applies regardless of whether you have physically touched the body.

In preparation for the burial, the body is thoroughly cleaned and wrapped in a simple, plain linen shroud. The Sages decreed that both the dress of the body and the coffin should be simple, so that a poor person would not receive less honor in death than a rich person. The body is wrapped in a tallit with its tzittzit rendered invalid. The body is not embalmed. Organ donation is permitted because the subsequent burial of the donee will satisfy the requirement of burying the entire body.

The body must be buried in the earth. Coffins are not required, but if they are used, they must have holes drilled in them so the body comes in contact with the earth. The body is never displayed at funerals; open casket ceremonies are forbidden by Jewish law. According to Jewish law, exposing a body is considered disrespectful, because it allows not only friends, but also enemies to view the dead, mocking their helpless state.

http://www.jewfaq.org/death.htm

Jewish mourning practices can be broken into several periods of decreasing intensity. These mourning periods allow the full expression of grief, while discouraging excesses of grief and allowing the mourner to gradually return to a normal life. When a close relative (parent, sibling, spouse or child) first hears of the death of a relative, it is traditional to express the initial grief by tearing one's clothing. The tear is made over the heart if the deceased is a parent, or over the right side of the chest for other relatives. This tearing of the clothing is referred to as keriyah (lit. "tearing").

After the burial, a close relative, near neighbor or friend prepares the first meal for the mourners, the se'udat havra'ah (meal of condolence). This meal traditionally consists of eggs (a symbol of life) and bread. The meal is for the family only, not for visitors. After this time, condolence calls are permitted.

Shiva is observed by parents, children, spouses and siblings of the deceased, preferably all together in the deceased's home. Shiva begins on the day of burial and continues until the morning of the seventh day after burial. Mourners sit on low stools or the floor instead of chairs, do not wear leather shoes, do not shave or cut their hair, do not wear cosmetics, do not work, and do not do things for comfort or pleasure, such as bathe, have sex, put on fresh clothing, or study Torah (except Torah related to mourning and grief). Mourners wear the clothes that they tore at the time of learning of the death or at the funeral. Mirrors in the house are covered. Prayer services are held where the shiva is held, with friends, neighbors and relatives making up the minyan (10 people required for certain prayers).

If a festival occurs during the mourning period, the mourning is terminated, but if the burial occurs during a festival, the mourning is delayed until after the festival. The Shabbat that occurs during the shiva period counts toward the seven days of shiva, and does not end the mourning period. Public mourning practices (such as wearing the torn clothes, not wearing shoes) are suspended during this period, but private mourning continues.

The next period of mourning is known as shloshim (thirty, because it lasts until the 30th day after burial). During that period, the mourners do not attend parties or celebrations, do not shave or cut their hair, and do not listen to music.

The final period of formal mourning is avelut, which is observed only for a parent. This period lasts for twelve months after the burial. During that time, mourners avoid parties, celebrations, theater and concerts. For eleven months of that period, starting at the time of burial, the child of the deceased recites the mourner's Kaddish every day.

After the avelut period is complete, the family of the deceased is not permitted to continue formal mourning; however, there are a few continuing acknowledgments of the decedent. Every year, on the anniversary of the death, family members observe the deceased's Yahrzeit (Yiddish) lit. "anniversary"). On the Yahrzeit, people recite Kaddish and take an aliyah (bless the Torah reading) in synagogue if possible, and all mourners light a candle in honor of the decedent that burns for 24 hours. In addition, during services on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, the last day of Passover, and Shavuot, after the haftarah reading in synagogue, close relatives recite the mourner's prayer, Yizkor ("May He remember...") in synagogue. Yahrzeit candles are also lit on those days.

When visiting a mourner, a guest should not try to express grief with standard, shallow platitudes. The guest should allow the mourner to initiate conversations. One should not divert the conversation from talking about the deceased; to do so would limit the mourner's ability to fully express grief, which is the purpose of the mourning period.

When leaving a house of mourning, it is traditional for the guest to say, "May Adonai comfort you with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
http://www.jewfaq.org/death.htm

Law and custom mandate special cemeteries for Jews, but many contemporary Jewish cemeteries will arrange to bury non-Jewish spouses. Many converts to Judaism follow traditional mourning practices (including saying Kaddish) for their non-Jewish family members. And while Jewish tradition frowns on things which can be construed as mutilation of one’s body, like tattoos and body piercing, none of these things represent a barrier to burial in even the most traditionally-run cemetery.
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/death-mourning-101/

THE WORLD TO COME

Jewish conceptions of heaven and hell — Gan Eden (Garden of Eden) and Gehinnom — are associated with the belief in immortality and/or the World to Come, and were also developed independent of these concepts.

Most Jewish ideas about the afterlife developed in post-biblical times.

The Bible itself has very few references to life after death. Sheol, the bowels of the earth, is portrayed as the place of the dead, but in most instances Sheol seems to be more a metaphor for oblivion than an actual place where the dead “live” and retain consciousness.

The notion of resurrection appears in two late biblical sources, Daniel 12 and Isaiah 25-26.

“Many of those that sleep in the dust of the earth will awake, some to eternal life, others to reproaches, to everlasting abhorrence” — implies that resurrection will be followed by a day of judgment. Those judged favorably will live forever and those judged to be wicked will be punished.

Later Jewish tradition, however, is not clear about exactly who will be resurrected, when it will happen, and what will take place. Some sources imply that the resurrection of the dead will occur during the messianic era. Others indicate that resurrection will follow the messianic era. Similarly, according to some, only the righteous will be resurrected, while according to others, everyone will be resurrected and — as implied in Daniel — a day of judgment will follow.

The Daniel text probably dates to the second century BCE, and at some point during the two centuries that followed, another afterlife idea entered Judaism: the immortality of the soul, the notion that the human soul lives on even after the death of the body. In the Middle Ages, Jewish mystics expanded this idea, developing theories about reincarnation— the transmigration of the soul.

The World to Come (olam haba) is the most ubiquitous Jewish idea related to the end of days. It appears in early rabbinic sources as the ultimate reward of the individual Jew (and possibly the righteous gentile). The Talmud contains scattered descriptions of the World to Come, sometimes comparing it to spiritual things such as studying Torah, other times comparing it to physical pleasures, such as sex.

However, not surprisingly, it is not obvious what exactly the “World to Come” is and when it will exist. According to Nahmanides among others, the World to Come is the era that will be ushered in by the resurrection of the dead, the world that will be enjoyed by the righteous who have merited additional life. According to Maimonides, the World to Come refers to a time even beyond the world of the resurrected. He believed that the resurrected will eventually die a second death, at which point the souls of the righteous will enjoy a spiritual, bodiless existence in the presence of God.

Still, in other sources, the World to Come refers to the world inhabited by the righteous immediately following death–i.e. heaven, Gan Eden. In this view, the World to Come exists now, in some parallel universe.

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/life-after-death/

Resources for rituals to mark important life events:

https://ritualwell.org

https://www.mayyimhayyim.org

http://www.transtorah.org/resources.html

https://www.interfaithfamily.com

http://www.britshalom.info

www.amyjosefaariel.com