A Good Lie? - Judah and Tamar

(26) Judah recognized them and said: "She is more righteous than I because I did not give her to my son Shelah." But he did not know her again.

She is more righteous: In her words. Because I do not give her: For she acted rightfully since I did not give her to Shelah my son.

Righteous in her actions more than me because she is righteous and I sinned to her that I did not give her [to be a wife] to Shelah my son because he is the yibum (Levirate) and if not him, then his father [Judah] is the redeemer after him, and becomes his wife according to Levirate laws.

(1) צדקה ממני; she is more righteous than I, for I had declared her guilty of being burned to death while she was innocent, seeing she is pregnant from me and has not acted like a harlot. The sages understand that when the verdict was passed on Tamar a heavenly voice was heard saying that Tamar’s pregnancy by Judah had been decreed by G.d, “from Me.” . . .

(1) צדקה ממני, “she is more righteous than I;” why did Judah add the word: ממני? The meaning is as follows: whereas both she and I indulged our libido, I did it for a merely physical gratification, whereas she was intent on becoming the mother of a member of the family of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I considered her as a potentially bad omen, two of her husbands having died on her, whereas her entire purpose was to bring life into the world.

(1) צדקה ממני, even though she approached me under false pretenses, misrepresenting herself, she still acted more righteously than I did... Her deceit was practised for a noble cause, and appears to have been approved by God... Our sages have used this occurrence as the basis for their saying that “a sin committed for noble cause is better than a good deed when same is not performed as such but [instead] as something self-serving.” (Nazir 23).

Having discussed the clever speech of various Sages, the Gemara relates that Rabbi Yehoshua ben Ḥananya said... One time I was staying at a certain inn and the hostess prepared me beans. On the first day I ate them and left nothing over, although proper etiquette dictates that one should leave over something on his plate. On the second day I again ate and left nothing over. On the third day she over-salted them so that they were inedible. As soon as I tasted them, I withdrew my hands from them. She said to me: My Rabbi, why aren’t you eating beans as on the previous days? Not wishing to offend her, I said to her: I have already eaten during the daytime.

§ The Sages taught: How does one dance before the bride, i.e., what does one recite while dancing at her wedding? Beit Shammai say: One recites praise of the bride as she is, emphasizing her good qualities. And Beit Hillel say: One recites: A fair and attractive bride. Beit Shammai said to Beit Hillel: In a case where the bride was lame or blind, does one say with regard to her: A fair and attractive bride? But the Torah states: “Keep you from a false matter” (Exodus 23:7). Beit Hillel said to Beit Shammai: According to your statement, with regard to one who acquired an inferior acquisition from the market, should another praise it and enhance its value in his eyes or condemn it and diminish its value in his eyes? You must say that he should praise it and enhance its value in his eyes and refrain from causing him anguish. From here the Sages said: A person’s disposition should always be empathetic with mankind, and treat everyone courteously. In this case too, once the groom has married his bride, one praises her as being fair and attractive.