What's Jewish about Values? ​​​​​​​AKA The Value of Values An exploration into BaMidbar Wilderness Therapy's Core Values

Excerpt from the Talmud

...There was another incident involving one gentile who came before Shammai and said to Shammai: Convert me on condition that you teach me the entire Torah while I am standing on one foot. Shammai pushed him away with the builder’s cubit in his hand. This was a common measuring stick and Shammai was a builder by trade. The same gentile came before Hillel. He converted him and said to him: That which is hateful to you do not do to another; that is the entire Torah, and the rest is its interpretation. Go study...

(1) Ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from all men, as it says, "I have acquired understanding from all my teachers" (Psalms 119:99). Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his impulse, as it says, "slowness to anger is better than a mighty person and the ruler of his spirit than the conqueror of a city." (Proverbs 16:32). Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, "When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you" (Psalms 128:2). "You will be happy" in this world, and "it will be well with you" in the world to come. Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, "For those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise Me will be held in little esteem" (I Samuel 2:30).

(4) Nowadays it is customary that after the closing of the grave with earth has been completed, — or after the mourner turned his face from the corpse,¹⁶ supra § 375, 2. — they [the mourners] remove [their] shoes and sandals,¹⁷ infra § 382 Gloss end. and keep away a short [distance] from the burial grounds¹⁸At least four cubits, for the law is that a corpse takes possession of this distance. Cf. supra § 367, 6. If the interment takes place at night, Ẓidduk ha-Din and Kaddish are not recited at the cemetery. infra § 401, 6 Gloss. and [then] say Kaddish,³² Glos. [viz., 'May His great Name be magnified and sanctified in] the world that He will create anew etc.,'¹⁹Tur on the authority of T.H. after which they detach earth²⁰And one says, ‘He remembereth that we are dust’ (Ps. CIII, 14). and pluck grass²¹An allusion to the resurrection of the dead. One says, ‘And they of the city shall flourish like the grass of the earth’ (Is. XXVI, 19). Kol Bo writes that the grass is plucked together with the earth and thrown above the head, alluding to ‘and threw dust upon their heads toward heaven’ (Job. II, 12). Cf. Y. Sota II, 2(18a); Num. R. IX, 20, where the explanation is advanced why in the case of a woman suspected of faithlessness (סוטה) the Torah (Num. V, 12-31) required water, earth and writing in order to test her. ‘Water’ indicates whence a person comes; ‘earth,’ — whither one goes; ‘writing,’ — before whom one is destined to give an account (v. Aboth III, 1). The same symbolism may be seen here. An additional reason is that it alludes to purification from uncleanness through water, ashes and the hyssop (Num. XIX) — T.H. Grass may be plucked even on Ḥol ha-Moed (the weekday of the Festival). [out of the ground] and cast it behind their back and wash their hands with water.²²This has reference only to one who accompanied the corpse to the cemetery and returned after burial, but not to one who merely escorts the bier and returns before burial — A.H. When washing the hands one should say, ‘our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it … Forgive, O Lord, Thy people Israel … So shalt thou put away the innocent blood from the midst of thee’ (Deut. XXI, 7-9) — Tur. The custom to place a glass or vessel containing water in a house of mourning should be abolished, for this is considered a heathen practice. However, a candle or lamp should be lit, for ‘the soul of man is the lamp of the Lord’ (Prov. XX, 27) — A.H. The candle should be lit for the entire seven days of mourning, even when the person died during the Festival in which case mourning rites begin after the Festival, — yet the candle or lamp should be lit forthwith — Naḥlath Shibah. Gloss: Some say that [after burial] they sit down seven times²³ supra § 366, n. 1. because the [evil] spirits follow him,²⁴The corpse. and so long as they sit down, they²⁵The evil spirits. flee from him;²⁶MaHaRIL Resp. 23 on the authority of ‘some say’ — G. and in these countries the custom prevails to sit down only three times after they have washed their hands, and each time [they sit down] they say, 'And let the graciousness of the Lord our God be upon us etc.'²⁷Ps. XC, 17. 'O thou that dwellest in the covert of the most High etc..'²⁸Ibid. XCI, and should be recited seven times as follows: a) until the word כי incl. b) until מלאכיו incl. c) until יצוה incl. d) until לך incl. e) until לשמרך incl. f) until בכל incl. g) until דרכיך incl. — TaZ, ShaK. When the corpse is buried on a Festival, one may six thus three times as on a weekday.²⁹I found this stated in Hag. Minhagim — G. Likewise, if one was buried close to [the advent of] the Sabbath, this is done [even] on the Sabbath. It is the adopted practice to be particular with one lest he enter another house before he washes [his hands]³⁰One should not take the burial implements, e.g., the spade or shovel directly from another person’s hands. The same applies to the vessel of water used for washing one’s hands. Those who did not visit the burial grounds for thirty days, say, ‘Blessed be the Lord … who formed you in judgment.’ Siddur. and sits down three times, and the custom of our ancestors is [considered binding] law.³¹MaHaRIL ibid. — G. For the expression ‘the custom of our ancestors is law,’ v. Men. 20b, Tosaf. s.v. נפסל. In the Midrashim³² Glos. it is found that one should recite Keddish³² Glos. for a father.³³Kol Bo; RIBaSh on the authority of Tanḥ. (Noaḥ II (Bub.); Sifre; Baḥya (comment. to Shofetim end) on the authority of Mas. Kal. (ed. Coronel pp. 4b, 19b); B.Yos. on the authority of Zohar (Ruth) ; Or Zaru‘a (ed. Jitomir II, 11) on the authority of Tanna debe Eliyahu Rabba — G. Cf. also the following sources: Otiyyoth de R. Akiba s.v. zayin; Tanna debe Eliyahu Zuta XII, XVII; Menorath ha-Maor I, 1, Pt. II, § 1; Menashe b. Israel, Nishmath Ḥayyim II, 27; Test of Abraham a, XIV; San. 104a; Gen. R. § 63; Sefer Ḥasidim (ed. Wiztinetzki) n. 32; J.E. Vol. VII, p. 401-2. All the above references stress the redeeming powers of the Kaddish recited by a son for his father. If one is survived only by daughters, the latter are not permitted to recite the Kaddish in the Synagogue, but they should respond by saying ‘Amen’ when the Kaddish is said in the Synagogue — P.Tesh. Cf. Kol Bo(G) p. 375, n. 33. Therefore, it is the adopted practice to recite the last Kaddish [concluding the services]³⁴The Kaddish recited after עלינו. twelve months for a father and mother.³⁵Thereby the souls of one’s parents are redeemed from the torture of the Gehenna. Cf. ‘Ed. II, 10; R.H. 17a. Likewise, is it common usage [for a mourner] to recite the Haftarah³² Glos. in the Prophets and to lead the services at the evening prayers at the conclusion of the Sabbath, which is the time when the souls [of the departed] return to Gehenna; and when the [mourning] son leads the Services and sanctifies [the name of God] in public, he [thereby] redeems his father and mother from Gehenna.³⁶Kol Bo on the authority of Hag. — G. It is the adopted usage to recite Kaddish for one's mother although the father is still living,³⁷If both are living one should not say the mourner’s Kaddish. One may however, say the Kaddish de Rabbanan (scholars’ Kaddish) — P.Tesh. [and the latter] has no right to prevent his son from reciting Kaddish for his mother.³⁸Thus the opinion of B.Yos. in accordance with the accepted custom — G. It is a religious duty to fast on the day that one's father and mother died.³⁹RIBaSh and Kol Bo — G. Cf. Sheb. 20a and infra § 378, If one finds it difficult to fast, he should contribute money to the poor. Throughout the twelve month period of mourning one should study Mishna (including the Yahrzeit day), for Mishna (משנה) is comprised of the same letters as נשמה (-soul). This has a redeeming influence. [In the case of] three brothers and a stranger⁴⁰e., one who is not their brother although he is a resident in the community — ShaK. [with respect to the rules of precedence concerning the recital of Kaddish, — the law is that] the three brothers get [priority to recite] three Kaddishim,³² Glos. and the other⁴¹The stranger. gets [priority to recite] one Kaddish.⁴²For we guide ourselves with respect to the rules of precedence in accordance with the living and not the dead. Mourners should recite the Kaddish in unison — P.Tesh. It is customary that when the day on which one's father or mother died, arrives, one always recites the mourner's⁴³Lit. ‘orphan’s.’ Kaddish for them. One who knows how to lead the entire Service should do so. However, if there are other mourners [present], it is customary that within the seven days of their mourning [period], they take precedence and he⁴⁴The one observing the Yahrzeit. has no [priority] rights [regarding] the Kaddish at all; if within [their] thirty [days of mourning], he has [priority rights to recite] one Kaddish;⁴⁵Some, however, hold that a Yahrzeit takes precedence over one who is within the thirty days of the observance of mourning rites. TaZ. [if] after [their] thirty [days of mourning], — all the Kaddishim of that day belong to him.⁴⁶The following is a summary of the laws of precedence with respect to the recital of Kaddish based upon ShaK, TaZ and the Later Authorities: a) A resident takes precedence over a stranger; b) It is only the first time a stranger comes to the services that he has a right to lead the service and has priority rights to recite one Kaddish where the resident has similar rights; c) Some adopt the practice that a stranger is on an equal footing with a resident with respect to Kaddish, as long as he is a permanent resident in the city, even if he does not pay taxes; d) One who is within the seven days of his mourning period, whether a resident or a stranger, whether of minority or majority age, takes precedence over the other mourners with respect to all the Kaddishim recited, and even if a Festival arrived at which time the seven or thirty days of mourning become annulled (v. infra § 399), it does not apply to the recital of Kaddish. Furthermore, with respect to Kaddish we do not apply the principle ‘that part of the day is considered as the whole day.’ This means that one is regarded to be within his seven or thirty days with respect to the recital of Kaddish until seven or thirty complete days have passed. As to the observance of mourning rites, the above principle applies (v. infra § 395) ; e) One who is within his thirty days of mourning and one observing Yahrzeit each have a right to recite one Kaddish; f) One who is within his thirty days of mourning takes precedence over one observing Yahrzeit, although the latter has a right to recite one Kaddish (v. however, supra n. 45) ; g) If there are many observing Yahrzeit, the one who is within his thirty days is overridden; h) If there are many observing Yahrzeit and one who is within his seven days of mourning, the latter has a right to one Kaddish and the others cast lots; i) If there are many who are within their thirty days of mourning, one observing Yahrzeit and one within his twelve month period of mourning, the latter is overridden entirely, and all the Kaddishim of that day belong to the one observing Yahrzeit; j) The Kaddish recited after the daily Psalm (שיר של יום) and after the Sabbath Psalm (מזמור שיר ליום השבת) belong to the mourners. In general, the laws of precedence have no fundamental basis in Jewish Law, and nowadays all recite the Kaddish — A.H. The seven and thirty [days of mourning] are counted from the day of burial, even if [the mourner] had not heard [the death report] forthwith.⁴⁷MaHaRIL — G. Whether a stranger is regarded as one of the townspeople with respect to this Kaddish, we follow the accepted practice.⁴⁸Agur on the authority of MaHaRIL — G. This [above-mentioned] Kaddish applies⁴⁹Lit. ‘there is no place … but.’ only [where it is recited] for a father and mother alone, but not [in the case of] other near-of-kin.⁵⁰Benjamin Ze’eb — G. If there is no one present in the Synagogue who is in mourning for one's father or mother, that Kaddish⁵¹e., the mourner’s Kaddish. may be recited by one who has no father and mother on behalf of all the dead of Israel.⁵²Ibid. — G. There are localities where it is customary that other [surviving] near-of-kin recite Kaddish for their relations where [the latter leave] no parental mourners; and there are localities where even if there are parental mourners, the other [surviving] near-of-kin [may also] recite [the Kaddish], only that they [the latter] make a mutual agreement not to recite as many Kaddishim as would the mourners for a father and mother [proper].⁵³MaHaRIK, Rt. 44 — G. In this entire [matter] we follow the accepted custom, provided the custom is fixed in the [particular] city. The mourners recite Kaddish even on the Sabbath and Festivals,⁵⁴Benjamin Ze’eb on the authority of RI of Corbeil — G. One who suffered a bereavement on the Sabbath or Festival at which time it was impossible to bury the corpse, may recite the Kaddish on the Sabbath or the Festival, even before the corpse is interred. This ruling, however, does not apply to a weekday, for then he is an Onen and is exempt from Tefillah etc. (v. supra § 341) — TaZ. however, ShaK in Nek. ha-Kesef and also Ḥid. ha-Gershuni who oppose TaZ. but it is not customary for them to lead the services on the Sabbath and Festivals,⁵⁵Thus in MaHaRIL Resp. — G. This applies likewise to a day on which Hallel is recited, unless there is no one available to lead the services or if one is a permanent Congregational reader of prayers. On Rosh Ḥodesh and Ḥol ha-Moed in the evening, the mourner may lead the services, but not at the morning service — A.H. although there exists no prohibition against [this] matter. However, during the weekdays, whoever knows how to lead the Services, should do so, and [this] is [even] more efficacious than [reciting] the mourner's⁴³Lit. ‘orphan’s.’ Kaddish, which was instituted [originally] only for minors.⁵⁶The fundamental Kaddishim are those recited during the services. Those recited at the conclusion of the service, e.g., the Kaddish said after עלינו or the daily Psalm שיר של יום were instituted only for minors. Hence, it is most important for one to lead the services and be afforded the opportunity to recite the Kaddishim during the service. Many people err in this and are under the impression that the Kaddish recited at the conclusion of the services is fundamental — A.H. And one who knows not how to lead the entire Service, should lead the Service [at least] from [the section beginning with] 'For the chief musician etc.,'⁵⁷Ps. 'And a redeemer shall come to Zion etc.'⁵⁸ובא לציון. This Kaddish is more efficacious than the one concluding the service. Benjamin Ze’eb — G. Should the mourner happen to lead the services in another Synagogue where the version (נוסח) of the service ritual differs from that of his own Svnagogue (e.g., if his custom is to pray in the Ashkenazic version and he comes to a Sephardic Synagogue or vice versa), — he is permitted to change to the service ritual of the Synagogue he happens to be in — Kol Bo(G). It is the adopted custom to recite Kaddish and lead the Services only for eleven months⁵⁹Less one day, even if it is a leap year. All the Kaddishim of that day belong to him. However, one observing Yahrzeit on that day has a right to one Kaddish. so that [children] should not consider their father and mother wicked, for the judgment of a wicked person [in Gehenna lasts] twelve months.⁶⁰One whose father was a wicked person should recite Kaddish for twelve months. If there were mourners present here,⁶¹e., at the Synagogue services. and later other mourners came, — the latter have [priority with respect to] the Kaddish and [leading] the Services throughout the thirty days [of their mourning] from the day of burial, although [the latter] did not hear [the death report until later].⁶²e., they were not present at the death or burial. Some say that [in the case of] an apostate Jew who was murdered by heathens, [the law is that] his children recite Kaddish for him.⁶³RaDaK and Benjamin Ze’eb and cf supra § 340, 5 — G. The reason is that having been murdered his sins are forgiven.

(18) Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.