The Amen Effect -- chapter 2: PLEASE, HOLD ON (Copy)

(21) Then Adonai said to Moses, “Hold out your arm toward the sky that there may be darkness upon the land of Egypt, a darkness that can be touched.” (22) Moses held out his arm toward the sky and thick darkness descended upon all the land of Egypt for three days. (23) People could not see one another, and for three days no one could move about; but all the Israelites enjoyed light in their dwellings.

A darkness that can be touched: Now the meaning of ve-yamesh hoshekh is that the Egyptians would actually be able to feel the darkness with their hands; the darkness would be so thick that neither a candle nor a fire could give off light. People could not see one another (v. 23) neither by daylight nor by candlelight.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the adam to be alone; I will make a fitting counterpart for them [ezer k'negdo].”

And God created adam in God's own image, in the image of God, God created adam; male and female God created them.

It is not good for the adam to be alone: this was not a new idea that God had; God had planned for it all the time. Not wanting to impose a partner on Adam, God gave him a chance to name the animals and to find that all of them had suitable mates, something that Adam now felt he lacked. God therefore responded to a wish of Adam that he had not even yet voiced. If the mate was provided in response to his longing he would appreciate the partnership even more.

It is not good for the adam to be alone: Clearly it had not been God’s intention already at the time God created Adam that he should remain single, seeing that all other creatures were created in pairs, male and female. Even trees and herbs contain seed to enable them to “mate” and to reproduce their kind. However, it is possible to argue that Adam was created with two faces and that between them (within a single body) they possessed everything they needed to reproduce... But God saw that it would be better that they should stand independently, facing one another, so that they could see one another having the choice to separate from or closely associate with one another in accordance with their wishes. This is the meaning of the words ezer k'negdo.

Ezer k'negdo: a helpmate - who will be an equal, also reflecting the divine image and form. This is vital so a person can identify what they need, and get their needs met promptly. The reason the Torah adds the word כנגדו is that whenever one confronts someone of equal power, moral and ethical weight, such a confrontation is termed נגד. The playing field is even...

The Sages taught: On the day that Adam the first person was created, when the sun began to set upon him, he said: "Woe is me, since because I sinned, the world is becoming dark around me, and the world will return to the primordial state of chaos and disorder. This must be the death that was sentenced upon me from Heaven!" He spent all night fasting and crying, and Eve came and cried right across from him.

It was only once dawn broke that he realized: Evidently, the sun sets and night arrives, and this is the way of the world.

He arose and sacrificed a bull whose horns preceded its hoofs in the order that they were created, as it is stated: “And it shall please the Lord better than a bullock that has horns and hoofs” (Psalms 69:32). This verse is referring to the one particular bull whose horns preceded its hoofs.

Next day, Moses sat as magistrate among the people, while the people stood about Moses from morning until evening. But when Moses’ father-in-law saw how much he had to do for the people, he said, “What is this thing that you are doing to the people? Why do you act alone, while all the people stand about you from morning until evening?” Moses replied to his father-in-law, “It is because the people come to me to inquire of God. When they have a dispute, it comes before me, and I decide between one party and another, and I make known the laws and teachings of God.” But Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing you are doing is not right; you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone.

You cannot do it alone: you cannot all by yourself listen to the problems of all the leaders and subsequently to all the problems of the individuals who feel they need your personal attention, believing that no one but you can deal with their specific problems.

Though I walk through a valley of deepest darkness,
I fear no harm, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me.

(9) Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. (10) For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls, and there isn't another to lift him up.

Joshua ben Perahiah and Nittai the Arbelite received [the oral tradition] from them. Joshua ben Perahiah used to say: appoint for yourself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a companion and judge all people with the scale weighted in their favor.

And he said, "acquire for yourself a friend". He said it with an expression of acquisition and he did not say, "Make for yourself a friend," or "Befriend others." The intention of this is that a person must acquire a friend for herself, so that all of her deeds and actions will be refined through this friend, as they said (Taanit 23a), "Either a friend or death."

And if she does not find this friend, she must make efforts for it with all her heart, and even if she must lead another to this friendship, until the person becomes a real friend. And [then] she must never let off from following [her friend's] will, until his friendship is firmed up. [It is] as the masters of ethics say, "When you love, do not love according to your traits; but rather love according to the trait of your friend."

And when each of the friends has the intention to fulfill the will of the other, the intention of both of them will be one without a doubt. And how good is the statement of Aristotle, "The friend is one."

And there are three types of loving relationships: a mutually beneficial relationship, a relationship of mutual ease and a relationship of higher purpose.

Indeed, a mutually beneficial relationship is like the friendship of two [business] partners and the friendship of a king and his subjects;

whereas there are two types of relationship of mutual ease: the relationship of joy and the relationship of security.

Indeed, the relationship of joy is like the friendship of intimate partners and similar to it; whereas the relationship of security is when a person has a friend to whom he can confide his soul. He will not keep anything from him - not in action and not in speech. He'll share all of his affairs-- the good ones and the disgraceful-- without fearing that he'll suffer any loss as a result, not from him or from anyone else. As when a person has such a level of trust in another, he finds great comfort in his words and in his abiding love.

And a relationship of higher purpose is when the desire of both of them and their intention is for one thing, and that is the greater good. And each one wants to be helped by the other in reaching this good for both of them together. And this is the kind of love a person is commanded to acquire; and it is like the love of the teacher for the student and of the student for the teacher.