The Four Children At a Time of War

The first known source of the Four Children is from the 3rd century work Mekhilta d'Rabi Yishma'el

Each of the Four Children represents a different response to observing the same phenomenon. Each of them sees the same thing, but, not unlike siblings in the same family growing up to be as diverse as can be, the responses of these Four Children are as different as the four winds from the four corners of the earth.

We Jews are similarly diverse in our responses to the Israel - Hamas war, and our different approaches test the strength of our community belonging. We are human: we see the same thing, and we inevitably react differently, due to differences in experience, education, and situation. How can we understand our different responses, and how can we learn to understand the place from which another comes, when it is different from ours? How can we see through the difference to our common humanity?

The Wise One is the one who asks the nuanced, knowledgeable question: this one has learned the legal terminology, and done the research. This one knows how to ask and can receive an answer that ranges far beyond the scope of the question to embrace context, narrative, and conflicting truths. What constitutes this kind of wisdom?

First: Here is the first ingredient in the Jewish recipe for wisdom: seeing everyone as a potential source of learning.

Second: learning is sometimes a subversive act. The woman went against the rules in order to gain the wisdom she sought.

Third: wisdom is not far from us, it is nearby, near to our nature, within reach. The question we must ask ourselves is whether we are able to hear wisdom's nuances and thoughtfulness; how can we gain the necessary knowledge. Wisdom is not derived from emotional reactivity; understanding is an integration of both feeling and thought, both empathy and deliberate, principled thinking which takes all the evidence into account.

In the Mekhilta's ordering, the second child is the tipesh, the "stupid" or tam, "simple" one.

The simple question is answered simply. For Jewish tradition, the best teaching is one that fits the student; the best answer, one that suits the questioner's capacity.

The simple child is too young, or too unlearned, or too emotional, to be reasoned with, or to be able to hear and process difficult words. It is not a mitzvah to force a narrative, or an answer, upon someone in such a state.

The Third Child

The words of the third child, called "wicked" (rasha) in both the Mekhilta and the Haggadah, are that of the one who by word or act makes the choice to "remove themselves from the community" (hotzi et atzmo min haklal).

What does the wicked son say? (Exodus 12:26) "What is this ritual to you?" "to you" and not to him. Because he disassociated himself from the congregation and denied the foundation (of the faith), you, likewise: "Because of this (the mitzvot) HaShem wrought for me when I went out of Egypt." For me and not for you. Had you been there, you would not have been redeemed. (Mekhilta deRabi Yishma'el Tractate Piskha 18.24)

The response is an echo of this choice: the one who chooses to separate from the community no longer belongs to the community.

We do not speak here of those who criticize the government of Israel, nor those who commit themselves to justice for Palestinians; we do not speak here of those who support a two state solution or a one state solution or any solution at all that seeks justice and peace for both peoples.

No, here we speak of those Jews who close their ears to Israeli Jewish cries and their eyes to Israeli Jewish suffering, imposing a double standard, denying the humanity of innocent Israeli citizens, or denying the legitimacy of the Jewish State of Israel's existence. They separate themselves from their Jewish community by closing their hearts to the humanity of their kin.

So many of us may feel that we are the one who does not know how to ask! For those who are without words, Midrash Tanna'im urges those among us who are able to take the initiative and begin the conversation for us.

How might we, the overwhelmed and unable to ask, act on this erev Pesakh? Where is our mitzvah? Is it not to seek out wisdom? ot for easy answers (for that is not wise) but in order to take a step in the direction of understanding, for with understanding comes compassion.

The Four Children are all of us - sometimes, we are all four in the course of a day. May this erev Pesakh encourage us toward the questions we need to ask and the empathy we need to show toward each other in our Jewish community. It is only through the open-hearted curiosity and caring of questions asked sincerely and respectfully in hope of learning that we will walk the path toward knowledge, and, one day, perhaps, come to know wisdom.