(יג) מִֽי־הָ֭אִישׁ הֶחָפֵ֣ץ חַיִּ֑ים אֹהֵ֥ב יָ֝מִ֗ים לִרְא֥וֹת טֽוֹב׃ (יד) נְצֹ֣ר לְשׁוֹנְךָ֣ מֵרָ֑ע וּ֝שְׂפָתֶ֗יךָ מִדַּבֵּ֥ר מִרְמָֽה׃ (טו) ס֣וּר מֵ֭רָע וַעֲשֵׂה־ט֑וֹב בַּקֵּ֖שׁ שָׁל֣וֹם וְרָדְפֵֽהוּ׃
(13) Who is the man who is eager for life, who desires years of good fortune? (14) Guard your tongue from evil, your lips from deceitful speech. (15) Shun evil and do good, seek amity and pursue it.
Mi ha'ish, ha'chefetz chayim, ohev yamim, lirot tov
Netzor leshoncha merah u'sefatecha midaber mirma
Sur me'rah v'aseh tov, bakesh shalom v'radfehu
Rashi on seeking peace:
| Bakesh Shalom/seek peace: in your place. | ||
| V'rodfehu/and pursue it: elsewhere. |
Speaking and Listening to our Children
(excerpt from Shira D. Epstein, assistant professor of Jewish education at the Davidson School of Jewish Theological Seminary)
...It is our responsibility to listen to our children’s and learners’ everyday stories of relationships, and ask questions of themselves with regards to anyone with whom they spend time — “How do I feel when I am with this person?” “How does this person treat me?” “Do they listen to me?” “Do they respect me?” And we ask the questions in inverse, starting at a young age — “Were you kind today?” “How did you treat others?” We stay still and present for these narratives and reflect back what we hear, teaching children and teens to self-reflect, and ultimately, to consider the ways that power is shared or not shared. We help them to understand that they can get up and leave a relationship or a room at any time, and if they are coerced, that they can speak to someone who will believe them and support them — and that they will indeed be believed and supported. Many Jewish schools, camps and youth groups are already embracing this role of fostering a resilient next generation. We look to them as models and we learn from them.
(כא) וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ יְהוָ֔ה וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃
(21) Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf (linchoch) of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD responded to his plea, and his wife Rebekah conceived.
(סג) וַיֵּצֵ֥א יִצְחָ֛ק לָשׂ֥וּחַ בַּשָּׂדֶ֖ה לִפְנ֣וֹת עָ֑רֶב וַיִּשָּׂ֤א עֵינָיו֙ וַיַּ֔רְא וְהִנֵּ֥ה גְמַלִּ֖ים בָּאִֽים׃ (סד) וַתִּשָּׂ֤א רִבְקָה֙ אֶת־עֵינֶ֔יהָ וַתֵּ֖רֶא אֶת־יִצְחָ֑ק וַתִּפֹּ֖ל מֵעַ֥ל הַגָּמָֽל׃ (סה) וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אֶל־הָעֶ֗בֶד מִֽי־הָאִ֤ישׁ הַלָּזֶה֙ הַהֹלֵ֤ךְ בַּשָּׂדֶה֙ לִקְרָאתֵ֔נוּ וַיֹּ֥אמֶר הָעֶ֖בֶד ה֣וּא אֲדֹנִ֑י וַתִּקַּ֥ח הַצָּעִ֖יף וַתִּתְכָּֽס׃ (סו) וַיְסַפֵּ֥ר הָעֶ֖בֶד לְיִצְחָ֑ק אֵ֥ת כָּל־הַדְּבָרִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשָֽׂה׃ (סז) וַיְבִאֶ֣הָ יִצְחָ֗ק הָאֹ֙הֱלָה֙ שָׂרָ֣ה אִמּ֔וֹ וַיִּקַּ֧ח אֶת־רִבְקָ֛ה וַתְּהִי־ל֥וֹ לְאִשָּׁ֖ה וַיֶּאֱהָבֶ֑הָ וַיִּנָּחֵ֥ם יִצְחָ֖ק אַחֲרֵ֥י אִמּֽוֹ׃
(63) And Isaac went out walking in the field toward evening and, looking up, he saw camels approaching. (64) Raising her eyes, Rebekah saw Isaac. She alighted from the camel (65) and said to the servant, “Who is that man (Me Ha'ish) walking in the field toward us?” And the servant said, “That is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself. (66) The servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. (67) Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her, and thus found comfort after his mother’s death.
(ה) וַיֶּעְתַּר יִצְחָק לַה' לְנֹכַח אִשְׁתּוֹ... לְנֹכַח אִשְׁתּוֹ, מְלַמֵּד שֶׁהָיָה יִצְחָק שָׁטוּחַ כָּאן, וְהִיא שְׁטוּחָה כָּאן, וְאוֹמֵר רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם כָּל בָּנִים שֶׁאַתָּה נוֹתֵן לִי יִהְיוּ מִן הַצַּדֶּקֶת הַזּוֹ, אַף הִיא אָמְרָה כֵּן, כָּל בָּנִים שֶׁאַתְּ עָתִיד לִתֵּן לִי יִהְיוּ מִן הַצַּדִּיק הַזֶּה.
And she likewise prayed: ‘May all the children you will one day grant me be from this righteous man’” (Genesis Rabbah 63:5). Lenokhah, opposite, is here understood expansively to suggest that not only was Isaac praying in Rebecca’s presence, but that they were praying opposite one another and even offering parallel prayers. The midrash, it seems, wants us to know how deep are the love and mutual commitment they share.
(Rabbi Shai Held, excerpt from The Heart of Torah, parashat Toldot, volume 1)
(כו) וַיַּכֵּ֣ר יְהוּדָ֗ה וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ צָֽדְקָ֣ה מִמֶּ֔נִּי כִּֽי־עַל־כֵּ֥ן לֹא־נְתַתִּ֖יהָ לְשֵׁלָ֣ה בְנִ֑י וְלֹֽא־יָסַ֥ף ע֖וֹד לְדַעְתָּֽה׃
(א) בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר, אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קיט) מִכָּל מְלַמְּדַי הִשְׂכַּלְתִּי כִּי עֵדְוֹתֶיךָ שִׂיחָה לִּי. אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי טז) טוֹב אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם מִגִּבּוֹר וּמשֵׁל בְּרוּחוֹ מִלֹּכֵד עִיר. אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר, הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קכח) יְגִיעַ כַּפֶּיךָ כִּי תֹאכֵל אַשְׁרֶיךָ וְטוֹב לָךְ. אַשְׁרֶיךָ, בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה. וְטוֹב לָךְ, לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. אֵיזֶהוּ מְכֻבָּד, הַמְכַבֵּד אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל א ב) כִּי מְכַבְּדַי אֲכַבֵּד וּבֹזַי יֵקָלּוּ:
(1) Ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from all men, as it says, "I have acquired understanding from all my teachers" (Psalms 119:99). Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his impulse, as it says, "slowness to anger is better than a mighty person and the ruler of his spirit than the conqueror of a city." (Proverbs 16:32). Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, "When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you" (Psalms 128:2). "You will be happy" in this world, and "it will be well with you" in the world to come. Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, "For those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise Me will be held in little esteem" (I Samuel 2:30).
מכריז רבי אלכסנדרי מאן בעי חיי מאן בעי חיי כנוף ואתו כולי עלמא לגביה אמרי ליה הב לן חיי אמר להו (תהלים לד, יג) מי האיש החפץ חיים וגו' נצור לשונך מרע וגו' סור מרע ועשה טוב וגו' שמא יאמר נצרתי לשוני מרע ושפתי מדבר מרמה אלך ואתגרה בשינה ת"ל סור מרע ועשה טוב אין טוב אלא תורה שנאמר (משלי ד, ב) כי לקח טוב נתתי לכם תורתי אל תעזובו:
The Gemara relates that Rabbi Alexandri would proclaim in public, in the manner of a merchant selling wares: Who desires life? Who desires life? Everyone gathered around him to buy from him, saying to him: Give us life! He stated the following verse to them: “Who is the man that desires life, and loves days, that he may see good in them? Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking guile” (Psalms 34:13–14). The psalm continues: “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace and pursue it” (Psalms 34:15). The Gemara explains: Lest one say: I have kept my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking guile, I will therefore go and indulge in sleep. To counter this possibility, the verse states: “Depart from evil, and do good,” i.e., it is not enough to avoid evil, but one must actively do good. And the word good means nothing other than Torah, as it is stated: “For I have given you a good portion; My Torah, do not abandon it” (Proverbs 4:2).
- Bakesh shalom v'rodfehu - pursuing peace proactively- from same psalm as Me ha'ish
- Bechirat Chofshit - freedom of choice brings personal responsibility for our actions
- Halbanat Panim- generally public humiliation is not ok. Under what circumstances is it ok?
- Hocheach tocheeach (tochecha) - when and how to speak the truth
- Lifnei iver lo titen michshol - if we do or say nothing, are we putting someone else in harm's way?