(א) הָאִשָּׁה נִקְנֵית בְּשָׁלשׁ דְּרָכִים, וְקוֹנָה אֶת עַצְמָהּ בִּשְׁתֵּי דְרָכִים. נִקְנֵית בְּכֶסֶף, בִּשְׁטָר, וּבְבִיאָה. בְּכֶסֶף, בֵּית שַׁמַּאי אוֹמְרִים, בְּדִינָר וּבְשָׁוֶה דִינָר. וּבֵית הִלֵּל אוֹמְרִים, בִּפְרוּטָה וּבְשָׁוֶה פְרוּטָה.
(1) A woman is acquired by, i.e., becomes betrothed to, a man to be his wife in three ways, and she acquires herself, i.e., she terminates her marriage, in two ways. The mishna elaborates: She is acquired through money, through a document, and through sexual intercourse. With regard to a betrothal through money, there is a dispute between tanna’im: Beit Shammai say that she can be acquired with one dinar or with anything that is worth one dinar. And Beit Hillel say: She can be acquired with one peruta, a small copper coin, or with anything that is worth one peruta.
TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE CEREMONY
The chatan (groom) places a ring on the finger of the kallah (bride)
Chatan says: “Behold you are sanctified (betrothed) to me with this ring, according to the Law of Moses and Israel.”
The Ketubah is then read aloud to those gathered.
The chatan (groom) places a ring on the finger of the kallah (bride)
Chatan says: “Behold you are sanctified (betrothed) to me with this ring, according to the Law of Moses and Israel.”
The Ketubah is then read aloud to those gathered.
RITUALS AND DOCUMENTS OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE FOR SAME-SEX COUPLES 2012
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
Our hesitations about calling for same-sex “kiddushin” are threefold: First, the ancient model of kiddushin, which may be translated either as sanctification or designation, is an inherently non-egalitarian model of marriage. The original concept from antiquity, when polygamy was permitted, was for a man to designate a woman for himself in a one-way exclusive arrangement. She was exclusively his, but he was not exclusively hers. Already 1,000 years ago the decree of Rabbenu Gershom began to change this reality by banning polygamy in the Ashkenazi community. Conservative wedding ceremonies have for many decades emphasized an egalitarian ideal in the exchange of rings, have modified the ketubbah text to include commitments from the woman, and have made use of poetic verses such as “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li” (“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine”), which emphasize mutual devotion in love and marriage. Still, we have worked within the boundaries of the established rituals and texts so that our weddings can fulfill traditional halakhic requirements even as they express our egalitarian values.
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
Our hesitations about calling for same-sex “kiddushin” are threefold: First, the ancient model of kiddushin, which may be translated either as sanctification or designation, is an inherently non-egalitarian model of marriage. The original concept from antiquity, when polygamy was permitted, was for a man to designate a woman for himself in a one-way exclusive arrangement. She was exclusively his, but he was not exclusively hers. Already 1,000 years ago the decree of Rabbenu Gershom began to change this reality by banning polygamy in the Ashkenazi community. Conservative wedding ceremonies have for many decades emphasized an egalitarian ideal in the exchange of rings, have modified the ketubbah text to include commitments from the woman, and have made use of poetic verses such as “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li” (“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine”), which emphasize mutual devotion in love and marriage. Still, we have worked within the boundaries of the established rituals and texts so that our weddings can fulfill traditional halakhic requirements even as they express our egalitarian values.
RITUALS AND DOCUMENTS OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE FOR SAME-SEX COUPLES 2012
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
The marriage document that we have designed is called the Covenant of Loving Partners ברית אהובות\אהובים (brit ahuvim) A covenant is an agreement to create a lasting relationship in which each party brings certain assets and accepts specific responsibilities towards the other. This covenant establishes a mutual acceptance of sexual fidelity as well as financial responsibility for each partner’s welfare. It religiously, legally and morally binds the couple together in marriage. Following the template of Rachel Adler, our ceremonies have each member of the couple perform a kinyan (acquisition) not of the other person, but of the partnership established between them as stipulated in the covenant.
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
The marriage document that we have designed is called the Covenant of Loving Partners ברית אהובות\אהובים (brit ahuvim) A covenant is an agreement to create a lasting relationship in which each party brings certain assets and accepts specific responsibilities towards the other. This covenant establishes a mutual acceptance of sexual fidelity as well as financial responsibility for each partner’s welfare. It religiously, legally and morally binds the couple together in marriage. Following the template of Rachel Adler, our ceremonies have each member of the couple perform a kinyan (acquisition) not of the other person, but of the partnership established between them as stipulated in the covenant.
RITUALS AND DOCUMENTS OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE FOR SAME-SEX COUPLES 2012
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
The couple exchanges rings and each declares: "Be my covenanted partner, in love and friendship, in peace and companionship, in the eyes of God and humanity."
Together they say: "May it be Your will, Adonai, our God, to establish our life-long household and to bring Your presence into our lives."
The marriage covenant, B’rit Ahuvim/Ahuvot is now read.
Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner
The couple exchanges rings and each declares: "Be my covenanted partner, in love and friendship, in peace and companionship, in the eyes of God and humanity."
Together they say: "May it be Your will, Adonai, our God, to establish our life-long household and to bring Your presence into our lives."
The marriage covenant, B’rit Ahuvim/Ahuvot is now read.
EGALITARIAN KIDDUSHIN AND KETUBBAH 2020
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
CUT???
Kiddushin is a main act of creating a marriage because once it occurs, the personal status of the couple has changed. The couple is considered basically married, even if nuptials are still required for the couple to be fully married and the festivities delayed. The word for the act of kiddushin is either kinyan or kiddushin, with the second word kiddushin becoming the one used most often. It is one of the central rituals of the Jewish wedding ceremony.
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
CUT???
Kiddushin is a main act of creating a marriage because once it occurs, the personal status of the couple has changed. The couple is considered basically married, even if nuptials are still required for the couple to be fully married and the festivities delayed. The word for the act of kiddushin is either kinyan or kiddushin, with the second word kiddushin becoming the one used most often. It is one of the central rituals of the Jewish wedding ceremony.
EGALITARIAN KIDDUSHIN AND KETUBBAH 2020
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
Although the language here [in kiddushin] is of acquisition or purchase, it should not be taken as meaning that the woman is acquired the way a chattel would have been acquired or purchased. The woman was not being purchased or sold the way property was. The amount that would be paid for property would correspond to its value, and it would change depending on its quality and quantity. But here the use of coinage is a vestige of the process of acquisition: it is pro forma. First, the determination of “market-value” is non-negotiable. Second, the amount of the coinage is minuscule: the dinar is the smallest silver coin, and the perutah is the smallest copper coin. Even though the dinar was a small sum, it did take some effort to acquire, and reducing the coinage to a mere perutah, a monetary amount of the lowest possible value, demonstrates that the use of a legal act of acquisition is a convention. The language of acquisition is a metaphor employed to signal that at a specific point in time, a change in relationship has taken place.
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
Although the language here [in kiddushin] is of acquisition or purchase, it should not be taken as meaning that the woman is acquired the way a chattel would have been acquired or purchased. The woman was not being purchased or sold the way property was. The amount that would be paid for property would correspond to its value, and it would change depending on its quality and quantity. But here the use of coinage is a vestige of the process of acquisition: it is pro forma. First, the determination of “market-value” is non-negotiable. Second, the amount of the coinage is minuscule: the dinar is the smallest silver coin, and the perutah is the smallest copper coin. Even though the dinar was a small sum, it did take some effort to acquire, and reducing the coinage to a mere perutah, a monetary amount of the lowest possible value, demonstrates that the use of a legal act of acquisition is a convention. The language of acquisition is a metaphor employed to signal that at a specific point in time, a change in relationship has taken place.
EGALITARIAN KIDDUSHIN AND KETUBBAH 2020
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
[Orthodox] Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, for example, prohibits double ring (and declaration) ceremonies. He calls the bride’s act and statement “nothingness and nonsense.” He even deems ineffective a set of mutual conditions made by the groom and the bride that their wedding takes place only if the bride’s act and statement are valid as well as the groom’s. He argues that the problem with double ring and declaration ceremonies is that they would make people think that her act of giving the groom a ring and statement has validity and that eventually it would be assumed that either her act and statement or the mutual acts could actualize a marriage. Any deviation from the traditional halakhic pattern is to be rejected, in Feinstein’s opinion.
In response to objections as well within the Conservative movement, [Conservative] Rabbi Isaac Klein argues that there is no halakhic problem whatsoever with this type of ceremony since once the groom has recited the traditional formula "You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel," whatever the bride says has no legal significance.
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
[Orthodox] Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, for example, prohibits double ring (and declaration) ceremonies. He calls the bride’s act and statement “nothingness and nonsense.” He even deems ineffective a set of mutual conditions made by the groom and the bride that their wedding takes place only if the bride’s act and statement are valid as well as the groom’s. He argues that the problem with double ring and declaration ceremonies is that they would make people think that her act of giving the groom a ring and statement has validity and that eventually it would be assumed that either her act and statement or the mutual acts could actualize a marriage. Any deviation from the traditional halakhic pattern is to be rejected, in Feinstein’s opinion.
In response to objections as well within the Conservative movement, [Conservative] Rabbi Isaac Klein argues that there is no halakhic problem whatsoever with this type of ceremony since once the groom has recited the traditional formula "You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel," whatever the bride says has no legal significance.
EGALITARIAN KIDDUSHIN AND KETUBBAH 2020
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
The second part of betrothal is the presentation of an item worth at least a perutah and the recitation of a formula. These acts create a binding relationship between bride and groom. Egalitarian kiddushin necessitates that the declaration of the groom and the bride in parallel language. Both the statements of the bride and groom are performative utterances. Because some would argue that once the groom has made his declaration, her declaration has no consequence, it may be necessary for the bride’s declaration to precede the groom’s: this makes clear that the ceremony is egalitarian and that her declaration is necessary and legally effective in consonance with his. The rabbi officiating may decide the sequence. It must be emphasized that no matter the order, the declarations of both parties are necessary.
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
The second part of betrothal is the presentation of an item worth at least a perutah and the recitation of a formula. These acts create a binding relationship between bride and groom. Egalitarian kiddushin necessitates that the declaration of the groom and the bride in parallel language. Both the statements of the bride and groom are performative utterances. Because some would argue that once the groom has made his declaration, her declaration has no consequence, it may be necessary for the bride’s declaration to precede the groom’s: this makes clear that the ceremony is egalitarian and that her declaration is necessary and legally effective in consonance with his. The rabbi officiating may decide the sequence. It must be emphasized that no matter the order, the declarations of both parties are necessary.
EGALITARIAN KIDDUSHIN AND KETUBBAH 2020
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
The bride says to the groom: ֲ"You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."
The groom says to the bride: "You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."
The Ketubbah is read
Rabbi Pamela Barmash
The bride says to the groom: ֲ"You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."
The groom says to the bride: "You are now consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."
The Ketubbah is read
WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WITH JUSTICE, WITH GOODNESS AND WITH MERCY: OPITIONS FOR EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE WITHIN HALAKHAH 2020
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
The root KDSH in the marital context is frequently translated as "sanctify." I choose not to do so, however, because halakhic marriage is structured metaphorically and legally as an act of purchase and acquisition of property. Kiddushin, moreover, is ritually and legally a unilateral act in which roles, and indeed legal agency vs. passivity, are assigned by gender. Kiddushin is primarly performed by the male participant: in what has become common practice, the groom presents the bride with an item of value (a ring) and states, "You are set aside (m'kudeshet) to me." He thereby changes her status and "betroths" her to himself, such that she is now exclusively in relationship to him and (sexually) forbidden to any other man; she does not similarly change his status, nor does she acquire a right to sexual exclusivity from him.
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
The root KDSH in the marital context is frequently translated as "sanctify." I choose not to do so, however, because halakhic marriage is structured metaphorically and legally as an act of purchase and acquisition of property. Kiddushin, moreover, is ritually and legally a unilateral act in which roles, and indeed legal agency vs. passivity, are assigned by gender. Kiddushin is primarly performed by the male participant: in what has become common practice, the groom presents the bride with an item of value (a ring) and states, "You are set aside (m'kudeshet) to me." He thereby changes her status and "betroths" her to himself, such that she is now exclusively in relationship to him and (sexually) forbidden to any other man; she does not similarly change his status, nor does she acquire a right to sexual exclusivity from him.
WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WITH JUSTICE, WITH GOODNESS AND WITH MERCY: OPITIONS FOR EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE WITHIN HALAKHAH 2020
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
In their paper, "Rituals and Documents of Marriage and Divorce for Same-Sex Couples," Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins, and Avram Reisner discussed several reasons why they felt it problematic to extend the model of marriage through kiddushin to same-sex couples seeking to marry in a Jewish ceremony, citing thse very concerns about the unidirectional (and gendered) nature of this method.
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
In their paper, "Rituals and Documents of Marriage and Divorce for Same-Sex Couples," Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins, and Avram Reisner discussed several reasons why they felt it problematic to extend the model of marriage through kiddushin to same-sex couples seeking to marry in a Jewish ceremony, citing thse very concerns about the unidirectional (and gendered) nature of this method.
WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WITH JUSTICE, WITH GOODNESS AND WITH MERCY: OPITIONS FOR EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE WITHIN HALAKHAH 2020
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
Indeed, it is not uncommon nowadays for couples each to give the other a ring under the huppah, and that in some cases the bride additionally says to the groom, "Behold you are betrothed to me..." It would seem that modern Jews, including Conservative/Masorti Jews, are already seeking, and even believe they are enacting a model of marriage and kiddushin that is mutual and reciprocal.
When viewed from a halakhic perspective, however, mutuality is elusive. There are, broadly, two diametrically opposed ways to understand what happens halakhically in such an instance - neither of which is that the woman has thereby betrothed the man. The open question is only whether his betrothal of her is efficacious. One possibility is that when each person give a ring to the other - especially if the woman says something parallel to the man's kiddushin formula - the result is an equal exchange, which thereby throws into question or entirely vitiates the nature of the transation as an acquisition.
The more common approach, however, is that once the groom gives the bride an item of value and recites the appropriate formula, his acquisition of her takes hold; any subsequent action or statement on her part is simply legally meaningless.
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
Indeed, it is not uncommon nowadays for couples each to give the other a ring under the huppah, and that in some cases the bride additionally says to the groom, "Behold you are betrothed to me..." It would seem that modern Jews, including Conservative/Masorti Jews, are already seeking, and even believe they are enacting a model of marriage and kiddushin that is mutual and reciprocal.
When viewed from a halakhic perspective, however, mutuality is elusive. There are, broadly, two diametrically opposed ways to understand what happens halakhically in such an instance - neither of which is that the woman has thereby betrothed the man. The open question is only whether his betrothal of her is efficacious. One possibility is that when each person give a ring to the other - especially if the woman says something parallel to the man's kiddushin formula - the result is an equal exchange, which thereby throws into question or entirely vitiates the nature of the transation as an acquisition.
The more common approach, however, is that once the groom gives the bride an item of value and recites the appropriate formula, his acquisition of her takes hold; any subsequent action or statement on her part is simply legally meaningless.
WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WITH JUSTICE, WITH GOODNESS AND WITH MERCY: OPITIONS FOR EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE WITHIN HALAKHAH 2020
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
It is possible and permissible within halakha to create a binding Jewish marriage between differing-sex partners (and indeed any two Jewish partners of any genders) by means other than kiddushin.
At this this time CLJS endorses the two (and only these two) specific means presented above, hitkadshut (setting oneself aside) or brit ahuvim (covenant of loving partners).
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
It is possible and permissible within halakha to create a binding Jewish marriage between differing-sex partners (and indeed any two Jewish partners of any genders) by means other than kiddushin.
At this this time CLJS endorses the two (and only these two) specific means presented above, hitkadshut (setting oneself aside) or brit ahuvim (covenant of loving partners).
WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WITH JUSTICE, WITH GOODNESS AND WITH MERCY: OPITIONS FOR EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE WITHIN HALAKHAH 2020
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
The rabbi should ask the couple together, "Do you enter this marriage according to the laws of Moses and the people of Israel and according to the understanding that this act of self-betrothal / covenant is not for the purpose of kiddushin, now or during the duration of your marriage?"
Both parties should answer: "Yes."
(hitkadshut version)
The partners in turn (in whatever order they choose) each recite the formula and then place the ring on the other's finger:
"Behold, with this ring I am betrothed/set aside/sanctify myself to you, according to the laws of Moses and Israel."
The marriage document may be read after the binding act.
Rabbi Gail Labovitz
The rabbi should ask the couple together, "Do you enter this marriage according to the laws of Moses and the people of Israel and according to the understanding that this act of self-betrothal / covenant is not for the purpose of kiddushin, now or during the duration of your marriage?"
Both parties should answer: "Yes."
(hitkadshut version)
The partners in turn (in whatever order they choose) each recite the formula and then place the ring on the other's finger:
"Behold, with this ring I am betrothed/set aside/sanctify myself to you, according to the laws of Moses and Israel."
The marriage document may be read after the binding act.