Creating Our Jewish Parenting Handbook

The Torah Study Blessing: Baruch Atah Ado-nai Elo-henu Melech Ha'olam asher kidshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu la'asok be'divray Torah. Blessings to You, Ado-nai, Our God, Sovereign of the Universe who made us holy with the mitzvoth and instructed us to study Torah.

Talking about God

"...if we build a home enveloped in sanctity, then G-d promises God's presence within...understand that this is not about creating a physical place of worship...it is...a spiritual outlook..." - Slovie Jungreis-Wolfe Raising a Child With Soul, p. 7

A story:

"My then four-year-old son, Akiva, insisted on joining his older siblings as they began their ascent [on the rock climbing wall]. I watched him, harnessed in ropes...(Afterwards) 'Akiba weren't you scared?'. 'No, Mommy. Of course I wasn't afraid. Why should I be? I was connected!" SJW, p. 10

"The things children see and hear us do, they learn to do and say themselves. What they don't see becomes foreign to them, and the older they get, the harder it is to add that missing piece to either their actions or their words. That's why God-talk is so important for our kids at an early age. As they get older, the world they live in will virtually conspire to make talking about God socially awkward." Daniel Gordis, Becoming a Jewish Parent, p. 62

A good question from a little one:

"If God loves all the animals in the world, why did he let the dinosaurs die?" (DG, p. 64)

"The Jews in the Torah are called the Children of Israel, not the children of Abraham, Isaac, Moses or anyone else....Because the Hebrew word for 'Israel' is yisra'el which means 'to wrestle with God'."DG

Saying prayers

Morning: A prayer for gratitude - Modeh Ani

"I thank You, Eternal and Living God...for returning my soul to me with Your great compassion.."

*A prayer to say (or sing) in the morning. Start the day with being thankful.

Favorite recording of this song: YouTube "Modeh Ani Texas Style"

"It is time for us to teach our children the most important foundation for living: gratitude. To be grateful for all that we have. We must teach our children that not only do we value our possessions, but we also value our friends, our siblings, our parents and grandparents. We value time. We cherish each day and every breath we take. We treasure life itself..." SJW, p. 22

Afternoon: Just for parents - Catching our breath

A story from Ms. BR: I took my two children outside to play in front of the house on a beautiful sunny day. All of a sudden, one ran in one direction and one ran in the opposite direction.

Afternoon prayer in Hebrew is called minchah, a word that shares nearly identical letters with the word menuchah meaning 'rest'. By repeating these words, we may be able to catch our breath. Intentional breathing. Recognizing that we are not the only source of our strength.

Evening: Shema - All is One & 'Keep my soul'

"Bedtime is an opportune time to teach your children to think of others. Nighttime prayers conclude a long day. As we put our children to bed, we have time to think and reflect together. Spend a few moments teaching your child to pray. Gather the names of those who need healing. Ask G-d to watch over beloved family members."SJW, p. 175

A night prayer for grown-ups - Favorite melody: YouTube 'Craig Taubman Hashkivenu'

The Shema is the Jewish statement of faith. We believe in one God, one God of the universe, one God who is 'One', Unified, Complete and Whole. When we say the Shema with our children at night, we remind them we are with them and that God is, too.

To hear a child's voice is to be reminded that, "Each child is a world unto himself. Each soul on this earth brings with it a myriad of possibilities, infinite potential, and future generations..." SJW, p. 28

Activity idea: A Shema Yisrael pillowcase.

These are the last lines of Adon Olam, a prayer we're used to hearing at the end of a Shabbat service. It is also part of prayers we can say before bedtime. We can say or sing these words as a gentle way of surrounding ourselves with holiness and blessing.

Shabbat - The most frequent Jewish holiday

"The 7th day is the exodus from tension...[an] island of stillness...a day of detachment from things...[and] attachment to the spirit."Abraham Joshua Heschel The Sabbath p. 29

How can we create a Shabbat feeling when the world does not 'stop' on Friday evening and Saturday?

"The question is: Are we investing enough in making (Shabbat) unique and special to communicate to our kids the beauty and passion of Jewish life?"

Places to start:

-'Shabbat Shalom' - In Israel, we hear 'Shabbat Shalom' everywhere on Fridays: from the bus and taxi drivers, from the clerk in the checkout line at the market...Try saying Shabbat Shalom to each other Friday afternoon, when everyone comes to breakfast on Saturday...

-Candles - In a world of light bulbs and glowing screens, candles still offer a magical experience. Some families light one candle for each member of the family.

-Blessing Children and each other - Shabbat is traditionally a time of blessings, blessings for children, blessings to God, blessings for peace and more. When we offer a blessing, we are sharing our loves, hopes and dreams for another person. To offer a blessing is to give much more than a recitation of words. It is an effort that brings heaven and earth closer together.

The blessing for children (of any age) - Many families in which parents and children live at a distance share these blessings by phone before Shabbat.

For males:

Yeseemcha Elo-him ki'Efrayeem ve'hi'Mi'na'sheh

May God bless you as God blessed Ephraim and Manasheh.

For females:

​Yeseemech Elo-him ki'Sarah Rivkah Rachel ve'Leah

May God bless you as God blessed Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.

Continue for both:

Yevarech'cha Ado-nai ve'yishmerecha.

Ya'air Ado-nai panav eylecha vee'choonekah.

Yisah Ado-nai panav eylecha ve'ya'same lecha shalom.

May God bless you and keep you.

May God shine God's face toward you and be gracious with you.

May God turn God's face to you and grant you peace.

A nice concluding prayer that brings the whole family together:

Ado-nai yevarech et ahavatenu.

May God bless our love for one another.

-Do nots - Traditional Shabbat observances often come across as a list of 'do nots'. The intent here is to help create what philosopher Abraham Joshua Heschel called a 'palace in time', time that is set apart from the rest of the week the same way God chose to set apart the first 7th day at the time of creation. On that first Shabbat, God was not inactive. God created rest. Creating rest was intentional for God as a way of setting an example for us, especially in a digital world that is on and being updated 24/7. We all may define 'rest' differently, but Jewish tradition emphasizes that there are many ways to cultivate that restful feeling - not just rest, but renewal, as the prayer says.

וביום השביעי שבת וינפש

"On the 7th day God rested and was renewed."

Brainstorming: What in our towns and homes are sources of stress? If work or home schedules demand significant activity on Friday night-Saturday, how might we approach those activities with a 'Shabbat spirit'?

-Do's - A list of things to do on Shabbat that are all within the realm of traditional Shabbat observance: take a walk, read a book to yourself or someone else, play a board game (without keeping score), enjoy a meal with friends and/or family, take a nap, discuss, pray from the heart...

"Shabbat brings a wealth of opportunity for children to contribute as they discover their role. Each child brings an individual ingredient that completes the day. Even the youngest toddler can help bake a cake, set the table, or prepare a favorite dish. As children grow they can contribute ​divray Torah [words of Torah]...and elevate table discussions. Beautiful voices add pleasure and harmony..."SJW, pp. 51-52

Shabbat as a time of appreciation for the world

Psalm 92 is the 'Song of Shabbat' and its theme is the wonder and blessing of the world around us. Shabbat is a time to better see the world that goes by so fast when we are rushing.

"Take a moment each day and appreciate your blessings. Learn to value your world. Delight in your family. Savor the universe around you. You will find yourself filled with a joy for life. Open up your children's eyes and instill in them, too, the ability to celebrate their world...."SJW, p. 53

Another (daily and Shabbat and holiday) prayer of appreciation:

The Modim appreciates the 'daily' miracles, the constant miracles, rather than the one-time amazing miracles like the parting of the Sea or the establishment of the State of Israel. What is an everyday miracle? Waking-up, heart beat, music, our ability to think and express ourselves....

Are children listening?

"We sometimes wonder if our toils really make a difference. Raising a child with soul requires enormous effort...Our words resonate within their hearts....what does it mean to place words upon your heart? The Kotzker Rebbe responds so beautifully and assures us that there will be times that you feel as if you are not getting through to your children. You may grow despondent and think that you are talking to a wall. You begin to doubt yourself. Understand that even words placed on the heart eventually enter through the slightest opening."SJW, pp. 85-86

"It takes a village to raise a child"(African proverb) - The power of community in Jewish life

"...isn't the idea of creating community silly? Isn't community something much larger than us, something we join, not create?...The Jewish myth recounts that we were 600,000 people at Mount Sinai (or more than 2 million total), crossing the desert, en masse. The Jewish story isn't one of individuals or small families but of a massive migration toward the Promised Land, a suggestion that only in the company of many others can we reach our ultimate destination."DG, p. 125, italics added

Rabbi Baruch Zeilicovich: The Hebrew word 'chayim', meaning 'life', is, unlike in English, a word in the plural. This means that we cannot live a full Jewish life alone on a mountain top. We live a full Jewish life in the plural, with a community.

The variety of Jewish institutional community organizations:

1. Synagogue - Still the cornerstone of the American Jewish living, whether in a building or as a group that meets in rented space or in homes. The word 'Synagogue', from the Hebrew 'Beit Knesset', means a 'place of gathering'. Get a sense of a synagogue by talking to the Rabbi, see how the people and the staff interact with you and with your children in programmed and in informal settings, see what level of activity there is outside of weekly services by the website, see what is included (and not included) in the website.

2. JCC Jewish Community Center - The Jewish all-purpose organization that may include schools, activities for all ages, a gym, and other programming.

3. Jewish Federation - The local, or regional, Jewish fundraising and outreach organization. Each federation has different strengths and priorities. Take a look at the Federation's website and talk to a variety of people in different local Jewish organizations to get a sense of the balance of allocations local vs. international.

4. Other community institutions: Jewish Day Schools (Early Childhood - High School), Community Hebrew High schools, Jewish youth groups (USY, BBYO, NFTY, NCSY), Jewish camps - day camps and sleep-away camps

Building Self-Esteem

God created human beings in God's image though we are not all the same. That is God's miracle, using the same 'stamp' but getting a different, amazing result each time. Each of us carries a spark of God's Being and Blessing.

Slovie Jungreis-Singer spoke to parents about how to build their child's soul and sense of purpose, "Teach him that he has a real mission in this world. Applaud his mitzvahs. Shout hooray each time he is able to overcome his selfishness. Clap for each small kindness. Cheer each seedling of honesty that he plants. Give him a standing ovation for courage. Watch him grow and realize his ability to bring light into our universe."SJW, p. 114

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