קֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה הָיָה אָדָם פּוֹגֵעַ אִשָּׁה בַּשּׁוּק אִם רָצָה הוּא וְהִיא לִשָּׂא אוֹתָהּ מַכְנִיסָהּ לְתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ וּבוֹעֲלָהּ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין עַצְמוֹ וְתִהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה. כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּתְּנָה תּוֹרָה נִצְטַוּוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁאִם יִרְצֶה הָאִישׁ לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה יִקְנֶה אוֹתָהּ תְּחִלָּה בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים וְאַחַר כָּךְ תִּהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כב יג) "כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה וּבָא אֵלֶיהָ":
Before the Torah was given, when a man would meet a woman in the marketplace and he and she decided to marry, he would bring her home, conduct relations in private and thus make her his wife. Once the Torah was given, the Jews were commanded that when a man desires to marry a woman, he must acquire her as a wife in the presence of witnesses. [Only] after this does she become his wife. This is [alluded to in Deuteronomy 22:13]: "When a man takes a wife and has relations with her...."
A student of Rav Shach zt"l was soon to be married, and he asked his revered Rebbi for some succinct marital advice. Rav Shach told him there are three key ingredients for a successful marriage. The student wanted to get a pen and paper and write it all down, but Rav Shach told him, don't worry, that won't be necessary because it's short and simple. The three key ingrediens to marital bliss are a)savlanut, b)savlanut, and c)savlanut.
This is the custom of holy and pure Jewish women and men in their marriages. And these ways will make their marriage pleasant and praiseworthy.
אלהי הרוחת Lord OF THE SPIRITS [OF ALL FLESH] — Why is this expression used? (i.e., why does it not state simply אלהי כל בשר?) He said to Him: “Lord of the Universe! the personality of each person is revealed to you, and no two are alike. Appoint over them a leader who will tolerate each person according to his individual character (Midrash Tanchuma, Pinchas 10; cf. Yalkut Shimoni on Torah 776).
וַיְדַבֵּר משֶׁה אֶל ה', יִפְקֹד ה' וגו' (במדבר כז, טו-טז), הֲלָכָה אִם רָאָה הַרְבֵּה אֻכְלוּסִין שֶׁל בְּנֵי אָדָם אוֹמֵר בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם חֲכַם הָרָזִים, כְּשֵׁם שֶׁאֵין פַּרְצוּפוֹתֵיהֶן דּוֹמִין זֶה לָזֶה, כָּךְ אֵין דַּעְתָּן שָׁוִין זֶה לָזֶה, אֶלָּא כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד יֵשׁ לוֹ דֵעָה בִּפְנֵי עַצְמוֹ, וְכֵן הוּא אוֹמֵר (איוב כח, כה): לַעֲשׂוֹת לָרוּחַ מִשְׁקָל, לָרוּחוֹת שֶׁל כָּל בְּרִיָּה וּבְרִיָּה. תֵּדַע לְךָ שֶׁהוּא כֵּן, שֶׁכֵּן משֶׁה מְבַקֵּשׁ מִן הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בִּשְׁעַת מִיתָה אָמַר לְפָנָיו רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, גָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לְפָנֶיךָ דַּעְתָּן שֶׁל כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד, וְאֵין דַּעְתָּן שֶׁל בָּנֶיךָ דּוֹמִין זֶה לָזֶה, וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי מִסְתַּלֵּק מֵהֶן בְּבַקָּשָׁה מִמְּךָ מַנֵּה עֲלֵיהֶם מַנְהִיג שֶׁיְהֵא סוֹבְלָם לְאֶחָד וְאֶחָד לְפִי דַעְתּוֹ,
“Moses spoke to the Lord, saying” (Numbers 27:15).
“May the Lord, Hashem of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the congregation” (Numbers 27:16).
“Moses spoke to the Lord.… May the Lord…appoint” – halakha: If one sees numerous multitudes of people, he recites: Blessed are You, Lord Hashem, Ruler of the universe, who knows all secrets. Just as their faces are not similar to one another, so their dispositions are not identical to one another, but rather, each has a disposition of his own. Likewise, it says: “To set the calibration of the wind [laruaḥ]” (Job 28:25) – of the spirits of each and every person. Know that it is so, as thus Moses requested from the Holy One blessed be He at the time of death; he said before Him: ‘Master of the universe, the dispositions of each and everyone are revealed and known before You, and the dispositions of Your children are not similar to one another. When I depart, I implore You, appoint a leader over them who will bear each and everyone in accordance with his dispositions,’
or did I myself give birth to it,
that you should say to me,
Carry it in your bosom
as a nursing-parent carries a suckling-child,
to the soil about which you swore to their fathers?