What gets in the way of us taking care of ourselves (as individuals) in the ways we need to?
(כז) וַיִּבְרָ֨א אֱלֹקִ֤ים ׀ אֶת־הָֽאָדָם֙ בְּצַלְמ֔וֹ בְּצֶ֥לֶם אֱלֹקִ֖ים בָּרָ֣א אֹת֑וֹ זָכָ֥ר וּנְקֵבָ֖ה בָּרָ֥א אֹתָֽם׃
(27) And God created humankind in the divine image, creating it in the image of God...
(18) You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against members of your people. Love your fellow as yourself: I am God.
(5) You shall keep My laws and My rules, by the pursuit of which human beings shall live: I am God.
רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן מְנַסְיָא אוֹמֵר: ״וְשָׁמְרוּ בְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶת הַשַּׁבָּת״, אָמְרָה תּוֹרָה: חַלֵּל עָלָיו שַׁבָּת אַחַת כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּשְׁמוֹר שַׁבָּתוֹת הַרְבֵּה. אָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר שְׁמוּאֵל: אִי הֲוַאי הָתָם, הֲוָה אָמֵינָא דִּידִי עֲדִיפָא מִדִּידְהוּ: ״וְחַי בָּהֶם״ — וְלֹא שֶׁיָּמוּת בָּהֶם.
As it states: “You shall keep My statutes and My ordinances, which a person shall do and live by them” (Leviticus 18:5), and not that one should die by them. In all circumstances, one must take care not to die as a result of fulfilling the mitzvot.
(ט) רַ֡ק הִשָּׁ֣מֶר לְךָ֩ וּשְׁמֹ֨ר נַפְשְׁךָ֜ מְאֹ֗ד...
But take utmost care and guard yourselves scrupulously [lit. "But guard your self and guard your nefesh soul diligently"]
(טו) וְנִשְׁמַרְתֶּ֥ם מְאֹ֖ד לְנַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶ֑ם כִּ֣י לֹ֤א רְאִיתֶם֙ כָּל־תְּמוּנָ֔ה בְּי֗וֹם דִּבֶּ֨ר ה' אֲלֵיכֶ֛ם בְּחֹרֵ֖ב מִתּ֥וֹךְ הָאֵֽשׁ׃
(15) And you shall watch yourselves very well, for you did not see any image on the day that the Lord spoke to you at Horeb from the midst of the fire.
לבוש יורה דעה סימן קט"ז
שיש במשמעות אלו הלשונות שצריך האדם לשמור את נפשו שלא יביא את עצמו לידי סכנה, אף על גב שפשוטן של אלו הכתובים לא מיירי בזה (עוסק בזה), מכל מקום סמכו חז"ל על מקראות הללו ואסרו כל הדברים המביאין את האדם לידי סכנה.
Levush, Yoreh Deah, Siman 116
The implication of these verses is that a person needs to guard himself, that one doesn't bring themself to any type of danger. Even though the simple reading of the text may not mean this, nevertheless our sages used these verses as a support to forbid a person anything that brings one to any danger.
הוֹאִיל וֶהֱיוֹת הַגּוּף בָּרִיא וְשָׁלֵם מִדַּרְכֵי הַשֵּׁם הוּא. שֶׁהֲרֵי אִי אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁיָּבִין אוֹ יֵדַע דָּבָר מִידִיעַת הַבּוֹרֵא וְהוּא חוֹלֶה. לְפִיכָךְ צָרִיךְ לְהַרְחִיק אָדָם עַצְמוֹ מִדְּבָרִים הַמְאַבְּדִין אֶת הַגּוּף. וּלְהַנְהִיג עַצְמוֹ בִּדְבָרִים הַמַּבְרִין וְהַמַּחֲלִימִים. וְאֵלּוּ הֵן: לְעוֹלָם לֹא יֹאכַל אָדָם אֶלָּא כְּשֶׁהוּא רָעֵב. וְלֹא יִשְׁתֶּה אֶלָּא כְּשֶׁהוּא צָמֵא. וְאַל יַשְׁהֵא נְקָבָיו אֲפִלּוּ רֶגַע אֶחָד. אֶלָּא כָּל זְמַן שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לְהַשְׁתִּין אוֹ לְהָסֵךְ אֶת רַגְלָיו יַעֲמֹד מִיָּד:
Seeing that the maintenance of the body in a healthy and sound condition is a God-chosen way, for it is impossible that one should understand or know nothing of the divine knowledge concerning the Creator when one is sick. It is necessary for a people to distance themselves from things which destroy the body, and accustom themselves in things which are healthful and life-imparting. These are: never shall a person partake food save when hungry, nor drink save when thirsty; they shall not defer elimination even one minute, but the moment they feel the need to evacuate urine or feces they must rise immediately.
מסכתות קטנות מסכת אבות דרבי נתן נוסחא ב פרק ל
וכל מעשיך יהיו לשם שמים כהלל.
כשהיה הלל יוצא למקום היו אומרים לו להיכן אתה הולך?
לעשות מצוה אני הולך.
מה מצוה הלל?
לבית הכסא אני הולך.
וכי מצוה היא זו?
אמר להן הן. בשביל שלא יתקלקל הגוף.
איכן אתה הולך הלל?
לעשות מצוה אני הולך
מה מצוה הלל?
לבית המרחץ אני הולך.
וכי מצוה היא זו?
אמר להן הן. בשביל לנקות את הגוף. תדע לך שהוא כן מה אם אוקיינות העומדות בפלטיות של מלכים הממונה עליהם להיות שפן וממרקן המלכות מעלה לו סלירא בכל שנה ושנה ולא עוד אלא שהוא מתגדל עם גדולי המלכות. אנו שנבראנו בצלם ודמות שנאמר כי בצלם אלקים עשה את האדם (בראשית ט' ו') על אחת כמה וכמה.
שמאי לא היה אומר כך אלא יעשה חובותינו עם הגוף הזה:
Avot d’Rabbi Natan, Version b, Chapter 30
“And all your deeds should be for the sake of heaven, as did Hillel” (Avot 2:12).
When Hillel was leaving to go somewhere they asked him, “Where are you going?”
“I am going to do a mitsvah”
“What mitsvah Hillel?”
“I am going to the toilet!”
“And is that a mitsvah?”
He said to them, “Certainly, so that one’s body should not be damaged”
***
“Where are you going?”
“I am going to do a mitsvah”
“What mitsvah Hillel?”
“I am going to the bath-house!”
“And is that a mitsvah?”
He said to them, “Certainly, in order to clean one’s body. And you should know that this is so, for in the palaces a person is paid a yearly salary to scrub and wash the icons there, and furthermore that person is esteemed amongst the dignitaries of the nation, regarding us humans then who are created in the image and likeness (of God) as is said, “For in the image of God, God made humanity” (Genesis 9:6) all the more so."
***
Shammai did not say thus, but rather, “Let a person perform their duties with this body.”
(ה) שמא תאמר הרי מצינו שחייבו חכמים בכל מקום שישמור האדם את עצמו שמירה מעולה ולא ישים עצמו בסכנה אפילו הוא צדיק ובעל מעשים, ואמרו (כתובות ל): הכל בידי שמים חוץ מצינים פחים, ומקרא כתוב (דברים ד): ונשמרתם מאד לנפשותיכם, הרי שאין להחליט הבטחון הזה על כל פנים. והתם אמרו, ואפילו לדבר מצוה.
(5) If you will point to the fact that the Sages in all places have ordered that a person be especially attentive to their well-being and not put themselves in danger even if they are righteous and a doer of good deeds, that they have said (Ketubot 30a), "All is in the hands of Heaven except chills and fever," and that the Torah states (Deuteronomy 4:15), "Be very watchful of your selves" - all of which indicates that a person is not to extend trust in God to this area, even (as our Sages state further) when a mitzvah is to be performed.
(ח)... רבי ישמעאל ברבי נחמן, בשם רבי נתן אמר: תשעים ותשעה בשרב ואחד בידי שמים. רבנן אמרין: תשעים ותשעה בפשיעה ואחד בידי שמים:
(8)... Rabbi Samuel Nahman said in the name of Rabbi Natan: ninety-nine die of heat to one by the hand of heaven. The Rabbis said: ninety-nine die through [their own] neglect to one by the hand of heaven.
Look in the mirror. Look at the face that looks back at you. What do you see?
Do you see a person
— who needs sleep?
— who needs to see a doctor?
— who drinks too much?
— who eats unhealthfully?
— who is too tired to know what she needs?
— who is depressed?
— who needs regular exercise and doesn’t get it?
— who hasn’t laughed in HOW long?
— who is secretly struggling with something he hopes no one else will notice?
— who needs help and won’t ask for it?
— who has been offered help but refuses to accept it?
— who is lonely?
— who is frightened about something?
— who hasn’t had a day off in HOW long?
Modern secular culture encourages us not to take care of ourselves. We see advertisements for unhealthy foods, for “fun” gambling, for TV shows that are on late at night. We get caught up in the push for certain kinds of success. With our families scattered all over the country or the world, care for children or elders often falls on one or two family members, who get no help or relief. We avoid admitting to depression, mental illness, disabilities, because of the stigma they carry. We avoid asking for help because that would involve admitting that we need it.
These are sins against ourselves. When we fail to get enough sleep, good food, and enough exercise, we forget that our bodies are limited, that we are setting ourselves up for illness. When we fail to ask for or accept help, not only do we hurt ourselves, but we keep others from having the opportunity to do a mitzvah.
Ask: What could I change in my life so that I could get enough sleep? Help taking care of my aged parents? Help doing whatever it is I need to do to take care of myself?
Then make a plan. Do it.
If the answer to that question is, “Nothing,” or “I don’t know” then make an appointment to talk with someone who can help you find options: a rabbi, a therapist, a counselor, a friend. Admit how hard it’s all gotten to someone who won’t tell on you. Ask them to help you find some ways to lighten the burden. Those ways exist, whether you can see them or not.
Make the call. Do it.
For sins against God, the Day of Atonement atones, but for sins against human beings the Day of Atonement does not atone: those include the sins against ourselves.
Someone is waiting for you, and for me, in the mirror.
Areas of repairing one's relationship with oneself include:
-Physical self-care
-Mental and emotional health and self-care
-Compassion and gentleness to oneself (as opposed to excessive self-flagellation)
-Working on one's middot (character traits)
-Being true to your own self--your needs, your aspirations, your sense of self
1. What are five important ways you have not cared for yourself as you should have this last year? List them.
Then, choose one to focus on.
2. What has gotten in the way of your taking care of yourself in this particular way? List the obstacles (aka "excuses"?).
3. What would be the steps to do this? Lay them out in some detail.
4. What support do you need to stick to your commitment to care for yourself in this way?
5. When are you starting?