Shul

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe zt”l[1] states the following:

We must be careful not to bring our children to shul (synagogue) when they are too young. A very young child has no idea what is going on in shul. He is unfamiliar with the prayers, can’t read a siddur (prayer book), certainly doesn’t pray, and he makes it difficult for others present to pray too.[2] We often see such children roaming around the shul during prayers. Very young children naturally frolic and play.[3] They run around the Aron ha-Kodesh and bimah, and on Rosh Hashanah can sometimes be seen mocking the shofar-blower. It is irresponsible for parents to allow insufficiently mature children into shul.

However, the central problem is not the disturbance in shul. Rather, it is the insensitivity we cultivate when we bring these miniature children to shul. A child must appreciate, from the moment his feet cross the threshold, that he is in a special place, a place of moreh Mikdash – awe of sanctity. We must develop the feeling in our children that it is impossible to play in shul and we should not bring children who are too young to feel this. The longer we delay the child's first visit to shul, the more the child will understand what transpires there and the better his long-term relationship with shul will be. When a child is brought to shul too early, the shul is transformed into a playground. It will be very difficult to change these patterns of thought and behavior later and to create in an adult the feeling of awe that should have been associated with shul since childhood. Who knows if such damage can ever be repaired?[4]

Sometimes a mother will need some rest, and so the father will take their young child off to shul. The shul thus replaces the day-care center. This certainly cultivates an inappropriate perspective on shul. Of course, arrangements must be made to allow a mother to rest, but shul is not the solution.

If parents must bring a small child to shul, they must watch the child to make certain that he behaves properly. The father should watch his son and make sure that his son’s hand never leaves his own hand. One can also bring along a book to synagogue which will hold the child’s interest.

Another crucial issue is the choice of shul. It is obviously inappropriate to take a child to a shul where people talk during davening.[5] Prayer must be in a serious place. This seriousness will be absorbed by the child. This is not to say that we should only bring our children to pray in a yeshiva. Prayer in a yeshiva is usually very slow, and it is difficult for children to sit quiet for so long. Rather, we must find a shul that meets these conditions: the prayers should be orderly, there should be no talking during prayers or Torah reading, and the davening should be neither too slow nor too fast.

Ideally, a visit to shul should be a reward. If the child demonstrates that he can behave nicely, then we can grant him a visit to shul. Such an approach increases the prestige of the shul in the child’s eyes.

Tefillah clearly requires involving the soul.[6] If we force a child to act out the external trappings of prayer, or worse, punish him for failing to look as if he is praying, we give prayer a bad taste. When the child grows up, he will have no spiritual connection to prayer, and the sin crouches on the heads[7] of the parents who prematurely forced their child to pray.”

If you have any questions regarding this issue, please ask your Rov.

Dedicated in memory of Kayla Rus bas Bunim Tuvia, Sarah bas Henoch Avraham, Dovid ben Uri, Rafael Chaim Yitzchak Yaakov ben Binyamin Yehudah and as a merit for a complete recovery of Chayah Malka bas Bas-Sheva, Shmuel ben Channah Menuchah, Shlomo Avraham Moshe ben Rivkah Shaindel, Beilah Chayah Rechamah bas Eidel and Miriam Liba bas Devorah.