This sourcesheet and learning program is dedicated לעילוי נשמת בתשבע חיה בת נועם יגאל ורנה.
-Blair Waldorf to Dan Humphrey in "Gossip Girl," Season 4, Episode 13
For those not in the know, Blair Waldorf is an unmistakable (fictitious) style icon. However, she often uses her style in order to set herself up as Queen B, someone who stands head and shoulders above everybody else. In contrast, Batsheva z"l used her love of fashion in order to build others up. This was one of the reasons she loved having people borrow her clothes/ styling others; she wanted to help them feel self-confident and beautiful.
Today, we are going to explore:
1. Different understandings of what it means to be beautiful
2. How we can help others gain self-confidence and recognize their inner beauty
What is Beauty?
Once upon a time, in a faraway land,
A young Prince lived in a shining castle.
Although he had everything his heart desired,
The Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.
But then, one winter's night,
An old beggar woman came to the castle
And offered him a single rose In return for shelter from the bitter cold.
Repulsed by her haggard appearance,
The Prince sneered at the gift,
And turned the old woman away.
But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances,
For Beauty is found within.
(ל) שֶׁ֣קֶר הַ֭חֵן וְהֶ֣בֶל הַיֹּ֑פִי אִשָּׁ֥ה יִרְאַת־ה' הִ֣יא תִתְהַלָּֽל׃
(30) Grace is deceptive, Beauty is illusory; It is for her fear of the LORD That a woman is to be praised.
Questions to Consider
1. Based on the prologue to "Beauty and the Beast" and the quote from Proverbs, what is true beauty?
2. In your opinion, does outward beauty matter, and why yes or no?
Beauty seems to play a role when it comes to the description of the first king of Israel...
(ב) וְלוֹ־הָיָ֨ה בֵ֜ן וּשְׁמ֤וֹ שָׁאוּל֙ בָּח֣וּר וָט֔וֹב וְאֵ֥ין אִ֛ישׁ מִבְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל ט֣וֹב מִמֶּ֑נּוּ מִשִּׁכְמ֣וֹ וָמַ֔עְלָה גָּבֹ֖הַּ מִכָּל־הָעָֽם׃
(2) He had a son whose name was Saul, an excellent young man; no one among the Israelites was handsomer than he; he was a head taller than any of the people.
but when God sends the prophet Samuel to select the second king, He specifically asserts that man's stature/ looks is not what qualifies him to be king.
(ו) וַיְהִ֣י בְּבוֹאָ֔ם וַיַּ֖רְא אֶת־אֱלִיאָ֑ב וַיֹּ֕אמֶר אַ֛ךְ נֶ֥גֶד ה' מְשִׁיחֽוֹ׃ (ז) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר ה' אֶל־שְׁמוּאֵ֗ל אַל־תַּבֵּ֧ט אֶל־מַרְאֵ֛הוּ וְאֶל־גְּבֹ֥הַּ קוֹמָת֖וֹ כִּ֣י מְאַסְתִּ֑יהוּ כִּ֣י ׀ לֹ֗א אֲשֶׁ֤ר יִרְאֶה֙ הָאָדָ֔ם כִּ֤י הָֽאָדָם֙ יִרְאֶ֣ה לַעֵינַ֔יִם וַה' יִרְאֶ֥ה לַלֵּבָֽב׃
(6) When they arrived and he saw Eliab, he thought: “Surely the LORD’s anointed stands before Him.” (7) But the LORD said to Samuel, “Pay no attention to his appearance or his stature, for I have rejected him. For not as man sees [does the LORD see]; man sees only what is visible, but the LORD sees into the heart.”
(ב) ויאמר אך נגד ה' משיחו. פי' אמר בלבו או בפיו כי חשב כי זה הוא המלך שצוהו האל למשוח לפי שהיה בכור בבני ישי ועוד כי ראהו יפה צורה וקומה כשאול וחשב כי הקב"ה בוחר באנשים יפה קומה וצורה למלכות כדי שיהא מוראו על העם וכן אמר בשאול הראיתם אשר בחר בו ה' כי אין כמוהו בכל העם וכן הוא כמו שחשב שמואל כי בעל קומה וצורה יפה בוחר בו האל למלוכה כדי שייראו ממנו העם ובלבד שיהיה לבו טוב וישר ופי' נגד ה' משיחו כמו נכח ה' דרככם כלומר ה' יהיה עמו וי"ת תקין קדם ה' משיחיה וכן תרגם נכח ה' אתקין ה':
And he thought: "Surely the LORD's anointed stands before Him." It means Samuel said in his heart or his mouth because he thought that this one was the king that God had commanded him to anoint because he was the oldest of Jesse's sons and also he looked handsome and he was tall like Saul and he [Samuel] thought that Hashem chooses men who are handsome and tall and have an appearance that makes them look regal as that would cause the nation to feel impressed by them. He (Samuel) had said about Saul, "Do you see the man that God has chosen? For there is no one like him throughout the nation." And Samuel thought that God would choose a tall and handsome/ regal man for the kingship so that the nation would fear him and aside from this [the man's] heart would be good and straight and the explanation of "the Lord's anointed" refers to the fact that God would set their path/ Hashem would be with him, etc.
Pay no attention to his appearance. God tests the hearts and innards of men; He knew the heart of Eliav and saw that he was not fit. Therefore, he said to Samuel, "Pay no attention to his appearance because even though he is handsome and of regal bearing according to his looks, I know his heart and I have rejected him from the kingship because his heart is not fit.
However, we then encounter something that seems odd...when certain key players are described in the Tanakh, their looks/ beauty are explicitly mentioned and pointed out.
(יא) וַיְהִ֕י כַּאֲשֶׁ֥ר הִקְרִ֖יב לָב֣וֹא מִצְרָ֑יְמָה וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אֶל־שָׂרַ֣י אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ הִנֵּה־נָ֣א יָדַ֔עְתִּי כִּ֛י אִשָּׁ֥ה יְפַת־מַרְאֶ֖ה אָֽתְּ׃ (יב) וְהָיָ֗ה כִּֽי־יִרְא֤וּ אֹתָךְ֙ הַמִּצְרִ֔ים וְאָמְר֖וּ אִשְׁתּ֣וֹ זֹ֑את וְהָרְג֥וּ אֹתִ֖י וְאֹתָ֥ךְ יְחַיּֽוּ׃ (יג) אִמְרִי־נָ֖א אֲחֹ֣תִי אָ֑תְּ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יִֽיטַב־לִ֣י בַעֲבוּרֵ֔ךְ וְחָיְתָ֥ה נַפְשִׁ֖י בִּגְלָלֵֽךְ׃
(11) As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. (12) If the Egyptians see you, and think, ‘She is his wife,’ they will kill me and let you live. (13) Please say that you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that I may remain alive thanks to you.”
(טו) וַֽיְהִי־ה֗וּא טֶרֶם֮ כִּלָּ֣ה לְדַבֵּר֒ וְהִנֵּ֧ה רִבְקָ֣ה יֹצֵ֗את אֲשֶׁ֤ר יֻלְּדָה֙ לִבְתוּאֵ֣ל בֶּן־מִלְכָּ֔ה אֵ֥שֶׁת נָח֖וֹר אֲחִ֣י אַבְרָהָ֑ם וְכַדָּ֖הּ עַל־שִׁכְמָֽהּ׃ (טז) וְהַֽנַּעֲרָ֗ טֹבַ֤ת מַרְאֶה֙ מְאֹ֔ד בְּתוּלָ֕ה וְאִ֖ישׁ לֹ֣א יְדָעָ֑הּ וַתֵּ֣רֶד הָעַ֔יְנָה וַתְּמַלֵּ֥א כַדָּ֖הּ וַתָּֽעַל׃
(15) He had scarcely finished speaking, when Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel, the son of Milcah the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder. (16) The maiden was very beautiful, a virgin whom no man had known. She went down to the spring, filled her jar, and came up.
(טז) וּלְלָבָ֖ן שְׁתֵּ֣י בָנ֑וֹת שֵׁ֤ם הַגְּדֹלָה֙ לֵאָ֔ה וְשֵׁ֥ם הַקְּטַנָּ֖ה רָחֵֽל׃ (יז) וְעֵינֵ֥י לֵאָ֖ה רַכּ֑וֹת וְרָחֵל֙ הָֽיְתָ֔ה יְפַת־תֹּ֖אַר וִיפַ֥ת מַרְאֶֽה׃
(16) Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older one was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. (17) Leah had weak eyes; Rachel was shapely and beautiful.
Questions to Consider
1. Is there significance to the beauty the אמהות possess (and note that לאה is not described this way)? If yes, what is that significance? If no, then why do you think these descriptions included in the text?
2. Why is the Torah (in many ways a moral code teaching us how to uplift our lives) focusing on the external appearances of these women?
3. Consider the storylines/ plot points that surround these women. (Fast review: Sarah is taken by Pharoah and Avimelech but eventually has a child with Avraham. Rebekah is betrothed to Isaac due to her actions at the well. Rachel and Leah switch places (their father makes them) such that even though Rachel was promised to Jacob, he ends up married to Leah.) Could that relate to the reason their beauty is mentioned?
It's important to note that Tanakh stresses physical beauty of male characters as well.
(ו) וַיַּעֲזֹ֣ב כָּל־אֲשֶׁר־לוֹ֮ בְּיַד־יוֹסֵף֒ וְלֹא־יָדַ֤ע אִתּוֹ֙ מְא֔וּמָה כִּ֥י אִם־הַלֶּ֖חֶם אֲשֶׁר־ה֣וּא אוֹכֵ֑ל וַיְהִ֣י יוֹסֵ֔ף יְפֵה־תֹ֖אַר וִיפֵ֥ה מַרְאֶֽה׃
(6) He left all that he had in Joseph’s hands and, with him there, he paid attention to nothing save the food that he ate. Now Joseph was well built and handsome.
(ב) אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה: פַּעַם אַחַת נִתְקַבְּצוּ הַמִּצְרִיּוֹת וּבָאוּ לִרְאוֹת יָפְיוֹ שֶׁל יוֹסֵף. מֶה עָשְׂתָה אֵשֶׁת פּוֹטִיפַר, נָטְלָה אֶתְרוֹגִים וְנָתְנָה לְכָל אַחַת וְאַחַת מֵהֶן וְנָתְנָה סַכִּין לְכָל אַחַת וְאַחַת, וְקָרְאָה לְיוֹסֵף וְהֶעֱמִידַתּוּ לִפְנֵיהֶן. כֵּיוָן שֶׁהָיוּ מִסְתַּכְּלוֹת בְּיָפְיוֹ שֶׁל יוֹסֵף, הָיוּ חוֹתְכוֹן אֶת יְדֵיהֶן. אָמְרָה לָהֶן, וּמָה אַתֶּן בְּשָׁעָה אַחַת כָּךְ. אֲנִי שֶׁבְּכָל שָׁעָה רוֹאָה אוֹתוֹ, עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה. וּבְכָל יוֹם וָיוֹם מְשַׁדַּלְתּוֹ בִדְבָרִים, וְעָמַד בְּיִצְרוֹ. מִנַּיִן, מִמַּה שֶּׁקָּרְאוּ בְּעִנְיַן וַתִּשָּׂא אֵשֶׁת אֲדֹנָיו.
(2) Our sages inform us that on one occasion Potiphar’s wife assembled a number of Egyptian women so that they might see how very handsome Joseph was. But before she summoned Joseph she gave each of them an ethrog and a knife. When they saw Joseph’s handsome countenance, they cut their hands. She said to them: “If this can happen to you, who see him only once, how much more so does it happen to me, who must look at him constantly.” Each day she strove to entice him with words, but he suppressed his evil inclination. Whence do we know this? From what we read in the section: His master’s wife cast her eyes upon him (Gen. 39:7).
(מב) וַיַּבֵּ֧ט הַפְּלִשְׁתִּ֛י וַיִּרְאֶ֥ה אֶת־דָּוִ֖ד וַיִּבְזֵ֑הוּ כִּֽי־הָיָ֣ה נַ֔עַר וְאַדְמֹנִ֖י עִם־יְפֵ֥ה מַרְאֶֽה׃
(42) When the Philistine caught sight of David, he scorned him, for he was but a boy, ruddy and handsome.
(כה) וּכְאַבְשָׁל֗וֹם לֹא־הָיָ֧ה אִישׁ־יָפֶ֛ה בְּכָל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל לְהַלֵּ֣ל מְאֹ֑ד מִכַּ֤ף רַגְלוֹ֙ וְעַ֣ד קָדְקֳד֔וֹ לֹא־הָ֥יָה ב֖וֹ מֽוּם׃
(25) No one in all Israel was so admired for his beauty as Absalom; from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head he was without blemish.
Questions to Consider
1. All of these characters are referred to as beautiful. Yet none of their actual physical traits are mentioned. We do not know what color eyes they had or what color hair they had, whether their build was bulky or slim, etc. Why do you think this is?
2. Consider the storylines/ plot points that surround these men. (Fast Review: Joseph ends up in jail because he refuses intimacy with Potiphar's wife, David ends up as king, Absalom and Adonijah both lead failed rebellions in an attempt to claim the kingship.) Could that relate to the reason their beauty is mentioned?
(To read the full article, please click here).
Reading the sources in Tanakh emphasizing beauty might lead someone to think that beauty is "an inherent value in Judaism." But this conflicts with ideas in Judaism that stress "the importance of inner beauty, character and integrity, rather than what is outside."
So why would physical beauty be emphasized in the Tanakh? There are four reasons.
1. Physical Characteristics Highlight Internal Traits- Mentioning beauty in the Bible serves to "highlight internal traits." For example, Rebecca's beauty "seems connected to her moral character." Right after we have the scene where Rebecca is described as beautiful, we have the famous scene where she "passes the ethical test that Abraham's servant set- she not only offers water to the stranger but to his camels as well." Thus, her physical beauty serves to emphasize her "moral fiber."
2. A Description May Reflect Conceit- The emphasis on beauty when it comes to Absalom "seems to highlight his vanity." (For those familiar with Harry Potter, consider Gideon Lockhart, and for those familiar with the classics, consider Dorian Gray.) The tone of the text when depicting Absalom can be seen as mocking; it's possible that Absalom viewed himself as incredibly beautiful as opposed to actually having been so. Thus, the emphasis on outward appearance reveals something problematic in the person's character.
3. Beautiful for a Purpose- "Everytime a character is described as attractive, it is for a purpose: Sarah, so that we understand why Pharaoh's servants kidnap her; Rachel's beauty arguably explains, perhaps, Jacob's favoring her over Leah. Joseph's beauty is described immediately preceding Potiphar's wife's attempts to seduce him, as is the beauty of Tamar, King David's daughter, before her half-brother Amnon rapes her."
The same can be seen to apply to Batsheva (her beauty is part of what makes King David notice her) and Queen Esther and Vashti.
When it comes to David, his beauty explains why Goliath underestimates him. Goliath sees him as nothing but a "pretty boy"- not someone who is actual warrior material.
If beauty was an important value, we would expect Moses, Deborah and Ruth to also be described as beautiful, but they are not. This suggests beauty is only brought up in the text when it serves a plot point or narrative purpose.
4. Beauty as a Moral Lesson- The Torah is open about physical beauty and what it can lead to - favoritism, attraction or lust that can have unfortunate consequences, even misplaced love. The book of Proverbs "introduces beauty as a moral lesson- that it is not the outer appearance that matters, from a Jewish perspective. Rather, it is the inner moral fiber of a person-and his or her fearing of God-that establishes, in truth, one's praiseworthiness and valor."
Questions to Consider
1. Based on the summation above, what are the four possible reasons that beauty is mentioned when describing characters in Tanakh?
2. What do you think of the fact that other important key players- such as Deborah and Moses- are NOT described as beautiful? (And on the flip side, if they HAD been described as beautiful, do you think that would have been an asset to their leadership or might it just have been distracting?)
3. What makes you able to find your own inner beauty?
4. What steps can you take to reveal inner beauty in others?
The Debate About Esther
According to a simple reading of the Megillah, Esther was extremely beautiful.
(ז) וַיְהִ֨י אֹמֵ֜ן אֶת־הֲדַסָּ֗ה הִ֤יא אֶסְתֵּר֙ בַּת־דֹּד֔וֹ כִּ֛י אֵ֥ין לָ֖הּ אָ֣ב וָאֵ֑ם וְהַנַּעֲרָ֤ה יְפַת־תֹּ֙אַר֙ וְטוֹבַ֣ת מַרְאֶ֔ה וּבְמ֤וֹת אָבִ֙יהָ֙ וְאִמָּ֔הּ לְקָחָ֧הּ מָרְדֳּכַ֛י ל֖וֹ לְבַֽת׃
(7) He was foster father to Hadassah—that is, Esther—his uncle’s daughter, for she had neither father nor mother. The maiden was shapely and beautiful; and when her father and mother died, Mordecai adopted her as his own daughter.
However, there is an opinion in the Gemara that Esther was actually a sallow sickly yellow-green color, which is why God had to make sure she found favor in Achashveirosh's eyes.
בן עזאי אומר אסתר לא ארוכה ולא קצרה היתה אלא בינונית כהדסה ר' יהושע בן קרחה אמר אסתר ירקרוקת היתה וחוט של חסד משוך עליה
The verse states: “And he had brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther” (Esther 2:7). She is referred to as “Hadassah” and she is referred to as “Esther.” What was her real name? It is taught in a baraita that the Sages differed in their opinion as to which was in fact her name Ben Azzai says: Esther was neither tall nor short, but of average size like a myrtle tree, and therefore she was called Hadassah, the Hebrew name resembling that myrtle tree. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korḥa said: Esther was called Hadassah because she was greenish, having a pale complexion like a myrtle, but a cord of Divine grace was strung around her, endowing her with a beautiful appearance.
תנו רבנן ארבע נשים יפיפיות היו בעולם שרה (ואביגיל רחב) ואסתר ולמאן דאמר אסתר ירקרוקת היתה מפיק אסתר ומעייל ושתי
. The Rabbis taught: There have been four beautiful women in the world — Sarah, Rahab, Abigail and Esther. According to the one who says that Esther was green, Vashti should be inserted in place of Esther. ... “
Questions to Consider
A simple reading of the story of Esther suggests that she was incredibly beautiful. Midrash, however, doesn't see her that way- and in fact, sees her as lacking beauty. Why do you think the Midrash might have made this point?
Based on your understanding of the idea of inner vs. outer beauty, which interpretation resonates more with you?
(For those who enjoy a literary connection, take a look at an excerpt from Jane Eyre below in which Jane, who is homely, compares her looks to those of Blanche Ingram's, who is a noted beauty. Jane assures herself there is no way that anyone could find her attractive given her plain looks. In the end, she is mistaken...)
“You,” I said, “a favourite with Mr. Rochester? You gifted with the power of pleasing him? You of importance to him in any way? Go! your folly sickens me. And you have derived pleasure from occasional tokens of preference—equivocal tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a man of the world to a dependent and a novice. How dared you? Poor stupid dupe!—Could not even self-interest make you wiser? You repeated to yourself this morning the brief scene of last night?—Cover your face and be ashamed! He said something in praise of your eyes, did he? Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your own accursed senselessness! It does good to no woman to be flattered by her superior, who cannot possibly intend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead, ignis-fatuus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.
“Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: to-morrow, place the glass before you, and draw in chalk your own picture, faithfully, without softening one defect; omit no harsh line, smooth away no displeasing irregularity; write under it, ‘Portrait of a Governess, disconnected, poor, and plain.’
“Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory—you have one prepared in your drawing-box: take your palette, mix your freshest, finest, clearest tints; choose your most delicate camel-hair pencils; delineate carefully the loveliest face you can imagine; paint it in your softest shades and sweetest lines, according to the description given by Mrs. Fairfax of Blanche Ingram; remember the raven ringlets, the oriental eye;—What! you revert to Mr. Rochester as a model! Order! No snivel!—no sentiment!—no regret! I will endure only sense and resolution. Recall the august yet harmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust; let the round and dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand; omit neither diamond ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully the attire, aërial lace and glistening satin, graceful scarf and golden rose; call it ‘Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank.’
“Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochester thinks well of you, take out these two pictures and compare them: say, ‘Mr. Rochester might probably win that noble lady’s love, if he chose to strive for it; is it likely he would waste a serious thought on this indigent and insignificant plebeian?’”
“I’ll do it,” I resolved: and having framed this determination, I grew calm, and fell asleep.
How can we help others feel more self-confident and beautiful?
Below are some examples of individuals who struggled with self-confidence and self-esteem in Tanakh. Consider their experience, and then consider your own experience and that of your friends. What has helped YOU feel the most beautiful and confident? What can you do to help OTHERS feel that way as well?
The first example occurs when the Meraglim/ spies are reporting about their experiences to the nation.
(לג) וְשָׁ֣ם רָאִ֗ינוּ אֶת־הַנְּפִילִ֛ים בְּנֵ֥י עֲנָ֖ק מִן־הַנְּפִלִ֑ים וַנְּהִ֤י בְעֵינֵ֙ינוּ֙ כַּֽחֲגָבִ֔ים וְכֵ֥ן הָיִ֖ינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶֽם׃
(33) we saw the Nephilim there—the Anakites are part of the Nephilim—and we looked like grasshoppers to ourselves, and so we must have looked to them.”
The person who sees a given object is certain that everyone else sees just what he sees. He does not doubt the validity of his sense of perception, and if he sees a brown table, he naturally assumes that everyone else also sees the object as a brown table. Similarly, the person who has a perception of himself as being dull, socially inept, unattractive, or unlikeable, is convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is also the way others perceive him. To him, his perception is reality.
This insight was not derived solely from psychological texts, but can be found in the Torah. In the saga of the spies who were sent to Canaan by Moses, it is told that the spies reported the Canaanites to be a race of giants. "We appeared to them as small as grasshoppers, and that is how we felt ourselves to be" (Numbers 13:33). The principle is clearly stated. The way you feel about yourself is the way you believe that others perceive you.
This particular passage is further extended in the commentary of Rashi: "We heard them (the Canaanites) say, 'There are ants crawling in our vineyards.'" Two important psychological insights are contained in this comment. Firstly, in all likelihood the spies did not even understand the language of the Canaanites, yet they were certain what it was they were talking about. If you feel inadequate, you are certain to conclude that other people have noticed and are discussing your inadequacies. Secondly, there is a downward progression to feelings of low self-esteem. Having initially felt as small as grasshoppers, the spies soon felt themselves shrinking to the size of ants.
The second example takes us back to Saul, who despite (as we have seen described earlier) being handsome, regal and tall, still didn't see himself the way others did, and constantly worried about what others thought of him (leading to one of his most serious errors).
(יז) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר שְׁמוּאֵ֔ל הֲל֗וֹא אִם־קָטֹ֤ן אַתָּה֙ בְּעֵינֶ֔יךָ רֹ֛אשׁ שִׁבְטֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל אָ֑תָּה וַיִּמְשָׁחֲךָ֧ ה' לְמֶ֖לֶךְ עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃
(17) And Samuel said, “You may look small in your own eyes, but you are the head of the tribes of Israel. The LORD anointed you king over Israel,
Questions to Consider
1. What do you think leads people to feel less worthy, important or beautiful than they really are?
2. In an effort to lift up our friends, how can we continue Batsheva's legacy of helping others recognize their own beauty and gain self-confidence? Try to come up with a list of ideas, including ones that other people have done for you that have helped you feel better about yourself.
Thank you for learning!