Diot 4-6

Semen is the strength of the body, its life [force], and the light of the eyes; the greater the emission [of sperm], [the greater] the damage to the body, to its strength and the greater the loss to one's life [span]. This was implied by Solomon in his wisdom: "Do not give your strength to women" (Proverbs 31:3).Whoever is steeped in sexual relations, old age springs upon him [before its time], his strength is depleted, his eyes become dim, a foul odor emanates from his mouth and his armpits, the hair of his head, his eyebrows, and eyelashes fall out, the hair of his beard, armpits, and legs grows in abundance, his teeth fall out and he suffers many pains beyond these. The wise of the doctors have said: One of a thousand dies from other illnesses and a thousand from excessive intercourse.Therefore, a person must take care in this matter if he wishes to live in good [health]. He should not engage in intercourse except when the body is healthy and particularly strong, when he has many involuntary erections, the erection is still present even when he makes an effort to think of something else, he finds a heaviness from the loins and below, the tendons of the testicles seem to be stretched, and his flesh is warm. Such a person needs to engage in intercourse and it is medically advisable.He should not engage in intercourse on a full or empty stomach, but after the food has been digested. He should examine himself to see if he needs to move his bowels before and after intercourse. He should not engage in intercourse while standing or sitting, nor in the bathhouse, nor on a day on which he goes to the bathhouse, nor on a day on which he lets blood, nor on the day he departs on a journey or arrives from a journey, nor [on the day] before or afterwards.

Whoever conducts himself in the ways which we have drawn up, I will guarantee that he will not become ill throughout his life, until he reaches advanced age and dies. He will not need a doctor. His body will remain intact and healthy throughout his life.[One may rely on this guarantee] unless [his body] was impaired from the birth, he was accustomed to one of the harmful habits from birth, or should there be a plague or a drought in the world.

All of these beneficial habits which we have stated apply only to a healthy man. In contrast, a sick person, or one who has a single organ which is not healthy, or one who has followed a harmful way of life for many years, each of these must choose different patterns of behavior in accordance with his [particular] illness as it is explained in the medical literature.Any change from the conduct which one normally follows is the beginning of sickness.

Where there is no doctor available, neither the healthy nor the sick man should budge from all the directions given in this chapter for each of them ultimately brings to a beneficial result.

A Torah Sage is not permitted to live in a community which does not have the following: a doctor, a bloodletter, a bathhouse, a latrine, an available source of water such as a river or a spring, a synagogue, a teacher of children, a scribe, a charity supervisor, a rabbinical court empowered to impose corporal punishment and jail sentences.

Just as the wise man is recognized through his wisdom and his temperaments and in these, he stands apart from the rest of the people, so, too, he should be recognized through his actions - in his eating, drinking, intimate relations, in relieving himself, in his speech, manner of walking and dress, in the management of his finances, and in his business dealings. All of these actions should be exceptionally becoming and befitting. What is implied? A Torah Sage should not be a glutton. Rather, he should eat food which will keep his body healthy, without overeating. He should not seek to fill his stomach, like those who stuff themselves with food and drink until their bellies burst. They are alluded to by [the statement of] the prophet [Malachi 2:3]: "I will spread dung on your faces, the dung of your feasts." Our Sages explain: These are the people who eat and drink and make all their days like feast days. They say, "Eat and drink, for tomorrow, we will die" (Isaiah 22:13).This is the food of the wicked. It is these tables which the verse censures, saying: "For all tables are full of vomit and excrement; there is no room" (Isaiah 28:8).In contrast, a wise man eats only one dish or two, eating only enough to sustain him. That is sufficient for him. This is alluded to by Solomon's statement: "The righteous man eats to satisfy his soul" (Proverbs 13:25).

When the wise man eats the little which is fitting for him, he should eat it only in his own home, at his table. He should not eat in a store or in the marketplace, unless there is a very pressing need, lest he be viewed without respect by others. He should not eat together with the unlearned, nor at those tables that are "filled with vomit and excrement." He should not eat frequently in other places, even in the company of wise men, nor should he eat where there is a large gathering.It is not fitting for him to eat at another person's [table] except at a feast associated with a mitzvah, e.g., a betrothal or wedding feast - and then, [only] when a scholar is marrying the daughter of a scholar.The righteous and the pious of old never partook of a meal that was not their own.

When a wise man drinks wine, he drinks only enough to soften the food in his stomach.Whoever becomes drunk is a sinner, is shameful, and will lose his wisdom. If he becomes drunk before the common people, he desecrates God's Name.It is forbidden to drink even a small quantity of wine in the afternoon hours, unless it is taken together with food. Drink that is taken together with food is not intoxicating. Only wine that is taken after the meal is to be avoided.

Although a man's wife is permitted to him at all times, it is fitting that a wise man behave with holiness. He should not frequent his wife like a rooster. Rather, [he should limit his relations to once a week] from Sabbath evening to Sabbath evening, if he has the physical stamina.When he speaks with her, he should not do so at the beginning of the night, when he is sated and his belly [is] full, nor at the end of the night, when he is hungry; rather, in the middle of the night, when his food has been digested.He should not be excessively lightheaded, nor should he talk obscene nonsense even in intimate conversation with his wife. Behold, the prophet has stated (Amos 4:13): "And He repeats to a man what he has spoken." [On this verse,] our Sages commented: A person will have to account for even the light conversation that he has with his wife.[At the time of relations,] they should not be drunk, nor lackadaisical, nor tense - [neither both of them,] or [even] one of them. She should not be asleep, nor should the man take her by force, against her will. Rather, [the relations should take place] amidst their mutual consent and joy. He should converse and dally with her somewhat, so that she be relaxed. He should be intimate [with her] modestly and not boldly, and withdraw [from her] immediately.

Whoever conducts himself in this manner [may be assured that] not only does he sanctify his soul, purify himself, and refine his character, but, furthermore, if he has children, they will be handsome and modest, worthy of wisdom and piety.[In contrast,] whoever conducts himself in the ways of the rest of the people who walk in darkness, will have children like those people.

Torah Sages conduct themselves with exceptional modesty. They do not demean themselves and do not bare their heads or their bodies.Even when one enters a latrine, he should be modest and not uncover himself until he is seated. He should not wipe himself clean with the right hand. He should stay away from all others and enter a chamber beyond a chamber, a cave within a cave, and relieve himself. If he [must] relieve himself behind a fence, he should move far enough away that no one can hear the sound if he breaks wind. If he [must] relieve himself in an open area, he should be far enough off so that no one can see him baring himself.One should not speak while relieving himself, even if there is great need. Just as he conducts himself with modesty while in the latrine by day, he should [also] do so at night.One should always train himself to relieve himself in the early morning and after dark only, so that he [need] not go far off.

A Torah Sage should not shout or shriek while speaking, like the cattle and wild beasts, nor should he raise his voice overly much. Instead, he should speak gently to all people. [In addition to] speaking gently, he should take care not to stand at a distance, lest [his speech] appear like the speech of the haughty.He should greet all men [before they greet him], so that they be pleased with him. He should judge every one in a good light, speak favorably of his fellow man, [never mentioning] anything that is shameful to him, love peace and pursue it.If he sees that his words will be effective, and will be given attention, he should speak; if not, he should keep silent. What is implied? He should not try to placate a man in the moment of his anger. He should not question a man about his vow at the time he is making his vow, [but wait] until he is tranquil of mind and calm. He should not comfort a man while his dead is lying before him because [the bereaved] is unsettled until he has buried [his dead]. The same applies in other similar cases. He should not look at his fellow man at the moment of his humiliation, but turn his attention away.He should not distort facts, exaggerate a situation, or minimize it, except in the interests of peace and the like.The guiding rule is that he should speak only words of wisdom or in connection with acts of kindness and the like. He should not speak to a woman in the marketplace, even if she be his wife, or his sister, or his daughter.

A Torah Sage should not walk erect, with his head held high, as [Isaiah 3:16] states: "And they walked with necks outstretched and flashing eyes." He should not walk with a [short-stepped,] toe-to-heel, stately [gait] like [that of] women and the proud, as [Isaiah, ibid.] states: "walking and mincing as they go, tinkling with their feet."Nor should he run in public like a madman, nor bend over like a hunchback. Rather, he should cast his eyes downward as he [does when he] stands during prayer. He should walk in the market-place like a person preoccupied with his business affairs.From a man's carriage, too, one can recognize whether he is wise and a thoughtful person or mindless and a fool. Thus, Solomon said in his wisdom (Ecclesiastes 10:3): "On the road, too, when the fool walks, his mind is empty and he proclaims to all that he is a fool" - he informs everyone about himself, that he is a fool.

A Torah Sage's clothing should be attractive and clean. It is forbidden that [a] blood or fat [stain] or the like be found on his garment.He should not wear regal garb, e.g., clothes of gold and purple, which draw everyone's attention, nor the dress of the poor which shames its wearers, but attractive garments of the middle range.His flesh should not be visible under his clothing as [is the case when one wears] the exceptionally sheer linen garments produced in Egypt. His clothes should not drag on the ground like the dress of the haughty, but [should extend] to the heel and his sleeves [should extend] to his fingers.He should not let his cloak hang down, for that creates an impression of haughtiness, except on the Sabbath if he has no change [of cloak].In the summer, he should not wear shoes that have often been mended and have many patches. He may do so in the rainy season, if he is poor.He should not go out in the marketplace perfumed, or with perfumed clothes, nor should he put perfume on his hair. However, he is permitted to rub perfume on his body if he does so in order to remove filth. Similarly, he should not go out alone at night, unless he has a set time to go out for his studies. All of these [restrictions are instituted] because of [possible] suspicion [of immorality].

A Torah Sage manages his financial affairs judiciously. He eats, drinks, and provides for his household in accordance with his funds and [degree of] success without overtaxing himself.The Sages have directed [us] regarding the ways of the world: A person should eat meat only with appetite as [Deuteronomy 12:20] states: "If your soul should crave to eat meat..." It is sufficient for the healthy to eat meat [once weekly,] from Sabbath eve to Sabbath eve. If he is wealthy enough to eat meat every day, he may.The Sages have [also] directed us, saying: One should always eat less than befits his income, dress as befits [his income], and provide for his wife and children beyond what befits [his income].

The way of sensible men is that first, one should establish an occupation by which he can support himself. Then, he should purchase a house to live in and then, marry a wife. [This order of priorities may be inferred from Deuteronomy 20:5-7], which states: "Who is the man who has planted a vineyard, but not redeemed it...;" "who is the man who has built a house, but not dedicated it...;" "who is the man who has betrothed a woman, but not taken her [to wife]..."In contrast, a fool begins by marrying a wife. Then, if he can find the means, he purchases a house. Finally, towards the end of his life, he will search about for a trade or support himself from charity.[This is also implied by the order of] the curses mentioned [in Deuteronomy 28:30]: "You shall betroth a woman..., you shall build a house..., you shall plant a vineyard;" i.e., your behavior will be disordered so that you will not succeed in your ways. However, in regard to blessing [I Samuel 18:14] states: "And David was thoughtful in all his undertakings and God was with him."

One is forbidden to renounce ownership of, or consecrate, all of his possessions and [thereby,] become a burden to society.He should not sell a field and buy a house, [sell] a house and buy chattels, or use money [acquired] by [selling] his house for trade. Conversely, he should sell chattels to buy a field. The rule is that he should aim to improve his [financial position] and to exchange the impermanent for the permanent.His intention should not be to enjoy slight momentary pleasure, or to enjoy some slight pleasure [for which he] incurs a great loss.

A Torah Sage [should conduct] his business dealings with honesty and good faith. When [his] answer is "no," he says, "no;" when [his answer] is "yes," he says, "yes."He is stringent with himself in his accounting, gives and yields to others when he buys from them, but is not demanding [about what they owe him].He pays for his purchases immediately. He does not act as a guarantor, or accept objects for deposit, or act as a debt collector for a lender.He accepts obligations in matters of buying and selling for which the Torah does not hold him liable, in order to uphold and not go back on his verbal commitments. If others have obligations to him by law, he grants them an extension and pardons them. He lends and bestows gifts.He does not encroach upon another's occupation, nor does he ever cause someone discomfort. The rule is that he should be among the pursued and not the pursuers, among those who accept humiliation but not among those who humiliate [others]. Whoever does all the above and their like, of him [Isaiah 49:3] states: "And He said to me, 'You are My servant, Israel, through whom I will be glorified.'”

It is natural for a man's character and actions to be influenced by his friends and associates and for him to follow the local norms of behavior. Therefore, he should associate with the righteous and be constantly in the company of the wise, so as to learn from their deeds. Conversely, he should keep away from the wicked who walk in darkness, so as not to learn from their deeds.This is [implied by] Solomon's statement (Proverbs 13:20): "He who walks with the wise will become wise, while one who associates with fools will suffer." Similarly, [Psalms 1:1] states: "Happy is the man who has not followed the advice of the wicked."A person who lives in a place where the norms of behavior are evil and the inhabitants do not follow the straight path should move to a place where the people are righteous and follow the ways of the good.If all the places with which he is familiar and of which he hears reports follow improper paths, as in our times, or if he is unable to move to a place where the patterns of behavior are proper, because of [the presence of] bands of raiding troops, or for health reasons, he should remain alone in seclusion as [Eichah 3:28] states: "Let him sit alone and be silent."If they are wicked and sinful and do not allow him to reside there unless he mingle with them and follow their evil behavior, he should go out to caves, thickets, and deserts [rather than] follow the paths of sinners as [Jeremiah 9:1] states: "Who will give me a lodging place for wayfarers, in the desert."

It is a positive commandment to cleave unto the wise and their disciples in order to learn from their deeds as [Deuteronomy 10:20] states: "and you will cling to Him."Our Sages [questioned the nature of this command for] is it possible for man to cling to the Divine Presence? They [resolved the difficulty,] explaining this commandment to mean: Cleave unto the wise and their disciples.Therefore, one should try to marry the daughter of a Torah Sage and marry his daughter to a Torah Sage, eat and drink with Sages, do business on behalf of Sages, and associate with them in all possible ways as [Deuteronomy 11:22] states: "to cling to Him."Similarly, our Sages have directed [us], saying: "Sit in the dust of their feet and drink in their words thirstily."

Each man is commanded to love each and every one of Israel as himself as [Leviticus 19:18] states: "Love your neighbor as yourself."Therefore, one should speak the praises of [others] and show concern for their money just as he is concerned with his own money and seeks his own honor.Whoever gains honor through the degradation of a colleague does not have a share in the world to come.

Loving a convert who has come to nestle under the wings of the Shechinah [fulfills] two positive commandments: one for he is [also] included among the "neighbors" [whom we are commanded to love] and one because he is a convert and the Torah (Deuteronomy 10:19) states: "and you shall love the converts."[Thus, God] has commanded us concerning the love of a convert just as He has commanded us concerning loving Himself as [Deuteronomy 11:1] states: "and you shall love God, your Lord." The Holy One, blessed be He, Himself, loves converts as [Deuteronomy 10:18] states: "and He loves converts."

Whoever hates a [fellow] Jew in his heart transgresses a Torah prohibition as [Leviticus 19:17] states: "Do not hate your brother in your heart." One is not [liable for] lashes for violating this prohibition because no deed is involved.The Torah only warns [us] against hating in [our] hearts. However, a person who beats a colleague or insults him, although he is not permitted to do so, does not violate [the prohibition,] "you shall not hate."

When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent and despise him as [II Samuel 13:22] states concerning the wicked: "And Avshalom did not speak to Amnon neither good, nor bad for Avshalom hated Amnon."Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: "Why did you do this to me?", "Why did you wrong me regarding that matter?" as [Leviticus 19:17] states: "You shall surely admonish your colleague."If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his colleague] to forgive him, he must do so. A person should not be cruel when forgiving [as implied by Genesis 20:17]: "And Abraham prayed to God..."

It is a mitzvah for a person who sees that his fellow Jew has sinned or is following an improper path [to attempt] to correct his behavior and to inform him that he is causing himself a loss by his evil deeds as [Leviticus 19:17] states: "You shall surely admonish your colleague."A person who rebukes a colleague - whether because of a [wrong committed] against him or because of a matter between his colleague and God - should rebuke him privately. He should speak to him patiently and gently, informing him that he is only making these statements for his colleague's own welfare, to allow him to merit the life of the world to come.If he accepts [the rebuke], it is good; if not, he should rebuke him a second and third time. Indeed, one is obligated to rebuke a colleague who does wrong until the latter strikes him and tells him: "I will not listen."Whoever has the possibility of rebuking [sinners] and fails to do so is considered responsible for that sin, for he had the opportunity to rebuke the [sinners].

At first, a person who admonishes a colleague should not speak to him harshly until he becomes embarrassed as [Leviticus 19:17] states: "[You should]... not bear a sin because of him." This is what our Sages said: Should you rebuke him to the point that his face changes [color]? The Torah states: "[You should]... not bear a sin because of him."From this, [we learn that] it is forbidden for a person to embarrass a [fellow] Jew. How much more so [is it forbidden to embarrass him] in public. Even though a person who embarrasses a colleague is not [liable for] lashes on account of him, it is a great sin. Our Sages said: "A person who embarrasses a colleague in public does not have a share in the world to come."Therefore, a person should be careful not to embarrass a colleague - whether of great or lesser stature - in public, and not to call him a name which embarrasses him or to relate a matter that brings him shame in his presence.When does the above apply? In regard to matters between one man and another. However, in regard to spiritual matters, if [a transgressor] does not repent [after being admonished] in private, he may be put to shame in public and his sin may be publicized. He may be subjected to abuse, scorn, and curses until he repents, as was the practice of all the prophets of Israel.

It is pious behavior if a person who was wronged by a colleague would rather not admonish him or mention the matter at all because the person who wronged him was very boorish or because he was mentally disturbed, [provided] he forgives him totally without bearing any feelings of hate or admonishing him. The Torah is concerned only with those who carry feelings of hate.

A person is obligated to show great care for orphans and widows because their spirits are very low and their feelings are depressed. This applies even if they are wealthy. We are commanded to [show this attention] even to a king's widow and his orphans as [implied by Exodus 22:21]: "Do not mistreat any widow or orphan."How should one deal with them? One should only speak to them gently and treat them only with honor. One should not cause pain to their persons with [overbearing] work or aggravate their feelings with harsh words and [one should] show more consideration for their financial interests than for one's own. Anyone who vexes or angers them, hurts their feelings, oppresses them, or causes them financial loss transgresses this prohibition. Surely this applies if one beats them or curses them.Even though [a person who violates] this prohibition is not [liable for] lashes, the retribution one suffers for its [violation] is explicitly stated in the Torah (ibid. 22:23): "I will display My anger and slay you with the sword." There is a covenant between them and He who spoke and created the world that whenever they cry out because they have been wronged, they will be answered as [ibid.:22] states: "When they cry out to Me, I will surely hear their cry."When does the above apply? When one causes them suffering for one's own purposes. However, it is permitted for a teacher to cause them suffering while teaching them Torah, or a craft, or in order to train them in proper behavior. Nevertheless, he should not treat them in the same manner as he treats others, but rather make a distinction with regard to them and treat them with gentility, great mercy, and honor for [Proverbs 22:22] states: "For God will take up their cause."This applies to both those orphaned from their father and those orphaned from their mother. Until when are they considered orphans in the context [of this mitzvah]? Until they no longer need a mature individual to support, instruct, and care for them and are able to see to all their own needs by themselves, like other adults.