Asking the Dead Forgiveness, and Their Awareness In General
A fundamental concept in Judaism is the belief that the Neshama/Soul, continues to exist even after the body dies .However, we need to address the question; does the Neshama continue to interact with this physical world, even after our passing? We will examine several following statements of Chazal and of the Rishonim as we explore this issue.
The Gemara (Maakos, 5b) quotes the following incident: “Yehuda ben Tabai swore an oath that, if not for the fact that he killed a singular Eid Zomeim, he would not merit to see the final Geulah. Shimon ben Shataḥ, however, tells him this is incorrect, and is not the Halacha, for only if both Eidim are made Zomeim, they will be killed. If only one Eid is made Zomemim, he will not get killed. Yehuda ben Tabai realized he made a grievous error, and killed someone not worthy of death. For the rest of his days he would cry over the deceased’s grave, and ask him for forgiveness . When the people assumed the voice coming from the graveyard was of the deceased, Yehuda ben Tabai reassured them that it was his voice they heard, and, when he would die, they would see that the voice would stop”. Rav Acha asked, “what makes that solid proof? Maybe when Yehuda ben Tabbai died, either he got his revenge now, or he was finally appeased!”.
Now, there are two main points in the above that demonstrate the point of this D’var Torah: 1)that Yehuda ben Tabbai asked the Dead person for forgiveness, and 2)That we entertain the possibility that the person did forgive him.
This is also clearly indicated from the Gemarah Yoma, (87a), where it says that, “If the offended friend dies before he can be appeased, one brings ten people, and stands them at the grave of the insulted friend, and says in front of them: I have sinned against the Lord, the God of Israel, and against so-and-so whom I wounded." -וְאִם מֵת — מֵבִיא עֲשָׂרָה בְּנֵי אָדָם וּמַעֲמִידָן עַל קִבְרוֹ, וְאוֹמֵר: חָטָאתִי לַה׳ אֱלֹהֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלִפְלוֹנִי שֶׁחָבַלְתִּי בּוֹ.
The Mishneh Torah, (Hilchos Teshuvos, 2:11), paskens this as the halacha. The Tur, and later the Shulchan Arukh, (Orach Chayim 606:2) and for Ashkenazic Jews ,the Remah all concur with this.
Besides in granting forgiveness, are the dead aware in other ways?
The Gemara in Berachos (18a),says the answer is yes in some other ways- and sometimes even more than the living. To just give one example, it says that a person went to rest in a graveyard, due to the fact that it was quiet, and to escape the ridicule of his wife. When he was asleep, he heard two spirits speaking to each other about when to plant that year's crop. He decided to follow that advice, and although everyone planted in the other month, his crops were the ones spared from blight. Again, this happened, and he planted in the other month- and again, his were the only ones spared.
To conclude, the following is a direct quote from Sefer Chassidim (452)- “There is a night when the souls come out of their graves, like on the eve of Hoshana Rabba, when they come out and pray. And two people already went and hid themselves in the graveyard and heard that one was calling to her friend: Let us go and pray together! All of the souls came out and prayed and asked for mercy so that death would not be decreed upon the living, and those who will die that they return from their evil ways, and that they die through minor illness, and about every matter of the living and the dead; and about themselves, to quickly remove judgment from upon them and from upon others - and they told their congregation. And when a shroud decays it does not hold back the soul for behold despite the body's decay the soul rests in the bones although it departs from the dead body as is known that (sorcerers) who raise a spirit bring it by means of dust that is absorbed from the dead. It happened that one man didn't see his head's shadow on Hoshana Rabbah's night, so he and his loved ones fasted numerous fasts and gave a lot to tzedakah and lived many years after that as is said "Tzedakah saves from death".