Is it ever okay to tell a lie? This week's Torah portion, Parashat Mishpatim, contains a famous injunction against falsehoods:
This verse is phrased in what could be interpreted as an extreme way. Staying "far away" from anything false doesn't sound like a formulation that would allow for even the whitest of lies. But does Judaism really rule out social niceties and graceful omissions?
One of the great pleasures of studying the parsha on Sefaria these days is having the full Glick Ein Yaakov available, in Hebrew and English. The Ein Yaakov is a collection of Midrashic material from the Talmud, created in the early 16th century. This means that anyone can easily study Talmudic passages that relate to the verses at hand. In this case, the Ein Yaakov provides the classic story about social lies in the Talmud, from Massekhet Ketubot.
(א) (דף טז ע״ב) ת״ר כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה ב״ש אומרים כלה כמות שהיא ובית הלל אומרים כלה נאה וחסודה. אמרו להם ב״ש לב״ה הרי שהיתה חגרת או סומא אומרים לה כלה נאה וחסודה והתורה אמרה (שמות כג ז) מדבר שקר תרחק. אמרו להם ב״ה לב״ש לדבריכם מי שלקח מקח רע מן השוק ישבחנו בעיניו או יגננו בעיניו, הוי אומר ישבחנו בעיניו. מכאן אמרו חכמים לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות. כי אתא רב דימי אמר הכי משרי קמיה כלתא במערבא לא כחל ולא שרק ולא פירכוס ויעלת חן.
(1) (Fol. 16b) Our Rabbis were taught: What do we sing in praise of a bride when dancing before her? Beth Shammai says: "A bride [describing her] as she actually is." Beth Hillel, however, says: "A handsome and graceful bride." Beth Shammai then said unto Beth Hillel: "Suppose the bride is lame or blind, should it then also be said to her, 'a handsome and graceful bride.' Behold, the Torah says (Ex. 23, 7) Keep thyself far from false speech." Whereupon Beth Hillel replied : "According to your opinion, when one buys a bad bargain at the market should one commend it in the eyes of the owner, or should one point out its fault in the presence of the owner? Surely, you will say that one should commend it in the eyes of the owner." From this originates the saying of the sages: "At all times should man's disposition be pleasant in associating with men." When R. Dimi came from [the land of Israel] he said: "Thus they usually sing before a bride in the land of Israel. "There is neither paint, nor polish, nor hair dyeing, and nevertheless she is a graceful gazelle.'"
The house of Hillel, generally known in Talmudic lore for their gentler dispositions, recommends praising a bride's beauty and grace, no matter her physical attributes. The house of Shammai disagree, citing the verse above as their prooftext. The house of Hillel steps in to press their point, and the Talmud clearly comes down on the side of Hillel. From this we learn, says the Talmud, that one should always be "pleasant" to others. Clearly, this is a value that has to be balanced with the prohibition against falsehood.
There's so much more to say here, and so much more to see; I love to teach this text and open up a conversation about the hierarchy of values here. Do you agree with Beit Hillel, or with Beit Shammai? What kind of truthfulness is Beit Shammai actually endorsing? After all, he doesn't say that one has to point out that she is lame or blind, but simply says that you can only praise her for attributes that she actually possesses. In what situations besides weddings might Hillel's words apply? And how do you think that Hillel reads this verse in Exodus, given this approach to fudging the truth?
I encourage you all to explore the Ein Yaakov on your own, and see what conversations you uncover!