Two people are walking in a desert, and one of them has a small jug of water. They are far from any settlements, and may die. If both drink from the jug they will both die, as there is not enough water. If only one drinks, that person may live and might be able to find
You are the person with the water. What do you do?
The Rabbis derive their answers to this question based on a verse from this week's parsha. Let's table this conversation and start with looking at that text.
What is the Torah saying here? Why does Hashem mention Egypt and Canaan?
(א) (לה) והחזקת בו. אַל תַּנִּיחֵהוּ שֶׁיֵּרֵד וְיִפּוֹל וְיִהְיֶה קָשֶׁה לַהֲקִימוֹ, אֶלָּא חַזְּקֵהוּ מִשְּׁעַת מוּטַת הַיָּד; לְמָה זֶה דוֹמֶה? לְמַשְּׂאוּי שֶׁעַל הַחֲמוֹר, עוֹדֵהוּ עַל הַחֲמוֹר אֶחָד תּוֹפֵס בּוֹ וּמַעֲמִידוֹ, נָפַל לָאָרֶץ, חֲמִשָּׁה אֵין מַעֲמִידִין אוֹתוֹ:
(1) והחזקת בו THOU SHALT RELIEVE HIM — Do not leave him by himself so that he comes down in the world until he finally falls altogether when it will be difficult to give him a lift, but uphold him from the very moment of the failure of his means. To what may this be compared? To an excessive load on the back of a donkey. So long as it is still on the donkey’s back, one person is enough to take hold of it (the load) and to keep it (the donkey) up, as soon as it has fallen to the ground not even five persons are able to set it on its legs (Sifra, Behar, Section 5 1).
Think of a time when you were struggling and needed to ask for help.
Did you ask for help? Did you ask while you were stumbling or once you had already fallen?
Solomon ben Meir ha-Levi of Karlin, 1738-1798
If you wish to raise a person from poverty and trouble, do not think that it is enough to stand above and reach a helping hand down to them. It is not enough. You must go down to where the person is, down into the mud and filth. Then take hold of them with strong hands and pull until both of you rise up into the light.
This is the ideal situation. But what about when we don't have the resources to pull them back up? Let's revisit our dilemma.
ורבי יוחנן האי וחי אחיך עמך מאי עביד ליה מבעי ליה לכדתניא שנים שהיו מהלכין בדרך וביד אחד מהן קיתון של מים אם שותין שניהם מתים ואם שותה אחד מהן מגיע לישוב דרש בן פטורא מוטב שישתו שניהם וימותו ואל יראה אחד מהם במיתתו של חבירו עד שבא ר' עקיבא ולימד וחי אחיך עמך חייך קודמים לחיי חבירך
The Gemara asks: And Rabbi Yoḥanan, what does he do with this verse: “And your brother shall live with you”? The Gemara answers: He requires the verse for that which is taught in a baraita: If two people were walking on a desolate path and there was a jug [kiton] of water in the possession of one of them, and the situation was such that if both drink from the jug, both will die, as there is not enough water, but if only one of them drinks, he will reach a settled area, there is a dispute as to the halakha. Ben Petora taught: It is preferable that both of them drink and die, and let neither one of them see the death of the other.
This was the accepted opinion until Rabbi Akiva came and taught that the verse states: “And your brother shall live with you,” indicating that your life takes precedence over the life of the other.
Meaning, that life is the important part. In order for the kinsman to live with you, you have to be alive. In order to really help another person, you have to be able to at least sustain yourself.
There’s an idea in Judaism that our resources are given to us by God for a purpose. We have obligations and responsibilities with those resources. (ex. leket, tzedaka, interest-free loans, shmita) But none of these require that we give up our basic needs or well-being for others. These resources are also given to take care of ourselves. It is the same with emotional resources.
How do you allocate your emotional resources?
Can you think of a time when you put others needs before your own? Were you in a position to do so safely, or did it end up hurting you?