בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶך הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לַעֲסוֹק בְּדִבְרֵי תוֹרָה
בְּרוּךֶ אַתֶה חֲוָיָה שְׁכִינּוּ רוּחַ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדַשְׁתַנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתֶיהֶ וְצִוְתָנוּ לַעֲסוֹק בְּדִבְרֵי תוֹרָה
בְּרוּכָה אַתְּ יָהּ אֱלֹהָתֵינוּ רוּחַ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קֵרְבָתְנוּ לַעֲבוֹדָתָהּ וְצִוְתָנוּ לַעֲסוֹק בְּדִבְרֵי תוֹרָה
Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha’olam asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu la’asok b’divrei Torah
Nonbinary Hebrew Project:
B’rucheh ateh Khavayah Shekhinu ruach ha’olam asher kidash’tanu b’mitzvotei’he v’tziv’tanu la’asok b’divrei Torah
Feminine God Language:
Brukhah at Ya Elohateinu ruach ha’olam asher keir’vat’nu la’avodatah v’tziv’tavnu la’asok b’divrei Torah
From Rabbi Aryeh Bernstein, "Carelss Communication and Social Dysfunction: Understanding Yitro's Departure" at https://jewschool.com/careless-communication-and-social-disfunction-understanding-yitros-departure-32322
The book of Bemidbar chronicles the difficulties of freedom, the always-looming hangover of redemption’s intoxicating inauguration. Miriam and Aharon grumble about Moshe’s wife and power; the people rebel, demanding meat; Moshe starts to crack under the burdens of leadership, begging for help; the scouts stir up the masses to insist that entering the land is impossible; remorseful zealots, regretful at God’s decree that they won’t possess the land, try to conquer it without God’s sanction, and get routed; a brazen stick-gatherer publicly flaunts Shabbat violation; Korach, Datan, and Aviram join forces to stage an uprising against Moshe and Aharon; Moshe loses his grip, reacting aggressively to the people’s panicked cries for water; the masses succumb to temptation to a pagan orgy at Ba‘al Pe‘or.
This theme of breakdown of the social order stands in stark contrast to the beginning chapters of the book, which can read as almost mind-numbingly banal, if such a thing can be said, in their perfectly structured, utopian ordering of the camp and its leadership structure. So, how did we get from point A to point B, from perfect structure to chaos? Literarily, the turning point is the Israelites’ departure from their resting place near Sinai to march toward Canaan, so it is worthwhile paying close attention to what transpired in that transition. Crucially, the Israelites’ departure is framed by the personal parting of ways of Moshe’s father-in-law, Hovav (aka Yitro), from the Israelites, suggesting that it was his absence or the process of his departure that led to communal breakdown.
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֗ה לְ֠חֹבָ֠ב בֶּן־רְעוּאֵ֣ל הַמִּדְיָנִי֮ חֹתֵ֣ן מֹשֶׁה֒ נֹסְעִ֣ים ׀ אֲנַ֗חְנוּ אֶל־הַמָּקוֹם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר אָמַ֣ר יהוה אֹת֖וֹ אֶתֵּ֣ן לָכֶ֑ם לְכָ֤ה אִתָּ֙נוּ֙ וְהֵטַ֣בְנוּ לָ֔ךְ כִּֽי־יהוה דִּבֶּר־ט֖וֹב עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו לֹ֣א אֵלֵ֑ךְ כִּ֧י אִם־אֶל־אַרְצִ֛י וְאֶל־מוֹלַדְתִּ֖י אֵלֵֽךְ׃ וַיֹּ֕אמֶר אַל־נָ֖א תַּעֲזֹ֣ב אֹתָ֑נוּ כִּ֣י ׀ עַל־כֵּ֣ן יָדַ֗עְתָּ חֲנֹתֵ֙נוּ֙ בַּמִּדְבָּ֔ר וְהָיִ֥יתָ לָּ֖נוּ לְעֵינָֽיִם׃ וְהָיָ֖ה כִּי־תֵלֵ֣ךְ עִמָּ֑נוּ וְהָיָ֣ה ׀ הַטּ֣וֹב הַה֗וּא אֲשֶׁ֨ר יֵיטִ֧יב יהוה עִמָּ֖נוּ וְהֵטַ֥בְנוּ לָֽךְ׃ וַיִּסְעוּ֙ מֵהַ֣ר יהוה דֶּ֖רֶךְ שְׁלֹ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֑ים וַאֲר֨וֹן בְּרִית־יהוה נֹסֵ֣עַ לִפְנֵיהֶ֗ם דֶּ֚רֶךְ שְׁלֹ֣שֶׁת יָמִ֔ים לָת֥וּר לָהֶ֖ם מְנוּחָֽה׃ וַעֲנַ֧ן יהוה עֲלֵיהֶ֖ם יוֹמָ֑ם בְּנׇסְעָ֖ם מִן־הַֽמַּחֲנֶֽה׃ {ס} ׆ וַיְהִ֛י בִּנְסֹ֥עַ הָאָרֹ֖ן וַיֹּ֣אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֑ה קוּמָ֣ה ׀ יהוה וְיָפֻ֙צוּ֙ אֹֽיְבֶ֔יךָ וְיָנֻ֥סוּ מְשַׂנְאֶ֖יךָ מִפָּנֶֽיךָ׃ וּבְנֻחֹ֖ה יֹאמַ֑ר שׁוּבָ֣ה יהוה רִֽבְב֖וֹת אַלְפֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ ׆ {פ} וַיְהִ֤י הָעָם֙ כְּמִתְאֹ֣נְנִ֔ים רַ֖ע בְּאׇזְנֵ֣י יהוה וַיִּשְׁמַ֤ע יהוה וַיִּ֣חַר אַפּ֔וֹ וַתִּבְעַר־בָּם֙ אֵ֣שׁ יהוה וַתֹּ֖אכַל בִּקְצֵ֥ה הַֽמַּחֲנֶֽה׃ וַיִּצְעַ֥ק הָעָ֖ם אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיִּתְפַּלֵּ֤ל מֹשֶׁה֙ אֶל־יהוה וַתִּשְׁקַ֖ע הָאֵֽשׁ׃ וַיִּקְרָ֛א שֵֽׁם־הַמָּק֥וֹם הַה֖וּא תַּבְעֵרָ֑ה כִּֽי־בָעֲרָ֥ה בָ֖ם אֵ֥שׁ יהוה׃ וְהָֽאסַפְסֻף֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר בְּקִרְבּ֔וֹ הִתְאַוּ֖וּ תַּאֲוָ֑ה וַיָּשֻׁ֣בוּ וַיִּבְכּ֗וּ גַּ֚ם בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וַיֹּ֣אמְר֔וּ מִ֥י יַאֲכִלֵ֖נוּ בָּשָֽׂר׃ זָכַ֙רְנוּ֙ אֶת־הַדָּגָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־נֹאכַ֥ל בְּמִצְרַ֖יִם חִנָּ֑ם אֵ֣ת הַקִּשֻּׁאִ֗ים וְאֵת֙ הָֽאֲבַטִּחִ֔ים וְאֶת־הֶחָצִ֥יר וְאֶת־הַבְּצָלִ֖ים וְאֶת־הַשּׁוּמִֽים׃ וְעַתָּ֛ה נַפְשֵׁ֥נוּ יְבֵשָׁ֖ה אֵ֣ין כֹּ֑ל בִּלְתִּ֖י אֶל־הַמָּ֥ן עֵינֵֽינוּ׃ וְהַמָּ֕ן כִּזְרַע־גַּ֖ד ה֑וּא וְעֵינ֖וֹ כְּעֵ֥ין הַבְּדֹֽלַח׃ שָׁ֩טוּ֩ הָעָ֨ם וְלָֽקְט֜וּ וְטָחֲנ֣וּ בָרֵחַ֗יִם א֤וֹ דָכוּ֙ בַּמְּדֹכָ֔ה וּבִשְּׁלוּ֙ בַּפָּר֔וּר וְעָשׂ֥וּ אֹת֖וֹ עֻג֑וֹת וְהָיָ֣ה טַעְמ֔וֹ כְּטַ֖עַם לְשַׁ֥ד הַשָּֽׁמֶן׃ וּבְרֶ֧דֶת הַטַּ֛ל עַל־הַֽמַּחֲנֶ֖ה לָ֑יְלָה יֵרֵ֥ד הַמָּ֖ן עָלָֽיו׃ וַיִּשְׁמַ֨ע מֹשֶׁ֜ה אֶת־הָעָ֗ם בֹּכֶה֙ לְמִשְׁפְּחֹתָ֔יו אִ֖ישׁ לְפֶ֣תַח אׇהֳל֑וֹ וַיִּֽחַר־אַ֤ף יהוה מְאֹ֔ד וּבְעֵינֵ֥י מֹשֶׁ֖ה רָֽע׃ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֜ה אֶל־יהוה לָמָ֤ה הֲרֵעֹ֙תָ֙ לְעַבְדֶּ֔ךָ וְלָ֛מָּה לֹא־מָצָ֥תִי חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ לָשׂ֗וּם אֶת־מַשָּׂ֛א כׇּל־הָעָ֥ם הַזֶּ֖ה עָלָֽי׃ הֶאָנֹכִ֣י הָרִ֗יתִי אֵ֚ת כׇּל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֔ה אִם־אָנֹכִ֖י יְלִדְתִּ֑יהוּ כִּֽי־תֹאמַ֨ר אֵלַ֜י שָׂאֵ֣הוּ בְחֵיקֶ֗ךָ כַּאֲשֶׁ֨ר יִשָּׂ֤א הָאֹמֵן֙ אֶת־הַיֹּנֵ֔ק עַ֚ל הָֽאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נִשְׁבַּ֖עְתָּ לַאֲבֹתָֽיו׃ מֵאַ֤יִן לִי֙ בָּשָׂ֔ר לָתֵ֖ת לְכׇל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֑ה כִּֽי־יִבְכּ֤וּ עָלַי֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר תְּנָה־לָּ֥נוּ בָשָׂ֖ר וְנֹאכֵֽלָה׃ לֹֽא־אוּכַ֤ל אָנֹכִי֙ לְבַדִּ֔י לָשֵׂ֖את אֶת־כׇּל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֑ה כִּ֥י כָבֵ֖ד מִמֶּֽנִּי׃ וְאִם־כָּ֣כָה ׀ אַתְּ־עֹ֣שֶׂה לִּ֗י הׇרְגֵ֤נִי נָא֙ הָרֹ֔ג אִם־מָצָ֥אתִי חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ וְאַל־אֶרְאֶ֖ה בְּרָעָתִֽי׃ {פ}
Moses said to Hobab son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are setting out for the place of which יהוה has said, ‘I will give it to you.’ Come with us and we will be generous with you; for יהוה has promised to be generous to Israel.” “I will not go,” he replied to him, “but will return to my native land.” He said, “Please do not leave us, inasmuch as you know where we should camp in the wilderness and can be our guide. So if you come with us, we will extend to you the same bounty that יהוה grants us.” They marched from the mountain of יהוה a distance of three days. The Ark of the Covenant of יהוה traveled in front of them on that three days’ journey to seek out a resting place for them; and יהוה’s cloud kept above them by day, as they moved on from camp. When the Ark was to set out, Moses would say:Advance, O יהוה !May Your enemies be scattered, And may Your foes flee before You! And when it halted, he would say: Return, O יהוה,You who are Israel’s myriads of thousands! The people took to complaining bitterly before יהוה. יהוה heard and was incensed: a fire of יהוה broke out against them, ravaging the outskirts of the camp. The people cried out to Moses. Moses prayed to יהוה, and the fire died down. That place was named Taberah, because a fire of יהוה had broken out against them. The riffraff in their midst felt a gluttonous craving; and then the Israelites wept and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish that we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. Now our gullets are shriveled. There is nothing at all! Nothing but this manna to look to!” Now the manna was like coriander seed, and in color it was like bdellium. The people would go about and gather it, grind it between millstones or pound it in a mortar, boil it in a pot, and make it into cakes. It tasted like rich cream. When the dew fell on the camp at night, the manna would fall upon it. Moses heard the people weeping, every clan apart, at the entrance of each tent. יהוה was very angry, and Moses was distressed. And Moses said to יהוה, “Why have You dealt ill with Your servant, and why have I not enjoyed Your favor, that You have laid the burden of all this people upon me? Did I produce all these people, did I engender them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom as a caregiver carries an infant,’ to the land that You have promised on oath to their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all this people, when they whine before me and say, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ I cannot carry all this people by myself, for it is too much for me. If You would deal thus with me, kill me rather, I beg You, and let me see no more of my wretchedness!”
וַיַּרְא֙ חֹתֵ֣ן מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֵ֛ת כׇּל־אֲשֶׁר־ה֥וּא עֹשֶׂ֖ה לָעָ֑ם וַיֹּ֗אמֶר מָֽה־הַדָּבָ֤ר הַזֶּה֙ אֲשֶׁ֨ר אַתָּ֤ה עֹשֶׂה֙ לָעָ֔ם מַדּ֗וּעַ אַתָּ֤ה יוֹשֵׁב֙ לְבַדֶּ֔ךָ וְכׇל־הָעָ֛ם נִצָּ֥ב עָלֶ֖יךָ מִן־בֹּ֥קֶר עַד־עָֽרֶב׃ וַיֹּ֥אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֖ה לְחֹתְנ֑וֹ כִּֽי־יָבֹ֥א אֵלַ֛י הָעָ֖ם לִדְרֹ֥שׁ אֱלֹהִֽים׃ כִּֽי־יִהְיֶ֨ה לָהֶ֤ם דָּבָר֙ בָּ֣א אֵלַ֔י וְשָׁ֣פַטְתִּ֔י בֵּ֥ין אִ֖ישׁ וּבֵ֣ין רֵעֵ֑הוּ וְהוֹדַעְתִּ֛י אֶת־חֻקֵּ֥י הָאֱלֹהִ֖ים וְאֶת־תּוֹרֹתָֽיו׃ וַיֹּ֛אמֶר חֹתֵ֥ן מֹשֶׁ֖ה אֵלָ֑יו לֹא־טוֹב֙ הַדָּבָ֔ר אֲשֶׁ֥ר אַתָּ֖ה עֹשֶֽׂה׃ נָבֹ֣ל תִּבֹּ֔ל גַּם־אַתָּ֕ה גַּם־הָעָ֥ם הַזֶּ֖ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר עִמָּ֑ךְ כִּֽי־כָבֵ֤ד מִמְּךָ֙ הַדָּבָ֔ר לֹא־תוּכַ֥ל עֲשֹׂ֖הוּ לְבַדֶּֽךָ׃
But when Moses’ father-in-law saw how much he had to do for the people, he said, “What is this thing that you are doing to the people? Why do you act alone, while all the people stand about you from morning until evening?” Moses replied to his father-in-law, “It is because the people come to me to inquire of God. When they have a dispute, it comes before me, and I decide between one party and another, and I make known the laws and teachings of God.” But Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing you are doing is not right; you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone.
כי על כן ידעת חנותנו במדבר. ואם יעזבונו גם בניך תחללו את יהוה בעיני האומות שיאמרו אילו ראה יתרו בהם ענין אלהי באמת לא היה עוזב אותם הוא ובניו. ובזה הסכים משה ויתרו ובניו כי אמנם יתרו חזר אל ארצו כאמרו וישלח משה את חותנו וילך לו אל ארצו ובניו הלכו עם ישראל בלי ספק כמו שהעיד בספר שופטים באמרו ובני קיני חותן משה עלו מעיר התמרים את בני יהודה:
כי על כן ידעת חנותנו במדבר, for this was the purpose of your getting familiar with our ways in the desert. If your children depart also you will be desecrating the name of the Lord among the nations as they will say: “if Yitro would have seen any merit in this religion surely he and his sons would not have abandoned them!” Both Yitro and his sons agreed with this argument of Moses so that in the end only Yitro returned to his country, as we know from Exodus 18,27 “Moses saw his father-in-law Yitro off, and he went by himself back to his own country.” There is no question that his children remained with the Jewish people, as the Book of Judges testifies when writing about “the children of the Keyni, the father-in-law of Moses, having previously ascended from the city of palms with the tribe of Yehudah.” (Judges 1,16).
לכה אתנו והטבנו לך וגו'. כוונת הדברים הוא לצד שאמרו ז"ל (ספרי ח"א קל"ב) ארץ ישראל נתחלקה לשבטים ולא לגרים, ומעתה אין מקום לתת חלק ונחלה לבני חובב תוך ישראל זולת בדרך מתנה מחלקם, ולזה כשבא משה להבטיחו דקדק לומר לו והטבנו לך פירוש מחלק ישראל יתנו לו בתורת הטבה, ולצד שחש משה שלא יחפצו במאמר משה מיהוה סיבות אשר יסובבו מהדבר, ג' יסובבו מבחינת המתנה, וב' מבחינת ההבטחה ג' מבחינת המתנה, א' לצד שיתבייש הנשפע מהמשפיע על דרך אומרם (ירושלמי ערלה פ"א ה"ג) מאן דאכיל דלאו דיליה וכו', ב' לצד שיתמעט כבוד המקבל מתנה בעיני הנותן ולא יהיה עומד בעיניו בכבוד הראשון, ג' לצד המעטת המתנה בערך אדם גדול תהיה לו לחרפה וימאס מציאותה מהעדרה. ב' מבחינת ההבטחה, א' מצד שיש לחוש שינחם מדברו הטוב אשר דיבר לעשות, או מצד צרות עין כי תרע עינו מתת מטובו, או כי יתמעט אהבת המובטח ממנו בלבו, והב' לצד שלא תשיג ידו עשות, וכמאמר רז"ל (ויק"ר פכ"ו) בפסוק אמרות יהוה אמרות טהורות, ולזה נתחכם משה בנועם דבריו והסיר כל היהוה חששות הנזכרים:
לכה אתנו והטבנו לך. "come with us and we will treat you well." According to Sifri 1,132 Moses indicated that the land of Canaan would only be shared out amongst the ancestral tribes, excluding proselytes. A a result he could not promise his father-in-law a share in that distribution except as a gift rather than as an ancestral possession for all times. This is the reason Moses phrased his promise carefully, saying והטבנו לך, "we will do good for you." The implication was that the Israelites would donate some of their land to Yitro. Moses was afraid that there were five kinds of objections Yitro could raise, all of which would cause him to decline Moses' offer. As a result of Moses' concern for his father-in-law's sensitivities he tried to anticipate them when he made his offer. The five considerations Yitro could have were the following: 1) A recipient of a gift feels embarassed vis-a-vis the donor as we know from the Jerusalem Talmud Orlah 1,3 where this principle is applied to people eating food which is not their own. 2) The recipient feels that if he were to accept the gift his image would henceforth be reduced in the eyes of the donor. 3) Seeing that people of stature feel they demean themselves by accepting relatively small gifts, Yitro might prefer to do without the gift rather than to lose "face" by accepting something not commensurate with his image of himself as an important personage. The remaining 2 reservations Yitro might have had to do with the nature of the promise. Moses might reconsider his promise at some future date prior to it having been fulfilled. This could be due either to 4) Moses changing his mind due to envy or due to miserliness or because the fondness he entertained for Yitro at this time might undergo a change. 5) A time would come when Moses would simply not be able to make good on his promise. Considering all these reservations Yitro might entertain Moses addressed all of them in the way he phrased his offer.
כי אם אל ארצי וגו' אלך. צריך לדעת למה הוצרך לומר תיבת אלך והלא מובן הוא מאומרו לא אלך כי אם וגו'. יתבאר על דרך אומרם ז"ל (מכילתא יתרו) וזה לשונם וישלח משה את חותנו ר' יהושע אומר שלחו מכבודו של עולם, ר"א המודעי אומר אמר לו כלום הנר מהנה אלא במקום החושך מה אני מהנה בין חמה ולבנה אלא אני הולך לארצי ומגייר כל בני מדינה ואביאם ללמוד וכו' יכול הלך ולא עשה כן הרי אומר (שופטים א׳:ט״ז) ובני קני וגו', מתוך דבריהם משמע שרבי יהושע סובר שיתרו לא נתגייר ושלחו משה מכבודו של עולם, ולר"א נתגייר, ולדברי שניהם יתיישב יתור אלך על נכון, לר' יהושע נתכוון לומר על זה הדרך לא אלך כי אם אל ארצי ולא לטעם חביבות ארצי לבד אבל זולת זה הייתי יושב, לא כן הוא אלא אלך על כל פנים, ולסברת ר"א על זה הדרך לא אלך פירוש לחלוטין בהליכה זו כי אם אל ארצי ואל מולדתי פירוש אל אשר יאות לבני ארצי ומולדתי אלך לגיירם ולשוב, וכפל לומר ארצי ומולדתי לומר אם אמצא מקום אגייר כל בני מדינתי ולפחות בני מולדתי:
כי אם אל ארצי…אלך, "but I will rather go to my own country." Why did Yitro have to say אלך, seeing he had already said that he would not go with the Israelites? Perhaps this can be explained on the basis of Mechilta in Exodus 18,27 where Moses let his father-in-law depart. Rabbi Joshua said that Moses allowed Yitro to depart from the most honoured place in the world [from the Presence of the Lord as displayed in the Tabernacle. Ed]. Rabbi Eliezer the Modai claimed that before he departed Yitro said to Moses: "light is effective only in a place of darkness." He meant that amongst the Israelites he was not needed to provide enlightenment seeing Israel basked in the light of G'd. In his own country, however, his new found enlightenment could be of benefit to his countrymen. There he might succeed in converting his countrymen to monotheism and then he would bring them to study Torah. In the event we might think that Yitro went home and did not convert his countrymen, look at what is written in the Book of Judges 1,16, where the members of the Kenite (Yitro's clan) are reported as haying come from the city of Jericho to join the tribe of Yehudah to live in the neighbourhood of Arad, part of the desert of Yehudah. It appears from the wording of the Mechilta that Rabbi Joshua was of the opinion that Yitro did not convert and that this was the reason Moses consented that he would leave the כבודו של עולם, the environment in which G'd's Presence predominated. On the other hand, Rabbi Eliezer the Modai believed that Yitro did indeed convert to Judaism. The extraneous word אלך can be explained satisfactorily according to either of these two views. According to Rabbi Joshua Yitro told Moses: "I will not go but I will go to my country; should you think this is only because I prefer my country over the land of Canaan, this is not so; even granted that what you have to offer me is attractive, nonetheless I will go (back to my country)." According to Rabbi Eliezer we must read Yitro's remark as follows: "I will not go (at this stage) but will return to my country (in order to convert my countrymen). At a later stage אלך, I will go (and join you) as per the report in the Book of Judges." The reason that Yitro mentioned both "my country and my birthplace" is that he implied that if he failed to convert all his countrymen to Judaism at least he was certain he could convert all the people in his hometown. [Our version has a different text entirely, such as that Moses showered his father-in-law with gifts. Ed.]
From Rabbi Tali Adler, "Unspoken Words," at https://hadar.org/torah-tefillah/resources/unspoken-words
Yitro’s concern for Moshe has always been personal. While the text never tells us so explicitly, we have every reason to think that Yitro cares about Moshe and even loves him.
Moshe’s words, however, are far from personal: they are the words of a leader. When he asks Yitro to stay, Moshe says “don’t leave us,” emphasizing Yitro’s relationship with the people as a whole. The tragedy is that Yitro, listening as a father figure and a friend, might have agreed to stay, had Moshe only said, “Please, don’t leave me.” Moshe, speaking as a leader, is unable to say those words, and Yitro is unable to bring himself to stay without them.
As readers, we are left wondering: might things have been different if Moshe had been able to speak in a different way, as an individual instead of as a leader? Might Bemidbar have ended differently if Yitro had been able to hear Moshe’s unspoken words, to understand that his son-in-law needed him now, perhaps more than ever? Or if Moshe had been able to be clearer with what he was asking for?
All too often, through choice or through negligence, we speak past each other, unable to say the words we really mean, or that the other person needs to hear. Like Moshe, we might speak in terms of material wealth when the conversation at hand is really about relationship. We might say “don’t leave us” because it is simply too frightening to say “don’t leave me.” And all too often, we refuse to listen for the meaning behind someone else’s words: to hear the need they feel unable to articulate, to answer the unspoken request.
Every conversation is a choice. We can choose to speak past each other; to speak in cold, professional terms when what a conversation demands in the personal. We can hide behind the comfort of the plural “us” when what we really mean is “me.”
From Rabbi Aryeh Bernstein, "Careless Communication and Social Dysfunction: Understanding Yitro's Departure:
Yitro has put a lot of labor into the Israelites’ cause, despite his own many opportunities and responsibilities back home as Priest of Midian. It’s been thrilling work, because he finds their mission so compelling, as we saw back in Parashat Yitro (Shemot 18:1-10). “…And Yitro said, ‘Praised be YHWH, Who saved you from the hand of Egypt and from the hand of Par’oh, Who saved this people from under the hand of Egypt! Now I know that YHWH is greater than all the gods…’”
For Yitro, singularly focused on Israel’s mission, not its reward, “Come with us and we’ll take care of you” is not much of an invitation. “I’m not going; where I am going is to my home, my birthplace.” I have history, relationships, and responsibility, as a Midianite Priest. He taps into Israelite jargon, recalling God’s commandment that Avram leave his home, his birthplace, to go to Canaan (Bereshit 12:1). You are the ones who are homeless outside of Canaan; I have a home. I’ve left it for some time now to help with your cause, because it is so compelling; maybe I would go with you for continued participation in this cause, but if this is just a retirement gig, I’m outta here. I have a life.
Perhaps Moshe was careless with his words: he does value Yitro’s continued work, but just neglected to say so, and for that reason, he asks again, this time expressing his needs. But the second plea makes it even worse: כִּי עַל כֵּן יָדַעְתָּ חֲנֹתֵנוּ בַּמִּדְבָּר וְהָיִיתָ לָּנוּ לְעֵינָיִם“/You know how we can camp in the desert and can be for us as eyes.” I imagine Yitro hearing this and thinking, “Really? That’s what you think I’ve been doing for you? I’m the map guy? Oh, ok, see ya.” Yitro knows well that his real contribution was his mission-focus and the spiritual orientation of listening and social intelligence. He paid meticulous attention to Israel’s structural composition, able, with the aid of a little critical distance, to see the diverse members of the community as activists and not passive, broken slaves, to perceive their useful insights as relevant to judicial wisdom, to maximize Moshe’s contributions and stamina by focusing them, all toward achieving their mission of a redemptive, lived Torah (Shemot 18:13-27). Moshe had a tendency to rage, burnout, and alienation from the people; it was Yitro who showed him how to create a sustainable, efficient, and accessible judicial system.
In this reading, Moshe grossly misunderstood Yitro’s contributions and Yitro may have felt insulted, disgusted, and left to question what had actually been going on in what he perceived as a deep friendship all this time. We can understand why he doesn’t even dignify Moshe’s second statement with a response, but just disappears.