Debbie Friedman’s Healing Prayer
Drorah Setel , The Forward January 18, 2011
As word spread that Debbie Friedman was gravely ill, people around the world prayed for her recovery. Many turned to “Mi Shebeirach,” her version of the traditional Jewish prayer for healing and probably her best-known song. Our prayers and our loving song did not prevent Debbie’s death, but neither were they offered in vain. Indeed, for Debbie, the purpose of “Mi Shebeirach” was about much more than physical healing.
The story of “Mi Shebeirach” begins in 1987, when a friend of Debbie’s, Marcia Cohn Spiegel, decided to hold a Simchat Hochmah, a ceremony celebrating aging, an idea originally conceived by the scholar Savina Teubal. Marty — as Marcia was known to her friends — was a pioneer in researching alcoholism and other forms of abuse within the Jewish community. During the 1980s, she had suffered profound losses, including the death of her husband. Her work with individuals who had suffered trauma and her own grief led Marty to conceive of this ceremony as a way to accept emotional and spiritual pain while still embracing life: in other words, as a path to healing. She asked her close friends Rabbi Sue Levi Elwell, Marcia Falk, Debbie and myself to help her create the ceremony and specifically asked Debbie to create a composition of the Mi Shebeirach prayer. Debbie, in turn, asked me to collaborate with her on the blessing.
In working with the words of the Mi Shebeirach prayer, Debbie and I were concerned with several issues. First and foremost at that time was the growing AIDS crisis in the gay community, which affected many who were part of our extended family of friends. How, we wondered, could we ask for refuah sh’leima, for a “complete healing,” for people who had what was at the time a terminal illness? It seemed not only cruel but contrary to the Jewish prohibition against knowingly praying for something in vain. We thought it would be more appropriate to focus on the possibility of spiritual healing, an experience of wholeness and blessing even in the face of death. We kept the rabbinic phrase refuah sh’leima but redefined it as the “renewal,” rather than the repair, of body and spirit.
The second issue was our desire to retain the familiar feeling of the prayer while making it gender inclusive. The opening line, mi shebeirach avoteinu (“The One who blessed our fathers”), spoke to the hearts of many Jews. Rather than replacing it, we added the words makor ha-barachah l’imoteinu (“Source of Blessing for our mothers”). The phrase also used traditional theological language, taken from the Shabbat song “Lecha Dodi.” Finally, to reject the association of one aspect of the divine as male and another as female, we reversed the words in the second verse so that it became “The One who blessed our mothers, Source of Blessing for our fathers.” The feminist concerns that led us to include women and a feminine aspect of the divine reflected a larger desire for the song to express the empowerment of those reciting and hearing the prayer. We wanted to be clear that the Source of Blessing is within us as well as around us, allowing us to be active agents of healing. So we asked for “the courage to make our lives a blessing” in addition to the more passive, traditional request to be blessed.
Because of the ceremony and community for which Debbie and I wrote “Mi Shebeirach,” we took it for granted that those singing it would think of themselves as well as others in their prayers for healing. As it became apparent that this was not always the case, Debbie insisted on singing the song twice in concert: first, individually, for those listening (“I’ll sing it first for you,” she would say) and only then in unison.
Debbie knew all too well that every one of us, simply by virtue of being human, experiences pain and brokenness and, therefore, we all need healing. Yet at the same time, she taught us all that our lives are a joyful blessing. Certainly, her life and her work continue to bless us.
Rabbi Drorah Setel is rabbi of Temple Beth El in Niagara Falls, N.Y., and president of the Buffalo Board of Rabbis.
Drorah Setel , The Forward January 18, 2011
As word spread that Debbie Friedman was gravely ill, people around the world prayed for her recovery. Many turned to “Mi Shebeirach,” her version of the traditional Jewish prayer for healing and probably her best-known song. Our prayers and our loving song did not prevent Debbie’s death, but neither were they offered in vain. Indeed, for Debbie, the purpose of “Mi Shebeirach” was about much more than physical healing.
The story of “Mi Shebeirach” begins in 1987, when a friend of Debbie’s, Marcia Cohn Spiegel, decided to hold a Simchat Hochmah, a ceremony celebrating aging, an idea originally conceived by the scholar Savina Teubal. Marty — as Marcia was known to her friends — was a pioneer in researching alcoholism and other forms of abuse within the Jewish community. During the 1980s, she had suffered profound losses, including the death of her husband. Her work with individuals who had suffered trauma and her own grief led Marty to conceive of this ceremony as a way to accept emotional and spiritual pain while still embracing life: in other words, as a path to healing. She asked her close friends Rabbi Sue Levi Elwell, Marcia Falk, Debbie and myself to help her create the ceremony and specifically asked Debbie to create a composition of the Mi Shebeirach prayer. Debbie, in turn, asked me to collaborate with her on the blessing.
In working with the words of the Mi Shebeirach prayer, Debbie and I were concerned with several issues. First and foremost at that time was the growing AIDS crisis in the gay community, which affected many who were part of our extended family of friends. How, we wondered, could we ask for refuah sh’leima, for a “complete healing,” for people who had what was at the time a terminal illness? It seemed not only cruel but contrary to the Jewish prohibition against knowingly praying for something in vain. We thought it would be more appropriate to focus on the possibility of spiritual healing, an experience of wholeness and blessing even in the face of death. We kept the rabbinic phrase refuah sh’leima but redefined it as the “renewal,” rather than the repair, of body and spirit.
The second issue was our desire to retain the familiar feeling of the prayer while making it gender inclusive. The opening line, mi shebeirach avoteinu (“The One who blessed our fathers”), spoke to the hearts of many Jews. Rather than replacing it, we added the words makor ha-barachah l’imoteinu (“Source of Blessing for our mothers”). The phrase also used traditional theological language, taken from the Shabbat song “Lecha Dodi.” Finally, to reject the association of one aspect of the divine as male and another as female, we reversed the words in the second verse so that it became “The One who blessed our mothers, Source of Blessing for our fathers.” The feminist concerns that led us to include women and a feminine aspect of the divine reflected a larger desire for the song to express the empowerment of those reciting and hearing the prayer. We wanted to be clear that the Source of Blessing is within us as well as around us, allowing us to be active agents of healing. So we asked for “the courage to make our lives a blessing” in addition to the more passive, traditional request to be blessed.
Because of the ceremony and community for which Debbie and I wrote “Mi Shebeirach,” we took it for granted that those singing it would think of themselves as well as others in their prayers for healing. As it became apparent that this was not always the case, Debbie insisted on singing the song twice in concert: first, individually, for those listening (“I’ll sing it first for you,” she would say) and only then in unison.
Debbie knew all too well that every one of us, simply by virtue of being human, experiences pain and brokenness and, therefore, we all need healing. Yet at the same time, she taught us all that our lives are a joyful blessing. Certainly, her life and her work continue to bless us.
Rabbi Drorah Setel is rabbi of Temple Beth El in Niagara Falls, N.Y., and president of the Buffalo Board of Rabbis.
Do not think that the words of prayer
as you say them
go up to God.
It is not the words themselves that ascend;
it iss rather the burning desire of your heart
that rises like smoke toward heaven.
If your prayer consists only of words and letters,
and does not contain your heart's desire -
how can it rise up to God?
-Nachman of Breslov (Translated by Arthur Green and Barry Holtz)
as you say them
go up to God.
It is not the words themselves that ascend;
it iss rather the burning desire of your heart
that rises like smoke toward heaven.
If your prayer consists only of words and letters,
and does not contain your heart's desire -
how can it rise up to God?
-Nachman of Breslov (Translated by Arthur Green and Barry Holtz)
My three prayers are all variations on Help, Thanks, Wow. That's all I ever need, beside the silence, the pain, and the pause sufficient for me to stop, close my eyes, and turn inward...
We can pray for things ("Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz). We can pray for people ("Please heal Martin's cancer. Please help me not be such an asshole." We pray for a shot at having a life in which we are present and awake and paying attention and being kind to ourselves. We can pray, "Hello? Is anyone out there?" We can pray, "Am I too far gone, or can you help me get out of my isolated self-obsession?" We can say anything to God. It's all prayer.
Prayer can be motion and stillness and energy - all at the same time. It begins with stopping in our tracks, or with our backs against the wall, or when we are going under the waves, or when we are just so sick and tired of being physically sick and tired that we surrender, or at least we finally stop running away and at long last walk or lurch or crawl toward something. Or maybe, miraculously, we just release our grip slightly."
Anne Lamott, Help. Thanks. Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
We can pray for things ("Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz). We can pray for people ("Please heal Martin's cancer. Please help me not be such an asshole." We pray for a shot at having a life in which we are present and awake and paying attention and being kind to ourselves. We can pray, "Hello? Is anyone out there?" We can pray, "Am I too far gone, or can you help me get out of my isolated self-obsession?" We can say anything to God. It's all prayer.
Prayer can be motion and stillness and energy - all at the same time. It begins with stopping in our tracks, or with our backs against the wall, or when we are going under the waves, or when we are just so sick and tired of being physically sick and tired that we surrender, or at least we finally stop running away and at long last walk or lurch or crawl toward something. Or maybe, miraculously, we just release our grip slightly."
Anne Lamott, Help. Thanks. Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
(יג) וַיִּצְעַ֣ק מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֶל־ה' לֵאמֹ֑ר אֵ֕ל נָ֛א רְפָ֥א נָ֖א לָֽהּ׃ (פ)
(13) So Moses cried out to Adonai, saying, “O God, pray heal her!”
שוב מעשה בתלמיד א' שירד לפני התיבה בפני ר"א והיה מקצר יותר מדאי א"ל תלמידיו כמה קצרן הוא זה א"ל כלום מקצר יותר ממשה רבינו דכתיב (במדבר יב, יג) אל נא רפא נא לה
There was again an incident where one student descended to serve as prayer leader before the ark in the presence of Rabbi Eliezer, and he was excessively abbreviating his prayer. His students protested and said to him: How brief is his prayer. He said to them: Is he abbreviating his prayer any more than Moses our teacher did? As it is written with regard to the prayer Moses recited imploring God to cure Miriam of her leprosy: “And Moses cried out to Adonai, saying: ‘Please, God, heal her, please’” (Numbers 12:13). This student’s prayer was certainly no briefer than the few words recited by Moses.
ת"ר אין עומדין להתפלל לא מתוך עצבות ולא מתוך עצלות ולא מתוך שחוק ולא מתוך שיחה ולא מתוך קלות ראש ולא מתוך דברים בטלים אלא מתוך שמחה של מצוה
On the topic of proper preparation for prayer, the Sages taught: One may neither stand to pray from an atmosphere of sorrow nor from an atmosphere of laziness, nor from an atmosphere of laughter, nor from an atmosphere of conversation, nor from an atmosphere of frivolity, nor from an atmosphere of purposeless matters. Rather, one should approach prayer from an atmosphere imbued with the joy of a mitzva.
The purpose of prayer is not to inform God of our problems, but to prepare our hearts, to improve our ways before God. Not sack and ashes cause our prayers to be heard, but repentance and good deeds. As the prophet Yoel proclaimed (Yoel 2:13) "tear out your hearts, not your clothes, and return to Adonai." Anyone who is not conscious of this requirement is as if they appeared before God offering counterfeit money. As David says in Psalms 145,18, "Adonai is close to all who call upon God in truth."
בזמן ששליח צבור אומר מודים העם מה הם אומרים אמר רב מודים אנחנו לך ה' אלקינו על שאנו מודים לך
§ The Gemara returns to discuss the response of the congregants to certain parts of the prayer service. While the prayer leader is reciting the blessing of: We give thanks, what do the people say? Rav says that they say: We give thanks to You, Adonai our God, for the merit of giving thanks to You.
Rabbi Shimon, who warns in Avot 2,13, not to make prayer something that is performed by rote, i.e. keva, but rather to make all our prayers entreaties, wants us to utilise the recital of keriyat shema prior to the amidah to attain the mental state necessary to express our prayers meaningfully. In the absence of such mental state, the best we may receive is matnat chinam, an undeserved gift, but not the proper response to our prayers.
וְחַנָּ֗ה הִ֚יא מְדַבֶּ֣רֶת עַל־לִבָּ֔הּ רַ֚ק שְׂפָתֶ֣יהָ נָּע֔וֹת וְקוֹלָ֖הּ לֹ֣א יִשָּׁמֵ֑עַ וַיַּחְשְׁבֶ֥הָ עֵלִ֖י לְשִׁכֹּרָֽה׃
Now Hannah, she spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice could not be heard; therefore, Eli thought she had been drunken.
אמר רב המנונא כמה הלכתא גברוותא איכא למשמע מהני קראי דחנה (שמואל א א, יג) וחנה היא מדברת על לבה מכאן למתפלל צריך שיכוין לבו רק שפתיה נעות מכאן למתפלל שיחתוך בשפתיו וקולה לא ישמע מכאן שאסור להגביה קולו בתפלתו ויחשבה עלי לשכורה מכאן ששכור אסור להתפלל
Rav Hamnuna said: How many significant halakhot can be derived from these verses of the prayer of Hannah? As it says: “And Hannah spoke in her heart, only her lips moved and her voice could not be heard, so Eli thought her to be drunk” (I Samuel 1:13). The Gemara elaborates: From that which is stated here: “And Hannah spoke in her heart,” the halakha that one who prays must focus his heart on his prayer is derived. And from that which is stated here: “Only her lips moved,” the halakha that one who prays must enunciate the words with his lips, not only contemplate them in his heart, is derived. From that which is written here: “And her voice could not be heard,” the halakha that one is forbidden to raise his voice in his Amida prayer as it must be recited silently. From the continuation of the verse here: “So Eli thought her to be drunk,” the halakha that a drunk person is forbidden to pray. That is why he rebuked her.
What Rabbi Yehudah in the name of Rav meant, was that we should not employ everyday language when praying. Such language is used thoughtlessly; it is used so mechanically that requests formulated in such terms are not accompanied by a meylitz yosher an advocate that advances our cause. The term "the angels of G'ds service," ( malachey hasharet) is merely a euphemism for "wings," giving our prayers "wings" so to speak. If we formulate our prayers in lashon hakodesh, the holy tongue, the concentration required will already be helpful in our attaining the proper spiritual level needed to accomplish what we set out to achieve when offering prayer.
(טז) וַיִּיקַ֣ץ יַעֲקֹב֮ מִשְּׁנָתוֹ֒ וַיֹּ֕אמֶר אָכֵן֙ יֵ֣שׁ ה' בַּמָּק֖וֹם הַזֶּ֑ה וְאָנֹכִ֖י לֹ֥א יָדָֽעְתִּי׃
(16) Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely Adonai is present in this place, and I did not know it!”
“Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. ....get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel
Abraham Joshua Heschel
I pray because I can't help myself.
I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping.
It doesn't change God. It changes me."
-C.S. Lewis
I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping.
It doesn't change God. It changes me."
-C.S. Lewis