L'Chaim With Limits: You Don't Have to Drink on Purim

(כב) כַּיָּמִ֗ים אֲשֶׁר־נָ֨חוּ בָהֶ֤ם הַיְּהוּדִים֙ מֵאֹ֣יְבֵיהֶ֔ם וְהַחֹ֗דֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר֩ נֶהְפַּ֨ךְ לָהֶ֤ם מִיָּגוֹן֙ לְשִׂמְחָ֔ה וּמֵאֵ֖בֶל לְי֣וֹם ט֑וֹב לַעֲשׂ֣וֹת אוֹתָ֗ם יְמֵי֙ מִשְׁתֶּ֣ה וְשִׂמְחָ֔ה וּמִשְׁלֹ֤חַ מָנוֹת֙ אִ֣ישׁ לְרֵעֵ֔הוּ וּמַתָּנ֖וֹת לָֽאֶבְיֹנִֽים׃

Esther 9:22

(22) As the days on which the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned to them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning to holiday: that they should make them days of feasting/drinking and joy, and of sending choice portions to one another, and gifts to the poor.

מגילה ז׳ ב:ז׳

אָמַר רָבָא: מִיחַיַּיב אִינִישׁ לְבַסּוֹמֵי בְּפוּרַיָּא עַד דְּלָא יָדַע בֵּין אָרוּר הָמָן לְבָרוּךְ מָרְדֳּכַי.

Megillah 7b:7

Rava said: A person is obligated to become intoxicated with wine on Purim until he is so intoxicated that he does not know how to distinguish between cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordechai.

מגילה ז׳ ב:ח׳

רַבָּה וְרַבִּי זֵירָא עֲבַדוּ סְעוּדַת פּוּרִים בַּהֲדֵי הֲדָדֵי. אִיבַּסּוּם. קָם רַבָּה שַׁחְטֵיהּ לְרַבִּי זֵירָא. לְמָחָר, בָּעֵי רַחֲמֵי וְאַחֲיֵיהּ. לְשָׁנָה, אֲמַר לֵיהּ: נֵיתֵי מָר וְנַעֲבֵיד סְעוּדַת פּוּרִים בַּהֲדֵי הֲדָדֵי. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לָא בְּכֹל שַׁעְתָּא וְשַׁעְתָּא מִתְרְחִישׁ נִיסָּא.

Megillah 7b:8

The Gemara relates that Rabba and Rabbi Zeira prepared a Purim feast with each other, and they became intoxicated to the point that Rabba arose and slaughtered Rabbi Zeira. The next day, when he became sober and realized what he had done, Rabba asked God for mercy, and revived him. The next year, Rabba said to Rabbi Zeira: Let the Master come and let us prepare the Purim feast with each other. He said to him: Miracles do not happen each and every hour, and I do not want to undergo that experience again.

ר"ן על מגילה ג׳ ב

(יד) מיחייב אינש לבסומי בפוריא עד דלא ידע בין ברוך מרדכי לארור המן. דאמרינן בגמ' דמיחייב למימר ברוך מרדכי ארור המן ברוכה אסתר ארורה זרש [גם] חרבונה זכור לטוב ומיחייב לבסומי עד דלא ידע מאי קאמר וכתב רבינו אפרים ז"ל מההוא עובדא דקם רבה ושחטיה לר' זירא כדאי' בגמ' אידחי ליה מימרא דרבא ולא שפיר דמי למעבד הכי:

Ran on Megillah 3b

(14) A person is chayav to get drunk on Purim עד דלא ידע בין ברוך מרדכי לארור המן. Rabbeinu Efraim z''l writes: From the contradictory story about how Rabba got up and killed R' Zeira, as there is in the Gemara, the Gemara is being docheh the memrah of Rabba, and the halacha is not like him, and it is not good to do this (and get drunk).

ראבי׳׳א, מגילה ז:

ונ׳׳ל דזהו למצוה בעלמא ולא לעיכובא.

Ravya, Megillah daf 7b

And it seems to me that it is not a mandatory mitzvah.

ביאור הלכה, םטה

עד דלא ידע וכו'. ... אין אנו מצוין להשתכר ולהפחית עצמינו מתוך השמחה שלא נצטוינו על שמחה של הוללות ושל שטות, אלא בשמחה של תענוג שיגיע מתוכה לאהבת השם יתברך והודאה על הנסים שעשה לנו.

Be'ur Halacha, 695

"He will not be aware [of the difference]." We should not become drunk and demean ourselves by rejoicing. We are not commanded to rejoice for the sake of debauchery and stupidity, rather we should rejoice with a delight that leads us to love G-d and acknowledge the miracles wrought for us.

HaRav Yosef Tzvi Rimon, in his sefer on Purim, explains that people must take great care to act according to the ways of Hashem, and to do this it is best to drink a very small amount or even none at all. He further explains that genetically, women have a lower tolerance for alcohol than men, and for this reason they must take even more caution than men.

Rav Wosner (Sheilos U'Tshuvos Shevet Halevi 10 18:2) says it's pashut that women are not associated with the mitzvah at all since we find that Chazal were makpid not to give large amounts of wine to women, as seen in Ketuvos 65a:7, which warns that too much wine can cause people to behave in an inappropriate way. Therefore, he rules that women shouldn't drink based on the source in the Gemara.
Similarly, R' Elyashiv paskens like this in Toras HaMoadim Seif Katan Chaf Vav.

Rabbi Sacks, "The Therapeutic Joy of Purim"
"The Jewish response to trauma is counterintuitive and extraordinary. You defeat fear by joy. You conquer terror by collective celebration. You prepare a festive meal, invite guests, give gifts to friends... Precisely because the threat was so serious, you refuse to be serious – and in that refusal you are doing something very serious indeed. You are denying your enemies a victory. You are declaring that you will not be intimidated. As the date of the scheduled destruction approaches, you surround yourself with the single most effective antidote to fear: joy in life itself."

Stuart Halpern, The Joy of Purim - Alcohol Not Included: The holiday’s delights aren’t only found at the bottom of a bottle
"Sure, drinking will make an appearance at the feasts, but the ethos is less bartending than brotherhood."

The Slonimer Rebbe, in the Nesivos Shalom (Purim, נז), says that Purim allows us to reach the inner foundation even without drinking wine. He points out even further that when Rava said a person must become בפוריא, fragrant, with wine, we may infer that a person can just be perfumed by the power of Purim itself—even without wine one can get close to Hashem.