Timeline of Mourning
Shiva- first 7 days of mourning
Shloshim- first 30 days of mourning
Unveiling/Yartzit- first year
Yartzit- every death anniversary
Rituals for mourning
Yartzit candle- lit on death anniversary or when someone dies in the first week
Kriah- Tearing of clothing over the chest when hearing of death or at the funeral
Tz'rot- Stone put on a gravesite
Lament- to cry out in grief or wail
Psalms- Read when experiencing grief or loss
Mourners Kaddish- recited daily in the first year of mourning
Baruch Dayan Emet- Blessed be the judge of truth. Said when hearing about a death.
(ב) וַתָּ֣מָת שָׂרָ֗ה בְּקִרְיַ֥ת אַרְבַּ֛ע הִ֥וא חֶבְר֖וֹן בְּאֶ֣רֶץ כְּנָ֑עַן וַיָּבֹא֙ אַבְרָהָ֔ם לִסְפֹּ֥ד לְשָׂרָ֖ה וְלִבְכֹּתָֽהּ׃
(2) And Sarah died in Kiriatharba—the same is Hebron—in the land of Canaan; and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her.
Sitting Shiva
(י) וַיָּבֹ֜אוּ עַד־גֹּ֣רֶן הָאָטָ֗ד אֲשֶׁר֙ בְּעֵ֣בֶר הַיַּרְדֵּ֔ן וַיִּ֨סְפְּדוּ־שָׁ֔ם מִסְפֵּ֛ד גָּד֥וֹל וְכָבֵ֖ד מְאֹ֑ד וַיַּ֧עַשׂ לְאָבִ֛יו אֵ֖בֶל שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִֽים׃
(10) And they came to the threshing-floor of Atad, which is beyond the Jordan, and there they wailed with a very great and sore wailing; and he made a mourning for his father seven days.
(יג) וַיֵּֽשְׁב֤וּ אִתּוֹ֙ לָאָ֔רֶץ שִׁבְעַ֥ת יָמִ֖ים וְשִׁבְעַ֣ת לֵיל֑וֹת וְאֵין־דֹּבֵ֤ר אֵלָיו֙ דָּבָ֔ר כִּ֣י רָא֔וּ כִּי־גָדַ֥ל הַכְּאֵ֖ב מְאֹֽד׃
(13) They sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights. None spoke a word to him for they saw how very great was his suffering.
הָאָבֵל מֵסֵב בָּרֹאשׁ. וְאֵין הַמְנַחֲמִין רַשָּׁאִין לֵישֵׁב אֶלָּא עַל גַּבֵּי קַרְקַע. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (איוב ב יג) "וַיֵּשְׁבוּ אִתּוֹ לָאָרֶץ". וְאֵין רַשָּׁאִין לוֹמַר דָּבָר עַד שֶׁיִּפְתַּח הָאָבֵל אֶת פִּיו תְּחִלָּה. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (איוב ב יג) "וְאֵין דֹּבֵר אֵלָיו דָּבָר" וּכְתִיב (איוב ג א) "אַחֲרֵי כֵן פָּתַח אִיּוֹב אֶת פִּיהוּ" וְגוֹ' (איוב ד א) "וַיַּעַן אֱלִיפַז". וְכֵיוָן שֶׁנִּעְנֵעַ בְּרֹאשׁוֹ שׁוּב אֵין הַמְנַחֲמִין רַשָּׁאִין לֵישֵׁב אֶצְלוֹ. שֶׁלֹּא יַטְרִיחוּהוּ יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי:
The mourner sits at the head of the company. The comforters are permitted to sit only on the ground, as Job 2:13 states: "And they sat with him on the ground." They are not permitted to say anything until the mourner opens his mouth first, as it is written (ibid.): "And no one spoke anything to him." And it states (ibid. 3:1, 4:1): "And then Job held forth.... And Eliphaz responded."Once the mourner shakes his head, the comforters are no longer permitted to sit with him, so that they do not trouble him overly so.
Kriah- Tearing of clothing
(לד) וַיִּקְרַ֤ע יַעֲקֹב֙ שִׂמְלֹתָ֔יו וַיָּ֥שֶׂם שַׂ֖ק בְּמָתְנָ֑יו וַיִּתְאַבֵּ֥ל עַל־בְּנ֖וֹ יָמִ֥ים רַבִּֽים׃
(34) And Jacob rent his garments, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
Kriah is done on an article of clothing worn on or near the heart, such as a jacket, sweater, vest, shirt, blouse, bodice, or, minimally, a necktie or neck scarf. Rabbinic sources describe this as m’galeh et libo, revealing the heart. The tearing of a garment near the heart symbolizes the emotions felt in the heart at this time. The tear is made on the left side for parents and the right side for other relatives.
The Talmud states that the tear has to be done b’shaat himum, literally at a time of great emotional turmoil or pain.
-MJL
Stones at burial sites
Shloshim - 30 days of mourning
(כט) וַיִּרְאוּ כָּל הָעֵדָה כִּי גָוַע אַהֲרֹן וַיִּבְכּוּ אֶת אַהֲרֹן שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם כֹּל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל.
(29) And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they wept for Aaron thirty days, even all the house of Israel.
In the first 30 days of mourning we are not to get haircuts or wear any new clothing. We are to be away from transformation moments to be with our grief in the current moment as that is our focus of transformation.
(א) אבל אסור בכל מיני שמחה. ובו ג' סעיפים:אבל אסור בשמחה לפיכך לא יקח תינוק בחיקו כל שבעה שמא יבא לידי שחוק:
(1) A mourner is forbidden joyous entertainment. Therefore, he should not take an infant in his arms, lest he be amused [thereby].