Careful the Things You Say: Understanding Jewish Ideas Around Damaging Language.

תָּנֵי תַּנָּא קַמֵּיהּ דְּרַב נַחְמָן בַּר יִצְחָק כׇּל הַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵירוֹ בָּרַבִּים כְּאִילּוּ שׁוֹפֵךְ דָּמִים אֲמַר לֵיהּ שַׁפִּיר קָא אָמְרַתְּ דְּחָזֵינָא לֵיהּ דְּאָזֵיל סוּמָּקָא וְאָתֵי חִוּוֹרָא אֲמַר לֵיהּ אַבָּיֵי לְרַב דִּימִי בְּמַעְרְבָא בְּמַאי זְהִירִי אֲמַר לֵיהּ בְּאַחְווֹרֵי אַפֵּי דְּאָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא הַכֹּל יוֹרְדִין לְגֵיהִנָּם חוּץ מִשְּׁלֹשָׁה

Bava Metzia 58b:12

The Gemara relates that the tanna who recited mishnayot and baraitot in the study hall taught a baraita before Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak: Anyone who humiliates another in public, it is as though he were spilling blood. Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said to him: You have spoken well, as we see that after the humiliated person blushes, the red leaves his face and pallor comes in its place, which is tantamount to spilling his blood. Abaye said to Rav Dimi: In the West, i.e., Eretz Yisrael, with regard to what mitzva are they particularly vigilant? Rav Dimi said to him: They are vigilant in refraining from humiliating others, as Rabbi Ḥanina says: Everyone descends to Gehenna except for three.

בבא מציעא נ״ח ב:י״ג

הַכֹּל סָלְקָא דַּעְתָּךְ אֶלָּא אֵימָא כָּל הַיּוֹרְדִין לְגֵיהִנָּם עוֹלִים חוּץ מִשְּׁלֹשָׁה שֶׁיּוֹרְדִין וְאֵין עוֹלִין וְאֵלּוּ הֵן הַבָּא עַל אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ וְהַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵירוֹ בָּרַבִּים וְהַמְכַנֶּה שֵׁם רַע לַחֲבֵירוֹ מְכַנֶּה הַיְינוּ מַלְבִּין אַף עַל גַּב דְּדָשׁ בֵּיהּ בִּשְׁמֵיהּ

Bava Metzia 58b:13

The Gemara asks: Does it enter your mind that everyone descends to Gehenna? Rather, say: Anyone who descends to Gehenna ultimately ascends, except for three who descend and do not ascend, and these are they: One who engages in intercourse with a married woman, as this transgression is a serious offense against both God and a person; and one who humiliates another in public; and one who calls another a derogatory name. The Gemara asks with regard to one who calls another a derogatory name: That is identical to one who shames him; why are they listed separately? The Gemara answers: Although the victim grew accustomed to being called that name in place of his name, and he is no longer humiliated by being called that name, since the intent was to insult him, the perpetrator’s punishment is severe.

משנה תורה, הלכות דעות ז׳:ג׳

(ג) אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שָׁלֹשׁ עֲבֵרוֹת נִפְרָעִין מִן הָאָדָם בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְאֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. עֲבוֹדַת כּוֹכָבִים וְגִלּוּי עֲרָיוֹת וּשְׁפִיכוּת דָּמִים. וְלָשׁוֹן הָרַע כְּנֶגֶד כֻּלָּם. וְעוֹד אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים כָּל הַמְסַפֵּר בְּלָשׁוֹן הָרַע כְּאִלּוּ כּוֹפֵר בָּעִקָּר. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהילים יב ה) "אֲשֶׁר אָמְרוּ לִלְשֹׁנֵנוּ נַגְבִּיר שְׂפָתֵינוּ אִתָּנוּ מִי אָדוֹן לָנוּ". וְעוֹד אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שְׁלֹשָׁה לָשׁוֹן הָרַע הוֹרֶגֶת. הָאוֹמְרוֹ. וְהַמְקַבְּלוֹ. וְזֶה שֶׁאוֹמֵר עָלָיו. וְהַמְקַבְּלוֹ יוֹתֵר מִן הָאוֹמְרוֹ:

Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 7:3

(3) Our Sages said: "There are three sins for which retribution is exacted from a person in this world and, [for which] he is [nonetheless,] denied a portion in the world to come: idol worship, forbidden sexual relations, and murder. Lashon horah is equivalent to all of them."
Our Sages also said: "Anyone who speaks lashon horah is like one who denies God as [implied by Psalms 12:5]: 'Those who said: With our tongues we will prevail; our lips are our own. Who is Lord over us?’”
In addition, they said: "Lashon horah kills three [people], the one who speaks it, the one who listens to it, and the one about whom it is spoken. The one who listens to it [suffers] more than the one who speaks it.”

משנה תורה, הלכות דעות ז׳:ד׳

(ד) וְיֵשׁ דְּבָרִים שֶׁהֵן אֲבַק לָשׁוֹן הָרַע. כֵּיצַד. מִי יֹאמַר לִפְלוֹנִי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה כְּמוֹת שֶׁהוּא עַתָּה. אוֹ שֶׁיֹּאמַר שִׁתְקוּ מִפְּלוֹנִי אֵינִי רוֹצֶה לְהוֹדִיעַ מָה אֵרַע וּמֶה הָיָה. וְכַיּוֹצֵא בַּדְּבָרִים הָאֵלּוּ. וְכָל הַמְסַפֵּר בְּטוֹבַת חֲבֵרוֹ בִּפְנֵי שׂוֹנְאָיו הֲרֵי זֶה אֲבַק לָשׁוֹן הָרַע שֶׁזֶּה גּוֹרֵם לָהֶם שֶׁיְּסַפְּרוּ בִּגְנוּתוֹ. וְעַל זֶה הָעִנְיָן אָמַר שְׁלֹמֹה (משלי כז יד) "מְבָרֵךְ רֵעֵהוּ בְּקוֹל גָּדוֹל בַּבֹּקֶר הַשְׁכֵּים קְלָלָה תֵּחָשֶׁב לוֹ". שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ טוֹבָתוֹ בָּא לִידֵי רָעָתוֹ. וְכֵן הַמְסַפֵּר בְּלָשׁוֹן הָרַע דֶּרֶךְ שְׂחוֹק וְדֶרֶךְ קַלּוּת רֹאשׁ כְּלוֹמַר שֶׁאֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר בְּשִׂנְאָה. הוּא שֶׁשְּׁלֹמֹה אָמַר בְּחָכְמָתוֹ (משלי כו יח) "כְּמִתְלַהְלֵהַּ הַיֹּרֶה זִקִּים חִצִּים וָמָוֶת" (משלי כו יט) "וְאָמַר הֲלֹא מְשַׂחֵק אָנִי". וְכֵן הַמְסַפֵּר לָשׁוֹן הָרַע דֶּרֶךְ רַמָּאוּת וְהוּא שֶׁיְּסַפֵּר לְתֻמּוֹ כְּאִלּוּ אֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁדָּבָר זֶה שֶׁדִּבֵּר לָשׁוֹן הָרַע הוּא אֶלָּא כְּשֶׁמְּמַחִין בּוֹ אוֹמֵר אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁדָּבָר זֶה לָשׁוֹן הָרַע אוֹ שֶׁאֵלּוּ מַעֲשָׂיו שֶׁל פְּלוֹנִי:

Mishneh Torah, Human Dispositions 7:4

(4) There are certain matters which are considered "the dust of lashon horah." What is implied? [For example, a person says:] "Who will tell so and so to continue acting as he does now," or "Do not talk about so and so; I do not want to say what happened," or the like.
Similarly, it is also considered the "dust of lashon horah" when someone speaks favorably about a colleague in the presence of his enemies, for this will surely prompt them to speak disparagingly about him. In this regard, King Solomon said [Proverbs 27:14]: "One who greets his colleague early in the morning, in a loud voice, curses him," for his positive [act] will bring him negative [repercussions].
Similarly, [to be condemned is] a person who relates lashon horah in frivolity and jest, as if he were not speaking with hatred. This was also mentioned by Solomon in his wisdom [Proverbs 26:18-19]: "As a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death and says: 'I am only joking.’”
[Also, to be condemned is] someone who speaks lashon horah about a colleague slyly, pretending to be innocently telling a story without knowing that it is harmful. When he is reproved, he excuses himself by saying: "I did not know that the story was harmful or that so and so was involved."

“Adverse criticism and gossip (Leviticus 19:16). It is forbidden to mention disparaging things in conversation about another person, even if they are true. False disparaging remarks are considered an even more serious sin, מוציא שם רע. Under certain conditions, it may be permitted to mention matters that are already public knowledge. The Sages extended the scope of this prohibition and forbade many other forms of gossip, referring to them as אבק לשון הרע. Included in this category are statements that are not themselves harmful to the person mentioned, but might prompt others to make disparaging remarks. The sages frequently mentioned the severity of this prohibition, declaring that it is equivalent to the most serious sins, such as murder and adultery.” - The Talmud, a reference guide, the Steinsaltz edition

סנהדרין ו׳ ב:ו׳

רבי יהושע בן קרחה אומר ...והלא במקום שיש משפט אין שלום ובמקום שיש שלום אין משפט...

Sanhedrin 6b:6

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korḥa says: ...Is it not that in the place where there is strict judgment there is no true peace, and in a place where there is true peace, there is no strict judgment?...

משנה אבות א׳:י״ח

(יח) רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם עוֹמֵד, עַל הַדִּין וְעַל הָאֱמֶת וְעַל הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (זכריה ח) אֱמֶת וּמִשְׁפַּט שָׁלוֹם שִׁפְטוּ בְּשַׁעֲרֵיכֶם:

Pirkei Avot 1:18

(18) Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel used to say: on three things does the world stand: On justice, on truth and on peace, as it is said: “execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates” (Zechariah 8:16).

משנה אבות ב׳:ד׳

...הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּפְרֹשׁ מִן הַצִּבּוּר, וְאַל תַּאֲמִין בְּעַצְמְךָ עַד יוֹם מוֹתְךָ, וְאַל תָּדִין אֶת חֲבֵרְךָ עַד שֶׁתַּגִּיעַ לִמְקוֹמוֹ...

Pirkei Avot 2:4

...Hillel said: do not separate yourself from the community, Do not be sure of yourself until the day of your death, Do not judge your fellow man until you have reached his place. ...

דברים י״ז:ו׳

(ו) עַל־פִּ֣י ׀ שְׁנַ֣יִם עֵדִ֗ים א֛וֹ שְׁלֹשָׁ֥ה עֵדִ֖ים יוּמַ֣ת הַמֵּ֑ת לֹ֣א יוּמַ֔ת עַל־פִּ֖י עֵ֥ד אֶחָֽד׃

Deuteronomy 17:6

(6) A person shall be put to death only on the testimony of two or more witnesses; no one shall be put to death on the testimony of a single witness.—

דברים ט״ז:י״ח

(יח) שֹׁפְטִ֣ים וְשֹֽׁטְרִ֗ים תִּֽתֶּן־לְךָ֙ בְּכׇל־שְׁעָרֶ֔יךָ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יְהֹוָ֧ה אֱלֹהֶ֛יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לְךָ֖ לִשְׁבָטֶ֑יךָ וְשָׁפְט֥וּ אֶת־הָעָ֖ם מִשְׁפַּט־צֶֽדֶק׃

Deuteronomy 16:18

(18) You shall appoint magistrates and officials for your tribes, in all the settlements that your God יהוה is giving you, and they shall govern the people with due justice.

Rabbi Alan Lew, in his book for our season “This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared”, which many have made the ritual of reading each year, brings in an interpretation of the Hasidic commentary the Iturey Torah, on the opening verse to our parasha:
שֹׁפְטִ֣ים וְשֹֽׁטְרִ֗ים תִּֽתֶּן־לְךָ֙ בְּכׇל־שְׁעָרֶ֔יךָ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יי אֱלֹקֶ֛יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לְךָ֖ לִשְׁבָטֶ֑יךָ וְשָׁפְט֥וּ אֶת־הָעָ֖ם מִשְׁפַּט־צֶֽדֶק׃
“You shall appoint magistrates and officials for your tribes, in all the settlements that your God יי is giving you, and they shall govern the people with due justice.” - Deuteronomy 16:18
The interpretation of the Iturey Torah says, in Rabbi Lew’s summation: “There are seven gates—seven windows—to the soul: the two eyes, the two ears, the two nostrils, and the mouth. Everything that passes into our consciousness must enter through one of these gates. So, at the deepest level the passage cited above has nothing to do with the establishment of a system of judges and courts, but deals rather with being mindful of the process of consciousness itself.”

משנה אבות א׳:ו׳

(ו) יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:

Pirkei Avot 1:6

(6) Joshua ben Perahiah and Nittai the Arbelite received [the oral tradition] from them. Joshua ben Perahiah used to say: appoint for thyself a teacher, and acquire for thyself a companion and judge all men with the scale weighted in his favor.