Who is with us in our suffering?

This source sheet was created based on teachings and source sheets from Rabbi Jenna Shaw, Rabbi Gil Steinlauf, and Rabbi Daniel Klein.

"Life bets that we won't be willing to ensure the suffering it requires. Life bets that we will try to shut out the suffering, and in doing so shut out life in the bargain. Tisha B'Av sidles up to us, whispering conspiratorially with a racing form over its mouth. Tisha B'Av has a hot tip for us: Take the suffering. Take the loss. Turn toward it. Embrace it. Let the Walls come down." - Rabbi Alan Lew, This is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared

Opening Questions:
1) What is your relationship with Tisha B'Av? What memories or experiences do you associate with this day of mourning?
2) How do you react to Rabbi Alan Lew's suggestion that Tisha B'Av asks us to "turn toward suffering"? What do you think suffering can teach us? What can't it teach?
3) Where have you experienced God in moments of suffering?
4) What is God's role in the destruction of the Temple? What is God's role when we are suffering?

מכות כ״ד ב:ב׳-ד׳

שוב פעם אחת היו עולין לירושלים כיון שהגיעו להר הצופים קרעו בגדיהם כיון שהגיעו להר הבית ראו שועל שיצא מבית קדשי הקדשים התחילו הן בוכין ור"ע מצחק אמרו לו מפני מה אתה מצחק אמר להם מפני מה אתם בוכים אמרו לו מקום שכתוב בו (במדבר א, נא) והזר הקרב יומת ועכשיו שועלים הלכו בו ולא נבכה אמר להן לכך אני מצחק דכתיב (ישעיהו ח, ב) ואעידה לי עדים נאמנים את אוריה הכהן ואת זכריה בן יברכיהו וכי מה ענין אוריה אצל זכריה אוריה במקדש ראשון וזכריה במקדש שני אלא תלה הכתוב נבואתו של זכריה בנבואתו של אוריה באוריה כתיב (מיכה ג, יב) לכן בגללכם ציון שדה תחרש [וגו'] בזכריה כתיב (זכריה ח, ד) עוד ישבו זקנים וזקנות ברחובות ירושלם עד שלא נתקיימה נבואתו של אוריה הייתי מתיירא שלא תתקיים נבואתו של זכריה עכשיו שנתקיימה נבואתו של אוריה בידוע שנבואתו של זכריה מתקיימת בלשון הזה אמרו לו עקיבא ניחמתנו עקיבא ניחמתנו:

Makkot 24b:2-4

The Gemara relates another incident involving those Sages. On another occasion they were ascending to Jerusalem after the destruction of the Temple. When they arrived at Mount Scopus and saw the site of the Temple, they rent their garments in mourning, in keeping with halakhic practice. When they arrived at the Temple Mount, they saw a fox that emerged from the site of the Holy of Holies. They began weeping, and Rabbi Akiva was laughing. They said to him: For what reason are you laughing? Rabbi Akiva said to them: For what reason are you weeping? They said to him: This is the place concerning which it is written: “And the non-priest who approaches shall die” (Numbers 1:51), and now foxes walk in it; and shall we not weep? Rabbi Akiva said to them: That is why I am laughing, as it is written, when God revealed the future to the prophet Isaiah: “And I will take to Me faithful witnesses to attest: Uriah the priest, and Zechariah the son of Jeberechiah” (Isaiah 8:2). Now what is the connection between Uriah and Zechariah? He clarifies the difficulty: Uriah prophesied during the First Temple period, and Zechariah prophesied during the Second Temple period, as he was among those who returned to Zion from Babylonia. Rather, the verse established that fulfillment of the prophecy of Zechariah is dependent on fulfillment of the prophecy of Uriah. In the prophecy of Uriah it is written: “Therefore, for your sake Zion shall be plowed as a field, and Jerusalem shall become rubble, and the Temple Mount as the high places of a forest” (Micah 3:12), where foxes are found. There is a rabbinic tradition that this was prophesied by Uriah. In the prophecy of Zechariah it is written: “There shall yet be elderly men and elderly women sitting in the streets of Jerusalem” (Zechariah 8:4). Until the prophecy of Uriah with regard to the destruction of the city was fulfilled I was afraid that the prophecy of Zechariah would not be fulfilled, as the two prophecies are linked. Now that the prophecy of Uriah was fulfilled, it is evident that the prophecy of Zechariah remains valid. The Gemara adds: The Sages said to him, employing this formulation: Akiva, you have comforted us; Akiva, you have comforted us.

Discussion Questions:
1) Except for Rabbi Akiva, how do the rabbis react to witnessing the destruction of the Temple?
2) Knowing Rabbi Akiva is a well respected, leader of the community - what do you make of his reaction to the destruction of the Temple? Do you think it was an appropriate or an inappropriate reaction to grief?
3) What do you think the rabbis found comforting about Rabbi Akiva's explanation? Would you have found it comforting?
4) Do you see God in this text? Why or why not?

ברכות נ״ט א:ד׳

וְעַל הַזְּוָעוֹת. מַאי זְוָעוֹת? אָמַר רַב קַטִּינָא: גּוּהָא. רַב קַטִּינָא הֲוָה קָאָזֵיל בְּאוֹרְחָא. כִּי מְטָא אַפִּתְחָא דְּבֵי אוֹבָא טַמְיָא גְּנַח גּוּהָא. אָמַר: מִי יָדַע אוֹבָא טַמְיָא הַאי גּוּהָא מַהוּ? רְמָא לֵיהּ קָלָא: קַטִּינָא קַטִּינָא, אַמַּאי לָא יָדַעְנָא? בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא זוֹכֵר אֶת בָּנָיו שֶׁשְּׁרוּיִים בְּצַעַר בֵּין אוּמּוֹת הָעוֹלָם מוֹרִיד שְׁתֵּי דְמָעוֹת לַיָּם הַגָּדוֹל, וְקוֹלוֹ נִשְׁמָע מִסּוֹף הָעוֹלָם וְעַד סוֹפוֹ, וְהַיְינוּ גּוּהָא.

Berakhot 59a:4

And we learned in the mishna that over zeva’ot one recites the blessing: Whose strength and power fill the world. The Gemara asks: What are zeva’ot? Rav Ketina said: An earthquake. The Gemara relates: Rav Ketina was once walking along the road when he came to the entrance of the house of a necromancer and an earthquake rumbled. He said: Does this necromancer know what is this earthquake? The necromancer raised his voice and said: Ketina, Ketina, why would I not know? Certainly this earthquake occurred because when the Holy One, Blessed be He, remembers His children who are suffering among the nations of the world, He sheds two tears into the great sea. The sound of their reverberation is heard from one end of the earth to the other. And that is an earthquake.

Discussion Questions
1) What is the source of suffering in this text?
2) Where is God in this text? What emotional reaction do you have to the idea that God "cries"? Do you find the presence of God comforting or helpful in this text?
3) Where is community in this text? Do you find community comforting or helpful in understanding suffering in this text?

חגיגה ה׳ ב:ט״ו

תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן, שְׁלֹשָׁה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בּוֹכֶה עֲלֵיהֶן בְּכׇל יוֹם: עַל שֶׁאֶפְשָׁר לַעֲסוֹק בַּתּוֹרָה וְאֵינוֹ עוֹסֵק, וְעַל שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לַעֲסוֹק בְּתוֹרָה וְעוֹסֵק, וְעַל פַּרְנָס הַמִּתְגָּאֶה עַל הַצִּבּוּר.

Chagigah 5b:15

The Sages taught that there are three types of people for whom the Holy One, Blessed be He, cries every day: For one who is able to engage in Torah study and does not engage in it; and for one who is unable to engage in Torah study and nevertheless he endeavors and engages in it; and for a leader who lords over the community.

Discussion Questions:
1) Who are the three types of people that "God cries for every day"? Why do you think God weeps for these three types of people everyday?
2) Do you fit into any of these categories? How does it feel to think about God weeping for you everyday? How does it feel if you do not see yourself in any of these categories?
3) How does the image of God in this text compare to the previous one? Is one more comforting to you? Does one feel more helpful in the context of suffering?
4) Where is community in this text? Does community bring any support to the suffering in this text?

משנה מדות ב׳:ב׳

(ב) כָּל הַנִּכְנָסִין לְהַר הַבַּיִת נִכְנָסִין דֶּרֶךְ יָמִין וּמַקִּיפִין וְיוֹצְאִין דֶּרֶךְ שְׂמֹאל, חוּץ מִמִּי שֶׁאֵרְעוֹ דָבָר, שֶׁהוּא מַקִּיף לִשְׂמֹאל. מַה לְּךָ מַקִּיף לִשְׂמֹאל, שֶׁאֲנִי אָבֵל, הַשּׁוֹכֵן בַּבַּיִת הַזֶּה יְנַחֲמֶךָּ. שֶׁאֲנִי מְנֻדֶּה, הַשּׁוֹכֵן בַּבַּיִת הַזֶּה יִתֵּן בְּלִבָּם וִיקָרְבוּךָ, דִּבְרֵי רַבִּי מֵאִיר. אָמַר לוֹ רַבִּי יוֹסֵי, עֲשִׂיתָן כְּאִלּוּ עָבְרוּ עָלָיו אֶת הַדִּין. אֶלָּא, הַשּׁוֹכֵן בַּבַּיִת הַזֶּה יִתֵּן בְּלִבְּךָ וְתִשְׁמַע לְדִבְרֵי חֲבֵרֶיךָ וִיקָרְבוּךָ:

Mishnah Middot 2:2

(2) All who entered the Temple Mount entered by the right and went round [to the right] and went out by the left, save for one to whom something had happened, who entered and went round to the left. [He was asked]: “Why do you go round to the left?” [If he answered] “Because I am a mourner,” [they said to him], “May He who dwells in this house comfort you.” [If he answered] “Because I am excommunicated” [they said]: “May He who dwells in this house inspire them to draw you near again,” the words of Rabbi Meir. Rabbi Yose to him: you make it seem as if they treated him unjustly. Rather [they should say]: “May He who dwells in this house inspire you to listen to the words of your colleagues so that they may draw you near again.”

Discussion Questions:
1) Where is God in this text? Where is community in this text?
2) What in this ritual would feel comforting to you? What would feel hard or challenging?
3) Thinking about to Rabbi Alan Lew's charge to lean into the "walls coming down" - How might this ritual help you lean into suffering? How might it help you as an individual grieve? How might it help a community grieve and grow?