שִׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק הָיָה מִשְּׁיָרֵי כְנֶסֶת הַגְּדוֹלָה. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם עוֹמֵד, עַל הַתּוֹרָה וְעַל הָעֲבוֹדָה וְעַל גְּמִילוּת חֲסָדִים:
Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: on the study of Torah, on prayer, and an on deeds of loving-kindness.
אָמַר, שְׁלֹשָׁה סִימָנִים יֵשׁ בְּאוּמָּה זוֹ: הָרַחְמָנִים, וְהַבַּיְישָׁנִין, וְגוֹמְלֵי חֲסָדִים. ... גּוֹמְלֵי חֲסָדִים — דִּכְתִיב: ״לְמַעַן אֲשֶׁר יְצַוֶּה אֶת בָּנָיו וְאֶת בֵּיתוֹ וְגוֹ׳״. כֹּל שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ שְׁלֹשָׁה סִימָנִים הַלָּלוּ — רָאוּי לְהִדָּבֵק בְּאוּמָּה זוֹ.
David said: There are three distinguishing marks of this nation, the Jewish people. They are merciful, they are modest, and they perform acts of loving-kindness....They perform acts of loving-kindness, as it is written: “For I have known him, to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of the Lord, to practice righteousness and justice” (Genesis 18:19), i.e., to perform acts of kindness.
Whoever has these three distinguishing marks is fit to cleave to this nation. Those who lack these qualities, however, are unfit to be part of the Jewish people.
II. What is Kindness?
Which Hebrew term do the above two texts (#2 and #4) use for kindness?
ת"ר בשלשה דברים גדולה גמילות חסדים יותר מן הצדקה צדקה בממונו גמילות חסדים בין בגופו בין בממונו צדקה לעניים גמילות חסדים בין לעניים בין לעשירים צדקה לחיים גמילות חסדים בין לחיים בין למתים.
The Sages taughtthat acts of kindness are superior to tzedakah (giving justly) in three respects: Tzedakah can be performed only with one’s money, while acts of kindness can be performed both with his person and with his money. Tzedakah is given to the poor, while acts of kindness are performed both for the poor and for the rich. Tzedakah is given to the living, while acts of kindness are performed both for the living and for the dead.
דרש ר' שמלאי תורה תחלתה גמילות חסדים וסופה גמילות חסדים תחילתה גמילות חסדים דכתיב ויעש יהוה אלהים לאדם ולאשתו כתנות עור וילבישם וסופה גמילות חסדים דכתיב ויקבר אותו בגיא
Rabbi Samlai taught: With regard to the Torah, its beginning is an act of kindness and its end is an act of kindness. Its beginning is an act of kindness, as it is written: “And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skin, and clothed them” (Genesis 3:21). And its end is an act of kindness, as it is written: “And he was buried in the valley in the land of Moab” (Deuteronomy 34:6).
Day 111: The Infinite Ways of Doing Good, from The Book of Jewish Values: A Day-to-Day Guide to Ethical Living by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin:
- Merrill Alpert of Encino, California, runs drives to acquire infant car seats, which are donated to agencies to pass them on to families who cannot afford to buy them.
- Donni Engelhart of Chicago collects new and used wigs for individuals with cancer....
- Kathy Freund of Portland, Maine, has created the Independent Transportation Network, comprising three hundred volunteer drivers who transport elderly people.
- Craig Kielburger of Toronto has devoted years of efforts to championing the rights of child laborers in Asia. He has ... raised $150,000 to establish a school for the Asian children...
(טו) שַׁמַּאי אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה תוֹרָתְךָ קֶבַע. אֱמֹר מְעַט וַעֲשֵׂה הַרְבֵּה, וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת:
(15) Shammai used to say: make your [study of the] Torah a fixed practice; speak little, but do much; and greet every person with a cheerful face.
III. Is Kindness Your Jewish Value?
- Would I rather have a kind child with average intelligence and grades, or a brilliant child who wasn't kind?...
- Do I reward my child's acts of kindness as much as I do good grades or athletic achievements? Do I react less severely to character deficiencies than to scholastic or other shortcomings?
- Do I monitor my child's behavior toward other children, and show strong disapproval when she mistreats another child? For example, if my child invites a friend to the house, and is then invited to the home of a friend she would rather be with, would I allow her to cancel the first appointment?
If something or someone were monitoring your every parenting move, how would these questions be answered for you?
If you don't have children or teenagers, consider another scenario in which are values and priorities are acted upon. When making friends, what attributes have you chosen for, regardless of whether you were conscious of the choices you've made? Where does kindness fit in?
IV. How to Become More Kind
וְכָל הַדֵּעוֹת יֵשׁ מֵהֶן דֵּעוֹת שֶׁהֵן לָאָדָם מִתְּחִלַּת בְּרִיָּתוֹ לְפִי טֶבַע גּוּפוֹ. וְיֵשׁ מֵהֶן דֵּעוֹת שֶׁטִּבְעוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם זֶה מְכֻוָּן וְעָתִיד לְקַבֵּל אוֹתָם בִּמְהֵרָה יוֹתֵר מִשְּׁאָר הַדֵּעוֹת. וְיֵשׁ מֵהֶן שֶׁאֵינָן לָאָדָם מִתְּחִלַּת בְּרִיָּתוֹ אֶלָּא לָמַד אוֹתָם מֵאֲחֵרִים אוֹ שֶׁנִּפְנָה לָהֶן מֵעַצְמוֹ לְפִי מַחֲשָׁבָה שֶׁעָלְתָה בְּלִבּוֹ. אוֹ שֶׁשָּׁמַע שֶׁזּוֹ הַדֵּעָה טוֹבָה לוֹ וּבָהּ רָאוּי לֵילֵךְ וְהִנְהִיג עַצְמוֹ בָּהּ עַד שֶׁנִּקְבְּעָה בְּלִבּוֹ:
With regard to all the traits: a person has some from the beginning of his conception, in accordance with his bodily nature. Some are appropriate to a person's nature and will [therefore] be acquired more easily than other traits. Some traits he does not have from birth. He may have learned them from others, or turned to them on his own. This may have come as a result of his own thoughts, or because he heard that this was a proper trait for him, which he ought to attain. [Therefore,] he accustomed himself to it until it became a part of himself.
וְכֵיצַד יַרְגִּיל אָדָם עַצְמוֹ בְּדֵעוֹת אֵלּוּ עַד שֶׁיִּקָּבְעוּ בּוֹ. יַעֲשֶׂה וְיִשְׁנֶה וִישַׁלֵּשׁ בַּמַּעֲשִׂים שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה עַל פִּי הַדֵּעוֹת הָאֶמְצָעִיּוֹת וְיַחֲזֹר בָּהֶם תָּמִיד עַד שֶׁיִּהְיוּ מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם קַלִּים עָלָיו וְלֹא יִהְיֶה בָּהֶם טֹרַח עָלָיו וְיִקָּבְעוּ הַדֵּעוֹת בְּנַפְשׁוֹ.
How can one train himself to follow these temperaments to the extent that they become a permanent fixture of his [personality]?
He should perform - repeat - and perform a third time - the acts which conform to the standards of the middle road temperaments. He should do this constantly, until these acts are easy for him and do not present any difficulty. Then, these temperaments will become a fixed part of his personality.
Will Maimonides' approach work for all types of kindness?