1. Defining Empathy
"The ability to understand and share the feelings of another." (Oxford Dictionary)
"Empathy is not connecting to an experience, it's connecting to the emotions that underpin an experience....In the face of difficult conversation, when we see that someone's hurt or in pain, it's our instinct as human beings to try to make things better. We want to fix, we want to give advice. But empathy isn't about fixing, it's the brave choice to be with someone in their darkness - not to race to turn on the light so we feel better." (Brené Brown, 2018)
Skills of Empathy
- Perspective taking
- Refraining from judgment
- Understanding another's feelings
- Communicating understanding another's feelings
- Mindfulness or paying attention
(6) Teach a youth according to his way. He will not swerve from it even in old age.
2. Empathy in the Torah
(ט) וְגֵ֖ר לֹ֣א תִלְחָ֑ץ וְאַתֶּ֗ם יְדַעְתֶּם֙ אֶת־נֶ֣פֶשׁ הַגֵּ֔ר כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃
(9) You shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the feelings of the stranger, having yourselves been strangers in the land of Egypt.
שמות כב: כ-כג
כ וְגֵ֥ר לֹא־תוֹנֶ֖ה וְלֹ֣א תִלְחָצֶ֑נּוּ כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרָֽיִם׃
כא כָּל־אַלְמָנָ֥ה וְיָת֖וֹם לֹ֥א תְעַנּֽוּן׃
כב אִם־עַנֵּ֥ה תְעַנֶּ֖ה אֹת֑וֹ כִּ֣י אִם־צָעֹ֤ק יִצְעַק֙ אֵלַ֔י שָׁמֹ֥עַ אֶשְׁמַ֖ע צַעֲקָתֽוֹ׃
כג וְחָרָ֣ה אַפִּ֔י וְהָרַגְתִּ֥י אֶתְכֶ֖ם בֶּחָ֑רֶב וְהָי֤וּ נְשֵׁיכֶם֙ אַלְמָנ֔וֹת וּבְנֵיכֶ֖ם יְתֹמִֽים׃ (פ)
Exodus 22: 20-23
20 You shall not wrong a stranger or oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.
21 You shall not ill-treat any widow or orphan.
22 If you do mistreat them, I will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me,
23 and My anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your own wives shall become widows and your children orphans.
ויקרא יט: לג-לד
לג וְכִֽי־יָג֧וּר אִתְּךָ֛ גֵּ֖ר בְּאַרְצְכֶ֑ם לֹ֥א תוֹנ֖וּ אֹתֽוֹ׃
לד כְּאֶזְרָ֣ח מִכֶּם֩ יִהְיֶ֨ה לָכֶ֜ם הַגֵּ֣ר ׀ הַגָּ֣ר אִתְּכֶ֗ם וְאָהַבְתָּ֥ לוֹ֙ כָּמ֔וֹךָ כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרָ֑יִם אֲנִ֖י יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃
Leviticus 19: 33-34
33 When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not wrong him.
34 The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I the LORD am your God.
רמב"ן על שמות כב:כ
כי גרים הייתם בארץ מצרים לא הוכשרו כל הגרים בעבור היותנו גרים בארץ זמן, ואין טעם שיהיו מובטחים לעולם בעבור כן. ופירש רש''י כי הוא טעם ללא תונו אותו, יזהיר שלא תונה אותו בהונאת דברים, שאם הוניתו אף הוא יכל להונותך ולומר לך אף אתה מגרים באת, מום שבך אל תאמר לחברך. ור''א אמר זכור כי גרים הייתם כמוהו. ואין בכל זה טעם בעיקר:והנכון בעיני כי יאמר, לא תונה גר ולא תלחצנו ותחשבו שאין לו מציל מידך, כי אתה ידעת שהייתם גרים בארץ מצרים וראיתי את הלחץ אשר מצרים לוחצים אתכם ועשיתי בהם נקמה, כי אני רואה דמעת העשוקים אשר אין להם מנחם ומיד עושקיהם כח, ואני מציל כל אדם מיד חזק ממנו וכן האלמנה והיתום לא תענו כי אשמע צעקתם, שכל אלה אינם בוטחים בנפשם, ועלי יבטחו: ובפסוק האחר הוסיף טעם ואתם ידעתם את נפש הגר כי גרים הייתם בארץ מצרים (להלן כג ט) כלומר, ידעתם כי כל גר נפשו שפלה עליו והוא נאנח וצועק ועיניו תמיד אל ה' וירחם עליו כאשר רחם עליכם, כמו שכתוב (לעיל ב כג) ויאנחו בני ישראל מן העבודה ויצעקו ותעל שועתם אל האלהים מן העבודה. כלומר לא בזכותם רק שרחם עליהם מן העבודה:
3. Ramban on Exodus 22:20
For you were strangers in the land of Egypt: Not all strangers are made fitting [for special treatment just] because we were strangers in [one] land for a time. And there is no reason that they should be assured [of this treatment] forever because of this. And Rashi on Exodus 22:20 explained that it is the reason why "you should not oppress him with words [...], for if you oppress him, he can oppress you [also] by saying to you, 'You also come from strangers' - [regarding] a blemish in you, do not speak about it in your fellow." And Rabbi Avraham (Ibn Ezra on Exodus 22:20) said, "Remember that you were strangers like him." But there is no fundamental explanation in all this. And that which is correct in my eyes is that when it states, "do not oppress the stranger and do not harry him," you should think that he has no one to save him from your hand, since you know that you were strangers in the land of Egypt, and you saw the harrying that Egypt harried you and that I took vengeance for you, 'since I see the tear of the oppressed who has no comforter and has no power from the hand of their oppressors' and I save every person 'from the hand of one stronger than he.' And so [too], do not afflict the widow and the orphan, since I hear their cries. As all of these do not rely on themselves and [so] upon Me do they rely. And in a different verse, it adds another reason (Exodus 23:9), "and you know the soul of a stranger, since you were strangers in the land of Egypt." This is to say, you know that the soul of any stranger is lowly towards himself, and he sighs and cries, and his eyes are always to God - and He will have mercy upon him, as He had mercy upon you, as it is written (Exodus 2:23), "and the Children of Israel sighed from the work and they cried out, and their prayer ascended to God, from the work." This is to say that not because of their merit [did God hear], but rather He had mercy upon them due to their [heavy] work.
4. Contemporary Educational Research Relying on Empathy Skills
- Differentiated instruction (Carol-Ann Tomlinson, 1999; Robert Marzano, 2007)
- Culturally responsive pedagogy (Gloria Ladson-Billings, 1995; Darling Hammond, 2010; Pedro Noguera, 2008)
- Growth Mindset (Carol Dweck, 2007)
- Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene, 2014; Stuart Ablon, 2018)
- Neurodevelopmental Constructs (Mel Levine, 2001)
- Managing Student Anxiety (Jessica Minahan, 2012)
- Executive Functioning in the Classroom (Sara Ward, 2002)
- Inclusion (Thomas Armstrong, 2012)
5. Questions to Consider
- What is the Torah's model of empathy?
- What would education look like if we followed the model of empathy demonstrated in the Torah?
- How does placing empathy at the center of education push our understanding of "חנוך לנער על פי דרכו"?
- Who are our supports that we lean on and who can we trust to help us practice empathy?
2. Empathy in the Torah