Sefer Divrei Torah - Mahdura Kama 1

(9) It is customary for the bridegroom to give a scholarly discourse. It is written, “His mother crowned him on his wedding day.” The wedding day alludes to the Revelation at Sinai. The bridegroom speaks words of Torah, just as God did at Sinai. It is customary to present the bridegroom with gifts. These are called Drashah Geshank (discourse gifts).
It is written, “You have ascended on high, you have captured the prize (that is, Torah), you have received gifts from among men” (ibid., I, 68:19). These are the gifts given to the bridegroom. It is said that the bridegroom’s lecture helps to unite the couple.

(10) Before Jacob saw the dream of the ladder, it is written, “He lay down (VaYiShKaV) in that place” (Genesis 28:11). The letters of VaYiShKaV can be rearranged to spell VaYesh Kaf-Bet ("and there are twenty-two"). These are the twenty-two letters of the Hebrew alphabet.131Tikkuney Zohar #18, 34a; ibid., #70, 132b; Etz Chaim, Sha'ar HaYerei'ach 3; Likutey Moharan II, 79.
The bridegroom's lecture unites the twenty-two letters into words of Torah, just as the couple is united.132Song of Songs 1:4 is interpreted to apply both to a happy marriage and to the twenty-two letters of the Hebrew alphabet in Shir HaShirim Rabbah 1:31, 32. Cf. Etz Chaim loc. cit.; Likutey Moharan II, 89; Ketubot 10b.

(11) It is customary for the dancers to do Pristakes, raising and lowering their bodies. It is written, “I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will bring you up” (Genesis 46:4). This is symbolized by the up-and-down motions.

(12) “I will go down with you to Egypt”: The exile in Egypt was to gather together the holy sparks from Adam’s wasted seed.133Likutey Moharan II, 5:10; cf. Shemonah She'arim, Sha'ar HaMitzvot on Deuteronomy 16:3; Sha'ar HaKavanot, Pesach 1. “I will bring you up”: A wedding is a rectification of the covenant134This refers to the atonement of sexual sins, since a bridegroom is forgiven all his sins (Yerushalmi, Bikurim 11b; Rashi on Genesis 36:3; Magen Avraham 573:1; Bet Shmuel 61:6). The Giving of the Torah – the “wedding” of God and Israel – took place right after the Exodus. and a unification — i.e., “I will bring you up.”

(13) It is customary to interrupt the bridegroom’s lecture. This symbolizes the Breaking of the Tablets.

§ The Sages taught: How does one dance before the bride, i.e., what does one recite while dancing at her wedding? Beit Shammai say:

One recites praise of the bride as she is, emphasizing her good qualities. And Beit Hillel say: One recites: A fair and attractive bride. Beit Shammai said to Beit Hillel: In a case where the bride was lame or blind, does one say with regard to her: A fair and attractive bride? But the Torah states: “Keep you from a false matter” (Exodus 23:7). Beit Hillel said to Beit Shammai: According to your statement, with regard to one who acquired an inferior acquisition from the market, should another praise it and enhance its value in his eyes or condemn it and diminish its value in his eyes? You must say that he should praise it and enhance its value in his eyes and refrain from causing him anguish. From here the Sages said: A person’s disposition should always be empathetic with mankind, and treat everyone courteously. In this case too, once the groom has married his bride, one praises her as being fair and attractive. When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, he said: This is what they sing before brides in the West, in Eretz Yisrael: No eye shadow, and no rouge, and no braiding of the hair, and yet she is comparable to a graceful ibex. The Gemara relates: When the Sages ordained Rabbi Zeira, this is what they metaphorically sang with regard to him in his praise: No eye shadow, and no rouge, and no braiding of the hair, and yet she is comparable to a graceful ibex. On a related note, the Gemara relates: When the Sages ordained Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Asi, this is what they sang to them: Anyone from people of this kind and anyone from people of that kind, ordain them for us. Do not ordain for us others, neither from those who corrupt [sarmisin] halakhot, nor from those who are worthless [sarmitin]. And some say: Not from those who provide only one-fifth [ḥamisin] of the reason for a halakha, and not from those whose knowledge is incomplete [turmisin]. The Gemara relates another instance of singing the praise of the Sages: When Rabbi Abbahu would come from the academy to the house of the emperor, the maidservants of the emperor’s house would go out to greet him, and this is what they sang to him: Master of his people and leader of his nation, candle of illumination, blessed is your arrival in peace. With regard to the mitzva of bringing joy to the bride and groom, the Gemara relates: The Sages said about Rabbi Yehuda bar Elai that he would take a myrtle branch and dance before the bride, and say: A fair and attractive bride. Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzḥak would base his dance on three myrtle branches that he would juggle. Rabbi Zeira said: The old man is humiliating us, as through his conduct he is demeaning the Torah and the Torah scholars. It is further related: When Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzḥak died, a pillar of fire demarcated between him and everyone else, and we learn through tradition that a pillar of fire demarcates only for either one person in a generation or for two people in a generation. Rabbi Zeira said: His branch [shotitei] was effective for the old man, as it is due to this mitzva that he fulfilled so enthusiastically that he was privileged to receive this great reward. And some say that Rabbi Zeira said: His nonsense [shetutei] was effective for the old man. And some say that he said: His method [shittatei] was effective for the old man. Rav Aḥa would place the bride on his shoulders and dance. The Sages said to him: What is the ruling? Is it permitted for us to do so as well? He said to them: If brides are comparable for you to a beam, fine, but if not, no, you may not. Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani said that Rabbi Yonatan said: It is permitted to look at the face of a bride throughout all seven days of the wedding celebration, in order to endear her to her husband, whose appreciation of her beauty will be thereby enhanced. The Gemara notes: And the halakha is not in accordance with his opinion, as it is prohibited to look at any married woman, even a bride.

Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said: One must be vigilant with regard to the morning prayer as well, as it is stated: “Lord, in the morning You shall hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer unto You and will look forward” (Psalms 5:4). And Rabbi Ḥelbo said that Rav Huna said: Anyone who benefits from the feast of a groom but does not cause him to rejoice violates the five voices mentioned in this verse, as it is stated: “The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, and the voice of those who say: Give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for His mercy lasts forever, even of those who bring a thanks-offering to the house of the Lord. For I will restore the captivity of the land as it was in the beginning, says the Lord” (Jeremiah 33:11). These five voices in the context of a bride and groom correspond to the five voices mentioned in the context of the revelation at Sinai, as in Song of Songs, the day of the revelation at Sinai is alluded to by the phrase: His wedding day (Rabbi Yoshiyahu Pinto, Maharsha). What is his reward if he causes the groom to rejoice? Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: He is privileged to acquire the Torah, which was given with five voices, as it is stated: “And it was on the third day, when it was morning, there were sounds [kolot], and lightning and a thick cloud upon the mountain, and the voice of the shofar” (Exodus 19:16). The plural kolot indicates at least two sounds, while “the voice of the shofar” is one more. The passage continues: “And when the voice of the shofar grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and God answered him by a voice” (Exodus 19:19). Along with the three previous voices, the second shofar and the voice with which God answered Moses amount to a total of five voices at the revelation at Sinai. The Gemara asks: Is this so? Isn’t it also written: “And the whole nation saw the voices and the torches and the sound of the shofar” (Exodus 20:15)? Clearly more than five voices are mentioned with regard to the revelation at Sinai. The Gemara answers: Those voices were sounded prior to the giving of the Torah, so they are not included in this calculation of voices. Rabbi Abbahu said: The reward for causing a groom to rejoice is the same as if one had offered a thanks-offering in the Temple, for as it is stated later in the previously cited verse from Jeremiah: “Those who bring a thanks-offering to the house of the Lord.”
And Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said: The reward for causing a groom to rejoice is the same as if one rebuilt one of Jerusalem’s ruins, as it is stated later in the same verse: “For I will restore the captivity of the land as it was in the beginning.” And Rabbi Ḥelbo said that Rav Huna said: Any person who has the fear of Heaven, his words are heeded, as it is stated: “The end of the matter, all having been heard: Fear God, and keep His commandments; for this is all of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). The Gemara explains: “The end of the matter, all having been heard,” refers to the words of one “who keeps His commandments; for this is all of man.” With regard to the end of this verse, the Gemara asks: What is meant by, “for this is all of man”? Rabbi Elazar said: The Holy One, Blessed be He, said about him: The entire world was created only for this person. This is the ultimate person for which all of man was created. Rabbi Abba bar Kahana said: The end of this verse teaches that this is equivalent to the entire world, all of man.

(1) On the 25th of Kislev (start) the eight days of Hanukkah, and they are prohibited for eulogizing and fasting, but are permitted for doing work. The women have made it a custom not to do work while the candles are burning. And there is [an opinion] that says that we may not be lenient for them.

(2) The many meals which we add on [these days] are voluntary meals, since [the Sages] did not establish them as [days of] feasting and joy. Rem"a: But some say that there is somewhat of a mitzvah in adding meals, because during those days was the Dedication of the Altar (Abraham Kara of Prague). It is the custom to recite hymns and songs of praise during the feasts added on them, and then they are mitzvah meals (Book of Customs). Some say that cheese should be eaten during Hanukkah, because a miracle was done though milk which Yehudit fed the enemy. (Kol Bo and Nissim of Gerona).

(4) Hymns so with a wedding of a daughter of a Talmid Chochom to an Am Haeretz (an ignoraumus) if one says songs it is a seudas mitzva [Mordechai Ch. 4 Pesachim]

(4) A Bar Mitzvah - It happens when a boy becomes 13 years and one day old. Now it is customary to bless when the young man leads prayers or reads Torah on shabbat for the first time, because then it is known publicly that he is bar mitzvah (Lechem Hamudot). Yalkut Hadash says that a person is commanded to make a feast on the day his son becomes a bar mitzvah, like the day he gets married. It is obvious that it happens when a boy enters his 14th year. In Yam Shel Shlomo, chapter 7 of Bava Kamma it says that if the young man gives a dvar torah it is a seudat mitzvah even if it doesn't happen on the day [that he turns 13 and one day].

Rabbi Ḥama bar Ḥanina said: From where is it derived that a groom reclines at the head of the table? As it is stated: “As a bridegroom decks himself [yekhahen] with a garland” (Isaiah 61:10). Just as a priest [kohen] is at the head of the table, so too, a bridegroom is at the head of the table. The Gemara asks: From where do we derive that the priest himself sits at the head? The Gemara answers: As the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: With regard to a priest it says: “You shall sanctify him, for he offers the bread of your God” (Leviticus 21:8), meaning that you are to sanctify him with regard to all matters of sanctity: To be first to begin reading the Torah, to be first to recite the Grace after Meals, and to be first to take a portion during a meal.